by S. Gilmour
He turned to me. “Are you getting hungry?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I probably shouldn’t eat, the camera adds pounds, right?”
“Okay, Karen Carpenter,” shouted Danielle.
“Paige, stop. You’re eating so think about what you would like.”
Danielle emerged from the bathroom in a cloud of hairspray and Tabu perfume. Her make-up had been freshened and her lips glossed in bright red.
“Rox-anne, you don’t have to wear that dress tonight…” sang Chaz.
“Shut up,” Danielle hissed.
“I think you’re a little over-dressed for the Burger King drive-thru, honey,” he snickered.
“My brother-in-law has agreed to let Gabby out of her domestic prison. He’s watching the baby so she can take me to dinner at a place that doesn’t serve toys with food. So sadly I will miss out on the Whoppers.”
“Just for that rude remark we’re ordering in room service,” scoffed Chaz. Danielle stuck out her tongue and peeled off her gray tank dress, revealing a sapphire blue bra and matching panties.
“Danielle!”
Chaz turned to her and shook his head. “Somebody needs attention,” he sang and returned his gaze to the TV.
“What? Like you guys haven’t seen me naked before.” She pilfered through her suitcase. She lifted out a black mini-skirt and tugged it up her thighs. Then she slipped on a black sleeveless blouse and gold pumps. Another quick spritzing of Tabu was followed by her huge gold purse over her shoulder.
“Good God!” Chaz coughed. “You smell like a French whorehouse!”
“Piss off, Chaz.” She leaned in to hug me, “Good luck,” she whispered. “I’ll be back late, you’ll have plenty of time,” she winked.
“Don’t wait up for me,” she called as she marched to the door.
“Don’t plan to,” Chaz yawned.
She tugged on the door and when it finally opened she was greeted with the roll-away bed. “You need to fix this door,” she barked at the bell hop. He rolled the bed in and waited for a tip as she scooted past him.
“Oh, I uh…wait a minute,” I stammered and looked around for my purse.
“I got it,” said Chaz pulling a wadded up dollar out of his pocket.”
“Thanks, man,” said the guy with a smirk as he took the dollar and backed out of the room.
“Where do you want to go for dinner?” Chaz asked as he locked the door after the bell hop.
“Do you mind if we order in? I’m beat.”
“What do you want?”
“Surprise me,” I said and walked into the bathroom. I changed into a pair of white terry cloth shorts and a baby blue tank top.
Chaz ordered in pepperoni pizza and we spent the evening watching movies on HBO. We were finally starting to talk in that familiar way that people do when they are comfortable with each other. I studied his profile more than the TV screen. The glow flickered across his face, lighting up his eyes, casting shadows over his strong jaw and that delicate soft dip above the middle of his collar bone that I longed to kiss.
He was so beautiful, this man that I had fallen so deeply for. Warmth swelled like waves within me. He had been through so much these last few weeks and I felt so inadequate in how to support him. He was such a strong person and I admired how he took care of his mother and sisters. He took over the finances including the operations of the lime orchards his father had so dearly loved. He had handled the final arrangements with his uncles and spoken so eloquently at his father’s funeral. He carried himself with strength and grace and never complained but to me he had aged so much in such a short amount of time and I could see it reflected in the tiny creases around his eyes. I could never do what he did, rise to the occasion, and I wanted to take care of him, ease the burden he was under. But I didn’t know how.
He absently ran his fingers through my hair, winding and twisting the long strands through his fingers then letting go. Every so often a sweet boyish smile would sit on his lips as he reacted to the show on the TV.
As the evening progressed I became more anxious. It wasn’t like we hadn’t been alone together before. I’d never spent so much time in hotel rooms watching TV with someone, it was kind of strange. Would we finally have sex tonight? Or would he back away again? Everything was happening so fast. He’d said he loved me the night his father had died. But he was high so did it count?
“Paige?”
I snapped out of my racing thoughts.
“Chaz?”
“Are you okay?”
