“Oh, please. Our men love to see us hot and sweaty.” Bella hugged Jana. “This was so fun. And this space? With a few homey touches, it’ll be perfect.”
“Want to know what I think?” Jessica asked.
“Sure.” Jana couldn’t stop admiring the flowers, and the cleanliness of the room.
“I think you’ve got a sweet deal here that you shouldn’t pass up.” Jessica pointed to the flowers. “And how many landlords leave roses as incentive?”
Jana’s mind reeled back to the other sexy things Hunter had used as incentive when he’d shown her the kitchen. She couldn’t stop a dreamy sigh from escaping her lips.
Sweet deal doesn’t even scratch the surface.
***
IT WAS BILLY’S bedtime when Jana arrived at Clark and Nina’s, but the moment Billy saw her, he wanted nothing to do with bed—or Hunter, which was surprising, since Billy hadn’t met Jana before. But as Hunter watched Jana sitting on the floor in Billy’s playroom playing with wooden blocks with the cute little guy, Hunter had only two thoughts. Billy was a smart kid, and Jana had never looked more beautiful than she did right then. She picked up a square block and pretended to try to shove it into a round hole, earning the cutest belly laugh from Billy.
Jana swooped him into her lap and gave him Eskimo kisses. She hugged Billy cheek to cheek, and a look of peacefulness washed over her, drawing Hunter in even deeper.
Billy yawned, and Jana’s lower lip plumped out in a cute pout.
“Aw, the little guy is tired.” She rose with Billy in her arms, looking natural and happy and more at ease than he’d ever seen her. “We should put him to bed.”
It took Hunter a moment to get his brain to work. “Uh, yeah. Okay.”
They went into Billy’s bedroom and he reached for Billy. “I’ll change him.”
She wrinkled her brow. “No way am I giving up this little guy for a second. We’ll do it together. Do you have his jammies?”
He laughed. “Jammies?”
She changed his diaper while Hunter pulled pajamas out of the dresser.
“Yes, he’s a baby. They’re not called pajamas until he’s at least…three.”
“Three?”
She shrugged. “Seems right to me. Here.” She handed him the dirty diaper and he tossed it in the Diaper Genie. “You didn’t even cringe.”
“Why would I?” He helped her put Billy’s jammies on.
“Most guys wouldn’t go near dirty diapers.” She lifted Billy into her arms and sat in the rocking chair beside his crib.
“Most guys wouldn’t do a lot of stuff.” He crouched beside the rocker. “Want me to rock him?”
“No. If you don’t mind, I’d really like to.”
He shut off the light, leaving only the glow of the night-light, picked up the baby monitor, and left the room, pulling the door partially closed behind him. Jana began singing quietly. He stopped to listen and was surprised that she wasn’t singing a lullaby, but Beyoncé’s “If I Were a Boy,” barely above a whisper. He leaned against the doorframe, listening as she poured her emotions into every word. She sang about having a group of guys to stick up for her and taking people for granted without being held responsible. When she sang about guys who didn’t understand what it felt like to lose the one they wanted, he wondered why it sounded so personal coming from her lips. And when a tear tumbled down her cheek, it nearly tore his heart out.
Her voice faded to a thoughtful hum, and he tried to turn away, but he was riveted in place. He pushed the door open, basking her face in light from the hall as she placed Billy in his crib. Their eyes met, and he swore time stood still.
He reached for her as she neared, and when she laid her hand in his, electricity sparked up his arm. He pressed a kiss to her temple, feeling as though he’d just heard her bare her soul to the darkness of the room, and he wanted to understand where all that hurt came from. He wanted to climb inside her and remove the anguish he’d heard, keep it from stealing any more of her, and protect her from ever feeling hurt again.
