“Oh,” said Clarissa, looking slightly embarrassed. “That.”
***
Clarissa told the story to Karen, Nat and me over cocktails that night in Flicker. Which is exactly how that sort of a story should be told.
Neil, she’d discovered, was a card counter. A professional gambler who used his ginormous MIT brain to gain the edge over casinos. No one expected a long-haired biker to be capable of such a feat, so he’d been flying under the radar for years. Every few months, he’d ride all the way across the country to Vegas (his excuse was that it was difficult to get big loads of cash through airport security without arousing suspicion, but we all agreed that he just enjoyed the ride).
Once there, he’d move around between the casinos for a few days or a week, playing the role of a drunken biker who’d hit it lucky. He’d win, the casino would give him a complimentary room to encourage him to stay and lose the money back to them, he’d win bigger, they’d comp him an even bigger room, he’d win again, and then he’d hightail it before he got his legs broken.
He’d tried to hide it from Clarissa at first, but she’d followed him to a casino and caught him in the act. Then she’d tried to talk him out of it, worried for his safety, but he was determined to pay his way in their relationship and counting cards paid well. Besides, he told her, he enjoyed it.
They’d very nearly broken up over it. And then, when she was right on the verge and faced with losing him, she’d realized she needed to accept him for who he was: a big, smart, loud-mouthed biker with hippy tendencies and a dominant streak that made her soak her panties. Worried for his safety if he kept pulling the same routine again and again, she’d decided that if she couldn’t change his mind, she’d join him.
So Clarissa became Erika, a traveling Russian oil heiress, and Neil became Boris, her husband, and, with the help of a sparkly silver dress for her and a tracksuit for him, they left Vegas almost three hundred thousand dollars richer—Neil’s biggest ever haul. He wouldn’t have to go back to Vegas for a long time. “Although,” said Clarissa, “I kind of want to. It was fun! A real adrenaline rush. The sex afterwards was amazing.”
“Let me hear your Russian accent,” I said.
“I am Erika. I vant to be playing the Blackjack,” rasped Clarissa.
“Terrible,” I said. “I’ll have to give you acting lessons. And I don’t even want to know what Neil sounds like. And the ring?”
Clarissa smiled and looked down at the glittering diamond. “We had three bags stuffed with banknotes, I was in a sparkly dress, we were on Neil’s Harley and about to ride all the way across America. And I realized just how much I loved him. It seemed appropriate.”
“Please tell me it was Elvis who married you!” said Karen.
Clarissa looked shocked. “Under the circumstances, do you think I’d have settled for anyone else?”
Epilogue
Three Months Later
My place was too small, the mansion was too big, and Karen’s place was too full of valuable, breakable things, so we were having the party in Clarissa and Nat’s apartment. I was in Nat’s bedroom, hanging fairy lights.
Nat had followed through on her promise to move back in. She and Darrell alternated between nights there and nights at the mansion. Nat slapped the wall that separated her bedroom from Clarissa’s and beamed at the dull thump. “Soundproofing,” she explained. “Darrell and Neil fitted it all around Clarissa’s room. Now she and Neil can be as loud as they like and we don’t even hear it.”
“Hear what?” asked Clarissa, walking in.
“The music,” I said quickly. “People won’t be able to hear the music...um...unless we put some on! Come choose some with me!”
I grabbed Clarissa by the hand and took her into the living room, where we started making a playlist. It was weird to think of her as married. Three times married, really. She and Neil had had a second wedding ceremony—a proper one—in Boston and then a third one especially for Neil’s MC, at which Clarissa formally became his “old lady.” They’d copied Nat and Darrell and split their time between Neil’s place in Boston and the New York apartment. Clarissa hadn’t been overjoyed when she found out that he lived above a strip club, and occasionally picked up a shift working the door there.
“He better not be messing around with any of the dancers,” she told me as we picked albums. “I’ve got a good mind to go down there and check up on him.” She bit her lip. “But he said if I did, he was going to punish me. And tell the owner I was there for an audition.” She looked dreamy for a second, and then she remembered I was there and her face reddened. I focused on the playlist and pretended I hadn’t noticed.
Karen came in from the kitchen. “Okay,” she said. “Done. What do you think?” She held up the banner she’d been making: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASMINE, in pink and silver.
“It’s beautiful,” I said with feeling.
