“I don’t like reminders of that day.” And because I was always running from my emotions. Riley made me feel when I didn’t want to feel.
“Just talk to him and get it over with. If there’s something there, you’ll know it. If not, you have nothing to lose. Don’t be such a fucking coward.” Alisa stared so hard at me, I glanced in a mirror to make sure I didn’t have something coming out of my nose.
I blinked and met her gaze, keeping my emotions tightly bottled.
“Tiff. Avoiding the issue won’t get you anywhere, and this campus isn’t big enough to stay out of his way forever.”
“Are you ready to head to the barn?” I deftly changed the subject to a much safer one.
The barn was where I’d met Alisa when I was a teenager. We worked with the same dressage trainer and being the same age, hung out at horse shows together. After it happened, horses were the only thing that held me together, and Alisa had been a part of that.
I’d thought long and hard about bringing my horse back to the same barn Riley’s aunt Avery worked at, but in the end, it was the right choice. The barn boasted the best dressage trainers in the area, and they got me and my horse, Dex. It was a no-brainer despite the real possibility of running into Riley there.
Avoiding him wasn’t going to work. I could see the flaw in my logic now. I should meet with him and get it over with, make my lack of interest clear, so we could both move on.
Alisa gave me one of those looks, which said way too much, and stood. “Let me change into my barn clothes.” She walked from the small living room to the even tinier bedroom of the small house we’d rented together not too far from campus. We’d agreed to paint the inside in exchange for our damage deposit, but even a fresh coat of paint couldn’t disguise the house’s run-down condition. While it had a tired charm, the old cottage truly needed a good bulldozing. Our tightwad landlord was well aware the value was in the property. This area would make a prime location for an apartment complex and more money in his pockets.
But we had this house for the next year, if we wanted it.
One year during which I’d be subjected to Riley Black, no matter how hard I tried to avoid him.
Alisa was right. I needed to talk to Riley and get past the panic plaguing me every time I was in his presence.
Chapter 2—One and Done
* Riley *
Uncle Coop got me, but it hadn’t always been that way. When I first came to live with him, we butted heads every other day. After the shooting we bonded, one of the few good things to come out of that dark time.
Cooper Black is a local celebrity, newly retired captain of the Sockeyes hockey team and now an assistant coach of the same team. He can be a little too serious and intense, but his wife, Izzy, tempers that. Izzy is incredible, and most of my buddies are in love with her. Hell, I was once, too. I had the biggest crush on her when I first came to live with Uncle Coop when I was fourteen.
She’s beautiful inside and out and doesn’t take any crap from my uncle. In fact, she has him wrapped around her little finger the majority of the time, which is freaking hilarious to watch.
I visit my aunt and uncle once a week, depending on Uncle Coop’s hockey schedule. Sometimes I brought my buddies, sometimes I went alone.
Tonight, I was flying solo.
Izzy wouldn’t be home. She was “crashing” a black-tie event in downtown Seattle. She owns a professional party-crashing business with two of her three sisters. They get paid to make sure the events are a success by pretending to be uninvited guests. They’re über-talented and sing and dance and are all gorgeous. I did some party-crashing this summer for them and made some fun, fast money.
At 8:00 p.m. on the following Friday night, Otto—my six-year-old Newfoundland dog—and I let ourselves into Uncle Coop’s house. My uncle was watching an NHL game, no huge surprise there. If he wasn’t coaching, he was studying film. The man had a monster work ethic. He glanced up and smiled as I made my way to the kitchen and pulled a beer out of the fridge, then joined him in the family room.
Uncle Coop shot an appraising glance my way before turning back to the game. He frowned as Otto made himself at home, ignoring Uncle Coop’s scowl as he hopped onto one end of the couch and lay down. Uncle Coop liked to play the tough guy, but he was a softy at heart. He’d brought home Otto as a puppy after the shooting, thinking I needed a dog to help me heal. Otto had helped, and he’d been my constant companion ever since. Aunt Izzy thought he’d make a great ottoman. From that point forward, he was Otto.
