Kharmic Rebound

by Yeager, Aaron

Ilrica stepped off next with large purple bags underneath her eyes. Her fur was droopy and matted; she had bed head over her entire body. “It was only supposed to be a half-hour flight,” she moaned.

  “I didn’t think a starliner could break down that many times,” Ungliss coughed as he floated out, looking like a soggy raincloud.

  “They can’t.”

  Ms. Stubbs put her hands on her head. “The stardrive, the hyperspace antennae, broken broken... everything broken.”

  Zurra stepped out next in her child form, looking like a half-melted candle. Large drops of pink goo dripped off of her and puddled on the floor of the terminal. “At least you guys were up in the front. The bathrooms backed up after the first day, and I was right next to them. It smelled like death! DEATH!” She fell forward and collapsed into a pink puddle.

  “Zurra, how can you even have a sense of smell anyway?”

  “I wish I didn’t,” she bubbled.

  “They showed the same in-flight movie eighty-seven times,” Tiboe groaned as he staggered out, his brown fur stained and patchy. “Howard the Duck... EIGHTY SEVEN TIMES! I feel like it is burned into my retinas! I never want to see any human movie ever again as long as I live!”

  Cha’Rolette came out next, her green skin looking pale, her uniform rumpled and stained, her ringlets hanging down limply behind her. That is nothing. I was sitting right next to the emergency exit when that stupid grog Trahzi decided to jump outside and make the rest of the trip on her own. If I hadn’t put that barrier up we’d have all been turned inside out.

  Ms. Stubbs yanked on her staticky hair. “How can a distress beacon break? They can’t, they’re supposed to be good for centuries!”

  Cha’Rolette pulled out a dirty handkerchief. This is degrading. I shouldn’t have to live like this. She threw her head back and gave off a petite little sneeze, causing her ta’atu to shoot straight out like a starfish. The waste bin next to her crumpled like an aluminum can. Oh look, now I’ve gone and caught the sniffles.

  Gerald came out next, happily munching on a peeled lemon. Cadbury clucked oddly and stumbled sideways, collapsing onto the floor next to him. “Actually, I thought it was a pretty good flight,” he admitted.

  They are turned and scowled at him.

  “What? My last flight took three weeks. This one was much better.”

  * * *

  Ms. Stubbs twitched nervously as she led her exhausted class through the baggage check. “Why is this breaking? Everything breaking... everything’s breaking,” she kept mumbling to herself as the students retrieved their luggage.

  “What is taking so long?” S’Meskle complained after a few minutes, his shell looking discolored and flaky.

  “Doesn’t everyone have their stuff yet?” Ms. Stubbs asked, her hair popping with electricity.

  “Dyson’s bag hasn’t shown up yet,” Tomar grumbled as he leaned against his suitcase, the armpits of his uniform irrevocably stained with sweat.

  Ms. Stubbs’ eye twitched hysterically. “Oh... Gerald’s bag.” She turned to look at Gerald, her nostrils flaring.

  “Isn’t that his bag there?” Kzoyohaan asked, pointing to the turnstile made of light as a final bag flopped down. Not actually a bag anymore, just a shredded corner.

  “Well, it used to be my bag,” Gerald said, picking it up.

  Ms. Stubbs took out a bottle of pills and shook a couple into her hand. “Okay, Dyson, go file a claim at the lost baggage station, the rest of you follow me.”

  “It’s not really lost, more destroyed,” Ilrica pointed out.

  Gerald pumped his fist. “Sweet, that means I get a new essentials kit.” As he ran off to the lost baggage station, with Cadbury zig-zagging after him, the whole class snarled.

  “How can that guy be so happy all the time?” Kamanie asked, her hair damp and limp.

  “Probably has brain damage or something,” Tulda said, her rouge and mascara trailing down her cheeks.

  By the time Gerald caught up with everybody with his brand new essentials kit, they were already loaded up onto the charter bus that would take them to the hotel reserved for their trip. The vehicle was long and ridged like an accordion, with bubbled glass domes along the top to give each passenger their own picturesque view. It reminded Gerald of a big caterpillar. Ms. Stubbs stood nervously in the entry ramp, chewing on her fingernails.

  “Oh, Dyson,” she fidgeted as he approached. Suddenly the melodic humming of the bus’ hover engine started to sputter, and the teacher thrust her arms out. “No! Stop! Back up!” she commanded.

  Gerald was surprised, but did as he was told. Cadbury didn’t notice in time and collided into his leg in a poof of feathers.

  As Gerald backed away, the bus’ engine returned to a normal humm.

  Ms. Stubbs breathed in relief and shook three more pills into her hand.

  “Is there a problem?” he asked as she swallowed the pills.

