by Kailin Gow
Keening softly, my wolfish throat unable to avoid admitting my love, I crept forward to the pool to watch her. To my surprise, the closer I got, the more I saw – not only Breena, but the whole of the Winter Palace, the marble and silver decorations, chillingly opulent, that marked the throne room of the late Winter Queen. Kian was sitting upon the throne – and at the sight of his painfully chiseled features, I felt a pang of jealousy.
Was this magic? Somehow, this pool was allowing me to see into Breena’s life. I felt a warmth in the bag I wore strapped to my body at all times – a strange glow from where the Wolfstone was safely tucked away, a red light that shone through the canvas of the bag.
The Wolfstone wanted me to see her.
It was bittersweet, looking at her like this. Missing her – feeling so close to her – and yet reminded, always, of the distance between us.
And then a voice – soft, at first, and then increasingly audible – seemed to emerge from the pool. It was distorted – as if it was coming from under the water itself – but I would have recognized those melodious tones anywhere. It was Breena, and she was speaking to Kian, her voice tinged with concern.
“I know that howl,” she was saying. “That’s Logan. Something’s wrong. Something’s happened.”
My heart leaped within my chest. So she did still think of me! She did recognize my voice even now.
Kian furrowed his brow as he nodded, frowning. “Danger?”
“Whatever it is,” Breena said, her voice light but grave, “we need to find him. I know that cry – it means he’s in trouble. We’ve got to go help him.”
I felt a grim sense of satisfaction as I watched a look of jealousy flit over Kian’s perfect face. At least he still worried about her feelings for me – some small relief, I thought, even as I chided myself for my petty bitterness.
“Yes,” Kian said at last, his face resigned. “Whatever you want, my love.” The my love pieced my heart, but I did not look away. “Logan is a good soldier – and a good friend. We owe him our lives many times over – just tell me how I can help.”
“Summon twenty of our best knights,” said Breena. “I’ll change into my armor – you should change into yours. The voice was coming from the Northeast – we’ll ride in that direction until we catch wind of what this might be about.”
Kian nodded, bowing low. “As you wish, my darling,” he said, taking her hand and pressing it to his lips.
I withdrew my paw with shock as I felt cold lips upon it. I looked down, my eyes wide with confusion. It seemed that I was doing more than just seeing this scene – I was feeling it. Kian’s lips seemed to bore straight into me the way they had into her. I was feeling what Breena felt. Our minds were operating as one.
“Hurry!” said Breena, but she fell silent as the door to the Throne Room burst open.
“What is this?” Kian looked irritated. “I thought we said no visitors.”
“Please!” A villager – I did not recognize him, but knew him as Winter by his garments – had rushed forth, carrying what looked like an enormous bale of wheat in his arms. It was only when he grew closer that I realized what it was.
“Is that…?” Breena gasped.
“My son!” the villager began to weep – great, heavy sobs racking his frail body. “He’s sick – please – he’s so hungry. I’ve tried to feed him, give him everything I can, but it’s just not enough. His body needs strength….”
Kian and Breena turned to look at each other.
“What’s happened?” Breena looked concerned as she reached out and took the child into her arms. “Why does he have no food?”
“The suns are restored now,” said the villager, “but unfortunately that didn’t do much for our crops. Months of wheat and corn and grain have been wiped out – and there’s a shortage now – and we’re so hungry…”
Before Breena or Kian could react, another swarm of people burst through the doors, their cries and lamentations melding together in one single cacophony of grief. There was no food – the families were sick – the Winter lands’ crops weren’t enough to feed half the people in the Winter Provinces. Their cries seemed to cut Breena to the quick, and I felt her pain along with her, my own chest constricting with worry as tears appeared in Breena’s gleaming eyes.
“Kian…” she breathed. “What can we do for them?”
“I’ve heard that in Summer lands, the crops are better.” The old man’s tears were rolling down the edge of his nose. “That fruits and vegetables still grow there – and grass for the animals to graze on.”
