I’m not. I mean, if it happens, I’d be happy. But I want more than just the child. I want the whole package. A family to call my own. That’s something I never really had growing up. When I picture myself rocking my little one to sleep, I also imagine having a man there helping me through those late-night feedings. I want the three of us to go to the park together and have beautiful holiday celebrations where our child gets covered in cake and we laugh together.
Or, it could be two dads sharing those tender moments. Two men helping me with the baby and then keeping me busy in bed making more babies. Two guys to share myself with. Not just my body, but my mind. My soul.
Who am I kidding? I flick on the mixer and let the obnoxious whirring bring me back to reality. With my crappy history in relationships, I’ll be lucky to find one guy. Two is just out of the question.
Right?
7
Kelly
This was a stupid idea. I’m frozen in place, standing outside the firehouse with a heaping plate of chocolate chunk cookies in hand. How did I imagine this was going to be anything less than awkward? Showing up with a plate full of cookies? No one does stuff like this anymore.
My baby blue capris are clean and crisp, but I can’t stop myself from running my palm over my leg, like I’m trying to smooth out wrinkles. I know I look cute. At least I tried to.
My outfit is flattering. I spent more time than I’d like to admit getting my hair to frame my face without just lying flat on my head. I’ve even got some makeup on, which is rare for me. I find that when I’m working with clay, it’s just not worth the effort to get my face all dolled up just so I can end up with grime streaked across my cheeks by the time I’m finished with what I like to call my “mudslinging.”
“Oh, hey there. Can I give you a hand with something?”
My head snaps up. A man with eyes the color of midnight and honey skin approaches me from the front door. His uniform almost looks too big on him, crinkling around his stomach and thighs. I realize it’s because he’s so scrawny. Damn, is he on some kind of oxygen only diet? He looks like he could use some of these cookies to fill him out a bit.
I bet he could still save you from a burning building. I tilt my head and realize that every guy in this building is probably in peak shape. I mean, they have to pass a grueling physical test to be firefighters, don’t they?
My face flushes with heat and it’s not because of how nerdy I am for bringing over cookies. It’s because it took me less than a second to make the same kind of snap judgment on this guy that I’ve been dealing with my whole life. I took one glance at the guy and figured I actually knew something about him just because of how his body looks. A cringe-worthy montage of moments plays in my head. Times when people figured they knew the first thing about me or wrote me off because of my jean size. I should know better.
“I, well, um…” I hold out the plate feebly. “I made these for you guys. I’m new here and wanted to introduce myself.”
“Well, that’s awfully nice of you.” He smiles and deep lines form around his mouth. “Come on inside, the guys will love these.” He sweeps his hand toward the door and I finally find the courage to walk toward it.
I follow the man inside and blink a few times as my eyes adjust from the bright, clear summer day to the inside lighting.
“Kelly! How’s it going?”
I turn as Zach slides over to us and peers down at the plate.
“Hey.” A genuine smile spreads over my face and I relax a little. I wasn’t sure if the guys would be here today. I mean, I was hoping, but it’s not like I know their schedule.
“Well, what have we got here? Those look amazing.” He grabs a couple and shoves them in his pocket. “I’ll scoop a couple of these for later, before the vultures swoop in here and steal them all.”
The man who met me outside leads me into the office area and I place my cookies down on the desk.
“I’m Grady,” he introduces himself and sticks out his hand at me. “I’m the fire chief here.” His dark eyes twinkle.
“I’m Kelly. I just took ownership of the place next door. I’m opening a pottery store there soon.” I shake his hand and am surprised by the strength in his grip.
“You know what? I’ll take one to Desi too.” Zach selects another couple of cookies from the batch and shoves one in his mouth and holds the other. “I don’t want him to miss out on these, so I’ll see that he gets it.” He flops the cookie back and forth as he talks with his mouth full.
