by Celya Bowers
“Brendan, do you feel okay?”
“I’m fine. Just a little tired, that’s all.”
She thought there was more to it than just being tired, but decided to drop the subject for the moment.
They were both silent until the waiter returned with their orders twenty minutes later. Peri observed Brendan as he picked at his pasta. Usually he inhaled his food and had to wait for Peri to finish eating. “Brendan, are you sure you’re okay?” She was beginning to get worried about this man.
Brendan reached across the table and grabbed her hand. “I’m fine. Stop worrying. I’m glad you’re eating real food.” He smiled at her.
Peri looked directly at him, making him look into her eyes. “Brendan, we should go. You look awful. You need some rest.” She signaled the waitress for their check. “I’ll get it,” she offered when he reached for his wallet.
When they were outside, Brendan wrapped his arms around her. “Why don’t you drive, Peri?”
She looked up at his face and reached for his keys. His forehead was beaded with perspiration. Once she was seated in the driver’s seat, she made sure Brendan was buckled in and started the SUV. As she drove back to his house, she hoped he wouldn’t pass out on her. He didn’t say one word all the way to his house. “Brendan, you can tell me if something is wrong. I won’t judge you.”
He didn’t say anything for a long minute. Finally, he took a deep breath and faced her. “It’s not that serious, Peri, but there’s something you should know,” Brendan explained as they parked in the garage and got out of the truck. “We can chat inside.”
Quietly, Peri walked inside the house behind him. She followed him into the living room, sat on the couch beside him, and waited for him to begin.
Brendan leaned back against the sofa and exhaled. “When I was going through the divorce with Claire I developed an ulcer, due to the stress. I would get feverish and feel like I was coming down with the flu or something. I do have medicine for it, but I haven’t needed it in four years. The doctor said that if I get extremely stressed out, it would flare up. I guess everything that’s going on outside of work did me in.”
Peri looked at him. In the few months they had been dating, she thought of him as invincible. Now he was sick and it was her fault. “I don’t want you to worry about me, Brendan. I can take care of myself. What else is going on? Is there anything I can do to help?”
He held her hand. “Thanks, honey, but this situation is out of your control. It’s my dad. He’s sick and won’t go see a doctor. Remember, I told you.”
“Yes, I remember. How sick is he?”
“Sick enough for Sean to call me. My brother calls occasionally and we shoot the breeze. This time he called and asked me directly about Dad. So that’s why I have a bit of fever. I’m stressed about it. Dad is stubborn and I don’t want to lose him, not after all we’ve been through.”
She nodded, knowing there was a story in that statement, but decided today was not the time to hear it. “Yes, fathers can be so pigheaded sometimes. What are you going to do? Are you going to talk to him about going to the doctor?”
He took a deep breath. “No, you can’t talk to my dad when he digs his heels in about something. We just have to wait until he admits he’s sick. I just hope it’s not too late.”
* * *
A few weeks later, after celebrating their fifth month of dating, another turning point occurred. Around 2:30 in the morning Brendan’s cell phone rang. Peri awoke instantly, thinking it was Claire and Chelsey was sick. To her surprise, a woman with a strong Irish accent was at the other end of the phone. She was speaking so fast Peri couldn’t make out anything but Brendan’s name. She woke Brendan and gave him the phone. After he said a few words, he sprang up out of bed looking for his clothes. “I will be on the first plane home.”
Peri had never seen him get dressed that fast. He sat on the bed and put on his socks and shoes. “My father has had a heart attack, he is in casualty.”
“What?” Peri asked for clarification.
“It’s like the emergency room here. They will have to operate and I have got to go. I’ll phone you.”
Peri was dressed by the time he reached her bedroom door. She grabbed him by the arm. “Brendan, calm down. I’ll drive you to the airport.”
“No!”
“Yes.” Peri was adamant. “You’re always taking care of me, let me do this for you. There’s no way I’m letting you on the highway. You’re too upset.” She held her hand out for his keys.
