And then I’d exploded one night, the night of Dad and Mom’s twentieth anniversary party.
I still can’t think about that night without feeling weak with regret, and I still feel lingering pain, just as much as when I’d realized I’d destroyed the only woman I ever gave a shit about.
Not only had I publicly humiliated her in front of the people she worked with and needed to lead every day, but also I screamed my distaste of her in front of my parents, ruining their party and losing their respect.
They forgave me, eventually, after about three months of unanswered calls and a lot of pleading on my part. But I never once called Nic to ask forgiveness.
No, I’d done what I always did and ignored it, pretending I didn’t give a shit as long as she wasn’t weighing me down and telling me in her soft, understanding voice how sorry she was for my knee and that life went on, that I had a bigger purpose, that God had closed one door, but there was sure to be another that would open somewhere better.
Yeah, I’d fucked it all up royally, but I have another chance now, and I swear I won’t ruin it by being the same immature, cowardly loser I was at the tender age of twenty-two.
This time I’ll be everything she needs and more, and I’ll get the family I’ve been denying myself all this time. I think it’s been my way of punishing myself for what I did, but I’ve suffered ten years of loneliness, so I’m quitting my shit and just taking what I want.
What I need to survive.
Grinning once again, because yeah, I’m just that damned happy, I pull her naked body into my arms and groan at the feel of her hot, smooth skin making contact with mine.
She sniffles and groans, stretching with a jaw-cracking yawn before opening her eyes and smiling softly at me.
“Morning, beautiful,” I murmur, kissing her and chuckling when she tries to push away, muttering about morning breath.
“God, you still look great in the morning, even with bed head and stubble,” she gripes, pushing away.
I grin at her and feel a weight lift off me when she smiles back and reaches out to caress my jaw.
“We need to talk about the future, babe.”
“I know,” she says sadly, pulling her hand away and closing her eyes on a shudder. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Chapter Fourteen
Nico
I’m so nervous it feels like my lungs are compressing within my chest cavity, and God, my heart’s fit to beat right out of its moorings the longer he lies there and stares at me with that sappy grin on his face.
Apparently, he’s put as much stock in our one-nighter as I have and plans a lot more for us. Heaven willing, he’ll be in a fit frame of mind to forgive me for my mistakes, or I’m pretty sure I’m about to get my ass booted out and there’s a huge possibility that I may be in a custody battle soon.
Law keeps grinning widely and shuffles onto his stomach, his arms gripping his pillow.
“So here’s the thing. I’m pretty sure that last night was some of the best sex you and I ever had, babe. Let me just say that whatever you learned after me…well worth the sacrifice of having some other asshole screwing my girl.”
I don’t say anything because, well, I’m quite frankly a bit speechless that he has it in him to be this crass. I wait instead, coward that I am, for whatever else he has to say.
“I’ll be a good father to your son, too. We have so much in common that I can’t see how we won’t get along, and to be honest, I’ve kinda been thinking about kids lately,” he admits ruefully, giving me a gentle smile.
Law…thinking about children? You can knock me down with a feather I’m that flabbergasted because, honestly, I would never have suspected Law James of wanting kids.
Maybe one day in his late forties the guy would feel the need to continue the hallowed line—and then only for duty’s sake—but to actually want kids…Law?
“Really?”
My voice is nothing but a whisper of breath.
“I never would have pegged you for the type.”
That makes him laugh, and I feel my heartbeat even out a little that he’s not taking my words as an insult.
“Yeah. About two years ago I had this chick claiming she was pregnant with my kid. After that initial shock, I kinda got so into the idea that by the time I found out she was lying I was more than a little disappointed.”
“Really?”
Okay, honesty time; I do not like the idea of some other broad carrying his kid, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’m jealous that he’d been with someone and risked impregnating her.
That was my special thing!
“Yup. She was some ditzy, Euro-trash, yacht hopper who was an easy time and not much else.”
I have to admit to being shocked that the man I…like…is being this callous about another woman. I’ve never seen this side of him, but for that one time…no, I won’t think about that now…and it’s annoying to think that the man I’d just slept with can be that unfeeling when talking about someone he was interested in enough to sleep with.
His words give me pause. Do I really want him as a role model for my son?
“You liked her enough to fall into bed with her.”
He shrugs nonchalantly.
“Sure, but she was never going to be wife or mother material, that’s for sure.”
“Okay? But you would have married her to raise your child together?”
Please say yes, I beg silently, hoping and praying that he isn’t going to say anything more to ruin what I was looking at as a new start for us.
“Marry her? Hell no, babe! The chick wasn’t even that good in the sack. I drew up a contract and was prepared to pay her handsomely to give up parental rights to the kid.”
Oh Jesus, it just keeps getting worse!
“Uh—”
“But that will never happen to us, Nic. You and me, we understand that marriage is a team effort. Like a merger if you will. I’ll overlook Cody not being mine, and we can get to work giving him a few siblings. You know, produce some real James heirs. You’d have to take some time off from the business of course…”
I have to admit that this is the exact point I stop listening and have to work really hard to control the rush of immediate anger I feel. It’s an emotion I feel not only for the way he’s talking about my son, as if he’s a cross he’s willing to bear, but also because I am more than a little steamed at myself.