Desi walks up behind him and plucks the cookie free from his hand. “Oh, buddy, thanks! I know you weren’t just gonna steal another cookie for yourself and pretend you were going to give it to me, right?” He takes a bite and raises his eyebrows. “Wow, this is delicious.”
“Me? Steal a cookie? You think I’m that desperate, Desi? Come on, give me a little credit, will ya?” Zach pretends to be offended, but the twinkle in his green eyes gives him away.
“Sure, would you like credit for all the times you’ve pilfered my suppers too? I swear you’re like a human raccoon, always getting your paws into everything.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Zach casually pulls one of the extra cookies he claimed from his pocket and munches on it.
“Figures.” Desi laughs. “Come on, Kelly, how about we give you a tour of the place before Ricky the Raccoon over here devours this entire plate?” He jerks his thumb at Zach.
“I’m offended, bro. Deeply,” Zach talks around the cookie in his mouth.
I can’t help but laugh. The way the guys play off each other cracks me up. All the tension I’ve been carrying inside melts away and I finally relax. It’s strange. I don’t know these men, I mean, not really. But being around them eases my nagging anxieties.
“I’d love a tour.” I smile up at them.
8
Kelly
Both of the guys tower over me. It’s not like I have a measuring tape, but I’d guess they’re both around six feet. I would never describe myself as a delicate girl. At five foot seven, I’m taller than most women I know. Still, as I stand between Zach and Desi, I’m dwarfed by them. The way they both stand tall next to me, with their hard, cut muscles clearly outlined against their uniforms, it’s easy to imagine them bending me over and twisting me around in every possible position. A warm buzz travels over my skin and I bite my lip as my face flushes at the thought.
“Sure, let’s show her around.” Zach finally finishes munching on cookies long enough to talk clearly. “I’ve been here longer than Desi, so I should be the official tour guide.” His eyes sparkle.
“Pfft, you started six months before me and I still finished my training package before you.” Desi shakes his head. “You’re shameless, you know that. Come this way, Kelly. I’ll show you the highlights.” He holds out his hand and I grab it. Tingles erupt in my hand and dance up my arm as I let him guide me through the station.
It’s like I’ve already seen the highlight reel just by running into them. Desi drops my hand once he knows I’m following him and disappointment twists inside me. I wish I could hold his hand forever.
“So, this part isn’t fun.” Desi climbs the stairs to the second level and we follow him. “But this is.” He leads me over to the poles that drop back down to the lower level.
“Whaddya think? Can you handle a big, long pole like that? Wanna give it a shot?” Zach smirks and, for a hot second, I’m not so sure he’s talking about the shiny metal firefighter pole at all.
I swallow hard, trying to keep my heart from exploding from my chest. “Down that?” I glance over at the glimmering brass.
“Mmhmm, you just have to wrap your legs around it, squeeze it between your thighs as you get on, and then let your body just slide all the way down.”
My cheeks are burning so bright I might need to pull a fire alarm here soon. He’s completely fucking with me, trying to get me flustered with his flirty suggestions. And it’s working.
“It’s up t
o you, but it’s pretty fun. Here, I’ll show you. It’s easy.” Zach breaks eye contact and walks over to the pole. “Just do this.” He nonchalantly hooks one ankle around the brass and quickly slides down from sight through the hole in the floor. “See?” he calls out from below. “Nothing to it.”
I walk over and peer down. I’ve never been one for heights. I’m not paralyzed by fear from them, but I’d just rather not deal with the slightly panicky sensation that crawls over me when I look down from a ladder or something.
“Hey, I can help you, if you’re nervous.” Desi eases up to me. “I can hold you steady, if you want to give it a try.” His hands circle my hips and I swallow hard.
The truth is, I’m not all that interested in going down the pole. However, I am interested in how attentive and careful the guys are being with me. With Zach waiting for me at the bottom and Desi pressed up close to me, holding me tight up here. Well, sometimes a girl just needs to face her fears head-on.