“All right.” He let her drive him to his house. She packed his bag while he was on the phone with the airlines. Since it was an emergency, he could leave at 6:00 a.m., which was in about two and a half hours. Thirty minutes later, they were in the SUV, bound for the airport. Peri felt very nervous driving his car, but he was in no condition to drive. He gave her the keys to his house and the spare set to the truck, so she could check on them while he was gone. He had also asked her to call Claire and tell her about his father. She agreed. Peri knew he was trying to be emotionally strong in front of her. Peri placed a shaky hand in his to calm him. She sat with him until he had to go through customs. He hugged and kissed her at the door to US Customs. “I will call you from hospital.” He kissed her goodbye and he was gone.
An emotionally exhausted Peri went back to her condo and slept all day. Brendan called later that night with an update. “Dad will be having surgery in the morning.”
“My gosh, Brendan, I’m really sorry.” She remembered how frightened she was when her father was sick.
“The doctor sounds optimistic. Mum is a wreck. She refuses to go home.”
Brendan sounded tired, himself. “Have you slept?” Peri asked, remembering the time difference and that Ireland was seven hours ahead of Texas time.
“No, I will sleep tomorrow. I am too keyed up to sleep right now. You know it’s about 4 a.m. here.” As they chatted, Peri thought he sounded awful. She heard all the noises in the background. She heard two pages for a doctor. “You know, I miss you already.”
“Me, too,” Peri admitted quietly. “I started missing you the minute I left the airport.”
“Don’t forget to check your locks. If anything looks out of place, please stay at my house.”
He still worried about her even though he was on the other side of the world. “I will, Brendan.” She knew she wouldn’t, but didn’t want him to worry.
“Here is my parents’ home number and the number here at the hospital. My cell works here, so you can call me on that, too. I’ll call you as soon as Dad is out of surgery.”
“I’d appreciate that,” Peri said, trying to hold back tears. She had wanted to say ‘I love you’, but couldn’t. She held the phone to her heart long after Brendan had ended the call.
CHAPTER 13
Over the days that followed, Peri got a report from Brendan every night, which proved difficult with the seven-hour time difference. Brendan’s father was doing well. He boasted to Peri every night about the speedy recovery, but he still didn’t mention when he would be returning to Arlington. As a diversion Peri worked out at the gym every night. She thought having her mind occupied would help her not worry about Brendan. It didn’t.
Brendan was a little more worried than he wanted to let on. One night as Peri chatted away about some of the things that were going on with her life, since he had been away, he started to cry. It upset Peri a little at first, but then she comforted him as best she could, being a world away.
“Thank you, Peri,” Brendan said quietly. “I really miss being able to talk to you, to hold you, and to make love to you.”
Peri was again taken aback by his frankness. “I miss you as well, Brendan. I didn’t think I would this much, this fast.”
Two weeks later Brendan was still in Ireland. His father was at home and doing very well, considering he had just had major heart surgery. Brendan and Peri’s communication increased from once to twice, sometimes three times a day. She eventually le
arned Brendan’s siblings’ names. Even his mother had begun holding a conversation with Peri before handing Brendan the phone. Peri noticed that his mother spoke slower to her, so she could better understand what she said. Peri still asked Brendan for clarification on some the things his mother had said. Brendan laughed as he translated for her. It was getting harder for each of them to say goodbye with each phone call.
“I miss you so much, I can’t stand it!” Brendan suddenly exclaimed during their nightly conversation.
“I miss you, too. I didn’t think I would this much. How much longer are you going to be in Dublin?” Peri hated herself at that moment for sounding so lovesick and weak.
Brendan sighed. “Maybe another week. Dad is doing pretty well. He’s walking under his own steam and muttering something about going back to work. I think he is on the mend. I’m really proud.”