So fucking stupid!
To think that Lawson James, the premiere playboy and consummate liar, would ever be anything but the spoiled little asshole who’d all but broken me years ago…and I’d gone and freaking slept with him again!
You’re such an idiot! Idiot! Idiot!
He’s that same beast, that same heartless fool who wanted nothing more than to flit about, partying and living his life, the reason I had originally not told him about Cody when I found out I was pregnant.
I knew this would happen and that I’d end up being tied, in some way, to Law. And that’s if I’m lucky! If not, odds are he’ll take my son and get rid of me so fast my head will spin…Exorcist-style.
It’s definitely time to get myself out of this mess, only problem is I don’t know how to accomplish that feat without making things much worse for myself.
I can’t forget that I need my job, that to leave now would not only put us in severe financial distress, but we’d lose our medical insurance and all the other perks that come along with this job.
Plus, for some unholy, stupid reason, I don’t seem able to hurt the man, no matter how much of an ass he is, or has turned out to be. Where’s the guy I fell in love with? Where’s the guy who bought me a freaking yellow umbrella because I love yellow and he hated the thought of me getting caught in a rainstorm?
Where’s the guy who gave me all his red M&Ms and ate all the green ones because I hate that color in food?
I want that guy back. No, I need that guy back because I need to tell him that my son needs his dad, a good
man who’ll talk to him and help him when he finally becomes a man.
And honestly, I myself want that man back because, dammit, I miss Law and I want him. But the old him who used to be worth knowing, not this soulless creature who’s willing to take my son on while he waits for his “real” heirs.
Damn bastard. I bet he’ll shit a brick and feel it when he finds out he’s being so dismissive about his own flesh and blood.
So yeah, okay…I want Law back before I tell him about Cody, and I feel not one scrap of guilt about my next plans f action.
“Let’s not get so serious when we’re on vacation,” I purr, sliding my hand down, down, till I get to the heated arousal beneath the covers.
His eyes heat and flare, and just like that, I find myself pinned under him, moaning as he thrusts home and takes me to heights I haven’t felt in ten years.
Law James the Playboy doesn’t know it yet, but his days are numbered.
Chapter Fifteen
Nico
Yesterday I managed to nab Law’s phone while he went to talk to the captain and made a call to Minnie and Jack. We’re leaving this morning so that was not only a stroke of luck for me, but something more than necessary if I’m to get my plans rolling along nicely.
See, the thing is that I’ve decided that Law and I are going to start dating and doing all that schmaltzy couple stuff that I missed out on while we were together—unless you count me going to hockey games on campus and watching him and his teammates get hammered after.
Yeah, I’m kinda digging the thought of dinners and movie dates, and be still my heart, maybe he’ll even wise up enough to buy me a frozen yogurt this time. (Long story!)
So yeah, I’d been lucky to get ahold of them and convince them to take Cody home to Jude before we arrived and Law saw him. Jack had been flat out pissed and refused so vehemently that I spent five minutes listening to him bluster.
And then I told them what Law said, and boy, wowee! Leave it up to Jack to come up with that many adjectives in one breath. I love that those two love their son unconditionally, but that they are and always will be in Cody’s corner, as well.
Jack and Minnie—God, I can’t believe I made them miss out on so much of Cody’s childhood. The only way for me to calm some of my shame is by repeatedly replaying that suck-ass conversation I had with Law the morning after our first sex, and even then, I still feel slightly shamed.
That’s why I’ve agreed to let them take my son on vacation two days after my return. They’ll have him for four weeks, taking him on some ‘educational’ trip around Europe.
Man, the kid is really going to enjoy having grandparents who are loaded and freaking in love with the ground he walks on.
Okay, so that’s taken care of. I won’t have to worry about Law and Cody running into each other, and I can make a run at Mr. Insensitive.
Here’s my plan. Due to circumstances being what they are, and Law and I having to work together at all hours, I’m going to bombard him with me. The quirky me he fell for. The brainy me who drove him crazy with random trivia. The sexy me who despite being a complete dork has absolutely no inhibitions.
And then I’m going to force him to change.
Wanna know how?
I’m going to inundate him with memories of all the things he used to love, like hockey and movies in the park. Riding the subway just because we liked to people watch.
Working at the soup kitchen at St Patrick’s. Hotdogs and beer.
Friends.
That’s the most important one on the list and something that I’ve already mapped and planned and set in motion with Minnie. I’ve enlisted her to set up a barbecue for the week after they leave with Cody and just spring it on Law.
The kicker is that every friend he used to have will be there to get reacquainted with him; most are big, badass hockey players, while the others are football greats and even just old friends who want to catch up.
Not a single one of them will take any bullshit from Law—whether he’s a rich douche or not—so I foresee a lot of arguing, then competition, and finally just a jolly good time for my guy.
