by Alex Fall
"What?"
"I don't know how to deal with it. The Directorates groomed me to kill, not to think. Whenever I think and feel, the only way I know how to deal with it is to kill and maim. It’s how I was raised," I said bluntly.
Wyatt stared at me with a befuddled look. "Well...that's depressing..."
"I am quite aware..." I uttered in agreement.
"Come on back to camp. We need to go over a few things anyway. Plus, they have chocolate there," he said with a sudden break in the sober mood.
I stood and shook the hair from my face. "I don't like chocolate."
"What? Are you not female?"
"What does my gender have to do with anything?" I asked confrontationally.
"If yes, then you like chocolate. Come on, I found some pretty high grade stuff." Wyatt led the way back to the tents. I found myself following, even though my mood was less than desirable. Maybe by some stroke of luck, Keegan will be awake when I get back.
Part 24
The wind whipped my hair around into a mess as we sped towards the warp gate. Seven forty. He slept all the way to seven forty at night. With each hour, I grew more irritated that he fell asleep at all. I found out later that the note he had left basically stated that he is a day sleeper, and that's why he was always available for my dreams, but I still didn't accept his excuse. I should. But my anger got the better of me this time. Now he was in the back seat of a sort of dune buggy with me, cheery as could be. I tried to distance myself, but he stuck by my side no matter which vehicle I chose, like a loyal puppy. Always loyal. Something I never had before. Even my own crew recognized that, and forfeited a seat to let him be with me. Sharon sat in the front seat, smiling at the joyride. Keegan sat beside me, typing things into a translation program on Sharon's computer. I tried to punish him by zoning out. He wouldn't let me though.
He tugged at my sleeve and showed me the screen.
"I have to sleep sometime or another."
"Bad timing," I said over the wind.
More typing. "I'm sorry. Punish me for bad, but not with silence."
I reached over and backhanded him in the face, then returned to trying to zone out. I know it hurt, yet he giggled through his pain. His laugh was...annoying. Not the sound of it, but the fact that he was laughing for being hit.
Typing. "Your eyes are incredible in reality."
I felt some warmth gather in my face when I looked over at him, forcing me to look away. How much longer until we get there?
Something began to touch my hand. HE was touching my hand. I pulled back instantly and asked, "What are you doing?"
He beckoned for me to return my hand. He even typed, "I mean no harm. Just curious."
"Over what?" I questioned. He responded by holding his hands out and taking mine.
At first, I felt flustered. He simply held my wrist and stared at my hand. It was awkward for me. But then he began to feel. He examined my palm, then my fingers, then my knuckles, and back to my palm. I felt uncomfortable.
"Stop."
He held up a finger to tell me to wait, then continued. This time he really examined my hand, really feeling and taking his time. The first thing he did was begin to trace out my burn scars. He was examining my wounds? My discomfort started to transform into shame. Why am I ashamed?
"Stop," I repeated, but this time I don't think he heard me.
He gently traced my scars, tenderly observed the hot spots on my hands where my hands were beginning to form calluses, felt the already existing calluses, and noted my thick, hardened knuckles. Keegan then moved on to massaging out my tired hand. My shame had settled in, so I stopped trying to resist. He knows why my scars are here, my terrible past and present that shape my appearance. He's probably just searching me more closely, outside of my dreams. Besides, now it felt...soothing.
He finished with my one hand, then reached for the other. I drew it back, and reflexively threw his hand into a submission.
"No!" I released his hand. "That one's still broken..."
He grimaced and sighed, then grabbed the laptop and typed out something again. "In your dreams, your hands are more tough and ugly. You see yourself worse in dreams than real life."
I stared at the screen for a moment, then returned my gaze to him. He simply nodded in agreement with himself, then picked up my other hand. Oh so gently, he examined it, especially the deep bump and old bruises where my bones were damaged. With utmost care, he massaged this hand too, and it felt wonderful. It gave relief to my hand that I didn't even know it needed. I realized halfway into it, that Sharon was watching though. She said nothing, but curiously watched Keegan and how he treated me. There's no telling what she's thinking.
