by Lucy Clark
He alone was the reason that she was still considering Melbourne. Taking the job in the city hospital would mean extremely long hours, and whilst that hadn’t been a problem before, it was certainly a problem now. So she’d contacted the hospital and informed them she would be unable to take the position. Now she was looking around for part-time jobs, not caring if she consulted privately or at a hospital just so long as she was able to spend a lot of time with Anya.
Iris shook her head, knowing the answer was right in front of her, knowing the best thing would be to stay here, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t stay so close to Dex and not be able to be with him. She accepted the facts and knew she needed to move on, to move forward, both for herself and for Anya. Dex had his life here in Didja and as she’d been the one to enter his world, it was only right that she leave it and find where she fitted best.
‘But I like it here,’ she whispered into the dark.
*
Dex was about to head out of his consulting room to make himself a quick cuppa before the next patient arrived when he heard Iris out in the corridor. He removed his hand from the doorknob, walked back to his chair and sat down. He’d wait a bit longer.
Usually, he didn’t go out of his way to completely avoid her but when he was able to do it, it simply made it easier rather than having to make polite small talk. It was what both of them had automatically done on their return from Perth. Circumstances had changed and that was all there was to it.
He knew Iris was busy and he wanted to give her the space she needed. She was now trying to juggle motherhood and work and whilst he knew the people of Didja had rallied around her in true outback fashion, it would still be a lot for her to cope with.
However, there were so many times during his evenings alone in his apartment that he’d wanted to go next door, to sit and chat with her. To find out how she was coping, whether or not she needed any help. He’d half hoped she’d go and sit in the courtyard of an evening once Anya was asleep and just sit and enjoy a quiet glass of wine. That maybe if she did, she’d allow him to join her. None of it had happened.
He’d found himself going to the pub less often than before but when he was there, he would see the same people, break up the same fights—usually between Carto and Bluey—but it just didn’t have the same relaxing buzz it once had. Joss and Melissa had given him a clean bill of health with regard to the accident he’d been involved in at the beginning of the year and tomorrow he’d even volunteered to head out on house calls.
Joss’s head nearly exploded he was so shocked at the offer.
‘What’s the catch?’ his friend asked.
‘There’s no catch. I need to step up and accept responsibility.’
‘But you hate house calls.’
‘So? I have to do a lot of things I don’t like.’ Such as coexisting with the woman he was in love with. Dex pushed the thought away.
‘But you hate house calls,’ Joss reiterated, stupefied to hear those words coming from his friend’s mouth.
‘Look at it this way. Perhaps I didn’t like doing house calls before because I was always walking into happy family situations. Homes where parents didn’t necessarily lie to their children.’
Joss nodded. ‘Lis thought it was something like that.’
‘My big sister been psychoanalysing me again?’ Dex asked, raising an amused eyebrow.
Joss grinned. ‘She does that.’
‘Well, now that I’ve reconciled with my parents, maybe it’s now fine for me to see people in those situations and not be upset by them.’
‘Or perhaps you want to avoid being around Iris all day long and that way you don’t have to play your little games.’
‘What?’ Dex looked at him as though he’d grown an extra head. ‘I don’t know what you’re on about, mate.’
Joss merely shook his head. ‘Ever since you returned from Perth, you haven’t been the same Dex we all know and love.’
‘Well, sor-ry.’
‘That’s not a criticism.’
‘Sounded like one.’
‘It wasn’t. It’s just you haven’t been going to the pub as much as usual.’
‘I was there the last three nights in a row,’ Dex felt compelled to point out.
‘And you sat and talked to Nev and Kev three nights straight.’
‘So?’
‘Dex, you didn’t try to chat to a single woman, blonde, brunette or otherwise.’
‘And that means I’ve changed?’
‘It means something inside you has changed. Maybe it’s being reunited with your family or maybe it’s…’
‘What?’ Dex raised his chin as though not afraid to hear what Joss had to say. ‘Go on. Tell me.’
‘Perhaps it’s Iris.’
Dex snorted a laugh. ‘Again with blaming Iris for a change in me.’