“How’s it going?” he said. His deceptively casual voice didn’t fool me. Uncle Coop could be a bit controlling, and very little got past his eagle eyes.
“Okay.” I didn’t sound very convincing.
“It’s Friday night.” He leaned back, one hand on Otto’s forehead, the other wrapped around a beer. He took a pull, watching me over the rim of the can.
“Yeah.”
“Yeah. And you’re here instead getting into some kind of trouble I’d rather not know about.”
“And you’re complaining about that?” I grinned at him, and he grinned back.
“Crazy, huh?” He saluted me with his beer and winked.
“I have a game tomorrow. Besides, I didn’t feel like partying.”
Now I had his full attention. He muted the TV and turned, his brow furrowed with worry. He narrowed his eyes and studied me. “What’s up?”
I hesitated, not sure I wanted him to know. He’d never been a huge Tiff fan.
“Riley,” he said in his team captain’s voice.
“She’s back,” I blurted, swallowing past the lump in my throat, blinking rapidly and struggling to maintain my sanity. I was pissed she still had this mad power over me.
I could see his wheels turning. She could only be one of two people—my heroin-addict mother I hadn’t seen since I was fourteen, or Tiff.
“Tiff?” he guessed correctly.
“Yeah, Tiff.”
He relaxed slightly, probably figuring Tiff was the lesser of two evils. I wasn’t so sure. “Have you talked with her?”
I shook my head and stared at the label on my beer. My stomach twisted into a pretzel. I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and scratched my head.
“Where did you see her?”
“At a frat party. She laid eyes on me and shot out of there like her ass was on fire. I tried to catch her but couldn’t.”
“I thought she was attending some California school.”
“It would appear not.”
Uncle Coop rubbed his chin and regarded me with his intense blue eyes. “What are you going to do?”
“What can I do? She obviously wants nothing to do with me.”
He appeared to be debating whether or not to say anything but kept whatever it was to himself.
“Do you think Avery might know anything?” I asked anxiously. Avery was Izzy’s sister, and she trained horses out of the same barn where Tiff had once kept her horse.
Uncle Coop sat back and blew out a deep, troubled sigh. His lips pulled into a thin, grim line. “Riley, you can’t make someone love you. Not if they don’t feel it. I hate to see you get all tied in knots over her again. She’s never given any indication she has any feelings for you beyond casual friendship.” He smiled sadly and patted my arm. He just wanted me to be happy, and he’d never felt Tiff was the one for me. He’d voiced many times his suspicions she’d used me until something better came along. Maybe she had. Maybe I should get a clue and stop being such an idiot over her. Maybe if I could just talk with her one last time, make sure she was okay, then I could truly move on.
And if she wasn’t okay, then what happened? I’d get drawn back into the dysfunction that was Tiff.
I’d healed.
She hadn’t.
Even worse, seeing her brought back those nightmarish minutes in the cafeteria, minutes I’d just as soon not relive. I didn’t need to invite drama into my life.
And I really didn’t need Ti
ff disrupting my world.
If only I could convince my heart.
* Tiff *
“The cute guy in my PT class asked me out,” I told my horse, Dexter, as I groomed his already-gleaming coat. Dex turned his head and regarded me with big liquid brown eyes. He’d been my confidant and my therapist through all the tough times, healing me in ways no human ever could, which is why I’d decided to make a career out of equine therapy. Samantha, the owner of this barn, had offered me a job after I graduated. She’d been wanting to start such a program, utilizing an older, seldom-used arena on the property. Her wealthy husband and his mother had shown interest in funding the project. It was a job made in heaven, but it required I stay in Seattle. I wasn’t convinced any job was worth that.
“Did you tell him yes?”
I jumped backward and hit my elbow on the wall.
“Sorry, Tiff. You okay?” Avery, the assistant dressage trainer, stood a few feet away, watching me with concern in her eyes.
“I’m fine. Really.” I rubbed my elbow. I’d hit it just right and it stung, temporarily numbing my entire arm.
