Early on he’d believed he had the gift everyone insisted he did. He loved hearing that more doctors should be like him, that he would have a long, rewarding career because he was in it for the right reasons, that he reminded everyone of his father with his dedication and heart, that he saw the person not just the body—all that bullshit.
It wasn’t a gift. It was a gut-wrenching nightmare.
It was the reason for a lot of sleepless nights; the reason for a stomach ulcer; the reason he’d talked his friends into staying in Africa…just long enough to get killed.
The reason he was now turning his back on medicine for good.
“The best neurologist at this hospital is a buddy of mine,” Ben said. “I’m going to give him a call and have him check on your mom.”
Steve could do this. Steve didn’t have emotional baggage, or a bad attitude, or an intense need to stay on Jessica’s good side.
“Ben?”
Dammit.
Jessica.
Ben almost closed his eyes and groaned out loud. Instead he looked down at the very woman he knew he should only picture naked, but who kept popping up in his mind, and in person, as the professional, capable, compassionate woman who was now looking at him with hope and happiness shining in her eyes. And neither the hope nor the happiness was because of his prowess at bringing her to orgasm. It was, as he should have expected, far more complicated than that.
He sighed. He should have known the minute he walked into the hospital that this would happen. Because the moment he saw a person as a patient, as someone who needed something he could give, he was like the rest of them, the rest of the people who worked in the ER and picked people up and tried to put them back together. He only thought about what could be. The option of losing, of quitting, didn’t occur to him. The possibility of being wrong didn’t enter in. He was trained, practically programmed, to keep the negative thoughts out.
Until it was over. Then, of course, he got to think all of it over, replay it, hate it.
Today had been good so far. Mrs. McDonald had gotten her CT scan before anything major happened. Jessica’s guy from the scaffolding would very likely wake up to his wife’s pretty face after his surgery.
But if it wasn’t for Jessica and his insane need to be around her, he wouldn’t even know there was a Carolyn McDonald to worry about. If Jessica had given in right at the beginning and let him make love to her, he’d already be over her and wouldn’t be here, getting sucked in all over again.
He stomped to the phone on the admitting desk and punched the buttons he needed.
“This is Dr. Torres. I need the test results on Carolyn McDonald,” he told the nurse who picked up.
He only had to wait a few minutes as she pulled the chart and read him everything he asked for.
“Thanks.” He hung up. “Which room is your mom in?” he asked Carolyn’s daughter.
“Six oh two.”
He dialed the room. It only rang once.
“Hello?”
“Carolyn? It’s Ben. The guy you talked to by the soda machine.”
“Ben? Did Holly find you? I asked her to go down there—”
“Yes, she did. She’s right here,” Ben said. Even Carolyn’s voice was sweet. He needed to get this over with. “Listen, Carolyn, I got your test results. They want to do an MRI. That’s very appropriate.”
“You think I should do it?” Carolyn asked.
“Yes, I do. You want to be sure to cover all the bases right?” he asked. “You put your trust in those folks up there. They’re going to take good care of you.”
“But I like you. Can’t you do the test?”
Ben smiled in spite of himself. He was going to have to send Carolyn some flowers. When Jessica wasn’t around to read too much into it, of course.
“You don’t want me to do them, kiddo,” he told her. “I don’t even know where the on switch is on all those fancy machines up there.”
“Oh, Ben—”
“Dr. Borchers is going to come see you tomorrow morning,” Ben interrupted before she could say anything more complimentary or sweet to him. “He’s a friend of mine. He’s going to take over your case. You do everything he tells you.”
He was going to have to call Steve before he called the flower shop. There was a long pause on Carolyn’s end. Then she sighed. “I’ll do whatever you want me to.”
“By the way, you wouldn’t happen to know where to get good peanut butter cookies in this city, would you, Carolyn?”
“Cookies?” she asked, obviously taken aback by his question. “Yes. I mean, I make wonderful cookies, if I do say so myself.”
Exactly what he’d been hoping for. “Then I want you to make a huge batch of those cookies when you get home and bring them up here to all of the doctors and nurses and everyone who’s going to be helping you out. Can you do that?”
Asking her to make plans for cookies would lead her to believe that things were going to be just as they were before she came to St. Anthony’s, and in a relatively short time. He had no way of knowing that for certain, of course, but at least it kept her from asking, will I be okay? Besides, the staff deserved cookies once in a while and he had a feeling Carolyn McDonald could make some awesome cookies. Peanut butter was his favorite.
Ben frowned at that.
It didn’t matter what kind of cookie he liked the best. He wouldn’t be here to eat them. He chose not to change the order, though, when he heard the smile in Carolyn’s voice.
“Yes. I can certainly do that.”
They disconnected and Ben took a moment to gather his thoughts and emotions before turning to face Jessica and Holly. He already liked Carolyn McDonald and knew now that he’d be visiting her at least once, which meant he’d like her even more in a couple of days. He would also know in a couple of days if they had managed to stave off a stroke or if what they’d found on her scan was indeed a small brain tumor.
