by Nova Black
And she looked back, falling. Falling and falling — finally understanding the fall was the ride and she leaned over, kissing my throat, trailing down. Past my legs. Moved lower still, mouth aiming for the wet, red tufts peeking between Heidi’s thighs.
I sighed contently, guiding Heidi’s head with my hand.
And again we played.
~~~
The gray light of early morning lifted the shadows on Meghan’s face. We lay on the bed, all three of us, Heidi asleep between us, the handle of a wooden brush still caught in the line of her legs.
Meghan watched Heidi and I watched Meghan.
I laid my fingers on Heidi’s stomach, her body sliding closer. My fingers began a trail to her pubis and Meghan touched my hand, “Don’t.”
“Why not, Meghan?” I kept her hand on top of mine and dipped lower, exploring the soft wetness. Early morning dew.
Meghan’s breath grew shaky. “I don’t know why not. It’s just — when is it enough?”
A rhythm had started; a dance between my finger and Heidi’s clitoris, Meghan playing chaperone. Heidi’s hips moving softly.
I moved my gaze to Heidi’s face, just awake enough to allow her relaxed muscles to ride the waves of pleasure.
Meghan watched her too, enjoying herself, not wanting to.
I smiled, leaning in. “Do you want me to stop, Heidi?”
“God, no,” she whispered, eyes still closed. Her climax was smooth and honeyed, a morning’s sweet gift. Slowly her breath deepened, evening to a relaxed slumber.
Meghan lay on her arm, her face close to Heidi’s sleeping face. She watched her.
I touched the bow on Heidi’s neck.
“I can’t give you structure, Meghan. I can’t give you a husband or a long, stable career. I can't give you monogamy, or the lifelong promise to love only you. Meghan, I don’t have such sweetness to give you.”
She looked away.
“But if it was sweetness you were looking for, you would not be here, you would not have seen this woman’s face when she reached her peak. Did you notice…? Did you see, Meghan?”
“I saw. I saw her fight for it and embrace it at the same time… then let it take her, let it overwhelm her.” She shuddered. “I wanted to see it again.”
“It is a beautiful thing, to let go. What I can give you is this: beautiful experiences, moments like these, moments you wouldn’t even know to fantasize about. I can give you excitement and extremes. And in the end to rest, I can give you the comfort of a family that loves you.”
“A criminal family.”
“Yes. Some of us are criminals. Some of us are bakers. Some own skating rinks. All of us look out for one another. All of us are unusually bright and motivated and flawed. And two of us love you,” I said.
She closed her eyes, rolled onto her back.
“I don’t know, Lia. You said I have no line to cross, that you haven’t found it yet. What does that even mean? And what will I be doing with you next week, next month, next fucking year? It terrifies me that I don’t know my limits. The idea that I don’t have limits at all.”
I said nothing, waiting for her to speak the truth of her fear.
She took a deep, shuddery breath. “And that is what draws you to me, isn’t it? You are absolutely fascinated by how far you can take me. You and Zi, both…”
She looked at me, her voice hoarse. “Is that all I am to you, a fucking science experiment?”
I shook my head, wanting badly to touch her, the soft rise and fall of Heidi’s chest a mountain between us.
“For the first time in a long time we found someone like us, brilliant and motivated and flawed. We love you because we know you. Because we are you, Meghan. What would you do if you returned to your old life — grocery shopping and fumbling first dates at the local theatre?”
She looked at me, biting her lip. I lowered my voice. “You will not just past the time with me, Meghan. You will not have one dull Saturday afternoon unless it is your wish to do so. I live, Meghan. And living, truly living, it is dangerous and it is exciting and it is not for the faint.”
“I am alive, Meghan, and it is not for the weak.”
Her breath was heavy, the moment stretching the beating of my heart. Hear me, Meghan. Hear me.
She sighed. “Just – just let me think about it, okay? Give me the day, Lia. Please.”
I nodded and we watched Heidi sleep, sweet and vulnerable, a skewed, ragged ribbon around her throat.
This time, it was Meghan’s hand that touched the ribbon, her hand trailing slow down between Heidi's thighs.
~~~~
At the office, I showered and then I worked. I caught up on old work. I started and finished new work. When I began generating unnecessary work I slid my keyboard aside.