Worst-case scenario is that he’ll freak and come down on me like a ton of bricks. Best, he’ll enjoy himself so much he’ll get back some of that spark he’s missing, and I’ll be just that much closer to getting him back.
Because, yeah, ten years is a long freaking time to throw a man tantrum about losing his hockey career, and I’m sick to death of the bozo masquerading as the man I used to love.
“Hey, babe!”
I’m currently sunning on the deck, trying to soak up as much relaxation as I can before the chopper arrives and I have to leave this floating paradise.
“Here!” I yell back, not bothering to turn or open my eyes when I hear his footsteps.
“God, you look great in that bikini.”
“I know. That’s why I bought it. So you done?” I ask, barely cracking a lid when I feel the lounger dip beside my leg.
“Yeah. We still have an hour before we leave, and I’ve already packed us up…,” he wheedles suggestively.
I ignore him and keep my eyes closed, only barely registering the hand currently caressing its way up my leg and rubbing circles on the inside of my right thigh, so close to my sex the heat of his skin reaches me.
“Nic…”
“Hmmm?”
“Wanna go inside and fool around before we leave?”
“Nope.”
See, this is the thing; Law is way too used to getting his way in most everything. As a confirmed Lothario, I bet the guy hasn’t gone without sex since the moment he realized what his dick was for. And I, the sex-starved Sahara walker, made things oh so easy for him.
Well, no more, if he wants in the panties, he’s going to have to earn his shot, starting today since our vacay is officially over.
“What the hell?”
Not having the option of just lying there and relaxing any longer, I lever myself up, twist and come to my feet, meeting his confused and irritated eyes dead on.
“I’m not going to be that girl for you, Law. Not anymore. I want more than a few casual hookups with you.”
“I fucking proposed!”
He’s on his feet and yelling now, and I can almost feel his emotions hit me in a wave. Yeah, I know that he’s been stewing about the way I dodged and deflected his marriage edict, and that it was just a matter of time before he brought it up again.
Thank God I’m not steeped in emotions and unprepared this time.
“Is that what you call that? Far as I could tell, you were laying down the law for me. You didn’t even ask, which is something you need to work on, because normally when a guy wants to marry a woman, he kind of asks first, instead of just telling her how it’s gonna be!” I hiss back, grabbing my cover and stalking inside.
“Oh, and another thing! No respectable mother would ever accept such a half-assed proposal coming on the heels of ‘I will accept your inferior offspring speech! Love me, love my kid!”
You didn’t think I was just going to let that go, did ya? I’m still pissed that he’d referred to Cody so…scathingly, and it doesn’t make one wit of a difference to me that part of that speech came from jealousy and his not knowing that Cody is actually his.
What if Cody was Brody’s kid? What if this situation was me marrying him and bringing another man’s kid into the mix? Would he resent my kid?
I’m not aiming to find out. I’m gonna make Law love my boy before he knows the truth—and that’s that.
He tenses, and I see a bit of the old Law trickle through his hard eyes for the briefest second before his expression smoothes and morphs back to that carefree charm I hate so much.
“Of course I will love your son—!”
“No! I’m not talking about accepting him and raising him as his stepfather; I’m talking about loving him like he’s yours, like you’re his long lost father and not some asshole who’s willing to put up with him because we’re a packag
ed deal and you want me. You love my kid. For him. Because he’s just too freaking adorable and smart not to love.”
I leave him standing there, stewing in his own juices, and pad to the bedroom to change and get ready for our flight.
Game on asshole.
Chapter Sixteen
Law
We’ve just landed and are on our way from the airstrip to Mom and Dad’s, and the closer we get to the house the more nervous I am. This is it, I’m about to meet the boy, and all I can think about are Nic’s snarled words to me on the liner.
And fuck me if I don’t know that she is totally serious. If I can’t get with the program here and be a real father to that kid, I know that all bets are off. She won’t accept grudging acceptance from me, and she most definitely will not accept a half-assed attempt at bonding like I was going to make with the hockey.
And who the hell can blame her?! I feel all kinds of shitty and proud right now. The pride comes from seeing the mama bear at her finest, demanding I love her kid just because…well…all moms think their babies are the epitome of perfection.
The shitty part comes in because I still feel a lot of resentment towards a little kid I’ve never met, and all because his dad tapped what I consider mine and got her pregnant.
Cody is—in short—the living, breathing, walking reminder that I had screwed up one of the best things that ever happened to me. Plus, I just hate the thought that Nic wasn’t pining away and waiting for my victorious return.
Harsh and dumb, but totally true.
Still nervous though—and getting more on edge—when we clear the gates of the estate and the house comes into view. What’s making it worse is that Nic hasn’t said one word to me. Not on the chopper, not on the plane, and not in the car.
I’m talking total freeze out, and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m so used to women falling all over me and drooling on my wad—my cash wad that is—that I don’t know how to fix this without making the situation worse.
“Nic,” I say when the car stops and she moves to get out.
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