"What are we doing when we get to the Decapolis?" I asked.
"Quelle est ta couleur préférée?"
"You know I don't speak Parisian. Why do you keep addressing me like I do?"
"He asked what your favorite color is..." Sharon commented in her sweet, submissive voice.
I closed my eyes. "What?...No. Answer my question first."
"Non," he replied.
"Oh come on!" I said, feeling my irritation rise. He shifted his hands to my wrist when I moved, then back to my hand, so as not to bump me in a painful way while I was upset.
"Why not?" I asked. "It's kind of important, if you haven't noticed!"
"Couleur?" He asked and smiled.
I looked away in defiance. My mind raced for a solution. "I'll make you a deal," I stated. Then looking him in the eye, I continued, "For every question you ask, I get to ask one."
He seemed to light up some. "Toujours?"
I shook my head and shrugged.
"He wants to know if you mean, from now on," Sharon informed.
I bit my lower lip in thought. This could come back to bite me, but I'll always have a way to get answers now. Is it worth it? I looked away and thought some more.
"...sure."
"Oooh!" He let out. Oh no, what have I done?
"My favorite color is green," I replied with a tinge of annoyance. "Now, what are we going to do in the Decapolis?"
This one he typed out. "Talk to De'mus group. Get their help."
"What? How can they help?"
"Ah ah!" He held up a finger and shushed me. I slapped it away, and spent the next minute regretting that I used my broken hand to do so. He typed some more.
"What is your favorite dessert?"
"Dessert? I don't know, I don't really care either. What are-"
He shushed me again and pointed at the screen.
"Keegan...come on..."
He raised an eyebrow and stared at me intently.
"You're so..." I paused to find the right word.
"Oui?"
"Ugh!" I crossed my arms and stared into the darkening sky above. Keegan waited patiently for me. "I guess...lemon icebox pie...or something."
When I looked over at him, he was smiling approvingly. "Merci, Erin."
We traded questions back and forth for a bit. I found out that he intended to involve the government of the Decapolis in order to unite our cities in some way, possibly to bring order to Lenburg. He wanted me to discuss options with the board. Meanwhile, he asked me stupid stuff. Things like, do I snore when I sleep, do I ever do anything with my hair other than wash it, have I ever danced before.
Pointless.
The vehicle came to a halt after much twisting and turning through alleys. The driver turned around and pointed to where Wyatt was leading the way back to the oh-so-old nav point. It led down an out of place, technology laced walkway between buildings. Lori and him worked for a moment to boot up the old warp. Power flickered and mechanisms behind the walls caught up. It sounded as if the street were getting ready to lift off. Members of Nicolette's crew whispered nervously. Sharon clung to Keegan, and Keegan watched me with excitement. Why does he choose to be so odd?
With a flash of light, a deafening boom beat the air and everyone's chest, followed by the familiar les
sening of intensity and a more sustained bass. The blue energy lined the chunky, mechanical ring in the wall, filled in the middle with pale yellow. Electricity occasionally crackled on the gate and behind the wall. Overall, it was fearsome, even though I'd seen it before. Yet, I could taste the reward on the other side, something I had forgotten that I craved: my ship. At last, a familiar bed, my own food, a warm shower and clean clothes, and a personalized atmospheric temperature.
"I don't trust that thing," one of the footmen said.
"It's not big enough for almost any of our vehicles!" Another announced.
"See you on the other side!" Lori shouted. She stepped through, leaving high amounts of electricity around the ring and in certain cables inlaid into the walls. I didn't want to wait for these morons to sort out their stuff. I approached with confidence.
However, unexpectedly I was picked up by my knees and slung over someone's shoulders at the same time that we both went through. I could hear Keegan laugh excitedly as he carried me over, and my furious swearing was lost in the void between the warps.