It was not yet lunchtime.
My phone remained silent. No messages or emails from Brenda. No messages from Meghan.
I needed a distraction. My mind wandered to Pamela, or Cindy. Perhaps Bob? Greg? All four, a combination – maybe use the conference room again?
No.
I collected my purse and Meghan’s. A drive will clear my head.
The garage elevator smelled like Meghan, her scent wafting from the purse on my arm. I stood in the corner, hands clenching the railing. The elevator door opened and closed again. I waited, breathing in the empty space. Breathing her in. Pushed the door button once more and stepped out.
Parked next to my car was a familiar looking black Honda, a beautiful woman behind its wheel.
I let loose the breath I had been holding since last night. Opened the passenger door and slipped in. Took in another deep, shuddery breath.
Brenda looked at me. “I knew you would be stir crazy today. You would either be fucking your brains out or driving.”
She put her car in gear. “I’m glad I chose correctly.”
I said nothing, enjoying just being with her. Was it only last night that I last saw her — it felt immeasurably longer. The sun hit her skin, glinting off the tight curls of her hair. I drank her in, every twitch of muscle a sign of whether she might leave me.
We pulled out of the parking garage, heading south. I couldn’t stop watching her, a frown and the flicker of an eye telling me she noticed.
“Stop, Lia. Let’s have a normal conversation. I will tell you how I feel, you will respond vocally, and in a similar, normal fashion.”
“Fair enough,” I said, looking out the window. Looking at her reflection in my window.
She caught my eye and shook her head. At a red light she opened the glove compartment, handing me a black piece of cloth.
“Put it on.”
I glanced at her but complied, the blindfold fitting neatly over my eyes.
She turned on the radio. I heard the noise of a cd case being opened; Reggae music began to play.
"Who has CDs anymore, Brenda?"
She turned it up, loud.
I was patient and rested my head against the seat, letting the chaos in my thoughts settle.
We drove for twenty minutes, or two hours, the sound of drums and deep voices the only companion to my thoughts.
“Are you hungry, Lia?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t move.” The car stopped, door opening and slamming shut.
A period of time past. The door opened again, the smell of fried food wafting in.
“You’re getting some interesting looks from the car across from you.”
I smiled.
“Open your mouth, Lia.”
I did, feeling a thread of pleasure wrap around my spine, nestle in my pelvis as she placed food into my mouth.
“Bite.”
Whatever it was, some type of melted cheese sandwich with tomato… avocado? It was delicious. Brenda fed me, a bite at a time. When I reached the end I licked her fingers, taking them in my mouth, sucking the grease and dripping juice from them.
Did she like that? I couldn’t see her. Couldn’t hear her. I enjoyed it; c
ertainly my pulse was jumping, flaring wildly. Was hers? Or was she upset at the liberty I took? If so, why didn’t she say something, move her hand away. Or toward me?
“See, Lia. It’s not so easy for us mortals.”
I nodded, turning away in my blindfold.
“I can’t stop what I instinctively do, no more than I can make myself go blind, Brenda.”
She laughed. “And so, here you are, blind.”
My pulse shot through the roof. “Are you saying…?” If this was the price to pay to sleep with Brenda, I’d gladly pay. I’d go blindfolded for a fucking month to have her right now.
“We are headed to your beach house. If you are very good and do not take off the blindfold in the interim, we will see what activities we can find there.”
She moved closer, amused voice in my ear. “Is that ok with you, Lia?”
Oh, yes please. I shuddered and nodded, mutely.
The strong salty air made me inhale deeply, tasting it. I should definitely buy a boat, maybe Meghan will be there with us?
Should I send Zi to convince Meghan to stay?
The car turned, pulling from a main road, tires making sounds on the sandy gravel. She parked and I waited for her to open my door.
“You’re not going to pull that sad old trick on me, Lia.”
My mouth twitched. “What trick?”
“The one where I lean in to help you out and you pull me in, off balance and lip deep into your face.”
She opened my door but didn’t touch me. “You’re going to have to work a little harder, use all the wiles in that big bag of tricks of yours.”
I felt the end of an elbow at my arm and touched it lightly, using it to get out the car.
We started walking forward, towards the front steps, my ankles wobbling on the loose soil; the sounds of loud and furious waves behind us.
