by Carol Oates
Amanda lifted her eyes to me and smiled from beneath her eyelashes. She gave the second set of laces a final tug and bounced to her feet. She kissed the tip of my nose and headed to the door without looking back at me. “I’m happy because today we get to be proactive for once. It’s the first day of training. Emma is teaching me how to use a bow.”
“So you’re still planning to come to Ireland?”
Amanda paused with her hand on the handle of the open door but didn’t turn around. She rolled her shoulders back confidently. “Yep, and I’m not even going to look at you, monkey boy, because after our last conversation you are wearing an expression of admiration and support for your lovely wife. Maybe a little pride in there too.”
I chuckled because “a little pride” didn’t come close, and she knew it. My stomach felt sick at the thought of her coming with us. At least she was giving me time to adjust.
“I left breakfast for you on the dressing table. Just cereal and fruit since I didn’t know when you’d wake up. I’ll see you outside.” She waggled her fingers in the air and closed the door.
After I showered, I went to Triona and Caleb’s room but found it empty. Caleb must have been doing much better, a credit to Merlin. I found them outside a short time later.
“Hey,” I said quietly as I took a seat beside Triona on the damp grassy slope. It overlooked the site where we’d watched John hand himself over to Zeal. It seemed like a whole lifetime ago when this began, when Caleb entered our lives and our world changed. In reality, many of the changes had been set in motion a long time before that. I no longer had a clear vision of how much of this new course our ancestors had laid out, or how the prophecy of darkness and light played into our future.
“He doesn’t remember anything from after the accident.” Triona rubbed her hand on her thigh. She raised her hand and shook her fingers as if noticing her habit, but moments later resumed. Her jacket seemed looser on her shoulders because she hadn’t been eating enough to compensate for all that nervous energy. Prominent dark circles around Triona’s eyes resembled bruises that never settled for long on our Guardian skin. They’d be gone by the afternoon, sleep or no sleep. I suspected she sat up with Caleb all night, terrified he’d disappear if she closed her eyes. After Tara I didn’t sleep for a week, convinced I’d wake up and discover Amanda was gone forever.
Down by the stony shore of the lake, Caleb gathered small rocks and examined them, running his fingers over the surface. He dropped a couple before picking up more, repeating the touching ritual, and scrutinizing each with hunched shoulders and an expression of intense concentration. When the rocks passed inspection, he settled them in the crook of his arm across his chest.
His wrists were covered, so I couldn’t tell if they were still marked. Otherwise he was back to himself—in appearance at least. The very first time we’d met had been up at Hosmer Pond during a winter sports day out. Triona had fallen on the ice. Caleb had been checking her ankle for damage and looked like a model straight off the front cover of a style magazine with his perfect hair and dark blue eyes. I’d immediately understood why Triona had fallen under his spell when she’d never given other guys the time of day. Caleb had oozed charisma and collected confidence. The worst of it had been how he’d regarded Triona. He’d already loved her, even if she hadn’t known it then. My gut had told me everything was about to change.
“He says his hands don’t feel like his own.” Triona shrugged, snapping me from my memories. She continued to shred blades of grass between the nails of her forefinger and thumb. Chlorophyll stained her fingertips green, but she either didn’t notice or care. She was far too consumed by watching Caleb as he attempted to skip the selected stones along the smooth surface of the lake. He stopped and dragged his fingers through his hair before clenching and unclenching his hand in obvious frustration. To his credit, Caleb didn’t give up. After a moment and several deep breaths, he began again.
“It’s only been a few hours.”
“He looks older to me—changed. I’m terrified the man I knew is gone, Ben. He’s here, but really he’s gone, and he’s never coming back,” Triona murmured in a voice so low that even sitting right beside her I strained to hear.
It didn’t take much to work out this wasn’t something she had discussed with Caleb or anyone else. A salty fragrance accosted me. Triona had allowed a tear to escape where I couldn’t see.
“I’m not convinced what is worse, not getting him back at all or having this…this imposter who walks, talks, even smells like my soul mate but isn’t really him. It feels as though every time I touch him he just evaporates like a mirage.” A palpable sorrow caused a waver in her voice.