“You’re sure about...you know. The name? Because I made the letters so they can be rearranged.” She demonstrated. “And we already have an ‘E’ and an ‘M’ and an ‘A’ in ‘JASMINE’ so I’d only need to make another ‘M’ and—”
I shook my head. “I’m sure.”
I’d realized that I didn’t have to choose between being Emma and Jasmine. Even a fake personality you create is still part of you, and there were parts of Jasmine I wanted to keep. Her bouncy optimism, her sexual appetite, her style. But there were parts of Emma I wanted to keep, too. I couldn’t live without that deep, almost spiritual connection she could make with Ryan. I needed to really feel, both in sex and in love. So I became not Emma or Jasmine, but me.
But I was keeping the name.
Karen hung the banner and then joined us messing with the playlist. After finishing off their first album together, she and Connor were taking a well-earned rest before starting on their second. Of course, rest for Karen meant she was only playing the cello for two hours a day. Three, tops.
She was still experimenting and pushing her limits...but now she wasn’t afraid to ask for help. I’d spent a good portion of the previous night on the phone to her, browsing an online lingerie store and picking out something to surprise Connor with (“Really? A corset? Are you sure?” “I’m sure, Karen, I’m sure.”).
It felt like I had the old Karen back...and now that she had a head start on me in the Serious Relationship stakes, I could ask her for advice, too. (“Really? Making him mashed potatoes and gravy is romantic? You sure?” “I’m sure, Jasmine, I’m sure.”).
Karen of course, had graduated the year before. Nat, Clarissa, and I were a few months away. Nat, with her demons finally behind her, had excelled in her dancing and was choosing between two different dance companies. Clarissa had her eye on a spot with an internationally-touring ballet company. (“All those European cities they tour in have casinos!” she’d told me excitedly. “Neil can come with me and we’ll clean up!).
I’d had to miss some classes to fit in filming the first season of Blue & Red, but Fenbrook was pretty flexible that way—their ultimate aim was for us to secure jobs, after all. I was going to have to work my ass off in the break between seasons, but things were much easier now I didn’t have to work a bar job to pay the rent. The paycheck from the pilot and the generous contract Dixon had given me would keep me going for a good long while.
There was another reason I’d missed classes, too. About a month after the trial, I’d taken the difficult decision to go to the police about my rape. Retelling it all was traumatic but I didn’t have to go through a trial. Faced with the knowledge that my dad was already in prison for twenty long years and would no doubt testify against them to try to reduce his sentence, Brady, Thomas and Earl all pled guilty. They got five years each, with no parole.
There was a knock at the door. I practically ran there and threw it wide.
Ryan was standing there with his arms full of bags. Party food and beer. I’d also made sure that Nat had made some Orange Skittle Vodka, but that was exclusively for us gir
ls, to start the night off right. Funny, how we’d once used to drink it to commiserate failed auditions. A lot had changed. Nat had Darrell, Clarissa had Neil, Karen had Connor..., and I had Ryan.
I grabbed the bags off him and dumped them on the kitchen table, then launched myself into his arms, my legs going around him. It was my preferred way of greeting him, when I hadn’t seen him for a few hours, and I only kneed him in the groin occasionally, these days.
He’d thought long and hard about Blue & Red and eventually agreed with Dixon that he’d do the first season and then his character would move down to a smaller role. He enjoyed the acting, but he needed to be a cop. With his anger in check, his captain welcomed him back part time, with a view to making it full time again in the future. It probably worked out better than the two of us having too much screen time together. Every time we did lock lips in a scene, the fans would go nuts. Keep them wanting more, and all that.
He was so much happier, these days. He hadn’t said much about it, but I was pretty sure he’d let Hux go. Certainly, he’d visited the grave a few times, and I figured that was a good sign.
I seemed to be doing okay myself, too. The nightmares were getting less frequent. Nat had given me the number of the therapist she and Darrell went to. I’d thought about it, but decided to leave it for the time being. Seeing my dad and the three rapists in jail had given me a certain amount of closure. What I really needed now was time—time to build new memories with Ryan. I was myself, for the first time in a long while, and I was going to relish every second of it.
Tyler had become a firm friend of both Ryan and me. Kissing him had become a lot less weird. It wasn’t awkward anymore—now we just had to resist the temptation to make each other laugh.