* * *
Kyla showed up at Peri’s condo a few days later, when Peri skipped the gym yet again. “You have to get out, it’s Saturday.” She put a few extra syllables in Saturday, reminding Peri of Chelsey. “Why don’t we go shopping? Ryan has a meeting and you have been sitting around like this since Brendan left for Ireland. He’s coming back, you know. You’re moping around like you will never see him again.”
Peri looked at her friend and knew she was right. As always. She got her purse and they headed for the mall. Some retail therapy might do them both some good.
Later that night, as she and Kyla had dinner at Omar’s, Peri realized that Brendan hadn’t called her the previous night or that morning. She relayed the fact to her best friend.
“I’m sure everything is okay, Peri,” Kyla tried to reassure her friend.
“I wish I could be sure,” Peri said absentmindedly, worrying that something horrible had happened to Brendan’s father and he forgot to call her.
After Peri dropped Kyla off, Peri drove to Brendan’s house. Just to check on it, she told herself as she let herself in. The house was quiet and cold. Peri walked through the house and headed upstairs. The last room she checked was his bedroom. She walked into the room and, immediately, memories of the nights she spent in his arms sprang to mind. A while later, she decided to stay the night and got ready for bed. Being in his bed was the security she needed, because she fell asleep right away.
Peri’s eyes snapped open at the sound of a noise, but she dismissed it. Nerves, she thought. Later she heard a door close. She was almost certain she locked the front door behind her. Almost. She saw the light from the hall and she knew someone else was in the house. Uh-oh, she thought, I’m going to die at this man’s house, and he’s out of the country. The police will never find my body. What am I going to do? She slid under the covers and hoped for the best. Maybe the criminals wouldn’t come in the bedroom.
Just then she heard a familiar chuckle and sighed with relief. It was Brendan. Peri sat up and let the covers fall and stared at Brendan. He was handsome, even with his hair tousled and a five o’clock shadow. He was gorgeous. His blue eyes sparkled at her.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back tonight? I could have met you at the airport.”
Brendan looked at her as he sat on the bed. “Later,” he said as he lowered her back down on the bed. “I have missed you,” he said between kisses, not giving her a chance to answer.
Peri enjoyed the feel of his prickly facial hair on her smooth skin. She enjoyed him being home and being able to actually touch him. She watched in delight as impatience got the best of him. He couldn’t get her nightshirt off fast enough. He simply ripped it from her slender body. He did the same with her silk undies.
“Sorry, I will get you another,” he said as he entered her.
* * *
Much later, Peri awoke around noon, feeling well loved and exhausted. Brendan lay next to her, his arms around her as usual, but this time he was holding her a little tighter. She thought she was having a wonderful dream, except he was snoring loudly. Quietly, Peri got up, showered, and dressed. Usually he would wake up the minute she got out of the bed, he’d go back to sleep, but at least he noticed. Not this time. This time Brendan continued to sleep. Quietly, she went downstairs and fixed a late lunch.
Later that evening Peri finally heard the shower upstairs. It’s about time, she thought. When he came downstairs, he still looked a little out of sorts, but like Brendan, her Brendan. His hair was combed and he had a clean-shaven face. Peri looked up from watching TV and smiled at him.
“How do you feel?” she asked as she noticed him limping.
“Jet-lagged,” Brendan said.
“Maybe some dinner will make you feel better?” Peri felt guilty about earlier, now. I should have let him get his rest, she thought.
“Maybe.” Brendan walked into the kitchen. He returned with a huge plate of food and a glass of milk. He didn’t have a beer, a sure sign he wasn’t himself. Peri wasn’t sure what she should do. She needed to be getting home, but she wanted to stay. Logic won. She started getting her things together to leave. Brendan looked up from his plate of food and watched her. “Where are you going?”
“Home. You probably need some alone time. You know, time to wind down from your trip.”
The next words out of his mouth quickened Peri’s pulse. “We need to chat. Now.”
Peri’s heart started beating double time. She tried to sound nonchalant. “Oh, what about?”