“Good. So, did you say yes?” She smiled at me, watching me carefully. After the shooting, I’d retreated into myself, refusing to ride and not talking to anyone but Dex. I’d spent hours at the barn either grooming Dex or holding his lead rope while he grazed, unmindful of the weather. Avery and Sam watched helplessly during those dark times, always there if I needed them, but never pushing me.
“I didn’t.” I shook my head.
“Did you date much in California?”
“Not much.” In fact, I’d been a one-and-done type of girl, and I’m not referring to sex. One date, and I’d find something wrong with the guy and never go out with him again. Except for Riley. He’d been a one-and-get-the-hell-out-of-town kind of guy because Riley made me feel, made me lose control, and releasing the tenuous grasp I had on my emotions was unthinkable.
“It’s good to have you back, Tiff,” she said sincerely, smoothly changing to a safer subject.
“It’s good to be back, even if it is a little weird at times,” I admitted.
“I’m sure it’ll get better as time goes on.” Avery looked down, pushing a piece of straw around with the toe of her boot. I went still inside, sensing something was coming, and probably a something I wouldn’t be thrilled about.
“What is it?” I asked, unable to stand the suspense any longer.
She lifted her gaze to meet mine. “Riley was asking about you.”
A chill ran down my spine, and I leaned on Dex to steady myself. “What did you tell him?” I hated the hitch in my voice, betraying how much this small piece of news upset me.
Avery regarded me sternly. “I’m not going to lie for you. I told him you were keeping Dex here.”
I sighed and blew out a breath. Of course she told him. I couldn’t expect to keep my whereabouts a secret forever, not when there were mutual people in our lives. Riley was her nephew by marriage. Sam and Avery had been my trainer since I was young. One more way Riley’s life and mine were bound together.
“Why don’t you get it over with and talk to him? Have your say and let him have his, then you’ll have closure, and you can both move on.”
“I have moved on,” I shot back a little too abruptly, and drew another one of those infuriatingly sympathetic gazes from her.
“If you had, you wouldn’t have run from him like a frightened fawn.”
“He told you about that?”
Avery nodded. “Meet with him. I have his contact info if you need it. Let me know.” She patted Dex, gave me a sympathetic smile, and walked away.
I put my arms around Dex’s neck and buried my face in his soft hair as I’d done so many times before. I was still a screwed-up mess, and I hated how I’d gone backward since returning to the area. All this had been behind me. I’d healed.
Only I hadn’t. I’d been fooling myself. Avery was right. We both needed closure.
Chapter 3—One More Time
* Riley *
On Tuesday morning, I walked into the locker room. I’d played a good game on Saturday, and the team was now two and one, though we hadn’t played a conference game yet. Coach gave us Monday off, and I’d spent the time between classes studying for a test.
I wasn’t the greatest student. Before coming to live with Uncle Coop, my mom and I moved around a lot and were homeless from time to time, making it difficult to get a basic education. When it came to schoolwork, I’d been playing catch-up for as long as I could remember. Maintaining a C average was a struggle. Uncle Coop had paid for tutors when I was in high school, and Tiff had helped me with reading and spelling. She was a whiz at both. But then she’d been a straight-A student without working at it, and I’d been the dumb jock.
I envied my roommate Gage, who partied every night, skipped classes, and rarely cracked a book but still managed to pass his classes with Bs. The guy was a genius, even though he hated to be pegged as one.
I’d slanted my communications major with an eye to sports broadcasting or something that kept me connected to sports if a pro career wasn’t in my future. Planning a career in any professional sport was iffy at best. A guy could be the most talented guy in the NCAA and suffer some freak, career-ending injury. I’d lived a crappy life until coming to live with Uncle Coop, and I’d never leave myself hanging when it came to a future. I wanted my options open.
It’d been over a week since I’d seen Tiff, and I caught myself constantly looking for her on campus. My heartbeat sped up every time I caught sight of a petite blonde, and there were a lot of women matching that description at the Ty.
