by Lori Ryan
She could breathe again when she was with Nick. She slipped her hand into his and he glanced her way and smiled.
“Hungry?” he asked.
“Starved,” she said, as he launched into details about remainders and living wills and all the things that bored her to tears, but reminded her how steady he was. She took a deep breath and left all thoughts of her father and his unwanted money behind.
Chapter 2
Mia rapped twice on the door of apartment 3C and wiped her hand on her pants. She didn’t know why her palms were sweating. It was simple, really.
“Tell him you don’t want his money and he needs to stop contacting you,” she said under her breath, aware of how it would look if people saw her talking to herself out loud. “Tell him you’ll get a restraining order if he doesn’t stop. Simple.”
She let out a breath and looked around. The building was small. Probably only twenty apartments in the three stories. It was modest, but clean and in a better area of town than she’d thought it would be. Not upscale, but not run down and unsafe the way she’d expected. Truth be told, it was in a better neighborhood than some of the ones she and her mom had lived in over the years.
She didn’t have time to process how that made her feel before the door swung open and Mia took a step back. Intense blue eyes.
This couldn’t be right. A man, in his thirties, maybe late twenties, smiled at her. He was much too young to be Leo Kent.
“Can I help you?”
She glanced down at the taped together envelope in her hands, then up again at the 3C on the side of the door frame. She was in the right place.
A son?
The hurt and insecurity of her younger years came flooding at her. Why hadn’t it occurred to her that her dad could have remarried? That he had a new family? Children he had raised and still saw? Maybe even lived with?
When she was young, she’d imagined all kinds of things. That he hadn’t really wanted to leave. That he was part of a top secret mission for the military, that they’d called him back into service for a job only he could do.
Another prize winner had been the amnesia theory. The one where he’d been in an accident or hit in the head trying to thwart a robbery and couldn’t remember who he was. But one day, he’d walk back into her life, remembering everything. Remembering he had a little girl he loved. Remembering that he wanted her.
How had it never occurred to her to think he had a new family? That he had moved on and didn’t need her.
“Miss? Are you all right?”
Now the features of the man in front of her creased in concern. He was good looking, with strong features and intense eyes. She wondered briefly if his face looked like her father’s. She had only a vague memory of her dad, and honestly, the memories she did have weren’t truly memories. They came from pictures. The few pictures her mom had of him. One in his uniform, and another of him holding Mia as an infant and smiling at the camera.
Did this man look like her dad? He had a chiseled face, the kind of bone structure movie stars had. Those shockingly blue eyes watched her, waiting for a response and her stomach flipped. Something about his gaze unsettled her. Like he could see right through her. But she really couldn’t say one way or the other if he looked like her dad.
He glanced at the mangled envelope she held and a smile crossed his face. “You must be Michaela. Are you here to see Leo?”
She swallowed. “I’m sorry, I have the wrong apartment.” She didn’t wait for a response, but she felt the man’s eyes on her as she hightailed it to the stairwell and through the door.
Then she heard another voice. This one deep and gravelly from inside the apartment. She froze on the stairs, straining to hear. “Who’s there, Jax?”
“I’m not exactly sure. Wrong place, I guess.”
The door to the stairwell slammed shut behind Mia blocking out the rest of the conversation as she cursed herself for being stupid enough to come here. It wasn’t until this moment that she realized she’d been fooling herself. She hadn’t come just to tell him to leave her alone.
She’d wanted to see him. On some small level, the little girl inside her was still hoping her daddy cared about her. Still hoping for more than money sent without so much as a note or a letter. The stupid dreams of a little girl who still wanted her daddy to come home. She clamped down on the foolish tears forming and shook her head. No way would she let him tear her heart in two again.
* * *
Jax shut the door and looked back at Leo. He didn’t know if he should tell Leo about the woman or not. He looked better than he had the past few days, but still a little off. And Jax didn’t know what to make of the woman. Maybe he’d been wrong. He thought she was holding the envelope he’d mailed for Leo, but she certainly hadn’t answered to the name. He thought maybe there’d been a look of panic in her eye when she heard it.
“Hey, Leo, who’s Michaela? The woman you had me mail that letter to?”
Leo stopped mid-stride for the briefest of seconds on his way to the kitchen, only to then keep moving like nothing had happened.
“None of your concern.” His friend’s voice was gruff and abrupt and he didn’t bother to turn and look at Jax as he spoke.
Jax understood not wanting to talk about something. They all had their shit they wouldn’t talk about and he respected that. “Listen, I have to meet Logan in ten, but if you’re not better Monday I’m taking you to the clinic.”
Leo didn’t argue, which told Jax just how bad he was feeling. He hesitated at the door. He could cancel his bike ride with Logan.
Seeing him hesitate, Leo waved him off. “I’m fine, fine.”
“You call me if you start to feel worse.” He pointed at Leo as he spoke. It was always a tossup which one of them was more stubborn, but come hell or high water, he was bringing Leo in if this didn’t stop.