“It’s true,” whispered Breena. “If crops are going to grow anywhere, they’ll grow in the Summer Kingdom.” She sighed. “My father will know what to do – he’s reigned as Summer King for a long time. I’m sure he’ll know…”
“You must go to him, Breena,” Kian took her hand. “Before it’s too late. I’ll have my alchemists attend to this young boy – and to anyone else who is sick. But you know as well as I it’s only a temporary measure. The only thing we can do that is of any use is to make sure the crops are growing once again…”
Breena nodded. “But what about Logan? He needs our help.”
“Don’t worry, my sweet.” Kian looked pained at the mention of my name, but remained calm. “I’ll send Alistair and the Frost Fire Knights in our stead. They’re brave and strong – you know that. They’ll help Logan, whatever trouble he’s in.”
He took her aside to a private chamber, where they could speak freely, and I immediately sensed Breena’s relief at being out of sight of all those people.
“I don’t know what to tell them, Kian,” her voice trembled. “This is serious, isn’t it?”
“I admit…” Kian began. “This kind of famine is unprecedented in Feyland, at least in my lifetime.”
Breena sighed.
And then I heard it. Her voice – echoing in my ears. But her lips didn’t move. I don’t know if I have enough magic in me to…do what they ask. To bring back the crops. These wars…. Kian showed no sign of recognition – whatever I was hearing, Kian hadn’t heard it. They’ve taken their toll on all of us. What if my magic isn’t what it was…?
“I’ll go to my father.” Breena’s voice wavered slightly as she looked up at Kian, putting on a mask of bravery. He was cradling her in his arms, pressing her against his chest.
What if I can’t do this? But Breena said nothing out loud.
I ached for her as I tried to reach her – tried somehow to make her hear all those words I wanted to say to her.
If anyone has that magic – it’s you. You’re one of the most powerful Fey I’ve ever known. Your goodness, your strength, it shines through. It gives you a magic that most Fey – even royal ones – can only dream of. I have faith in you, Breena. You’ve never let us down so far – and I’m convinced that you can do this. For Feyland. Feyland has chosen you – it must be for a reason…”
Every time I look at you, I see the strongest magic I have ever known. Shining in your eyes – like the twin suns of Feyland. I see a woman more powerful because of her goodness and her bravery than the greatest sorceress, or the strongest witch. I believe in you, Breena Malloy, my beloved, my bride. And I know you have what it takes.
Breena looked up in surprise – a strange recognition on her face. “Did you say something, Kian?”
“Nothing, my darling.”
“But…” She shook her head. “Never mind.” But a frown remained upon her lips.
“Come, my love,” Kian was saying. “Let me kiss you one last time before you go. Kian kissed her, and to my horror and surprise I could feel those lips on my own, as if Breena and I were one.
He kissed her again, and at last – unable to bear the pain of their embrace – I looked away. Immediately the connection between me and Breena dissolved. The pond was just a pond. The breeze was silent. I felt nothing against my lips, my hands. And the Wolfstone had stopped glowing.
I remained lying by the side of the pond, stil
l shaken by what had happened. Why were Breena and I connected in this way? We’d known each other forever – but she and I had never bonded through telepathy before now. Telepathy, after all, only linked lovers – and Breena was spoken for.
Or was she? Breena was keeping her fears and insecurities from Kian – even as somehow I had been able to gain access to them.
My heart swelled with joy and hope. Could there be a future for the two of us after all?