Gage sat down on the bench next to me and pulled off his shirt, throwing it on the floor. “So, fess up. What’s your deal?”
“I don’t have a deal.”
“You’ve got something.”
“I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.” I yanked on my shoulder pads and practice jersey a little too roughly, ignoring Gage’s knowing gaze.
“Yeah, you do.” My friend lowered his voice, indicating he was willing to keep the convo private, rather than spread it all over hell and back, or even worse, the locker room. These guys smelled blood worse than a pack of wolves, and a smart guy never let them see weakness.
Tiff was my weakness, a big one.
“Why are you bringing this up now?”
“Cuz I’ve been hungover and not thinking straight. When I was sober, you never seemed to be around.”
I couldn’t argue with that. Gage’s drinking and whoring had reached epic proportions in the past year. Not that he’d ever been a saint, but turning twenty-one triggered his inner party-hound like nothing I’d ever seen.
“I’ve been around. You haven’t.”
He shrugged. “New crop of freshman girls.” He offered no additional explanation. He didn’t need to.
I pulled my cleats from my locker and placed them on the floor in front of my size thirteen feet. I kept my focus on those shoes, even as Gage’s eyes burned through me. He had more to say, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it. I picked up one shoe and meticulously adjusted the laces, hoping he’d get bored and harass someone else.
“You’re not alone, you know.”
I jerked my head up and narrowed my eyes, studying Gage, certain I hadn’t heard correctly. “What?”
“You’re not the only one nursing a broken heart. We all have our scars. So, your past came back to haunt you. Hey, shit happens. Pull your fucking head out of your ass and move on. She doesn’t give a shit about you, or she wouldn’t have dashed out of there like a deer chased by a squadron of gun-toting militia.”
“Wait a minute.” I backed up a few sentences in my head and reran what I’d heard him say. “You? A broken heart?” He’d certainly done his share of breaking hearts, but I’d never once suspected he pined for a girl the way I pined for Tiff.
He shrugged and averted his gaze, refusing to meet mine. He scratched that shaggy blo
nd hair the chicks loved and rummaged through his messy locker. The equipment staff tidied it up every day before practice. Within five minutes, Gage had turned it into a disaster. We’d had a few come-to-Jesus meetings at the house because of his slovenliness. Mostly, I gave in and picked up after him. He had no issue living in chaos. I did. I hadn’t always been like that, but now I liked things neat and orderly, one of the by-products of the shooting.
Gage dressed quickly and stood, staring down at me, a pitying expression on his face. He punched my shoulder and grinned, but his eyes remained clouded with concern. “Let her go, Ry.”
I bent down to tie my cleats and heard his footsteps as he left the locker room. I heaved out the breath I’d been holding and sighed wearily. Everyone in my life was giving me the same advice. Let her go. Move on.
I would.
After I saw her one more time.
* Tiff *
I stared at the sink stacked with dishes and sighed. The dishes hadn’t been washed since Sunday, and it was now Tuesday, but Alisa and I both agreed to stop enabling Wayne. We had a deal. Alisa and I cooked and cleaned the house. Wayne did dishes and took out the trash. We didn’t ask much of him, and he didn’t deliver much, if anything.
Sometimes I regretted the day I’d agreed to let Wayne live with us. The guy was a total, absolute slob, but my mom loved the idea of a gay guy living with two girls. She thought he was protection.
Hardly. We’d have to beat off the intruders with a stick while he cowered under the bed.
Wayne was not your stereotypical gay guy. He was more of a nerd type, didn’t know a damn thing about interior design or clothing, and his idea of cooking was boiling Top Ramen. He loved sports but didn’t play them, and his hair was a tangled mess of too-long, wavy locks. He walked around in a state of perpetual cluelessness, which I admired to a point.
Alisa and I accused him of living with us because he had a mother complex. He was absolutely helpless and never once complained when we mothered him too much. Regardless of his faults, he was fiercely loyal to Alisa and now to me.
Sacked in Seattle: Game On in Seattle Rookies (Men of Tyee Book 1) Page 2