Chapter Twenty-Three
HUNTER TOSSED AND turned all night, worrying about what he’d heard in Jana’s voice last night. Coupled with the swelling of his emotions over seeing her with Billy and the thoughts that image had brought to mind, his brain was a tangled mess. He had spent so much of his life avoiding relationships. They were complicated and took time and energy that he hadn’t ever wanted to give. Jana was the epitome of complicated, but spending nights with her, seeing how much of herself she poured into everything she did, and seeing her last night with Billy, he didn’t know how anyone could be around Jana Garner and not fall desperately in love with her.
He looked around her kitchen, seeing his keys beside hers, his designs rolled up on the edge of the table. He turned and saw two pairs of his shoes by the front door, his hoodie lying across the back of the couch. How, in the space of a few short months, had everything changed so much? Had he changed so much? Jana still wasn’t willing to let everyone know they were dating, and he wondered why he was willing to put up with feeling locked out of that part of her life just to be with her.
Jana came out of the bedroom wearing his T-shirt from last night and looking completely adorable. He opened his arms and she walked right in, snuggling against him.
“Why are you up? It’s only five.” She yawned against his shoulder, pressed her warm lips to his skin.
“Couldn’t sleep. I have a lot to get done for the competition. It’s just under three weeks away.” He kissed the top of her head. “Why don’t you go back to sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
She shook her head, causing her tousled hair to fall in front of her eyes.
“You’ve ruined me. I can’t sleep when you’re not with me.”
He tucked her hair behind her ear and kissed her softly. “What was that? Are you admitting that you want me?”
She wiggled between his legs and wound her arms around his neck. “I never got to thank you for the flowers.”
“You’re avoiding the question.” He pressed his lips to hers again, loving the sweet look in her eyes, even as she rolled them at his remark.
“You’re avoiding the compliment.”
He lifted her easily onto his lap. “I’m glad you liked the flowers. I was careful not to write anything that would out your secret lover.” The truth stung. He’d had a hard time holding back his feelings when he’d written the card, but he and Jana had come so far, and he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable around her friends. He had faith that she’d eventually come around and let him be her man the way he wanted to.
“Thank you for that. Although Sky looked at me like she knew something was up.”
“I still don’t understand why you feel like you need to keep our relationship from everyone. Sky would love knowing that we’re a couple.” He had no doubt that his sister would be ecstatic to know they were together.
“I just need a little more time. One thing at a time.”
“I’m trying to give you time, but it’s not easy, Jana. You’re asking me to hold in all these emotions I’ve never felt for anyone else. It’s pure torture.” His tone made light of the ache he really felt. In an effort to distract himself before that ache could turn to frustration, he asked, “How did the space work out for the class?”
“It was pretty incredible, actually. How did you get it cleaned so fast?”
“With a little help from my friends.” He hadn’t been able to hire anyone to clean the space on such short notice, so he, Grayson, and Clark had done it. And the little white lie about where he was yesterday morning was worth hearing that the space was pretty incredible.
Her eyes widened, now fully awake. “You cleaned it? Hunter, you didn’t have to do that. I could have cleaned it myself.”
“Don’t be silly. Let my girl work her pretty little fingers to the bone?” He kissed her fingertips. “The space is perfect for your studio, right?” He shifted his eyes upward. “I can see it now, a big
sign that says ‘Jana’s Dance Studio.’”
Her smile reached her eyes and just as quickly fell flat. “Oh! I forgot to tell you. I spoke to Marco yesterday. He’s engaged. Engaged.” The word was laden with disdain. “He’s never coming back. He’s marrying his head instructor. Head instructor. I’m only an instructor. How did she become a head instructor?”
They talked for a long while about Marco and what she had planned for the day, and it wasn’t until much later, after they had thoroughly ravaged each other, showered and dressed for work, and finally kissed goodbye, that Hunter realized she’d never answered him about accepting the space.
Chapter Twenty-Four
JANA’S LIFE CONTINUED to feel like it was on fast-forward, despite backing out of the exhibition match. Hunter was putting in extra hours on his sculpture, and Colton had asked Jana to fill in for the past three nights, which was great for her bank account, but it meant that she and Hunter were rarely together before midnight, and they usually ended up tangled in the sheets, with very little time to talk. She knew he was stressed about getting his sculpture done, and she made a point of trying to keep their conversations light when they did find time to talk.