Chapter 10
Exhaustion had taken hold of me at last. My aching muscles, burning with my efforts, had given way. My breath had slowed to a contented rhythm; my eyes had fallen shut as the two lids seemed to press together involuntarily; I could not force them open again. I wanted nothing more than to stay here, among the sweet-smelling flowers of red and gold and ruby and topaz, to dream so peacefully beneath the crisp blue sky, feeling the soft air blow against my skin, feeling my mind and body finally achieve something like quietude. After all, I’d experienced so little silence. Since losing Breena, my days and nights had been what seemed like an endless struggle, a race against the clock, a race against unseen enemies. I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t know where to turn. I had to outrun the Giantesses and the Minotaurs and the Wolves, outrun the stirrings of my own heart. The pain was overwhelming; so too was the longing I felt. And now, at last, I was in a place of peace. Able to think my thoughts without worrying about the Giantess over my shoulder.
Could it be? Images of Breena and Kian flitted through my mind as I recalled their conversation, recalled the way my mind seemed to pick up on her thoughts, the way we seemed to be connected through that telepathy that I thought only true love could provide. I had felt it. Felt something more than the normal connection which already tugged so violently at my heartstrings. I had heard her thoughts; I had seen into her mind. Heard the words that she had not even been able to speak aloud to Kian – words of fear and self-doubt that she had kept from him.
But why? As far as I knew – as much as it pained me to say it – Breena loved Kian fully, trusted him fully. She told him everything; she never kept anything back. But these doubts –this pain – this she kept from him. I racked my brains, trying to think of an answer. Was there trouble in paradise? Had Breena come to realize that her idealized love for Kian, as beautiful as it was, could never replace the solid friendship, built upon years of mutual trust, that she and I had together? I sighed, feeling tears sting at my eyes, as I recalled our life in the Land Beyond the Crystal River. How simple things were then! Coming home after school, spreading out the groceries on the kitchen counter as we spent hours cooking everything from burritos to eggplant parmesan, walking at twilight through the woods behind Breena’s house, feeling the dusky breeze blow upon our faces.
Life was so good, then. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be a Wolf; my time in the mortal world had let me experience human life so fully, so entirely, that during those months at Breena’s side I had almost forgotten my painful duties across the Crystal River. I had almost forgotten the sufferings of the Wolf Fey, the magic that we mourned as we had mourned it for centuries. I didn’t need magic when I was with Breena; her smile was magic enough for me.
But those days never would return! Breena was a creature of the Fey now – she had left behind the mortal world more completely and totally even than I had. She had no desire to return. Oh, but I did! Not to the human world, exactly, but to the world we’d shared. Our years of friendship. Our long walks through the forests. Our collections of pinecones and fir clippings and aromatic berries. The life we’d shared, we’d loved. Where we’d been so happy.
Did Breena miss it too, I wondered? Now that she was in her cold Winter Palace, cut off from the life she used to know, did she ever doubt whether she really belonged there, with a Prince who could never understand her human worries, human fears. Could never understand something as silly and prosaic as chopping up onions for a burrito atop a kitchen counter?
We had experienced a connection. The knowledge of that shook me through as I slipped away into sleep. We had experienced telepathy. And she had heard me, too! I’d seen her eyes shoot up, seen her look around in confusion, as I’d tried so desperately to whisper my words of love into her ears from so many miles away. She’d heard something – some small echo of my love. And that was enough to brighten her sparkling eyes and bring a smile to her rosebud lips.
Did she still love me?
Had she ever loved me?
The questions that had vexed every day of my existence thus far tormented me still. As sleep took hold of me at last, and Breena’s image appeared once before me as it always did, I saw a new phantasmagoric Breena slip into my arms. Not the seductress, stepping on the shards of my heart, whom I had seen for so many nights. But the Breena I had loved – the Breena I had missed. The Breena I had never had to feel guilty about loving – because once upon a time I’d been sure, so sure, that she’d loved me back.
I felt her body against mine, pressing against my naked flesh, her breasts firm and hard, her hands long and slender and so soft as they rubbed up and down my skin. I could smell her familiar smell – like rosewood – filling my nostrils with strange joy. I felt my arms wrap around her body, accustoming themselves to her contours; I felt myself become overwhelmed with joy as I had never been before. Somehow this experience, this dream, felt more real than any other – more vivid. My blood was boiling; my body was taut and tense with desire. I wanted her; she was here. I felt warm flesh encircled by the kneading heat of my fingers.