He shut the door and hit the button for the elevator. He always walked up the three flights but took the elevator down. Walking down steps seemed to make his stump ache in the socket of his prosthesis these days. He needed to get back to his prosthetist for a refit. When he’d first come back from overseas, he’d seen his prosthetist weekly, even twice a week sometimes. It took a while to get the right fit. Nowadays, though, he wasn’t nearly as good about getting in there and he was paying for it with pressure sores. If he didn’t watch it, his skin would break down and he’d be in for an earful when he finally showed his face in their office again.
He stopped in the parking lot and pulled out his phone, planning to call for an appointment right then. If his walking leg wasn’t fitting well, he doubted his cycling one would be any better. But he didn’t make the call, after all.
She was sitting in a small blue sedan, hands clamped down so hard on the steering wheel he could see the whites of her knuckles. The woman who’d come to the door. Her face looked as haunted now as it had when she’d seen him in Leo’s apartment. She had what seemed like never-ending cascades of hair falling down her back and it was that girl-next-door shade of brown he’d always loved. The kind that looked a little red when the sun hit it just right.
He was pretty sure she didn’t even see him as he approached the window.
“Now I know you’re not okay,” he called through the glass, as he bent to see through the window.
Startled eyes turned his way but he saw hurt in them as well. Jax stepped back as she floored her car in reverse and drove away.
Whoever Michaela Kent was, she was hurting.
Chapter 3
“Shit, that looks bad.” Logan winced as he spoke, and Jax had to agree.
A two-inch patch of skin where his prosthesis was rubbing the wrong way was more than sore. He should have cancelled the bike ride and gone home for some serious skin care followed by an appointment at his prosthetist. He was stupid that way sometimes.
He shrugged. “I’ll go home and soak it.”
“Is that supposed to happen?” Logan was a Navy SEAL and had come home with his o
wn injuries. His weren’t as obvious as Jax’s amputated leg was, but they were there.
Logan had struggled with some pretty serious PTSD for a while, and he had some physical stuff that would likely lead to a great deal of pain as he aged.
They all had their shit to deal with.
“No. I haven’t been getting my prosthesis re-fitted lately. My stump must have changed shape.”
Logan just looked at him, brows up with that you’re dumber than a post look the man was so good at.
Jax laughed. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m an idiot.”
He pulled a clean, dry sock over his stump and stood on his right leg, balancing with one hand on the car, without putting his walking prosthesis back on. He’d need to drive home without it and go soak his leg.
“I’ll skip work in the morning and get it taken care of.” He switched to the one topic he was sure would avert Logan’s focus. “How’s Sam? She still insisting on going to work?”
“Yes,” grumbled Logan, drawing a laugh from Jax.
“You realize she’s not the only woman on the planet to keep working until the baby comes right? I mean, I get you’re worried about all that sitting in front of a desk she does, and all, but—”
He cut off when Logan punched him in the shoulder, knocking him into the side of his car. He righted himself and laughed again. Logan was fun to torment when his wife was pregnant. It was beyond easy to get a rise out of the normally staid SEAL.
“She should rest.”
“Yeah,” Jax nodded. “The desk thing is strenuous, man. She should really rest.”
“You’re a riot.”
“Seriously, she’s got three more weeks, right?”
“Yeah.” If Sam let him, Logan might take overprotective to new heights, but from what Jax had heard, their friends Jack and Chad had been pretty much the same when their wives were pregnant. Luckily, Samantha was a strong personality herself. She likely just laughed at the big guy and blew right on past him.
Jax had a flash thought, wondering if he’d be that way someday. He stopped it in its tracks. He never let his thoughts go there. For now, he was focused on putting one foot in front of the other. Well, one stump and a foot in front of the other. He’d make time for dating later.
He knew what was holding him back, and it was stupid. He had adjusted far better than some of his friends to being an amputee.
When that explosive had hit him and he’d seen the wreckage to his limb, he’d laughed. Freaking laughed. Because all he could think was, I’m alive. I was hit and I’m still here, like he’d gotten a rubber bullet in a game of Russian roulette.
A piece of his leg was a damned small thing to lose. He could run, bike, swim. All the shit he loved to do. He wasn’t self-conscious about his prosthetic leg, and didn’t care that he’d had to give up a limb during his service.
But he was self-conscious about his residual limb when it came to being with a woman. The piece of leg below his knee was twisted, the skin over it scarred. There was a little fold at the stump, like the doctors had folded the skin and tucked it up before stitching it.
When it came to adjusting to life as an amputee, there was really only one thing he hadn’t done yet. And it was stupid. So stupid, he’d never even told Logan or Leo or anyone he was struggling with it.
He hadn’t been with a woman yet. Sex was the one hurdle he froze up about. He didn’t know why. It wasn’t like he’d ever thought about his body before and worried how a woman might see him. Now, though, he absolutely did.
Stupid? Yes.
Beyond his ability to get over for the time being? Yeah. That.
So, he’d focus on work for now and figure that shit out when he grew a pair of balls. Those, thankfully, had not been hit in the explosion. Close. There was a seven-inch jagged scar next to his groin to prove how close it had been, but the wonder twins were still intact.
“Sam wants you to come for dinner someday before the baby gets here.”