Brendan stopped eating and walked over to the couch and sat beside her. He picked up her hand and kissed it and placed it on his leg. “Well this is kind of hard, but I will give it my best try.” He took a deep breath and began. “I know we haven’t been dating long. I don’t know where you are in this relationship.” Brendan paused to give his words full effect.
Peri breath caught in her throat. She wished he would just say it so she could leave. “What do you mean, Brendan?”
“I mean, I need to know how committed you are to me…us.”
Peri looked at him. She was here now. That should account for something. “How could you ask me something like that?”
Brendan’s blue eyes stared into hers, looking for an answer. “I can ask you that because I never hear you say you’re committed to me. I never hear you say I love you, and I always initiate lovemaking. I know you’re always willing. For once, I would like to see you take the lead. I would like to know without a doubt how you feel about me.”
Peri looked at Brendan through tears, saying nothing. He still continued.
“You get along great with Chelsey. You’ve even talked with Claire. I thought about you a lot while I was in Ireland. I realized while my father was lying there in limbo, not once have you said I love you. Or even that you care, or anything remotely committal.”
Peri looked down at the table. She was going to say it. That awful day in the park, but he said it first. For some reason, every time she wanted to say it, the words wouldn’t come out of her mouth. At first, she was waiting on him to say it. Then she figured if she didn’t say it, it wouldn’t hurt so badly when it was over. “I know.”
Brendan stood and paced the large room. “That’s all you got? ‘I know?’ Peri, I realize how hurt you were before and you are healing. But I need to know how you feel inside. My heart and feelings are not impervious to hurt, just like yours aren’t.”
You will never know how hurt, Peri thought. Peri inhaled deeply and started talking rapidly. “I do love you, Brendan. More than my poor heart will stand. I just thought if I didn’t say it, I wouldn’t get hurt.” A steady stream of tears ran down her face.
“Peri,” Brendan said as he took her hand, “I needed to know. You are very important to me.” He sat down beside her and hugged her. He wiped her tears away and whispered sentiments of love in her ear. After that revelation and many kisses later, he began to tell her of his trip to Ireland.
“I bet you would love Ireland. I feel so serene when I’m there. If you and Chelsey had been there, it would have been perfect.” Brendan caressed her teary face.<
br />
“It looks beautiful on TV,” Peri said as she rested her head on his chest. Shyly, she picked up his hand and kissed it.
“It is. Sometimes I wish I was back there. Then, while I was at home, I wanted to be back here.”
Brendan was quiet for a moment. “I know I have been away from my family much too long. They have never seen Chelsey, and my parents want to meet you.”
“Why?” Peri choked. She could now remember that last conversation with his mother and all those hints about Ireland.
Brendan smiled with Irish pride. “They said, the woman who could make me call her every night from Ireland must be special, and you are.”
CHAPTER 14
Brendan waited a few days before he dropped the real bomb. Friday night, after a romantic dinner, he watched Peri finish her nightly routine. For days, he’d wondered how to broach the subject. Dante’s suggestion was just to blurt it out, but Brendan felt easing Peri into it would be the best way.
He was lying in bed waiting to put his plan into action. As soon as she got into bed, he put his arms around her. He kissed her forehead as his hands began to roam over her body. “Do you have any vacation time left?”
Peri moved closer to him so he could have better access to her body. “Yes, about two weeks.”
Brendan rolled on top of her and kissed her thoroughly. He looked deep into her eyes. “I’m going to take Chelsey to visit my parents at the end of next month. I’d like it if you’d come with us.”
Peri didn’t say a word.
She was too quiet. Brendan wished he’d listened to Dante and had broached the subject differently. Too late now; Brendan pushed on about the trip. He sensed her fear and hesitation. “I know it’s asking a lot. But I want Chelsey to know her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I would like for you to see where I came from. Ireland is beautiful this time of year. You will love it. Don’t answer right now, just think about it.”