  “No,” she chuckled fitfully, her eyes twitching. “No problem, just that... I have a special assignment for you... yes... that’s right.”

  “You do?”

  “Um, yes. The director wants us to take a bunch of pictures of the class trip for the school net. I’m putting you in charge of it.”

  She tossed him a small holo-camera. He looked at it, unsure. “Okay, but why me?”

  “Because everyone important is going to be busy enjoying themselves.”

  “I see.” Cadbury pecked at the ground fecklessly, not realizing that it was tarocrete and not dirt.

  “Get to it,” Ms. Stubbs told him. “You can start by taking some pictures on your way to the temple. You know, beautiful things. This is a tourist town, after all.”

  Before he could protest, she had sealed the door and the bus lifted off. The last thing he saw was Ilrica looking at him through the rear window and sticking her tongue out at him. “Have a nice walk, Dyson,” she taunted.

  The other students cheered.

  A moment later they were just a speck in the distance, and it occurred to Gerald that he had no idea where he was. The bluish sun was rising up in the violet skies of this world. Large floating plant life called weli’hi drifted about lazily in the skies above like little floating islands. Their falling rosy pedals drifted down like a light snowfall.

  A short little girl with long blue hair down to her ankles walked up to the ramp near him and tapped a control on her wrist, signaling for a taxi.

  “Um, sorry to bother you, miss,” he began. He waited for her translator to switch to English before he continued. “I’ve never been to this world before, could you tell me how to get to the Soeckian Temple?”

  “You just take a taxi,” she said in a sweet little voice.

  “Ah, yes, but let’s say I couldn’t take a taxi...”

  “Why couldn’t you take a taxi?”

  “Just for argument’s sake, let’s say I couldn’t. How would I walk there?”

  She tilted her head. “Who is argument?”

  “What?”

  “You said, ‘for argument’s sake,’ but who is argument?”

  “No, I mean... ugh... just... how do I walk to the Soeckian Temple?”

  “With your feet, I would imagine.”

  Gerald shook his head and chuckled in frustration. “Which way is the temple, can you point towards it?” he asked, trying to simplify the question.

  She pointed off into the west.

  “Do you know how far it is?”

  “About eight parns.”

  Gerald did a little math in his head. “Okay, eight parns, that’s about... eleven miles. I can do that, it’s still early.”

  The girl only watched him oddly.

  “Thank you for your help,” he said, giving her a thumbs-up.

  The girl screamed in terror and slapped him square in the face, knocking him back into a vending machine. Cadbury tried to bury her head in the sand in terror, but only ended up bonking her head into the tarocrete.

  “Pervert!” the girl accused as she j
umped into her taxi and sped off.

  * * *

  Four hours and five wrong turns later, Gerald reached the edge of the Temple Gardens. Breathtaking statues of translucent amber spaced out like a giant chess board extended out before him. Tall, hooded mushrooms as big as trees provided shade; every surface seemed covered in scripture written in Stollick. For the first time in a long while, Gerald felt at home. Cadbury scratched about for bugs.

  He was so excited that he forgot himself, and reached out and touched the cool amber. Part of the statue, which was shaped vaguely like a dragon, became clearer, revealing scraps of parchment contained within. Gerald was so excited he barely remembered to lift up the camera and take a shot before the amber became opaque again.

  “Hey Dyson, whacha doing?” Ilrica asked as she walked by, carrying a stack of tablets.

  Gerald touched the statue again and looked within. “This is part of the fifth scroll. Like, the original fifth scroll written by the hand of Soeck himself.”

  Ilrica looked much better now. Freshly showered and rested. She saddled up alongside him, nearly knocking him over, and looked at the scroll fragments within.

  “Sacred scroll, eh?” she asked, unimpressed.

  “Have you ever read them?”

  “I skimmed ‘em. I thought the movie was better.”

  Gerald looked around in wonder. “I never thought I’d have the chance to make the pilgrimage here. Chanterelle was the site of one of the original three temples. Some of these blocks were laid down by the earliest Stollicks to achieve enlightenment.” Gerald took a step back and pointed at the cobblestone beneath them. “Why, Soeck himself could have stood on this very spot where we are standing.”

  “If he did, he was standing in poo.”

  Gerald looked down and realized that he had stepped back into a large dropping. Ilrica laughed as she walked away, while Gerald cleaned off his shoes as best he could against a rock. Cadbury chased a bug into a tree and got her head stuck in a knothole.