“Okay, don’t let me go, though. I’m not sure how to do this.” I gulp. My heart beats out of my chest and I slide my sweaty palms down over my pants for the millionth time this afternoon so I can get a good grip.
“Don’t worry, we’ll teach you everything you need to know. We’ll take care of you,” Desi reassures me. I can’t help but imagine all the other things they can teach me together about riding poles.
Suddenly my fear transforms and evaporates into an entirely new sensation—overwhelming desire.
“Thank you.”
“So, hook your leg and then you let the pole slide through your hands. Kind of like when you’re driving and you make a sharp turn. You let the wheel slip back through your hands to straighten back out, right?”
“Yeah.” I nod.
“Same idea. You’re not trying to hold it, you’re just using the pole as a guide, okay?”
I nod again. My mouth is too dry to answer. Desi holds my hips steady in his hands and I reach out. My pulse is pounding in my ears as I let my foot dangle out over the hole in the floor and I wrap it around the pole. Breathing in deep, I fill my lungs with what I hope is enough air that I won’t pass out and then I go for it.
My hands aren’t loose and relaxed like on a steering wheel after a big turn. Instead, they’re slick and squeaky as I fill the station with a loud, ear-piercing squeal. When I finally reach the bottom, Zach holds me tight. I’m still clinging to the pole. My death grip just won’t let go. Even though I’m safe and sound, he holds me close. His musk swirls around me, intoxicating my senses.
“You okay?” His eyebrows furrow and he holds me in place with his emerald eyes.
“Perfect,” I manage to utter.
“Head’s up!” Desi calls from above and I step back, breaking the hold Zach has on both my body and my mind.
I watch as Desi easily slips down and joins us on this floor.
For a moment that stretches on forever, I’m between them. Both of their bodies are hard against mine. I’m struck by how amazing they smell together when both of their scents mingle and swirl around me, enticing me, enveloping me. I close my eyes and get lost in a place where our clothes are scattered around us and we have the entire fire station to ourselves.
“We should, uh, probably get back to work,” Zach murmurs, but he doesn’t move away from me.
“Yeah, we really should,” Desi agrees, but he’s also motionless. “We just need to clock four more hours and then we’re off for four days.”
My eyelids flutter open and I blurt out the words before I have a chance to think them through, “Come over for supper tonight.”
I tilt my head and watch confusion flicker over their faces.
“Who are you asking?” Zach finally asks.
“I guess, well, I’d like you both to come over,” I confess.
Am I imagining this heat between us? Is this just something I’m wishing for so badly that I want to see signs everywhere I look? Because I’ve never in a million years been attracted to two men like this at once. I’ve never been wild in bed. Hell, I’ve never even been one to make love outside of my bed. Like, shower sex is insane to me. Still, when I imagine it with them, there’s no position I’m not willing to try. But are they interested in me? Both of them?
“Sure, I’m game.” Desi smiles. “Is there anything I can bring over? How about some wine?”
“That sounds great.” I smile.
“And I’ll bring the entertainment.” Zach points his thumbs at his chest and my smile turns to a laugh.
“Perfect, so how about at seven then?” I finally step back from them, not wanting to overstay my welcome.
“We’ll see you then,” Zach answers.
“Here, we’ll walk you out.” Desi guides me through the sprawling fire station.
I’m sandwiched between two hot firemen. Isn’t this every girl’s dream? I know it’s mine. As they walk me to the door, my mind is already spinning. What am I going to make for them to eat, and even more importantly, what will be on the menu for dessert?
9
Desmond
My thoughts travel as I mindlessly drive the familiar path. I’ve been on plenty of double dates with Zach before. In fact, with the exception of the disastrous double date my well-meaning nana set me up on when I was thirteen, all of my dates with other couples have included him.
