by Brown, TW
“In the back room,” Jake said.
My eyes met his and he looked away. I would worry about that later.
Surprisingly, Dr. Zahn let me lead the way. I reached the door and took a deep breath. My vision blurred for a second and I wiped away the tears. That wouldn’t be what she needed right at the moment. I turned the knob and opened the door.
Immediately, the smell hit me. I hadn’t smelled it in such strength since Teresa. What I saw when I entered the room brought an instant lump to my throat.
Thalia’s head turned so slow that I felt like time had suddenly skidded almost to a halt. I only half-noticed Buster’s head lift from the floor as well.
“Emily’s sick, Daddy,” Thalia whispered. “She got bit and her eyes are like the monsters.”
For the briefest of seconds, I was amazed at how much she comprehended about the situation. It was a polar opposite of little Misty.
“Em, are you awake,” I said in a voice barely above a whisper. I could scarcely hear myself say the words, so I have no idea how she heard me, especially in her condition.
“Can’t sleep,” Emily rasped.
I rushed to the bed and took her hands. This time I didn’t even have to think about hiding the odd revulsion that comes from taking a person’s hands who is in the throes of the latter stages of infection. I didn’t feel the cold clamminess. All I felt were Emily’s tiny, slender fingers.
“Didn’t want to sleep until you got home,” Emily continued after clamping down on her teeth to keep them from chattering. “I was ascared that I would become like my daddy before you got home.”
“Well I’m here now, sweetie.” I brushed a sweaty clump of her fine, dark hair from her forehead. The heat radiating from her face made my hand tingle.
“I’m sorry, Daddy Steve,” Emily whispered.
I brushed the tears that started flowing from her eyes and cupped her face in my hands. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about, Em.”
“But who is gonna be Thalia’s big sister now? Who is gonna help show her how to take care of the baby when Melissa has it?”
“Let’s not worry about that,” I whispered, kissing her on the forehead.
I felt a vice-like grip clamp down on my shoulder. Glancing up, I saw Dr. Zahn staring down at me with concern. She made a slight but curt shake of her head. I raised my eyebrows in concern and question.
“We have no way of being certain about the vectors of contamination. She is sweating profusely,” the doctor hissed.
“So?” I didn’t understand at first.
“Bodily fluids,” the doctor reminded.
Teresa had died, not from having been bit, but from having sex with somebody who had. He’d shown immunity, but apparently that didn’t matter. Of course, looking back, it had seemed so obvious. We already knew that even if a person was immune, if they were bitten and eventually died, they turned.
“Thalia?” I heard Melissa whisper behind me. “Why don’t you come get some rest now that your daddy is home.” It was a statement more than a question. “He can sit with Emily for a while and then you can come right back after you wake up.”
“Is Daddy gonna have to kill Emily?”
That question smashed into my heart with all the force of a bullet. I glanced down at Emily to see her reaction, but her eyes were closed. For a brief moment, I felt like the monster that Misty saw when she looked at me. I knew right then that it would have to be me that took care of Emily at the end. Who else was there?
I didn’t hear Melissa’s response as the door shut, but it didn’t matter. I took a few deep breaths and tried to clear my head. In that moment, I was hit with another revelation of just how secluded Misty had been kept by those she travelled with, and I was angry. The problem being, I didn’t know exactly who to be angry at.
On one hand, we had Thalia who was more than aware of what was going on in the world around her. At age five, I think she was more aware of her situation than the one adult we’d rescued, Mr. Patton—
“The other survivors!” I blurted. In all the craziness of our arrival, I had completely forgotten about the people Jon, Jake, and Jesus had brought back with them.
“Umm…” Dr. Zahn seemed at a loss, which was very uncommon. “Come to think of it, I didn’t see a single one of them when we came in. It was all the same familiar faces.”
“You want to check on that?” I asked. “I will sit with Emily. Besides, I want a few moments with just her.”