I looked down at my hand that was death-gripping the comforter into a ball. He shoved the pizza box out of the way and rolled onto his hip. “Talk to me.”
“I’m freaking out,” I confessed.
He muted the TV. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know what you want.” I bowed my head, my hair fanning forward over my face as I crossed my legs and leaned into my hands.
“What I want?”
I hugged my legs to my chest. “From me…for us.”
He reached out and caressed my cheek. “What do you want, Paige?”
“I want to know where I stand…with you. Where we stand.” He smiled and rolled onto his back. “This isn’t funny, Chaz.”
“I’m not laughing,” he grinned and looked up to me. “You know I’m crazy about you.”
“I guess.”
“You guess?”
“No, I know. Argh! I’m being stupid.” I stretched out next to him. “I’m sorry I’m being weird.”
“I like that you’re weird,” he grinned. “And smart, and sexy, and beautiful, and caring.”
“Stop.”
“I think about you non-stop Paige.” He rolled back toward me. “You’re my first thought in the morning and my last at night.”
“Now you’re being weird. I like hearing the words, though.”
He pouted. It was adorable. “Weird? No. Corny? Yes.” He leaned over and kissed me softly. “Do you feel better now?”
I nodded.
He sat up and his eyes narrowed in concern. “I am worried about something though…”
“What?” I asked and also sat up.
“This big bed is not getting used to its full potential.” Before I could respond he pinned me beneath him and caught my wrists, pressing them to my sides, his nose inches from mine. “I’m sorry, Paige, but I can’t wait anymore. I’m really trying to behave but I can’t.” Kisses fluttered down my neck, softly at first then harder as the tips of his fingers teased under my tank top. He sucked in his breath when he discovered I wasn’t wearing a bra. I arched into him as he squeezed my breasts, delighting in the warmth of his hands as he caressed and teased. A tingling sensation shot straight down to my core, aching and tightening in response.
There was no holding back now. I was ready. He pinched the sides of my shorts and slid them down my legs. I shuddered as his hands grazed over my thighs. I reached down to lift the hem of his shirt. I needed to feel his skin against mine. He tugged the shirt over his head then slipped off mine just as quickly. His lips covered mine and I reached down and felt his desire. He was hard and my pulse quickened knowing it was for me. He covered my hand and pressed it against his arousal.
“Do you feel how much I want you?” he whispered into my mouth.
“Yes,” I moaned.
“Only for you, Paige.”
I popped the buttons of his Levi’s, deliciously surprised when I discovered he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. I freed him from the constraint of his jeans and he fell into my hand, heavy and hard. I tightened my grip around him, delighting in the smooth ridges as he thrust into my hand.
“Yes, Paige,” he groaned. “Like that.” He licked into my mouth as I rubbed him up and down, twisting and gripping.
This was it.
It was finally happening and I writhed beneath him, eagerly waiting for him to touch me where I so desperately needed him to. He sucked in air and exhaled slowly. I felt the sticky warmth spread over
my fingers.
No. Wait. What?
“Fuck, Paige,” he cried and pushed harder into my hand. I kissed him desperately, pulling his hips to me as I sought release. I needed him inside me, I was so worked up.
“Paige.” He pushed his groin against my pubic bone. This would have to do. He was softening against me and the buttons of his fly pressed against my swollen center. I was falling over the edge as I thrust desperately against him. My release was quick and I felt so empty. We clung to each other as we tried to catch our breath. Tears were building up behind my eyelids and I squeezed my lashes together tightly, trying to seal them in. But it was no use. Hot tears slid down my cheeks.
“Hey, hey...” Chaz whispered tipping my chin up to his. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” I sniffed. But I did. I was so disappointed.
“Baby,” he consoled and drew me into his neck.
“I’ve never done that before.” I wasn’t lying. I hadn’t done that before because I hadn’t needed to. My last boyfriend had wanted to have sex with me.
“Really?”
“You don’t have to sound so shocked.” I choked back more tears.
“I just assumed, you know?”