Jana was meeting the girls for breakfast at Seaside, and Hunter was going into the shop early.
“Have fun telling the girls about us.” He said it with a smirk. All week he’d been dropping not-so-subtle hints that he was tiring of waiting for her to publicly claim their relationship.
She smiled up at him. “It’s not like I’m going to announce that we’re seeing each other.”
As he walked her out to her car, his tone became serious. “But you’re going to let them know, right?”
She shrugged. “It’s not like I’d lie about it. I just don’t think I need to make a statement about it.”
“Jana, you know that when we do go out with everyone—and eventually we will—I’m going to have an arm around you, or hold your hand, or kiss you, regardless of whether you let them know first or not.”
“Why does it have to be such a big deal?”
“It’s not like I want you to announce it, but come on. You could have told them when they saw the flowers, and you didn’t. You could have told my sister any number of times, since she texts you a million times each week.”
She was silent for so long, Hunter’s gut clenched.
“What are you afraid of?”
“I’m not good at this, Hunter. I told you I suck as a girlfriend and I wasn’t kidding.” Hunter accepted her past, moving from one guy to the next with no strings attached, but he didn’t know how badly she’d been hurt in the past or how badly she’d hurt Spencer.
“I don’t understand what that means.”
They’d never talked about specifics, and now she felt compelled to tell him—and the confession brought a thrum of panic. She knew the importance of this conversation, of his finally understanding where she was coming from, and she wanted to give him that. Desperately. She drew her shoulders back, swallowing the fear that accompanied the dull ache in her gut, and forced herself to explain.
“What if…? I don’t know. What if I flirt and don’t realize I’m doing it?”
He gritted his teeth. “Seriously? I’d better be the only man you flirt with.”
“That’s what I mean. Do you know why I never date, Hunter?” She couldn’t slow down, and the truth roared out. “Because men suck. They make promises they can’t keep, and they manipulate you until you open your heart up and lay it out on the table. Because all they care about is winning—and then they leave, they hurt, they fucking take that trust and shred it to pieces.” His eyes filled with empathy as he reached for her, but she shifted out of his grip, unable to stop the rest from being set free.
“And it’s not just that. A string of guys hurt me, yes, and that was bad, but honestly...I get so caught up in having fun that I must not see clearly. Every guy I’ve ever dated has accused me of flirting with other men, and maybe they were right. I don’t know anymore. Every boy I ever dated thought I wanted to cheat even if I never did. I must give off really slutty vibes or something.” Her eyes filled with tears. She turned away to keep him from seeing. Her chest ached like an open wound. He’d walk away now for sure. How could he not? She couldn’t bear to look at him, to see the disdain that she imagined she’d see in his eyes. The disappointment and judgment that she surely deserved.
“Because you probably were,” he said so softly, the pit of her stomach felt like she’d swallowed lead. He put his arms around her from behind and held her. She braced herself for a breakup.
Please make it quick, because while I could take losing anyone else, I can’t take losing you.
“Hell, Jana. I was doing that back then, too. I was doing that until I found you.” He turned her in his arms and pressed his lips to hers. Salty tears slipped between their lips. “That was then, pretty girl. This is now. I have total faith in you.”
Her lower lip trembled. “You still don’t understand.”
***
HUNTER’S INSTINCTS WERE to force her to see the difference between who she was then—who they both were before finding each other—and who she was now. But the look on Jana’s face told him there was much more than she was letting on.
“Then tell me, Jana. I don’t want to play games. If you don’t want me, you better step up now and tell me.”
Her chin fell to her chest. “It’s not that.”
He forced his insecurities aside and held her. “Then tell me what it is. I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Hurt me?” He was totally confused. She might be afraid to commit, but he couldn’t imagine her purposely hurting him.