Nick had gone straight into rehab when he came out of court and had now been clean for months. He had a new job, had moved into a shared apartment and had re-enrolled on the cooking course. This time, he had me to back him up when he wavered. With the past laid to rest, we were talking much more freely and reconnecting. It felt good to have a brother again.
Ryan spun me around and then carried me through the living room, where Nat had joined Clarissa and Karen, arguing playfully over the playlist. He marched straight through to the hallway that led to the bedrooms and looked meaningfully at the two doors.
“We can’t!” I hissed. “They’re right there!”
He adjusted my position slightly, handling me as if I weighed nothing. My groin settled against his and I gasped. “At least do the decent thing and wait until the party’s started and we can sneak off to the coat room,” I told him.
He pushed me up against the wall. “If I wait that long, do I get The Full Jasmine Experience?”
I wriggled. “I’m not sure you can handle The Full Jasmine Experience.”
“You’re that good?”
“I’ve been known to give lessons.”
He leaned forward and gave me a long, slow kiss that ended with him nibbling on my lower lip. I shuddered and writhed.
“I’ve been known to make women come so hard they faint,” he whispered in my ear.
“That was a one-time thing,” I said breathlessly.
“Let’s find out.”
I can’t believe I’m considering this, I thought, and glanced back into the living room. Nat, Clarissa, and Karen were all smirking at me.
“It is my birthday,” I reasoned.
Ryan grinned and carried me toward Nat’s room.
“Wait,” I said, remembering how I’d deafened the sound guy. “Better use Clarissa’s room.”
He carried me in there and laid me on the bed. I lay there for a moment, not speaking. Just looking up at the man I loved.
“What?” he asked. “What’s wrong?”
I smiled and put my arms around him. “Nothing,” I said. “Nothing at all.”
<<<<>>>>
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Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Acknowledgments
Intro
Prologue - Emma
Now
Chapter 1 - Ryan
Chapter 2 - Jasmine
Chapter 3 - Jasmine
Chapter 4 - Jasmine
Chapter 5 - Ryan
Chapter 6 - Jasmine
Chapter 7 - Ryan
Chapter 8 - Jasmine
Chapter 9 - Ryan
Chapter 10 - Jasmine
Chapter 11 - Ryan
Chapter 12 - Jasmine
Chapter 13 - Ryan
Chapter 14 - Jasmine
Chapter 15 - Ryan
Chapter 16 - Jasmine
Chapter 17 - Ryan
Chapter 18 - Jasmine
Chapter 19 - Ryan
Chapter 20 - Jasmine
Chapter 21 - Ryan
Chapter 22 - Jasmine
Chapter 23 - Jasmine
Chapter 24 - Emma
Chapter 25 - Jasmine
Chapter 26 - Ryan
Chapter 27 - Jasmine
Chapter 28 - Ryan
Chapter 29 - Jasmine
Chapter 30 - Jasmine
Chapter 31 - Jasmine
Chapter 32 - Ryan
Chapter 33 - Jasmine
Chapter 34 - Jasmine
Chapter 35 - Ryan
Chapter 36 - Jasmine
Chapter 37 - Ryan
Chapter 38 - Jasmine
Chapter 39 - Ryan
Chapter 40 - Jasmine
Chapter 41 - Ryan
Chapter 42 - Jasmine
Chapter 43 - Jasmine
Chapter 44 - Ryan
Chapter 45 - Jasmine
Chapter 46 - Jasmine
Chapter 47 - Jasmine
Chapter 48 - Ryan
Chapter 49 - Jasmine
Chapter 50 - Jasmine
Chapter 51 - Jasmine
Chapter 52 - Ryan
Chapter 53 - Jasmine
Chapter 54 - Ryan
Chapter 55 - Jasmine
Chapter 56 - Emma
Chapter 57 - Emma
Chapter 58 - Emma
Chapter 59 - Emma
Chapter 60 - Jasmine
Chapter 61 - Jasmine
Chapter 62 - Ryan
Chapter 63 - Jasmine
Chapter 64 - Ryan
Chapter 65 - Jasmine
Chapter 66 - Jasmine
Chapter 67 - Ryan
Chapter 68 - Ryan
Chapter 69 - Jasmine
Chapter 70 - Jasmine
Chapter 71 - Ryan
Chapter 72 - Ryan
Chapter 73 - Jasmine
Epilogue
Contact Me
Acting Brave (Fenbrook Academy #3 - New Adult Romance) Page 43
