“He’s seeing you this week, he’s made long-term plans to keep you in his life and figured out a way to be part of your life between now and then. Yeah, H, I’d say he likes you. Damn he’s good, that was a pretty swift move on his part. I like it.” Schooner seemed impressed.
Henry just looked at his old friend, feeling hopeful beyond belief. He wanted to get to know this guy, he was excited to get to know this guy. Never did he think that he’d get to this point again, to be trusting enough to open the door even a crack. And Quinn had made it so easy to do. There was none of that crazy testosterone filled danger surrounding the guy, even though he could be brandishing a weapon at any time.
Henry smiled at Schooner. Just as he had done for his emotionally flailing friend years ago, this time Schooner took the reins, steering Henry back onto the right path, but making him do the hard work to free himself from the darkness.
And as Schooner had promised him, once again, the two friends had run through it.
It was the third weekend that Henry and Quinn had loaded mountain bikes onto the back of Quinn’s jeep and driven west to Mission Trails Regional Park to train in the Fortuna Mountains. The first week they stayed on the eastern half of the park with its rolling grasslands and easy trails, working on building stamina for distance to complete the 100 plus mile charity event. The following Saturday they met again, tackling a combination of the eastern and rugged western halves of the park.
Today they had decided to take on more challenging trails and as they struggled up a brutal climb known at The Alley, Quinn turned back to a trailing Henry, flashing his beautiful white smile and yelled, “You ride like a pussy.”
“A pussy?” Henry screamed back with a smile. “Fuck you.”
“You should get so lucky,” Quinn was nearly out of breath as they reached the Fortuna saddle, giving them a quick reprieve as they rode through the notch between the North and South Fortuna Mountains. Turning right, they began their ascent up the trail to North Fortuna’s summit.
“You ride behind me because you like to watch my ass,” Quinn yelled back, having regained his breath.
“Damn right I do, you’ve got a great ass.” Henry was smiling as he struggled up the trail, the burn in his thighs almost overwhelming. I’m flirting. The thought took him by surprise.
“So do you,” Quinn called back.
Reaching the summit, they stood there alongside their bikes, silently taking in the spectacular view to the west. Quinn had been right, Henry thought. It was nice to have someone to do this with, share both the experience and the rigors of training. Cycling had become a lone endeavor for him for so many years that he thought it might be hard to share the experience with someone else. But standing alongside Quinn Callahan on a mountaintop, with the bright sun making his impossibly blue eyes appear even bluer, Henry felt a sense of peace and happiness he’d never shared with another person before.
Bumping Quinn’s shoulder, “A pussy, huh?”
Quinn laughed, “That got your thighs pumping those pedals.”
“Pussy,” Henry grumbled and quickly got on his bike, speeding out ahead of Quinn. “Let’s see who’s the pussy now,” he called the taunt over his shoulder.
“I’ll gladly be the pussy to see your ass,” Quinn called after him laughing.
What Quinn couldn’t see as they descended the mountain was Henry’s smile as the combination of wind, sun and speed greeted him that Saturday morning. And the cherry on this sundae was knowing Quinn Callahan was watching his ass.
“That scar looks pretty fresh,” Quinn observed the white line under Henry’s left eye as they sat drinking coffee after the ride. “Good story behind it?” He smiled, clearly looking for some more insight into his new friend.
“No. Bad story behind it.” Henry could feel the muscles along his spine contract and it felt like he’d just grown two inches taller in his chair.
“Sorry,” Quinn put down his latte, his eyes immediately filled with concern.
Henry recognized the moment with a clarity he often felt when deep into a Yoga session. He could hang onto it and keep himself imprisoned within his own walls, while shutting Quinn out, or he could purge by telling the truth and not letting Cody’s actions have power over him or cause him shame. It was the moment of truth, open the door and have the chance to move forward together. Or keep it locked and remain Cody’s prisoner.
“I got the shit beaten out of me by a psycho Marine I was dating who was a self-loathing closet case.” Henry flung the door wide open with abandon.