My chest constricted, and I rubbed the back of my neck, unsure what comfort I could offer.
“I love him so much.”
“And John?” Triona’s eyes snapped to mine. “I have to ask. I know it’s none of my business, but I need to know you’re okay.”
Triona’s face screwed up, and wisps of dark red hair brushed across her nose. She kept her voice deliberately low when she spoke. “I don’t know if I can make you understand. I’m not sure I understand myself. When he followed me to Dublin, for about a minute, I thought I could just run away with John—that my life would be easier with him. But I would have been running away from who I am. I’m a Guardian, and Caleb is my soul mate. I’m not torn about it, and if I had to choose again, I would always choose my life with Caleb. Always.” She paused and sighed. “I love John. It’s more than feeling responsible for him, and I think it’s taken all of this to see it. But, it’s like there’s a small part of me that wants to be in love with him too…and I’m not.” She shook her head, and her lips turned up briefly. “I know—it doesn’t make sense.”
I reached out and wrapped my hand around hers. “It makes a lot of sense.”
“Why would they do this to us, Ben?”
“They?”
“All those people siding with Zeal against us. They saw what he did to Caleb. What if he does the same to John? What if Zeal tortures him? It will be my fault.” Her voice grew high and panicked, and she pressed her fingers against her mouth to cover the sob that escaped.
I threw my arm over her shoulder and pulled her into my side. “You heard Merlin. He needs John for now. We’ll get him back before Zeal can hurt him. As for the others, they’re afraid, and they don’t understand.”
She cast the blade of grass away and swiped her hands together.
Triona smiled sadly, lowering her gaze for a fraction of a second before her eyes returned to Caleb as if drawn there by a force she couldn’t resist. Her brief acerbic laugh made Caleb’s distant eyes flicker toward her for an instant.
“What if we we’re wrong about the prophecy, and Seth was right? Maybe claiming our birthright didn’t save the Guardians, maybe it destroyed us, and we’re going take the humans down with us. Maybe normal is impossible for us.”
“Zeal and Lucien manipulated Seth for amusement.” I took away my arm and dismissed her idea.
I snorted at Triona’s obsession with the normality that had eluded us both. In a flash her hands were on my wrists.
“You have to promise me, Ben.” Her eyes grew wide and fixed on me with a searing force. “If I’m going to get through this, I have to know normal is possible,” Triona pleaded, leaving me in no doubt how on the edge she was. She released her death grip only slightly.
I closed my fingers over hers, relaxing them the rest of the way and taking her hand between both of mine. “We’re going to get through this, Triona—just like before. And Caleb will be fine—just as obnoxiously perfect as before,” I told her softly, compelling my face not to crease up into a frown. I wasn’t sure of the origin of my sudden faith in Caleb.
Perhaps it was something as simple as the way he refused to give up on the stones that didn’t skip. Caleb would never give up on my sister. No matter what seemingly insurmountable obstacles were set in their path. He’d always find a way t
o come back to her. This time was no different. Right now he was still trying to pick his way out of the car wreckage back in Camden so he could catch up to the rest of us.
Amanda called to us before Triona had a chance to argue. We both turned to see her waving from the top of the slope that led to the water. Triona raised a hand to her before her attention lurched back to Caleb.
A wave of a primal, gut-wrenching desire to protect ripped through me. We weren’t entirely safe anywhere anymore until this was over. I swallowed it down, knowing it irritated Amanda. I had to agree with Triona—what kind of legacy would we be leaving for future generations of both humans and Guardians if we didn’t at least aspire to the goal of a normal, peaceful life?
I stood, sweeping my hands over my ass to remove any residual grass and grabbed hold of Triona’s forearm, pulling her into a hug. “Caleb will work through this. Maybe he needs you to help him a little.”
“You sound so sure,” she half mumbled into my chest where I had her squashed to me.
Triona’s eyes were red rimmed when I pulled back.