The doctor headed for the door, but paused and turned to face me with a very grim expression. “I mean what I said to you earlier, Steve. We don’t have enough information to rule out any transmission vectors. I know that you don’t want to do anything that would leave Melissa and Thalia to go on without you. In fact, I know that you want to hold and touch her, but I have to insist that you put on gloves.”
“Jesus,” I growled. “Have a little bit of a heart, would ya?”
“I do, Steve,” the doctor whispered. “And my heart has to be with the living. You have a child on the way, a wife, and a little girl. I need you to keep your head.”
I wanted to say something…anything. But she was painfully correct. The only thing that I could do was nod…and put on a pair of Latex gloves from the nearby box. I waited for her to leave before I turned back to Emily who appeared to be sleeping.
“I won’t ever leave your side, Emily,” I whispered.
“Not even to go to the bathroom?” she mumbled.
I looked down in shocked surprise to see the tiniest of smiles on her lips. I took her hand. “Well, I guess for that,” I answered. That little quip made my heart feel like at least one or two turns had been taken off of the vice that currently threatened to squeeze it flat.
“Okay, because I wouldn’t want you in here if you are using the toilet.”
“I thought you were asleep,” I said, changing the subject.
“I keep my eyes closed because everybody stares at them when they are open,” Emily said matter-of-factly. “I hate how sad they all look.”
“So, how are you feeling?” I guess I had to ask the stupid questions.
“Like my body is floating…but my brain feels funny.”
“Funny how?”
“It won’t think about anything.” I saw her brow furrow slightly. I knew that she was trying to express something, but couldn’t find the right words.
“So how about the bite? Does it hurt?”
“Sometimes, but if I start to even breathe funny, Sunshine gives me another dose of that gross tasting medicine.”
“Yeah…” I remembered back to my own recent bout with being incapacitated. “It was pretty grody stuff.”
“Grody?” Emily asked.
“That is a word we used to say about something bad.”
“Like when you say groovy or rad?” Emily asked with seriousness.
I had always been impressed with how bright she was. Is, dammit! I scolded myself. She isn’t dead yet!
“Yeah, like that,” I agreed.
“I like that word. It sounds like the medicine tastes,” Emily decided.
“So why don’t you go ahead and open your eyes, sweetie,” I urged. “I won’t stare.”
“Promise?” I heard a very tentative lilt in her tone.
“I promise.”
She opened her eyes and I did everything in my power not to react outwardly. Still, inside I could feel that vice tighten again, and this time, I was almost certain that it would not stop until my heart was completely crushed.
“Don’t cry,” Emily whispered.
I hadn’t even realized that the tears had begun to flow until she said something. I guess maybe I thought that my eyes were simply trying to live up to the promise that my stupid mouth had made. I leaned down, but her hands planted themselves in the middle of my chest with a surprising firmness.
“Dr. Zahn said you can’t,” she said, shaking her head.
“But—” I start to protest, but Emily cut me of
f.
“You have to take care of Thalia and Melissa…and the new baby.” Her voice caught a little on that last bit and a tear trickled down her cheek. With one Latex-sheathed finger, I wiped the tear away.
“I will take care of them, Emily, but you…” I was at a loss. What do I say to a child that is completely aware that she is dying within the next day or so?
“I don’t want to die,” Emily whispered.
The words “I know” sprung to my lips, but I bit them down. What could I possibly say to this child that would bring her any comfort? I looked down into her eyes, trying not to focus on those dark squiggles that signaled her demise, and I had absolutely nothing to say.
“Will you stay with me at the end?” Emily asked. I knew what she meant, and I also knew that I had to be the one.
“I will,” I agreed with a nod.
“Then you should go out there and see everybody,” Emily said, taking my hand. “Besides, I need Sunshine to come give me more medicine.”
“Are you starting to hurt?”