‘I’m not blaming Iris, I’m merely pointing out that you’re acting differently and Lis and I think it’s because of the way you feel about her.’
‘And what way is that?’ Dex was really starting to get angry now. Joss may be his best friend, he may be his business partner and he may be about to become his brother-in-law, but that didn’t give him any right to poke around in his love life.
‘Why don’t you tell me?’
Dex stared at Joss, glared at Joss, shot visual daggers at Joss for even asking such a question, but a few seconds later Dex slumped down into his chair, the fight going out of him. ‘I’m confused.’
‘Good.’
‘Good? How is that good?’
Joss merely smiled. ‘It just is.’
‘How?’ Dex raked a hand through his hair. ‘The woman has me completely confused. I don’t know which way is up. And then there’s Anya and I don’t want to intrude because Iris has to find her own rhythm with this motherhood thing and I’m not sleeping at night and—’ He stopped and took a breath. ‘And I…’
‘Come on,’ Joss urged eagerly. ‘You what?’
‘I…’ Dex closed his eyes and shook his head. ‘I…’
‘Just say it.’ Joss stood and slammed his fist on his desk.
‘I love her. All right?’
Joss’s grin was enormous as he came around the desk and gave Dex a brotherly hug. ‘I knew it. Welcome to the club, mate.’
Dex looked at his friend and then started pacing the room. ‘How can you cope? How did you cope? I mean, you feel this way about Lis and that’s good because you two are so perfect for each other, but Iris and I…mate, we’re a wrong fit.’
‘How?’ Joss returned to his desk and sat down.
‘We’re just…She has Anya to think of.’
‘You’re as crazy about that little girl as the rest of the town. I’ve seen you at the hospital, holding Anya and giving her a bottle. You’re as smitten with her as you are with Iris—but in a completely different way,’ Joss pointed out.
‘It’s just that Iris deserves…well, better than me.’
Joss’s answer was to raise an eyebrow. ‘And why is that?’
‘You know why. I’m no good at relationships.’
‘And that is based on what? Catherine? She was a floozy, Dex. She wasn’t right for you and because of things she said over a decade ago, you’re going to destroy your chance at happiness?’
‘But I let myself love her and look how it turned out.’
‘Did you really love her? The same way you love Iris?’
Dex thought for a moment before shaking his head. ‘I just don’t think I’m capable of providing a stable environment, of being firm in the commitment.’
‘Why?’
‘Because…well, because I’ve thought that for a while. Being adopted, Joss, it’s like I don’t know who I am any more. What if I’m like my biological father? Lis said he was a bit of a womaniser. That sounds like me.’
‘He was a charmer,’ Joss corrected.
‘He still left our mother alone with Lis and me. He left her alone and then he died.’
‘He t
ook a job driving a truck to make some money and died in a crash!’ Joss rolled his eyes. ‘Stop twisting the facts.’
‘Ah…but are they? I’ve only got Melissa’s word for it and she’s only got the testimony of our biological mother, who was on her deathbed at the time. The fact remains that I really don’t have a clue who I am.’
‘Yes, you do. You’re the son of Ruth and Dwayne Crawford. You’re big brother to Xandi and Mason. You’re little brother to Melissa. You’re my best friend. You’re a pillar in this community and you’re in love with Iris.’
‘All right. Well, let’s say things did work out right with Iris, what about Anya? She’ll probably adopt Anya at some stage.’
‘And you don’t think you can deal with being a parent to an adopted child?’
‘I don’t know.’ Dex shook his head.
‘The situation is—’
‘Different. I know. I know all that but still…’ He trailed off and shook his head. ‘What if I let Iris down? Let them both down? Am I strong enough?’ He looked at his friend again. ‘I told you I was confused.’
Joss nodded. ‘Fair enough. Right then, confused man, we’ll talk more later and see if you’ve come up with any answers. Now, though, I have work to do and so do you. House calls for you this week is a definite. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it—oh, and no rain dances.’ Joss had chuckled at his own joke.