“Of the billions of people wandering the planet, Caleb found you. Billions, Triona—what are the odds of that? How can this possibly be any harder?”
Triona nodded resolutely.
“I’ll talk to you later,” I said before trotting up to Amanda.
“Hey, handsome.” She smiled, reaching up to brush the hair from my forehead. Her eyes scrunched up against the sun.
I ducked to give her a chaste kiss on her mouth. “I thought you were training with Emma?”
“I am. We were over in the orchard with Guinevere shooting store-bought apples from logs. I feel very Maid Marian.”
I pursed my lips and hummed. “If you’re here to tell me Robin Hood just showed up, I might need to go lie down again.”
She smiled wryly and tilted her head before slipping her arm into the crook of mine. “Oh no. You have training in the basement with Arthur, but you need to drop by the library first.”
“Where’s Emma?”
“Grabbing ten minutes for a sandwich and a catch up with her friends online.”
“Okay. Well, please remember to be careful. We aren’t expecting Zeal to come back here because he loves the floorshow, and Knowth will be so much more dramatic for him, but we don’t know for sure.”
She frowned when she darted a glance over her shoulder before we went around the side of the house. “Will they be okay?”
Triona had made her way to Caleb. She placed her hand gently on his back, and he showed her his bounty of stones, both completely oblivious to us watching. Triona stroked his cheek lovingly, and Caleb seemed to relax from his agitation at once. He turned into her touch with closed eyes and kissed her palm.
“Yeah, they will.”
Chapter 27
Staring into the Sun
I HEARD VOICES IN CONVERSATION before I got anywhere near the library and quickened my step. I opened the door to a strangely welcome sight. Samuel and Annice sat on one of the couches, both in training clothes. Annice had tied her hair back in a high ponytail, which made her seem very girlish. Her silver eyes shone with relief and a note of worry.
The other people in the room caused the breath to whoosh out of my lungs. “Lewis, Carmel! What are you doing here?”
Carmel, looking glamorous in full makeup, dress pants, and blouse, pushed off the arm of the couch nervously. “We couldn’t stay away this time.”
Lewis stood by the hearth with Archú at his feet, every inch the lord of the manor with his proud shoulders rolled back and his hand resting on the mantle. Carmel had even wrestled him into a shirt and sports jacket. His brow crinkled as he scrutinized me for my reaction to their arrival. Archú whined in apprehension—Lewis probably had no idea a dragon occupied the space beside him by the fire.
I rushed forward without thinking about the consequences of their presence and swept Carmel up in a hug. Lewis quickly joined when he realized I wasn’t angry. Archú barked, walked in a tight circle and settled into a seated position, his tongue lolling out.
“Son,” Lewis choked out, patting my back.
Their arrival was far from ideal, and we’d already decided against them joining us here. The rational argument didn’t seem to make much of a difference at the moment. I was just happy to see them.
“How? When?” I stuttered, a bag of all the emotions I didn’t realize I’d been holding back spilled opened. I drew away. “Does Triona know you’re here?”
Lewis affectionately swiped a tear from Carmel’s cheek with his thumb. “Not yet. We weren’t confident how you’d take our arrival. That’s why we didn’t want to warn you.”
I shot a harmless accusing glance to Samuel. “You knew?”
Samuel held up his hand in defense. “We’ve been keeping in touch, but I had no idea until they called me from Edinburgh.”
Amanda smiled at us from the doorway. She crossed her arms, waiting for my reaction.
“There is something we should tell you, Ben,” Carmel started tentatively, slipping out of my arms and into Lewis’s supportive shadow. She inhaled and released a slow breath. “This isn’t a social visit—”
I opened my mouth to butt in when I grasped the reason for their arrival, but Lewis’s thick eyebrows dropped sternly, warning me not to interrupt. My lips snapped shut.
“We’ve discussed it, and we are aware the risks. We can’t just stay home and do nothing.”
A familiar emotion of cold dread welled up and spread outward. My heart stuttered. I wasn’t prepared to risk Lewis and Carmel any more than Amanda. Clearly it showed in my expression, and Amanda’s features pinched in expectation of an onslaught.