Jax nodded and opened his car door, holding onto the frame as he lowered himself into the seat. “Tell her I’m only coming if she swears not to go into labor while I’m there.”
“You were a Corpsman. You can’t handle a woman in labor, you wuss?”
“Damn right. Especially not when that woman is your wife. I’m not delivering any babies in your living room.”
Now Logan winced and Jax shut the door and drove off, no doubt leaving his friend picturing his worst nightmare. He felt a twinge of guilt. Logan would likely want to camp out across the street from the hospital to be sure he could get Sam there in time. Jax should probably apologize to Sam for that one.
* * *
“So, you haven’t known where he was all this time?” Nick asked, his hand resting on Mia’s knee as they sat on her couch. It was movie night, but so far they hadn’t put the movie in, or even ordered take out yet.
“No.” Mia couldn’t believe she hadn’t told him all of this yet, but when she thought about it, they typically talked about work. “And when I went there, I just chickened out.”
“Wait, you went there?” Nick sounded shocked, and if she wasn’t mistaken, there was censure in his tone as well.
“Of course I did. I want him to stop sending me money.”
“Why? Take his money. It sounds like he owes you.” Nick leaned forward and grabbed the DVD he’d brought, standing to move to the DVD player to pop it in.
She frowned as she thought about his reaction. “I don’t know. I just want him to know I don’t need his money.” Maybe she wanted him to know she’d made something of herself. That despite not having him in her life, she and her mom had turned out just fine.
Nick sat back by her side, remote in hand. “I just don’t see why you’d do that. Why invite him back into your world?” Okay, definitely censure in there.
Mia didn’t really have an answer for that, but part of her bristled at the way Nick was acting. She knew Nick didn’t like change all that much, but he was acting as though she was foolish for going to see her father.
No, that wasn’t it. He was acting as if she were a child who needed to be told what to do.
“Why not invite him back into my world?” She wasn’t sure why she was pushing the issue. Maybe she just wanted to know what was behind Nick’s objections.
He shrugged. “It’s just messy, that’s all. You said yourself, you don’t need him. So why open yourself up to be hurt by him again? Once a deadbeat, always a deadbeat.”
Mia winced. She’d always tried to hide the truth about her dad from friends for just that reason. She didn’t want people to know he was a deadbeat dad who’d left her and her mom. On some level, she supposed her child’s mind had always seen it as a reflection on her. That she hadn’t been worth sticking around for.
And if she was being fair, he wasn’t a deadbeat dad. Her dad had made sure she and her mom had received his disability compensation over the years. He’d supported them. He just hadn’t been there.
Nick’s choice of words stung now. He’d picked at an old wound scabbed over, but not quite healed, and she wondered if he even realized how much those words could hurt her.
Chapter 4
“And, she’s back.” The mystery woman had returned. Jax knew the woman even from the back.
She stood poised in front of Leo’s door, hand suspended as if she were trying to knock but forgot how to do it. He suspected she was Michaela Kent, the woman from the envelope, and possibly Leo’s daughter, judging by her age and the shared last name. Or maybe a niece?
He stopped on the steps behind her, Leo next to him. They’d just returned from breakfast at their favorite diner after Leo had managed to convince Jax he was feeling better. With the small amount Leo had eaten at breakfast, Jax wasn’t at all sure he was buying it.
The woman turned at their approach, her eyes locked on Leo. That’s when Jax realized Leo was just as frozen as she’d been a moment before. He also figured out pretty quickly why she’d seemed so familiar to him.
She had Leo’s eyes. The chestnut brown color was a dead match to the man standing next to him.
“Everything all right, Leo?” he asked as the silence between the small group drew on.
“Jax, this is my daughter, Michaela. Michaela, a friend of mine, Jaxon Cutter.”
“Mia.” The woman corrected, but it wasn’t with the friendly tone of someone who was communicating a nickname after an introduction. No, this was a true correction, as though the name Michaela offended her in some way.
“May we speak privately?” Her body was ramrod straight and her tone cold as ice. Leo glanced his way, but nodded and unlocked the door to the apartment, shutting it after Mia joined him.
Jax leaned against the outside wall and waited. It was stupid for him to worry, but he had a feeling this woman had the ability to cut Leo to the core. And he sure as hell wasn’t about to let that happen.
* * *
“I’d like you to stop sending me money.” Mia crossed her arms and resisted the urge to look around the room. To try to soak in details. To try to decipher who her father was. “I don’t need it and I don’t want it.”
He looked older than she thought he would, the stamp of a life hard lived marked on his face in lines and wrinkles. The dark hair she remembered now peppered with gray.
“How’d you find me?” he asked.
“From your letter. The return address on the envelope.” Her arms dropped to her side as understanding dawned. He hadn’t written the return address. He hadn’t wanted her to know where he was.
Sending money was one thing, but actually seeing her? Knowing her? Apparently he didn’t want to see her any more than she wanted to see him.
The knowledge shouldn’t bother her. After all, she was here to tell him to leave her alone and stay out of her life. So why did it hurt so damned bad to know that had been his plan all along?