“I’ve watched you work for years Lia. I know your tricks. I may not know them all, but I know how you operate. You like to play with your prey, nibble at it… and when those buried and hidden desires are suddenly uncovered. You pounce.”
She stopped me at the stairs, leaning in, her skin warm and soft on my arm. “What are you going to do when what you seek is out in the open? When it doesn’t hide. Doesn’t run.”
Brenda leaned in, soft breath warming my neck. “When she sees you and knows exactly where you are; exactly who you are.” She moved her arm around my waist, gripping tight, guiding me up the planked stairs. “What will you do if she has teeth and claws of their own?”
God, I loved this woman. "I guess I would have to improvise,” I murmured
In the darkness of the blindfold I heard a key jingle and click, unlocking the door. The door creaked open and Brenda moved away. “I don’t know, Lia. I think you would hesitate.”
She pulled off the blindfold, sitting me in an upholstered rocking chair — one she had bought for our housewarming years ago. “I think, you’ve never really had to risk getting hurt. I think you never really had to work for your supper.”
She unrolled a strip of gray tape, grinning. “I’m going to teach you to sing today, Lia.”
For the first time in a long damn time, I was truly nervous. Was this a farewell gift? If so...
“Brenda…”
She raised one brow, wrapping my arms. “Begging, already Lia?”
“No.”
The duct tape was loose enough to let me wiggle my arms a bit, but not much else.
“Would you like me to stop?” She smiled teasingly, “Want me to let you go?”
I looked at her, the pulse racing from my heart to the balls of my feet. “You can do whatever you want to me, Brenda. Just, don’t leave me.”
Silence.
She closed her eyes, the roll of duct tape dropping lower. “I don’t want to leave you... fuck, Lia. Do you think I want to leave you?” She came closer, hands on the chair’s arms, on my arms. “It’s fucking tearing me apart, that I love you so much and yet, if I were to touch you…”
“Brenda. I know. I’m sorry … it sucks.”
She laughed a little, sitting on the footstool. “Yeah, it does suck.”
The way the light hit her face, the angles of her cheeks. I inhaled. She was beautiful.
“Lia, if we were to make love tonight, right now, even if it was the most mind blowing, can’t walk straight the next day sex. Even if we made some deep spiritual connection where our souls merge in a sea of funky afterglow and moonlight…”
“Even after all that, if in the darkness we confessed undying love to one another,” she turned to me, voice ragged, “you would still be fucking another person the next day.”
She looked away, a shine in her eyes.
“And it — it hasn’t even happened and it fucking breaks my heart. It hurts, Lia. One person isn’t enough for you. Fuck, three people aren’t enough for you.”
I said nothing, waiting. She wouldn’t have brought me here if she didn’t have a solution. It scared me that I didn’t know what it was.
“I can’t fill the need you have. All I could do was be there when you needed me. I could be your friend, love you as a friend. But I can’t do that anymore, Lia. I can’t.”
I stared at her. She was serious, she was more than serious. “What did you do, Brenda?”
She smiled, and it was one of relief; of a burden close to being unloaded.
I closed my eyes, terrified.
“I’m not leaving you, Lia. I’m just, leaving. I’ve put in for a transfer to the offices in Berlin.” She leaned closer to me. “So, here’s the deal, when I’m settled you will get your cute ass on a plane and visit me. You will be mine, wholly mine for the entirety of your visit. No fucking the cute waitress or my boss or whomever. When you get the itch again,” she shrugged, “go home to Zi and Meghan and the rest of your harem of willing thighs.”
Unacceptable. I couldn’t imagine not seeing her every day, not talking with her, laughing together. Weeks, months without seeing her? No.
“Brenda, no. Don’t do this. I am sorry I overstepped." My voice lowered in earnest. "I apologize, Brenda.”
“I have to leave. If you love me, and we both know you do, you would let me go.”
“Untie me, Brenda.” My vision was wavering, I needed to touch her, hold her.
“If I untied you now," she shook her head, smiling sadly, “you would persuade me to stay. Lia, I’m leaving tomorrow to find an apartment.”
She kissed me and I cried through it, my tears soaking her cheek. I’m sorry, don’t leave. Don’t leave me. I’m so sorry Brenda.