Yes, but I never dry-humped anybody. That was so junior high, what you did in the back of a car at the drive-in. I was a woman. I wanted him to make love to me, not come in my hand while I panted all desperate and needy beneath him.
“I feel foolish,” I said before I could stop myself. I twisted out of his embrace and went to the vanity to rinse my hands and face. He slipped on his jeans and came up behind me, his hands snaking around my belly. He pressed his lips to my cheek.
“You don’t need to feel foolish.”
I turned to face him. “I wanted more.”
“I know.” He kissed the top of my head like I was a small child he had to console. “I did too but I didn’t bring any rubbers. I didn’t think we’d have a chance to be alone, with Danielle here.”
“I’m on the pill.”
“So was Miranda,” he said coolly.
The door lock jangled and Chaz and I both turned to see Danielle throw open the door.
“Fucking door!’
I darted into the bathroom, turned on the shower, and jumped in. As I lathered up my hair I heard the door open.
“What’s going on?” asked Danielle. “Chaz is acting weird, even for him.”
“Nothing is going on.”
“Uh-oh.”
“It’s not what you think, Danielle.”
“You didn’t do it?”
“Danielle, seriously!”
She poked her head through the plastic curtain and gazed disapprovingly at me.
“What?” I snapped, rinsing the bubbles from my face.
“Honey, if you can’t make it happen in yet another hotel room…maybe you should rethink this.”
“I think I hear your mom calling you,” I sang.
“Fine, keep your head in the sand.” She ducked away and slammed the door. When I finally came out Chaz was asleep on the roll-away bed and Danielle was on the phone. I set the alarm and crawled under the covers. This day could not end soon enough…
Chaz was waiting at a table nursing an iced tea when we arrived. Danielle and I hopped onto stools and grabbed menus from the middle of the table.
“So, how’d it go?”
“Don’t ask,” whispered Danielle as she shook her head.
“You got cut? But you’ve been gone for like ever.”
“I didn’t get cut. It was a fucking circular,” I spat.
Chaz shook his head in confusion. “What in the hell’s a circular?”
“It’s an insert that goes in the Sunday paper,” informed Danielle.
“Like a fucking Kmart ad,” I sulked. “You know, rows and rows of tiny pictures featuring what’s on sale. They make you do stupid poses like act surprised or point and look.”
“I thought this was a commercial for Macy’s.”
“Join the club.” I dropped my head onto the table.
“Well, did you do it?”
“Yes.” I talked into the table. “My face is going to end up lining a bird cage. I think I made two hundred dollars.”
“Holy shit, that’s it? All this back and forth for two hundred bucks?”
I was devastated. Theresa made it sound like I was auditioning for a national commercial. I needed something big. It was the only way I was going to make it to New York. I should have walked out.
“Palomar, here I come…” I said with a groan.
“Hey, what’s wrong with Palomar?” scoffed Chaz.
“Paige stop, you’ve got plenty of time,” said Danielle as she scanned the menu.
“I’m not getting any younger. Most girls get discovered at fourteen or fifteen. I’m going to be nineteen in two months! I thought this was it, my big break. After Theresa’s cut and my travel expenses I think I might be ahead thirty-five dollars.”
“It’s better than nothing though, right?” Chaz looked back and forth from Danielle to me. “It’s experience, some exposure… right?”
Danielle closed the menu. “Want to split some nachos?”
“Washed up at eighteen!”
“Stop,” said Danielle. “You’re not washed up.”
“I just shot a fucking circular for a fucking Totes umbrella and Isotoner gloves! It’s over!” I threw my head into my hands. Danielle and Chaz started to giggle at my antics, then remembered their mutual animosity.
“You could always take up acting,” Chaz offered.
“We’ve got the Holiday Show coming up,” said Danielle. “That always pays big, calm the fuck down,” she scolded.
I stabbed my straw into my Dr. Pepper and searched for the cherry. This weekend had been a disaster. I gave a hand job, got dry humped, and the only one who actually screwed me was my agent. I had sunk to a new level of loser.