Darkness surrounded us. Even Keegan looked blurry and ethereal except for where he made contact with me, with his extremities fading from view. Sound became quickly distant, then non-existent. Time felt as if it slowed and ebbed, like I was floating on nothing and gravity barely had an effect in here. Dizziness and numbness consumed me. I could hardly think straight, and all I knew is that I was momentarily highly irritated, but why, I could not remember. A migraine throbbed harder and more intensely with each second I spent in here, but just as I was beginning to get the sensation of falling back towards the ground, the world flashed white and yellow, and I found myself tumbling to the ground with a disoriented Keegan falling towards me.
I remembered the reason for my irritation and raised an elbow between me and him.
We collapsed on the ground together. Keegan would have landed on me in an uncomfortably close and potentially intimate way, but my elbow sunk into his gut as he came down, and he rolled off instantly in a coughing fit. As for me, I hit the ground with much more impact than I would have liked. It jarred my hand and body, and whipped the back of my head into the ground. My vision blackened for a split second and returned with stars and spots. I rolled onto my knees, curled up in pain, held my head, and took a huge breath.
"*CUUUSS!*" I screamed. It reflected the massive anger and pain currently collected in me, but in case I didn't get the point across, I repeated myself. "*Cuss!....CUSS!*
"Erin!" Keegan said in a startled voice after catching his breath. "Oh! Je suis désolé! Je suis tellement désolé!"
I felt something wet on the back of my head, almost undoubtedly blood. I curled into myself and held the welt on my head. Keegan ran to my side and the loose couple of people on this side either backed off or ran for medical supplies, the latter of which was Lori. Keegan was sputtering Parisian words and it irritated me to a limit.
"Get away from me!" I shouted at him and lashed out for his head. I stamped my hand down for balance, which was now leaving char marks on the ground because of my heating up as if I were readying to kill. This is all his fault to begin with! If he wasn't so immature, I'd be perfectly fine right now, but no! He has to play, and flirt, and ignore things of serious concern like safety! Stupid, imbecilic WORM!
"Erin, come on. Let's get you to your room," Lori said calmly, helping me up. Through my growling and rage, she managed to coax me to my feet and away from people. Keegan began to follow, but Lori authoritatively held a hand out and commanded him to stay. It helped my mood begin the process of simmering down.
Eighteen minutes later found me bandaged and resting on my bed. MY bed, in my real home, my ship. It brought me a massive amount of relief to be home, to be captain of my own vessel again, to have my own bed, my own pillow, my own air conditioning, my own darkness and personal space to rest quietly in. My head still throbbed, but being in my long sought after ship coupled with a few sleep meds, I found myself relaxing. Sometimes I heard the distant noises of my crew moving around outside my room or people talking nearby the ship, but it was so muffled that I couldn't decipher at all what the noises meant. I covered over the monitor screen because the little message light was flashing again, and now my body was calling for rest. However, a different noise broke my silence, one that demanded my attention; a knock at my door.
I grunted in reply to the knock, now too tired to do much else, yet I knew the system wouldn't respond to that. I took an annoyed breath in and spoke out loud a few words: "Interface, Unlock." A mechanism clicked ever so lightly, and I knew that a small green light on the outside of my room would signal permission to enter. The thick door released and slid partly open, enough to reveal two faces, extra light, and unnecessary noise. One was Sharon. One was Keegan.
"Go away," I mustered the strength to say.
Sharon glanced up at Keegan who whispered something in Parisian. Next, she began to enter the room.
"No! Don't come in. What do you want?" I said, more alert now that they tried to barge in.
"We're going to stay in mister Vick's old room, I think," she timidly stated.
"What? No." That's just...I don't know. It doesn't feel right.
Keegan whispered some uninterpreted words again. "He says it'll just be a wasted room otherwise," said Sharon.
"Erin?" Keegan slipped in, with a begging gesture.
"Go away," I repeated as I rolled over to face away from them.
After some silence, Sharon asked, "Is that a yes?"