Son of a bitch.
He was worried, frustrated about being worried and pissed about feeling frustrated when all he wanted to feel was good and relaxed.
And there was a certain petite brunette with big, green, knowing eyes who was directly to blame for him getting tangled up in all of this.
He suddenly had a whole lot of steam to blow off.
And knew exactly how he wanted to do it.
“Holly?” Ben said as he turned. “Your mother is in good hands. She understands everything that’s going to happen. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Thank you for talking to her, Dr…”
“Ben,” he said simply. “And you’re welcome. Your mother is a lovely woman.”
Holly’s eyes filled up with tears, but she smiled. “Yes she is.”
It was time to go.
“Come on,” he said to Jessica. He turned and headed for the front of the hospital. Again. This time determined not to stop for anything.
He made it to the front doors before she caught up to him.
“Where are we going?” she asked, slightly out of breath.
“Out.”
“Out where?”
“Wherever I want.”
She stopped. “Is that right?”
Jessica’s face registered apprehension when Ben pivoted to face her.
“Jessica,” Ben said, spreading his feet and crossing his arms, his eyebrows drawn together. “I have been playing basketball and talking to the kids, being a regular damn hero down at that youth center. I’ve been waiting for you in that ER for almost two hours. I even stepped in and practically became an adopted grandson to Carolyn McDonald. Now it’s my turn to get what I want. Get in the car.”
He didn’t wait for her to decide. He went through the front doors and took a right as soon as he stepped out of the building.
Ben was in his truck with the engine running by the time she arrived at his reserved parking spot.
“Are we going to your place?” she asked, snapping her seat belt across her lap. She was not going to com
ment on his mood. She was not. Ben seemed to be spoiling for a fight for some reason. But it wouldn’t solve anything.
“We have to make a stop.”
“Where?”
Ben pulled out onto the street and into the left turning lane, stopping at the light. He looked at her and his eyes ran over her from head to toe. “To get you into some slutty clothes.”
Startled, Jessica looked down at what she wore. Light pink scrub pants and top with white tennis shoes.
“Why?”
“I look at you and see the in-charge, charitable, always-do-the-right-thing nurse who saves lives without even breaking a nail and thinks everyone else should give their heart and soul to that emergency room. What I want to see is you horny, barely dressed and so hot neither of us can think straight.”
Ah. Even as heat suffused her body, she understood where this was coming from. Her scrubs reminded him of all of the stuff he wanted to walk away from. But he didn’t want to walk away from her. So, he had to dress her up to forget all the things she made him think and feel, that went beyond physical attraction.
Which worked for her, because she didn’t want him to walk away from her either and right now making it about sex was a lot simpler than everything else it was turning into.
She was going to concentrate on the physical and worry about the rest later. Much, much later. In fact, some new clothes might be just the trick, because when she was dressed in her scrubs, she also had a hard time separating herself from the do-gooder who would never think of having a flaming affair with nothing promised other than multiple orgasms.
“Barely dressed is better than not dressed?” she asked. “Because I’m okay with being not dressed.”
He gave her that grin that made her sure he was picturing her not-dressed right that minute.
He leaned in. She felt herself move closer as well. “Jessica.”
“Yeah?” she asked breathlessly.
He lifted his hand and ran this thumb along her lower lip. “We’re also going to need to get some hooker boots.”
“I…” She blinked, replaying his words and then pulled back. “Hooker boots?”
“You know—high-heeled, black, leather boots like Julia Roberts wore in Pretty Woman.”
“You saw Pretty Woman?” she asked, not sure what she was most stunned about.
“Not the point,” Ben said with a roguish grin.
He put his thumb back over her lips, keeping them together. “I’ve been good, Jess. I haven’t gotten into trouble, I’ve been following the rules.”
He moved his thumb off her mouth and she wet her lips and swallowed hard.
His eyes dropped to her mouth and his gaze heated. “Now it’s time to get naughty.”
“Sounds like you have a pretty specific picture in mind.”
“Oh, yeah,” he said huskily.
“We’re going to have to go shopping.”
There had been a time when a simple stop at home would have been more than enough to fill Ben’s order, but the black dress from the bar the other night was the only remnant.
Ben looked surprised for a moment, but quickly recovered. “I’m buying.”
“That makes it even more fun.”
Ben didn’t say much on the drive, which left Jessica plenty of time to think about what the night ahead might hold. Sexual awareness hummed between them and Jessica felt like she was being wound tighter with every block that passed until she thought she was going to spring right out of the car through the moon roof.
Ben’s hand came out and clamped down on her left thigh.
She gasped and jumped.
“Stop squirming,” he said tightly, not taking his eyes off the road or his hand off her leg.
She frowned. “Why’s it bothering you?” She was the one feeling bothered—hot and bothered.