“Holy crap.” Quinn grew two inches in his chair as his spine stiffened. “Did you press charges?”
Henry shook his head.
“You need to press charges. Do not let this guy get away with it. That’s a hate crime.” Quinn was getting worked up at the injustice suffered by his new friend, his cop instincts kicking into high gear.
“He was taken care of. The guy is in a hellhole in Baghdad and he’s not coming back. His commanding officers know what happened and dealt with it pretty swiftly.” Henry played with his coffee cup, nervous energy getting the best of him.
“And you? Have you been taken care of?” The look in Quinn’s eyes was something Henry had rarely seen before. What was it? Empathy? Concern? The need to protect and make things right?
“I’m getting there. I’m not going to lie to you, it’s been a long haul back.”
“I’ll bet.” Quinn reached across the table, taking Henry’s hand in his.
“First was the physical. And that may actually have been the easiest part.” Henry was silent for a moment and Quinn didn’t try to fill the space with noise. “Emotionally, it’s a battle every day. But it’s gotten a lot better. The Yoga and getting back to work have provided a structure that I really needed. It’s like grabbing the next rung on a ladder.”
Quinn looked at Henry’s hand in his on the table. “I apologize if I’ve made you feel uncomfortable,” he alluded to their flirtation.
As he went to remove his hand, Henry tightened his grip, holding Quinn’s larger hand in place.
Shaking his head no, “You haven’t made me uncomfortable. You’ve made me excited that I’m still alive,” and he squeezed Quinn’s hand tighter. “Thank you.”
Quinn went to speak, a sound escaping, and immediately waved it off with his free hand, too choked up to speak. Closing his eyes, Henry could see that he was processing what happened.
Finally, “Were you in the hospital?”
Henry nodded, “A little over three weeks. A lot of the bones in my face were fractured and with the help of photos, they put me back together.”
With an intensity that told the story of what was churning deep within the man, Quinn’s eyes bored into Henry’s. “You know he’s lucky he’s in Baghdad, don’t you.” This time it was Quinn who was squeezing Henry’s hand.
“He’s the past.” And Henry really believed it as he vocalized the words.
“You’re right, he is.” Quinn smiled, as that attitude sat well with him. “So,” he began and stalled.
“So, us?” Henry picked up.
“Yeah, so us. What do you need from me? Are you even interested?”
Henry was nodding, “Yes, I’m interested. Quinn, I’m very interested,” he paused, collecting his thoughts. “What do I need from you?” he repeated the question. “I need you to know if I freak out or pull away or I’m kind of slow with things, it’s because of what happened and not because I’m not interested in you, because I’m very interested in you.”
“OK.”
“I’m scared. For so many reasons. But most of it’s my own shit and you need to know that.”
“Just talk to me, OK? When something scares you or if I do something to scare you, please talk to me. I want to get to know you, Henry. You set the terms and I will respect them.”
They were quiet for a few minutes, both using their coffee cups as props to fill the time and space. Quinn broke the silence.
“I’m so
sorry this happened to you and I’m also sorry that I’m the guy that gets to come next. But, at the same time, I’m glad that I’m the guy that gets to come next, because I know you’ll be protected and safe. And that’s important to me.”
Quinn had just said what Henry wanted to hear, you’ll be safe and protected. Henry so wanted to believe him. And he hated both himself and Cody for not yet having that faith.
And as if reading his mind, “I know saying you’re safe with me are just empty words to you right now, even though I know how true they are, you don’t. And that has to come with trust. Which, I know, is something I have to earn.”
Unloading Henry’s bike off the back of the Jeep in front of his apartment, the two men stood in what was their first uncomfortable silence.
“I’ll see you at L9,” Henry finally filled the space and turned to walk away.
“Henry.”
Turning to Quinn, he saw the man approaching him. Quinn’s muscular arms swiftly wrapped around him, pulling him tightly to his chest. It was a warm, full-on embrace coming from a place of deep, honest emotion. Not wrought with any sexual overtones, the caring hug allowed Henry, without hesitation, to immediately feel the tension recede from his body as he let himself momentarily melt into Quinn, accepting what the man was offering. Even if only just for a moment.