And then I woke up, my eyes fluttering open, and saw one caramel-colored shoulder pressed against my lips. I saw long wisps of chestnut hair trailed down her back. My whole body flooded with relief, with recognition. It was her. Her smell, her deliriously delicious scent. Her body. Her perfectly shaped frame; her firm muscles that spoke of battles and strength.
“Breena,” I heard myself murmur. “Breena….”
No, this can’t be happening. My mind began to combat my joy. She’s in the Summer Palace – you just saw her there. She can’t be with you. This must be a dream. But the body in my arms was no dream. She was heavy; she occupied space. She exuded heat. Breena’s form was every inch a reality.
You have to go, Logan. Go find Breena at the Summer Palace. Stop dreaming – she needs you to go to her. To give her courage – just as she gives you strength…
But I couldn’t listen to my inner voice right now – not now that Breena was in my arms.
“I missed you so much…” I murmured, shaking off the sleep. “I want you so badly.”
“Oh, Logan…” It was Breena’s voice. My heart leaped with joy as she turned towards me. “I missed you too.”
And then I froze. My whole body recoiled in disgust. Breena’s face was her own – everything, that was, except for the eyes. Those snake-like green eyes, at once beautiful and terrifying, that I recognized so well, that I had seen so often before.
No, it couldn’t be.
Clariss?
Those serpentine eyes were hers and hers alone.
“What’s going on?” I pulled back. “Who are you?”
“Shh….” The voice was soft and reassuring, almost motherly. “I’m me – don’t you know me?”
She put her palm up to her lips and blew outwards, sending sparkling shards of dust clear into my face in a single smoke-like pattern. I coughed and choked, my eyes tearing up with the sting, struggling against whatever it was I had just inhaled.
But when I looked up, those emerald-green eyes had vanished. I could only see Breena’s familiar hazel-green almost violet eyes, the eyes I loved so well.
I shook my head, confused. What had happened? A moment ago I had been terrified – I had been suspicious. But now….I could feel only joy. I must have been disoriented earlier – confused at finding Breena next to me at last.
She must have heard my voice. She must have sensed where I was. She has come to me – at last. She wants me – at last. She loves me – at las
t.
“I’ve missed you so much, Logan,” Breena was nuzzling my ear. “I’ve missed you for a long time; I just haven’t known how to express it. I want you so badly. Kian – he’s so kind, but he doesn’t see the real me. The me that needs to be vulnerable, sometimes. That needs to be open. I can be myself when I’m around you – all I want to do when I’m near you is let you hold me in your arms, your warm, strong arms, and kiss me and kiss me – and kiss me again…”
She closed her eyes as she embraced me, and I gave in. To the intoxicating power of her lips. Feeling her as I’d wanted to feel her for so long. Warm. Soft. Pliant. Against me.
It was all I’d ever wanted – to be near her. To be with her. And I was home at last.
Chapter 11
The smell of her overwhelmed me. That sweet, slightly peppery scent that combined the floral quality of light petals with something darker – mustier – a smell I still associated with desire. The smell of her I’d once woken up to every morning, gone to bed next to every evening – the smell of her sweat and of her kisses, of our two bodies tangling as one. As I kissed Breena, my mouth growing hungier and hungrier with each passing second, my movements becoming more and more fervent as I had to fight off the desire – bestial and profound – to devour her whole, I gave myself over to the greatest happiness I could have ever known. This is how it was always meant to be – I felt sure. Breena’s lips against mine. Her small hands twined around my fingers. Her eyes gazing so adoringly up at me.
Her eyes…my subconscious seemed to struggle against my present happiness. Something about her eyes… Whatever it was, I had forgotten it. It didn’t matter – could anything matter except the fact that Breena Malloy was lying in my arms at last?