Chapter Ten
It was Labor Day and Danielle and I were in my backyard relaxing on lounge chairs, a bright red plastic kiddie pool between us. It was our back to school tradition. We spent the whole day tanning with the summer issues of Seventeen and Cosmopolitan magazines, a gallon of Coppertone, a portable stereo, and an endless supply of nacho cheese Doritos. It was an unusually hot September day and we were discussing our outfits for the first day of school.
“Piper is so lucky. She has to wear her cheer uniform. She can see what everyone else is wearing the first day and get a preview.”
Danielle peered over the top of her magazine at me. “I think Piper would disagree with you.”
“Oh c’mon, she loves her cheer uniform. She would wear it every day if she could.”
“I bet she was born with it on,” Danielle snorted and tossed her magazine onto the ground. She lowered the back of the lounger and turned onto her stomach. “Wake me up in like fifteen minutes,” she ordered.
I poured through more pages of Seventeen and when my eyes got heavy I placed it over my face, George Michael’s, Careless Whispers lulling me to sleep. I was just about out when I heard the side gate creek, then the crunching of feet on the gravel. I pulled the magazine from my face and slipped on my sunglasses. Chaz appeared from around the corner. He tossed an annoyed glance to Danielle, then stopped in front of me, his hands hidden in the pockets of his khaki pleated Dockers.
“Hi,” I said, ignoring his stern expression. “I didn’t expect you here for a few more hours.”
“We only played nine holes, Spade couldn’t handle the heat. Or he didn’t like that I was beating his ass.” he said flatly. “I called…” He sat on the edge of the lounger and I tucked my legs to the side. His eyes traveled upward from my halter bikini top to my lips. I fidgeted from his burning stare.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear the phone. We’ve had the radio on.”
He glanced over at Danielle then turned back to me. He cupped my cheek with his hand and leaned in to kiss me. “Can you end your sunbathing early?”
&n
bsp; “No,” barked Danielle. She pushed up from the lounger, her towel clinging to her chest as she rolled onto to her back.
“Please?” Chaz finally acknowledged her presence. “I’ll be your bestest friend forever.” There was a tone of underlying anger in his promise.
She ignored him and slipped on her sunglasses. “Am I burning?”
“Yes,” he replied. “Really bad. You better go home.”
I threw Danielle a pleading look.
“Fine. I’m fried anyway. But you owe me,” she tossed to both of us.
“Oh, sweetheart, don’t we know it,” said Chaz.
Danielle gathered up her magazines, stuffed them into a bright yellow beach bag, and slipped on a matching sundress. “I’ll call you later,” she said and gave me a peck on the cheek. “And you can piss off,” she told Chaz, tossing her towel over his head.
“Love you too,” he called after her. Danielle flipped him off and disappeared around the corner.
“Was she born bitchy or was it the result of some childhood trauma?” hissed Chaz.
“Don’t call her that.” I sat up and slipped my peach Izod tank dress over my head. “She’s spicy, she’s Latin.”
“Spicy? No… that’s not the word for her.”
“What’s going on? You’re in a weird mood.”
He lowered onto the lounger and I welcomed his head into my lap. I stroked his hair as his hands tightened around my waist. “I can’t believe summer is over,” he sighed. “I’m totally not ready for school. And it’s still so friggin’ hot.”
“But you’re off to Palomar and you only have three classes. You’re on the golf team, you get to work at the country club pro shop. You’re going to have a great year,” I encouraged.
“I guess.” He raised from my lap and leaned back on the lounger, pulling me with him. “This has been the best summer and the worst summer.” I nuzzled into his neck, delighting in the clean sporty scent that clung to him. “I’m glad you’ve been with me through all of it though.” He pressed his lips to my forehead softly.
“Me too.”
“Let’s get out of here. I came to take you for a drive.”
“Sure, let me clean up.”
“Nope, you’re fine.”
“I’m all sweaty and oily. I’m gross!”