I grumbled inside myself, but made no outward sign of doing so. "Fine. Now go away."
The two dismissed themselves, but one of them set something down on the ground inside my room right before shutting the door. I tried to ignore it.
"Interface, lock."
The click in my door returned me to my guaranteed silence and darkness. There were no windows in this room. There wasn't a set "captain's quarters" on board, but I chose this room for its lack of windows. There was only one other room like it on board. Essentially I picked it for the darkness. It was easy on my eyes and quiet for my ears. I felt the most secure in here. That is, unless people leave things on my floor without my permission. Ignore it...
My room was heating up nicely. I set the ship's system to warm my room the way I like it. Everything outside my room would be freezing, but for the first night in so long, I finally get to doze off in my own comfortable, personal world. My clean clothes felt more refreshing than I could have expected, and my bed had a certain comfort level that no other bed could match. Sleep was pulling me into its cradling arms. But that stupid object on the ground was keeping me up. I can't ignore it.
I rolled over just enough to see what was on the ground. It was a small box with a ribbon wrapped around it. It was a gift. I can't believe THAT is what was keeping me up. I disturbed my own comfort for that? Who would...
Keegan.
I rolled back over and nestled down into my covers, awaiting sleep to overcome me. I get the feeling sometimes that I should not have plucked him from that building. Why is he so bothersome? Ugh...I guess I'll find out in a few minutes.
* * *
"So...you do forgive me though?" Keegan asked.
"I told you already, yes."
"No need to be upset, I'm just making sure. I never know with you."
"Yes you do. You always know."
He has spent much of the dream time kissing up. At first I was angry, but he has a way with getting around that, so now I was simply working to hide my amusement over his facial expressions. We were sitting in some garden in Ilavoan with an old wooden fence and a hammock. I had never seen a hammock before in nature.
"Can I make you breakfast?" He asked, hiding half his face behind the old wooden fence.
"Why?"
"Cause I want to do something for you."
"You always do stuff for me."
"True, but you're much meaner when you're awake. It's harder to convince you when you're up."<
br />
I stared into the sky while reflecting. "You're making that up."
"Am I?"
Ugh...he was right. "No..." I let out with an annoyed breath.
He began to play with my hair, so I sat up in the hammock. "Can you give me some space for a bit?"
He sat back and wore a face of disappointment. "Aw...only for one day."
"One day? That's it?" I asked with disbelief.
"We'll have to practice cello when you wake up."
I curled up and stared off into the woods. "No. Not in front of other people."
"...Does it embarrass you?"
I thought of denying it, but he would know better. "...a little, yes."
Suddenly, the dream ended. He didn't warn me this time. My eyes peeked open for the third time this morning. It's so quiet in my room. It's so incomparably comfortable in my bed. It's so warm...
I celebrated the return to my ship by allowing myself to sleep in far past my normal sleep times. I have officially slept for nine hours and seventeen minutes. It is now eleven twenty-five in the morning on this side. Time to rise and get the day started. I just hope Keegan doesn't come try to find me. He's awake. I need him to leave me alone for a bit. Am I...really that mean when I'm awake?
After throwing on some cargo pants, a long sleeve crimson shirt, thick socks, and comfy jacket, I silently manned the cockpit of my ship once again. It felt strange to be the one to pilot my own craft, but Vick was...unavailable. I initiated the startup sequence and, since no one else was awake yet, quickly checked to make sure everything immediately necessary was on board. Then, I punched the throttle. I want to get back to the Decapolis fast. The ship picked itself off the ground in a hurry and launched off towards home base. After that, my job was simply to remain in the cockpit and monitor everything. I curled up into the thick pilot's chair and zoned out, wondering how people will take the news.
How will everyone react to the idea of another city? And the people that live there...How will everyone react to more of me? My mind quickly filled with negative answers and scenarios. The De'mus board will want to know what happened to Vick. What do I tell them? That I killed him? Keegan was right...flying this ship might be too hard on my mental state.