She nodded and I got up, but her grip on my hand tightened. “I’m glad you were my daddy and I got to be Thalia’s sister…even for just a little while.”
I left the room, but before I could even get the door open, my eyes were so full of tears that I could hardly see through the blur. Somebody grabbed my arm and I looked down to see Billy.
“How is she?” he asked.
“Not good.” The words sounded weak, but how else could I describe her.
“I got that dress that Ian snagged for her birthday for when…” Billy’s words trailed off. He finally just nodded his head and walked away.
If this is what it was going to be like, I would go absolutely crazy. I realized that everybody was grieving, we all felt this loss. Perhaps it was less for the newest members of our group, but the bottom line was that all of us felt this one in some way. Maybe it was because she was a child…who knew? But the bottom line was that this would hit even harder than the loss of Teresa and Jamie for the group as a whole.
To me, it was going to come down to dealing with the feeling that I had failed. Her father had entrusted his little girl to me because he believed that I would protect and watch over her. There was no way to see it other than a personal failure.
Why did I feel the need to leave the camp? Why did I have to go out there and leave behind those that I was supposed to protect? Well, from now on, things would be different.
I had been chosen to lead these people for whatever reason. If I was going to do that, then I needed to be here to take care of the daily grind. It wasn’t about being a hero, or “doing my part” when it came to the care of the people here. I could accomplish all of that from this location. A true leader had to know when and how to delegate authority. At some point, I guess I had come to some conclusion that my hands needed to get dirty.
“Steve?” Melissa snapped me out of it and back to the present.
I hugged her close, realizing that I had come home and not done something that I’d been wanting and needing for the last few days. I felt Thalia’s tiny arms wrap around my leg, so I bent down and scooped her up. The three of us stood huddled for a few seconds. My eyes scanned the room until I found Sunshine. She was with Jon and seemed to be examining Mr. Patton.
“Sunshine,” I called across the room. “Emily says that she needs her medicine.” I almost felt sorry for Mr. Patton with the way Sunshine just dropped what she was doing and jogged across the room and disappeared behind the door to attend Emily.
“I don’t like that new girl,” Thalia whispered.
“Thalia!” Melissa scolded. “That’s not nice.”
“She acts funny,” Thalia insisted, holding her ground.
“She has been through a lot, sweetie,” I said, squeezing her close for reassurance—whether hers or mine I wasn’t sure.
“Jake filled me in a little.” Melissa looked up at me with an unspoken question in her eyes.
“Well it was worse than that.” I failed to suppress the shudder as the image of the things I saw in that camp came in a rush: skeletal bodies with intact heads; a barrel of what was, in essence, human stew; the partially stripped bodies hanging from beams; and that child zombie…
“…wouldn’t even speak about it,” Melissa was saying.
“What?”
“I said that whatever it was, it must have been bad because Jake will only give very brief details and Jesus won’t speak about it at all.”
“Thalia,” I leaned down and set her on the floor, “will you be an angel and go get me a bowl of whatever that is that smells so good?”
In truth, I knew that it was some sort of stew and it was actually the last thing that I wanted to eat. However, I could tell that Melissa really wanted to know what I had seen. Thalia gave me one more squeeze and skipped to the table to find me a clean bowl.
I explained—omitting considerable detail—what we had found. I also let her know that I was not Misty’s favorite person and why.
“That might become a problem, Steve,” Melissa warned.
“How so?”
“Thalia won’t let somebody talk bad about you.”
“Well—” I began to speak, but Melissa was adamant.
“You don’t understand. When that whole drama unfolded between you and Jake and Jesus, she let Jesus have what for. I guess he made some comment or other in her presence and she tore him up and made him apologize.”
I was more than a little surprised. When I was being honest with myself—not a common occurrence lately—I was jealous of Thalia’s and Jesus’s ability to communicate in Thalia’s native tongue. Throw in the fact that he is a real-life soldier, and my inferiority complex gets quite a workout.