“I can’t concentrate on driving with you moving like that,” he muttered. “Because all I can think is how it will feel to have you moving like that when you’re underneath me. But I can’t do anything about that right now. So sit still.”
She didn’t have a choice with him holding her leg down, but the heat from his palm on her thigh didn’t do much to help.
Suddenly every reason to not sleep with him slipped her mind. She vaguely remembered that there was a reason, but she was pretty sure she could come up with a way to justify ignoring it.
“Maybe,” she croaked. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Maybe we should just go to your place.” It was closer than hers.
Ben shook his head at her suggestion, however. “I’ve got this vivid picture going. I need to get you into something other than what you wore all day as you made the world a better place. Then I’ll be able to focus on all the delicious, dirty things you deserve to have done to you.”
Oh, well, when he put it that way…
Then his thumb started stroking her thigh and she couldn’t talk any more any way.
They stopped at another red light and Ben’s hand moved from her thigh to the back of her head, pulling her in and molding his mouth over hers. He kissed her hard, boldly stroking his tongue over hers. Jessica felt the heat and heaviness settle low in her stomach and between her legs. She wanted him to touch her, to counter the fullness building there, to stroke her like he was stroking her tongue. She wanted him to fill her, to rub against her, to reach a spot she couldn’t even describe and that she instinctively knew only he could reach.
The honking car behind them finally got Ben’s attention. He pulled back, breathing hard. “And that’s what you do to me looking all nice and sweet.”
Ben shifted the truck into drive and made the left turn with a little squeal of the tires.
“I like looking nice and sweet.” Usually. In fact, she worked at it.
Ben’s smile almost seemed affectionate. “I know. But you’ll like this too. I promise to be sure that you like this too.”
Jessica was inclined to believe him.
“What do you know about hooker boots anyway?” Jessica asked, as they drove toward the shopping district that catered to high-priced specialty shops.
He flashed her a grin.“I know that you’ve probably never worn them.”
She hadn’t. Stiletto heels sure, but she preferred shoes to boots. “You’re right about that.”
“And that’s part of the appeal,” he said, pulling up in front of a short strip of shops. “I’ve decided that you need to have some fun.” He put the car into park and turned to face her. “And I don’t want you to have this kind of fun with anyone else.”
“The kind of fun that requires new clothes?” she asked.
“I’ve wanted you for a long time,” he said. “The idea of rumpling your perfectly ironed clothes and smudging your perfectly applied lipstick has tempted me from the beginning. But now seeing how principled and altruistic you are even outside of the hospital makes me want to get you to do something…naughty.” His smile was wicked.
Jessica opened her mouth and realized she was about to confess that naughty wasn’t all that new to her.
“Why is it so important to you that I do something naughty?” she asked carefully. “Being principled and altruistic are generally good things.” Things that she’d spent a lot of time and energy on.
Ben shook his head, his smile fading. “Take it from someone who’s spent a long time being both…there are better ways to feel good.”
He didn’t let go easily, Jessica thought. Ben was as determined to shake off his hero status as she was to make up for her past indiscretions.
She wanted him to be the good guy she needed, the one to keep her out of trouble, the one to help her build the life that would have made her father proud.
Ben wanted a party, a good time…and to get her into trouble.
Ironically, she had once been the woman Ben wanted her to be now. While he’d been off being the man she wanted him to be now.
Jessica glanced at the window of the store. The mannequins were dressed in short skirts and bare
ly there tops.
She was shocked to feel a flip of excitement in her stomach. The foreboding she wasn’t as surprised to feel.
She felt like an alcoholic staring at a no-drink-limit open bar.
Chapter Nine
Jessica stared at the shop. She knew exactly what Ben was going for—better than Ben did. Ben had his imagination. She had experience.
She’d loved to party. Of course, now she knew it had not been the rush or the fun as much the fact that the party was the one place Jessica could be selfish and superficial. Keeping it light, not knowing people too well, not worrying about tomorrow—that’s what she’d wanted, and gotten.
Jessica got out of the car trying to squelch the butterflies in her stomach and the memories at the same time.
“How did you know about this place?” she asked.
“I bought some old records at that vintage music shop awhile back,” Ben said, indicating the shop that occupied the space at the north end of the strip. “This place was hard not to notice.”
Which was exactly the point to the sexy window display and the store’s name—Tease.
“Let’s go.” Jessica slammed the car door shut and started for the store.
Her past followed her in.
In an attempt to make his children grateful for what they had and to instill his passion for bettering the world, Jessica’s dad had made sure his son and daughters knew what the world was like. He didn’t sugarcoat anything, he didn’t protect them or hide them from the truth. In fact, he made them face the facts about what drugs did to people and families, what kinds of abuses people suffered, what desperation and hatred looked like, what crimes were committed every day. His heart was in the right place. He wanted to fight the things he saw wrong in the world. But he didn’t know how to have fun or how to relax or how to enjoy what he had.
Just Right: The Bradfords, Book 1 Page 20