Even now, Dex shook his head and closed his eyes at the memory of the conversation. Joss knew him so well and could read him like a book. Thankfully, the feeling was mutual and when Joss had been in no-man’s land over his feelings for Melissa, Dex had been able to see through all the ruses. Now Joss was a very happy man, about to marry Melissa. It was fantastic to see not only his friend but his sister that happy, and Dex was looking forward to being best man at their wedding.
The only problem was, Iris was maid of honour and the two of them would have to spend most of the day together, grinning and smiling and pretending that nothing had ever happened between them. He’d have to pretend that he wasn’t in love with Iris and make sure that he kept his distance until he absolutely had to be around her. It was paramount for his own self-preservation.
He also had the new experience of his parents and siblings coming to town for the wedding. Whilst things were good between them, it was all still new and Dex was starting to feel as though his world was closing in—on all sides. Without Iris there to support him, he wasn’t sure he was going to cope.
Dex knew all he had to do was to ask her to help him through and she’d do it. She was that kind of person. So caring. So giving. Even though she tried to be standoffish, he knew the real Iris. He’d seen her at some very raw moments, just as she’d witnessed a few of his. He missed her. Missed talking to her. Missed sparring with her. Missed…her smile.
He heard her laugh, through the walls of the consulting rooms, the tinkling sound making music in his ears. She had the best laugh and it was great to hear her so happy. She deserved all the happiness which came her way. Unfortunately, Dex knew, for sanity’s sake, it couldn’t come from him.
Iris still hadn’t made a decision whether she was planning on stay on in Didja after her six-month contract. If she did, Dex realised he wouldn’t be able to stand being around her day in, day out with no end in sight. At least now he knew, come the middle of the year, she would leave. He only had to hold on until then and once she’d gone, taking Anya with her, his life would slowly be able to return to normal.
Although he knew it wouldn’t. He knew he’d be in love with Iris for ever but hopefully with half a country between them, the feelings would be easier to deal with.
What if she did decide to stay in Didja? To stay in the outback and raise her daughter? Surely it would be a better life for Anya as well as Iris with the close community support. There was no way Melbourne could offer that. If she did decide to stay, though, he wouldn’t be able to function. That he knew as a certainty.
It only left him with one option. If Iris stayed, he would have to leave.
*
It had been two and a half weeks since they’d returned from Perth and Melissa and Joss’s wedding was at the end of next week. There was so much to do, especially as she was the maid of honour. As such, it was her responsibility to organise the bachelorette party and Iris had no clue how to do this.
‘What are bachelorette parties like out here in the outback?’ she asked Bub after clinic was finished. Iris had come to collect Anya who had just woken from her afternoon nap.
‘Much the same as the ones in the city,’ Bub answered. ‘You were married once. Didn’t you have a party beforehand?’
Iris thought back. ‘Not really. I guess a few of us girls went out to dinner.’
‘Well…that’s a start.’
‘OK. So dinner, but where?’ Iris smiled down at the little girl who had well and truly taken her heart. Anya, bless her, smiled back and held out her arms, indicating she wanted to be picked up. Iris willingly obliged, snuggling the baby close.
‘How about Stiggie’s?’ Bub suggested.
‘Yes. Good. No! Aren’t the boys going there for Joss’s bachelor party?’
‘They’re going to the pub.’
‘But that’s just around the corner from Stiggie’s. We can’t have Joss and Lis fraternising on the night. Can we?’
Bub merely chuckled. ‘Well, then, darl, I’d say you have your work cut out for you.’
‘Thanks. You’ve been no help at all.’ Iris bent to pick up Anya’s baby bag, which had been a gift from Bub herself. ‘How was Anya today? No problems?’
‘None whatsoever.’ Bub caressed the baby’s downy head. ‘I love having her here. She’s a good girl.’
‘Yes, she is.’ Iris kissed Anya’s head. ‘Addictive, too.’ She transferred Anya to her hip and then picked up her briefcase. ‘Well, we’d best get off. Madam here likes to eat not too soon after she wakes up.’