Pulling away, “I’ll see you Monday.” Henry forced a smile.
Nodding, Quinn remained silent, his arms crossing over his muscular chest. Leaning back against the Jeep, he stayed there until Henry was safely in the building.
Derek pulled Henry aside when Quinn was in the men’s room, and in a hushed tone with his lips barely moving, “Hey, did Quinn mention to you that his birthday is next weekend?”
“No, that dog didn’t say a word.”
“We’re going to throw him a little surprise party at the house. Nothing elaborate, just a few friends and some guys we know on the force. Quinn’s partner, Terry, will be there.”
For a split-second, Henry felt his stomach knot at the mention of Quinn’s partner, until he realized Derek was probably referring to his partner on the police force. “Oh, his partner from work?” Henry tried to be nonchalant.
“Yeah, they’ve been together for six years. Really good guy and his wife, Patty, is a doll.”
As Quinn made his way across the club toward them, Derek quickly ended the conversation, “I’ll email you the details.”
“Ready to hit the track?” Quinn smiled at Henry.
The sight of his smile made Henry feel like his insides were shimmering. “Yeah, let’s do it.”
As they walked to the elevator, Henry couldn’t shake the flash of despondence he felt when Derek had said Quinn had a partner, and he mistook it to mean that Quinn had a life partner. For just that jarring split second, it felt as if his heart was being sliced from his chest, as he got a quick glimpse at how unbearable the pain would be if he lost this man he had only known a few short months, or lost the hope that they could be something more than friends.
It was in that very moment that he knew, without any doubt or reservation, that he could not bear to be without Quinn Callahan, and it was time to make sure that Quinn knew that.
Derek and Willie owned a mid-century ranch-style house on a block where investors bought and tore down the houses to build modern monstrosities with quadruple the square footage.
“We’re hanging onto it for the land value and then we’re going to retire someplace tropical.”
Henry followed Willie into the living room where a dozen people were standing around, drinks in hand. Putting his present on the gift table, Henry surveyed the surroundings and found the beer cooler. Extracting an icy Corona, he made his way over to Derek just as another half dozen people arrived.
“So how are you getting him over here?”
“Tonight’s our monthly poker game, so he thinks he’s coming to lose his shirt. He should be here in about five minutes.”
At exactly 8 P.M., with a six-pack of Corona in hand, Quinn arrived dressed casually for his poker game with the boys, wearing ripped jeans molded to his gorgeous ass, a V-neck white tee, beat-up sneakers and a backwards Dodgers cap.
Baby blue eyes widened and his jaw literally dropped as he scanned his environs. Henry watched with delight as Quinn took in all the people that were important to his world. And then his eyes landed on Henry, and there wasn’t another soul in the room, as the edges of his smile twitched and Henry melted. Henry’s reaction mirrored Quinn’s and the look that passed between the two men spoke volumes.
I’m here. I’m here with the rest of the people you love.
“He was really surprised,” a petite blonde standing next to Henry looked up at him.
“He really was. The look on his face was priceless.” The look on his face was heart-meltingly gorgeous.
“I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Patty, Terry’s wife. Terry’s Quinn’s partner,” she explained.
Extending his hand, “Hi, I’m Henry.”
“Oh.” She was surprised and called out to her husband, “Terry, come over here and meet Henry.”
Just in the way she said his name, Henry knew he’d been discussed and was now under very close scrutiny.
Early 40’s and barrel-chested, he made his way over and with a crushing handshake, “Terry McGowan, Quinn’s partner.”
“It’s so great to meet you.” Henry was amused. What had Quinn told them about him? “I’m Quinn’s, umm, I guess, bike riding partner.”