That one awkward-as-fuck “date” was with a girl who ended up being my distant cousin. Of course, it didn’t help that the other “couple” was my older sister and the girl’s older brother. We all cut that one short and swore to never let our aging grandmother make romantic decisions for any of us again. Things have changed a lot from her day.
A lot.
So, besides that one weird family reunion that I wish I could bleach from my brain, every other double date I’ve been on has been with Zach as the other guy. It’s always worked well for us. We keep the girls giggling, act as each other’s wing men, and know when to keep the night going or when to call it short.
However, on all of those nights out, there’s always been a gal for Zach and a different one for me. This whole thing is new. I instinctively pull up into my friend’s driveway, not even consciously remembering the drive there. I’ve traveled here so many times, I could literally do it in my sleep.
Zach asked if he could hitch a ride with me, of course. He says his motorcycle is in the shop, but I know he just wants to use me as a designated driver so he can get buzzed. I honk the horn and watch him pop his head out the front door. He gives me the finger. Not the middle one. The first rule of being a mooch that steals food and begs for drives is that you don’t piss off the person who keeps you going. No, he holds up his index finger, letting me know he’ll still be a minute. I give a curt nod and try to mellow out to some Pearl Jam songs while I wait.
Even with my favorite band playing, I can’t relax. There’s just too much running through my head. Like, is this even a date? Or is Kelly just a sweet girl who wants some company for dinner? If it is a date, how is that going to work? Are Zach and I prepared to work something out with her? Do we both walk away? Does one of us start seeing her and the other one is left in the dust? Do we both casually see her on different nights? Or something else?
“Hey, thanks for picking me up.” Zach slides in my car and startles me. I didn’t even see him cross the car over to the passenger side. I need to snap back to reality. I’m too distracted by all this and it could turn out to be for nothing.
“Yeah, yeah.” I reverse out of his driveway and head toward Kelly’s.
Glancing over at him, I can see he’s put his A-game into getting ready. I’ve been on enough double dates with Zach that I can tell when he’s trying to dress to impress. And tonight he’s trying for the best boyish charm meets handsome devil look that he can muster. His gray button-up shirt has the sleeves casually rolled up, but it just happens to show off his muscle-bound arms. His hair is perfectly styled and he obviously spent some time shaving.
Not that I can really cri
ticize him, I spent my free time today doing the exact same thing. I guess both of us are playing the same game. If this is a date, we want to leave a lasting impression.
The silence isn’t awkward between us as I drive toward the fire station, but it’s noticeable. I clear my throat. “So, how do you think this is all gonna turn out?” I glance over at my closest friend and see the same confusion reflecting back at me on his face.
“I dunno, man.” Zach shrugs and runs his hand through his hair. “I figure I’ll just go with the flow.”
“Do you like her?” I realize my throat is a bit dry as I consider this might not work out for me. If Kelly ends up with him, it’ll sting a bit.
“Yeah. I do.” He looks at the world blur by the passenger side window as I increase the car’s speed down the highway. Zach tilts his head and shoots me a look. “What about you?”
I want to tell him that she’s the girl I’ve dreamed of since I was only a boy. That she’s my fantasy come to life. I want to be honest and let him know how much of my thoughts she’s consumed, like the flames of a fire licking the roof of a house. Thoughts of her dance over my brain and burn me up inside. But all of that sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? How can I tell him about feelings I don’t even understand? How can I care so much about a woman I barely know?
“Yeah, me too,” I finally answer. My lips settle into a straight line and I narrow my eyes as I focus on the road ahead.
“Maybe she’s just being nice. I mean, she’s new here and we showed up last night ready to bust open some skulls for her, right? It’s possible a warm, home-cooked meal is just her way of saying thanks.” There’s almost a hopefulness to Zach’s voice. I understand why. That explanation would make things easy. If she wasn’t into either of us, if there was zero chance this woman could upend our friendship, that would ultimately be the best-case scenario.
Shared by the Firefighters: An MFM Firefighter Novella Page 3