“Steve?” Dr. Zahn seemed to appear at my elbow as if by magic.
“Did you find them?”
“Sunshine set them up in a corner in the back so they could all be together. It looks like they are all going to make it.”
I know that was supposed to be good news, but I was having trouble feeling good about anything with the whole situation involving Emily. I gave her a nod.
The rest of the evening was a blur. We brought in everything that we’d managed to scavenge, along with the two elk, and let Fiona, Cheryl, and Nickie sort through it.
It was while everything was being brought in that I received a rather pleasant surprise. It seems that, in our absence, Billy and Jake had built five wooden tubs out of what looked like a huge tree. Each one was set up on a pedestal so that they could be drained completely after each use. To add to the surprise, a huge fifty gallon drum was constantly kept full of water and atop a bed of glowing coals just out back.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” I gasped when I was led into the, until now, mostly useless public bathroom.
Already, Jon and Dr. Zahn were soaking in their own personal baths. Melissa drew the sheet so I could undress in privacy, but I wouldn’t have cared in the slightest if there had been a curtain or not. Modesty flies out the door when you are presented with a hot bath for the first time in forever. I sank into the water and let out a huge sigh. It was wonderful.
“Sunshine said that we needed to be more conscious of our hygiene or we would be compounding our health risks,” Melissa explained as she soaped up a sponge and began scrubbing at my back. “Billy and Jake went to work. It seems that Billy was a teacher’s aid in shop class. He found the right tree, cut it down, segmented it, and then hollowed it out with fire. He said it won’t be permanent, the wood will start to deteriorate, but it should get us through till summer.”
“Where did he find the plastic tarps?” Each “tub” was lined with heavy duty plastic sheets.
“In the tool shed, folded up and stuffed in a corner.”
I didn’t care if these things only lasted a few weeks, to soak in a hot bath was absolutely amazing…until I got out and saw all the crud floating on the surface. It was like a disgusting oil slick or something.
“Y
eah,” Melissa said with a nod as she handed me a towel, “none of us realized how much grime had accumulated on our bodies until that first bath. Taking those one-bucket-showers is apparently about as effective as using a single Handi Wipe to mop your kitchen floor.”
After dressing, I went in to check on Emily again. Thalia was on the floor beside the bed in her sleeping bag with Buster snuggled at her feet. The dog only opened its eyes long enough to see who had intruded, and then closed them after what sure seemed like an exasperated huff. Emily’s chest was rising and falling in the slow steady rhythm of sleep. Jesus was in a chair against the far wall keeping watch. I noticed a set of straps around Emily’s wrists and ankles.
“We have always kept an adult on watch,” Jesus whispered. “Thalia hasn’t left her side for longer than a few minutes at a time, so we started keeping her in restraints this morning.”
“I didn’t notice any when I came in earlier,” I said.
“Sunshine had them taken off when you arrived. She didn’t want you to walk in and see her all trussed up…figured that it was going to be rough enough on you just seeing her in this condition. Melinda slipped in as soon as you left and put them back on.”
“I can watch her now.” I appreciated the sentiment, but I wasn’t too sure I liked the idea that somebody thought I couldn’t handle the situation.
“You look like you are about to fall over,” Jesus countered. “Get some rest. I promise I will come get you if there is any change. And I will make sure that Billy knows to do the same when he relieves me.”
He was right, I felt like somebody had tied weights to my eyelids. Even standing, I struggled with each blink. My eyes really wanted to shut. Melissa took my hand and somehow I ended up in our sleeping bag.
13
Geeksicles
Kevin peeked between the slits in the tent flap. The person standing guard—it was impossible to tell if it was male or female—was leaning forward and rubbing his or her hands together over the fire burning in the barrel. A few flakes were drifting lazily. That wasn’t a good sign. Fresh snow would be an automatic tracking device. He turned back to the expectant faces that, with the exception of Erin, all showed signs of being ready for action.