As Henry worked his way around the room, talking to people and trying to be social amongst a group of strangers, he’d catch glimpses of Quinn, and without fail, his breath would hitch every time. It was the black hair and the white-toothed smile, the pale baby blues and the ripped jeans hugging his ass. He is so beautiful and Henry realized he was both in awe of the man and in awe of the feelings that he had been able to stir in him, quelling Henry’s fear that Cody had damaged him beyond repair.
Watching him greet and talk to all the guests, Henry wanted to be by his side, talking with friends as if they were a couple, the way Derek and Willie were, the way Terry and Patty were, and the other couples that were scattered around the room.
“Now there must be some Irish blood in you somewhere with that gorgeous strawberry-blonde hair.”
Henry smiled at the woman, “I know of Scottish and English blood, maybe even a little Welsh, but I don’t know of any Irish ancestry.”
“Don’t kid yourself, there’s an Irishman in there.” She elbowed him. “I’m Jeanne,” the middle-aged woman extended a small hand.
“Henry,” he smiled down at her.
“Oh, you’re Henry.” Her eyes widened and she gave him a once over.
“Don’t torture the guy, Ma.” She was a beautiful brunette with fair skin and black-lashed eyes, the color of Quinn’s.
With a jolt to the stomach, it occurred to Henry that he was meeting Quinn’s family. And that everyone knew who he was.
“Hi, I’m Quinn’s sister, Katelyn.” Her smile was as beautiful as her brother’s.
“So nice to meet you. You two have the same eyes,” Henry observed.
“We got them from our dad.”
“He was a wonderful man. God rest his soul,” Jeanne chimed in.
“Quinn tells us you’re training to do the Long Beach/San Diego ride.”
“We are and I’m pretty out of shape.”
“Don’t listen to him.” Quinn came up on them. “He’s in great shape,” blatantly checking out Henry’s ass with a shit-eating grin. “So have you told him any embarrassing stories about me yet, Ma?”
“I don’t need to.” Jeanne smiled at her son. “I have no doubt that you’ll do plenty on your own to embarrass yourself without my help.”
Laughing, he hugged his mom to him. “So now you’ve met my girls.” His eyes held Henry’s, letting Henry know the importance of the moment, for Quinn Callahan was now the patriarch of the family, and these two women were his wor
ld.
“I have and I’m not leaving here tonight without at least one good Quinn story.” He looked at Jeanne conspiratorially. “Don’t let me down, Mrs. Callahan.”
“So polite.” She nodded to her son approvingly. Turning to Henry and touching his arm. “Call me Jeanne. I like this one, Quinny.”
“Me too.” He winked at his mom and was off to another conversation.
Throughout the night, as they locked eyes with one another, Henry felt this terrible longing. Being across the room from Quinn felt like an interminable distance, a gap he somehow needed to close. He wanted to feel the heat from his body, be close enough for him to whisper in his ear.
Wandering into the kitchen, Henry saw a cake that was an exact replica of Quinn’s badge laid out on the counter. As he stood there marveling at the craftsmanship of the baker and the intricate details worked into the delicacy, he felt him come up behind him, and stand close enough to feel his breath on the back of his neck.
“That’s pretty cool, isn’t it,” Quinn remarked.
Turning his face to see Quinn’s, “It really is,” he agreed, “I can’t believe the amount of detail. It’s so realistic.”
“I’m really glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” Henry locked eyes with him, their lips just inches apart, but still miles away from their first kiss.
Derek poked his head into the kitchen, bringing their moment to an abrupt, and unwanted, end. “Come on out and open presents and then we’ll cut the cake.”
“Presents. This night is just getting better and better.” Quinn grabbed Henry by the hand and pulled him out of the kitchen, his grip still tight as they moved through the living room, hand-in-hand, to the couch where the presents were stacked up in a pile on the floor. Only one spot remained on the couch, designated for the guest of honor. Quinn gave Henry’s hand a final squeeze before letting go and taking his spot on the couch.
The moment Quinn released his hand, Henry felt alone in the crowded room. Torn away too soon, too abruptly. The loss staggering. His need to feel Quinn overwhelming.
Henry's End Page 10