‘Don’t I know it,’ Bub said. ‘Oh, and you might want to ask Dex what he’s got planned for Joss’s party. That way, the two of you can co-ordinate your schedules.’
At the mention of Dex’s name, Iris tried to ignore the way her mouth went dry and her knees went weak. She needed to stop doing that, to stop being affected by the mere mention of him. He’d made things pretty clear that now she was a single mother, he had no interest in her at all.
‘Good idea,’ she said, knowing she needed to say something but not wanting to end up playing twenty questions with Bub as to why she probably wasn’t going to take her up on the suggestion. ‘See you tomorrow. Wave byebye, Anya.’ She picked up the little girl’s hand and waved it up and down, Anya giggling at the action.
Iris walked out of the hospital and headed to her apartment. ‘Oh, this commute is just too tough for words,’ she remarked to Anya a moment later as she put her briefcase down to unlock her apartment door.
‘I know what you mean. Some days the thought of walking a whole fifty steps from work to home can really add a lot of stress to your day,’ Dex’s rich, warm voice said from behind her, and she spun around so quickly the baby bag dropped off her shoulder. ‘Let me help you with that.’ Within two steps he was by her side and had lifted the strap off her arm and slung the bag onto his own shoulder.
‘Er…thanks.’ Her eyes devoured him. He looked so good. If she’d thought the mere mention of his name made her mouth go dry and her knees go weak, it was nothing compared to the sensations when he was standing close to her. And that scent of his. It was perfect. Wonderful. Hypnotic.
Anya wriggled on her hip and Iris looked away, belatedly realising she’d been staring at him. ‘I’d best get Missy here something to eat. She gets hungry when she—’
‘Wakes up after her afternoon sleep. I know.’
‘You do?’ Iris’s eyebrows nearly hit her hairline. How on earth did he know that? He’d been treating her as persona non grata and it had hurt. How could he know anything about her orAnya?
Dex shrugged and held op
en the door to Iris’s apartment, indicating she should go before him. ‘I’ve dropped in a few times to see her at the hospital.’ More than a few, he amended silently. ‘Usually nearer the end of the day.’ Or at any time he could get. To say that Anya had secured a place in his heart would be an understatement. That little miss had him wrapped right around her little finger and as she smiled her toothy smile at him now, he knew that wasn’t about to change. It was insane to think such a small little thing had so much power. Perhaps it was the fact that she’d been left all alone that he empathised with. Perhaps it was the fact that she wouldn’t be raised by her biological parents. Perhaps it was the fact that spending time with Anya had made him feel closer to Iris.
‘Oh. I didn’t know.’ She picked up her briefcase and walked past him, being careful not to touch him in any way.
‘Is that a problem?’ He followed her in and placed the baby bag on a chair.
‘No. No. Of course not. She seems to have been adopted by the entire town. They all love her.’
‘Here.’ He held out his hands toAnya. ‘Let me hold her while you get some mushy food organised.’ To Iris’s chagrin, Anya leaned towards him, going willingly into his arms. If she knew Dex that well, how much time had he spent with her? Maybe more than he’d confessed. She didn’t blame him. Anya was definitely an adorable baby and so easy to love, yet if he had been spending time visiting her, it only made it even clearer that he wanted nothing much to do with herself. Anya—yes. Iris—no.
Deciding not to think about it whilst he was there, Iris went to work in the kitchen, puréeing pumpkin and mixing in some rice cereal. When she came out, Dex had Anya in her high-chair, making her giggle by playing peek-a-boo. She stood there for a moment, watching the two of them, her heart turning over at seeing just how wonderful he was with the baby. He would make an incredible father.
She cut that thought off. ‘Here we go. Did you want to feed her?’
‘Love to,’ Dex replied, and accepted the bowl of food from Iris.
Feeling a little stunned at his reply, Iris quickly recovered. ‘OK, then. I’ll get her bath ready. Oh, and watch—’ She cut herself off in the middle of the sentence, deciding not to warn Dex about Anya’s latest party trick, which was blowing raspberries with her tongue—usually when she had a full mouthful of food.