“When I tell you the rest, you’re going to think I’m a slut and probably a bitch.”
“Every single one of your tears destroys me, baby.” He wiped them away and kissed her damp cheeks. “Unless you’ve slept with some other guy since we agreed to be exclusive, I’ve got no right to judge anything you’ve done.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t. I wouldn’t. I could never do that to you.”
A relieved sigh escaped his lips. “Then tell me what’s going on. I don’t understand.”
“A few years ago I dated this guy Spencer. He was a really nice guy. The kind of guy who is serially monogamous, brings you flowers every week, dresses nicely, asks you how your day was. You know, the—”
“The kind of guy every girl dreams of. Yeah, I get it.” He had no idea where she was going with this, but he knew he was the antithesis of the man she described, and that made him even more tense.
“I guess.” She wiped her eyes and said, “Every girl except me.”
“Baby,” he whispered, wishing he could ease the pain he heard in her voice.
“Every time I tried to break up with him, he begged me not to. You know me, Hunter. I’m not a pushover. I told him I didn’t want to settle down and get married. I told him I didn’t love him. But he kept showing up everywhere I went. He pushed and pushed, no matter what I said or did. And finally I did what I felt was my only option, and it ended really badly.”
“What did you do?” A bad breakup was something he could deal with, and the fact that she was so torn up over whatever had happened only emphasized how vulnerable she felt. Sometimes that was hard to remember, because she acted so strong and in control all the time.
Fresh tears tumbled down her cheeks. She covered her mouth with her hand and looked away. The pain in her eyes was enough to make him want to find Spencer and strangle him.
“Whatever it is, Jana, you can tell me.”
“It’s embarrassing.” She looked down at her hands as she explained. “I was only twenty, and all I wanted was to live my life. All he wanted was to settle down and have a family. After trying to break it off for a few weeks…” She looked at him and said, “Weeks, not days.” Then she looked down at her hands again. “I couldn’t see any othe
r way out, so I made a play for his best friend, who I knew was into me. I made sure Spencer would see us together.”
“Okay, so you messed around with his friend. You felt trapped. What does that have to do with us?”
Her eyes shot to his. “Hunter, look at how I handled it. He hated me after that, called me all sorts of names, and then…”
Hunter fisted his hands. “And then?”
“To get back at me, he posted about it on Facebook. I’ve never been so humiliated in all my life, because of course he didn’t say I’d tried to break up with him for weeks. He just said he caught me and his friend making out and that I was a slut and he was now a ‘free agent.’ My family saw it, of course, because he tagged me in the post, which is why I refuse to be on any kind of social media anymore. My closest friends knew the real story, but I had to explain it all to my brothers and sister, even my parents, and that was so hard.”
The song she sang to Billy came back to him loud and clear. Jana’s inability to commit was born of hurt, and that cut him to his core. She’d boxed herself off from relationships in the same way he had. Like a guy. But while Hunter had simply not ever met a woman worth the effort until Jana, Jana had cordoned off her heart so she wouldn’t ever be hurt again. And she’d struck back the only way she knew how, to do what had been done to her in the past. To dish out the hurt she’d suffered. Who could blame her for that?
“I hope Brock beat the shit out of the asshole.” Because if he didn’t, I’m going to.
“Spencer’s really not an asshole. He was hurt.” She must have recognized his mounting anger, because when he opened his mouth to refute what she’d said, she cut him off. “I’ve felt horribly guilty ever since. I should have handled it better, differently, and I swore I’d never be in that position again.”
He roped in his anger at the sight of more tears filling her eyes, and he gathered her in closer. “That’s why you’re afraid to fully commit?”
“I don’t want to get hurt and I can’t take a chance of hurting you,” she whispered. “I don’t want to hide us. I’m just not ready to let everyone know. My life is such a mess right now. I need a little more time to be sure we’re going to make it.”
Seaside Embrace (Love in Bloom Page 18