“Ben, look at me,” Lewis instructed in a tone I was well acquainted with. From memory, it preceded a serious talking to about accountability and the repercussions of my actions. “This is not your decision to make, and whatever happens to us won’t be your fault.”
Instinct told me to argue and experience told me it would do no good whatsoever.
“Okay,” I said slowly, testing out each syllable on my lips.
“Okay?” Amanda echoed with a light chuckle. “Do my ears deceive me?”
I smiled sheepishly. “I know when I’m beat. I can’t speak for Triona though.”
“You let me handle Triona,” Carmel answered.
Amanda straightened. “Great, I’m going to go find Emma. I don’t want her alone for too long at the moment. Ben, remember to go see Arthur when you’re finished here. Archú.” She clucked her tongue, and Archú leapt to his paws.
I nodded, and Amanda blew me a kiss before leaving with the huge dragon in its dog form trotting after her.
“If you would like, I’ll accompany you outside to find Triona,” Annice offered Carmel kindly. “It will give me a chance to check on Caleb.”
“Thank you.” Carmel exchanged a meaningful gaze with Lewis. Her eyebrow arched, and he dipped his head to kiss the corner of her lips.
“If no one minds, I’d like to talk with Ben a little longer.” Lewis framed the sentence as though it was a question although I doubted anyone misconstrued his intention. He had more to say.
Taking the hint, Samuel got to his feet. “I have to catch up with Emrys anyway, so I’ll leave you to it.” He flattened his lips to a guarded smile.
I didn’t miss he used Merlin’s real name and presumed Lewis and Carmel didn’t know about the wizard yet. How much had Samuel told them? The couple of times I had called I kept specifics to a minimum. The prospect of revealing those few tidbits of information caused an unexpected smile to tug at my lips.
Once we had the room to ourselves, Lewis shrugged off his sports jacket and tossed it on one of the couches. He gestured to the other couch, and we both sat as he rolled up his sleeves over his thick forearms. Lewis leaned back and stretched his arm over the backrest, not entirely comfortable out of his usual work clothes. His expression remained guarded, not indicating what direction our conversation wo
uld take. My mouth went dry, back straightened, and I dragged my hand through my hair.
“There is an awful lot sitting on your shoulders right now, Ben. I was kinda wondering if there was anything you needed to unload.” Lewis had developed quite a few strands of silver around his temples and fine lines at the corners of his blue eyes over the last couple of years. A shard of guilt permanently resided in a corner of my heart because Triona and I were the cause of it.
Words lodged in the back of my throat, and out of the blue I was sixteen years old again, sitting in front of one of the parental units. I twisted the brushed platinum band on my wedding finger even though most of the time I barely registered it was there.
“Things okay with you and Amanda?” he prompted, except I got the distinct impression he already knew the answer.
A dark chuckle escaped, and Lewis narrowed his eyes, drilling me with his knowing gaze.
“It hasn’t been what I expected. I seem to keep messing up.” It felt good to admit the truth aloud.
Lewis shook his head, and his chest expanded with a deep breath, straining the buttons of his shirt. “What did you expect?”
I deflected my gaze for a fraction of a second and heat rushed over my cheeks. “Well, I…”
“That’s rhetorical, Ben,” he teased, scratching the side of his forehead. “I presumed you expected that—I was nineteen once upon a time too.” A note of pain radiated through his eyes. “Do you think I don’t know anything about what you’re dealing with?”
I wasn’t sure how he could, but out of respect I bit my tongue again. Lewis took it as a negative response and continued with a heavy sigh.
“Relationships are hard enough without all this extra baggage. Your father was my big brother, so I learned something regarding being the younger sibling and taking up the slack.” He took another breath. “I also understand about the guilt of letting someone you love take on all of this.” He waved his hand around. “I didn’t learn about your mother and you kids by osmosis. Your dad didn’t learn of Guardians by osmosis. You kids think your parents met and that was it for them, but that wasn’t how it happened. Your mom fought her feelings for months.”