  After freeing his chicken, Gerald made his way further into the Gardens, savoring the peace he found here. He found a really neat spider that had a metallic blue carapace, and took a couple of shots. Next he found his way to the meditation grounds where a perfect replica of the Sesass Falls from Stollick stood. The air was moist as Gerald walked up to the roaring wall of water. Here at the base, monks would meditate underneath the pounding current and freezing temperatures, to learn how to find peace amid chaos. They were not in use at the moment, but he figured that was probably due to the festival. Gerald took a few pictures and briefly contemplated using the falls for a time, but it was already midday, and there was no way he was going to miss the chance to participate in afternoon communal prayers. Cadbury pecked at the water striders on the surface, only to fall in and splash around in panic.

  As Gerald walked deeper into the temple grounds, more evidence of the festivities became apparent. Sutra Talismans hung from the trees. Prayer streamers were tied around their trunks. Lines of hanging lanterns had been hung between the rows of greenery, ready to be lit when the sun went down.

  He saw one tree that nearly took his breath away. Its branches and leaves had been carefully trimmed and cultivated for what must have been centuries, teasing it to grow into the exact shape of Y’tzuma, the Stolleckian symbol for love. He was so entranced that it didn’t even register at first to him that one of his classmates was standing underneath it, engaged in a very heated conversation.

  Did I ask you to worry? Cha’Rolette said coldly into the window floating before her. You don’t worry, that is not your job. You let me worry.

  The man on the other side of the window looked terrified.

  The fact is a lawyer can steal more with a lie than a man can with a gun. I don’t need big guns on my side right now, I need big liars, you understand?

  “Yes, Duchess.”

  Gerald brought up his camera to take a picture.

  Oh, Gerald, I didn’t see you there, Cha’Rolette said, waving the window away. Most of the class is at the temple already. I had some family business to attend to.

  Gerald checked the focus on the camera.

  What are you doing?

  Gerald looked up at her. “Oh, hi. I was given a chore by Ms. Stubbs. I’m supposed to take pictures of beauty while we’re on the class trip.”

  Oh, well say no more. She flicked a freshly showered and styled ringlet over her shoulder and took out her makeup kit. Just give me a second here to primp myself. Let’s see, the sky here is violet, so I better go for a natural olive skin tone. If I go for evening smoky eyes, it’ll wash out...

  She tapped a few controls and the little machine went to work, opening up like a crab, little hands and pincers going to work, buffing, spraying, and painting.

  Gerald finally readied the shot and took it with a click.

  Hey, I wasn’t ready, she complained, her compact still reapplying her lipstick.

  “What?”

  Give me that.

  Her ringlets glowed and the camera was yanked out of his hand. “What are you doing?”

  I have to delete the picture, of course. I can’t be seen half made up like this.

  She flipped over the camera and tapped a button

  “But I didn’t...”

  The camera projected a holographic image into the air, a perfect capture of the tree with the sun behind it, light shimmering through its branches, and Cha’Rolette’s elbow in one corner.

  What is this? she demanded. This is just a picture of some dumb old tree.

  “Well, of course. I was told to take pictures of beautiful things.”

  What is wrong with you? She yelled, an invisible force smacking him on the face and sending him spinning to the ground.

  “That’s the second time today,” Gerald groaned as he lay twisted on the ground. Cadbury came up and pecked at his ear.

  Cha’Rolette raised up a finger, ready to really lay into him with a long-winded lecture, but her communicator chimed. Ugh, I’ll deal with you later, I have to take this call.

  As she walked off to find some privacy, she pulled out her handkerchief just in time to catch a tiny feminine sneeze. A nearby statue lifted up into the air, then came crashing back into place.

  That’s when a smiling pink freckled face leaned in over above Gerald.

  “Oh, crap.”

  Gerald scrambled to his feet, but she was already on him, wrapping herself around his leg like a python.

  “Zuri, let go of me,” he struggled.

  “No way, I need your help with something and you’re going to help me.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m going to afternoon prayer. You can’t make me.”

  Zurra expanded her body, covering him from the neck down in a layer of pink slime.

  “What is this... whoa...!”

  Gerald gasped as his leg was forced to take a step forward, then the other leg was forced as well. It was like he was nothing more than one of his old G.I. Joe toys and she was making him walk.

  “Okay, well, obviously you CAN make me,” he struggled. “But that doesn’t mean you should.” Cadbury ran after him, running into the occasional tree as she did so.

  Zurra forced him over to the Xovot, a small amber steppe pyramid just outside the inner temple grounds, where visitors could change from their street clothes into special gray worship robes. Once they got inside, Gerald noticed that there was only a small selection of wool robes, the majority of the space was dedicated to expansive bridal gowns, party dresses, coronation wardrobes, funeral attire, prom dresses, and a popular assortment of Izowaanian tuxedoes. It looked more like a store than a Xovot. It even had a cashier station in one corner with a young and pretty shrine maiden sitting happily greeting customers.

  “What do you think of this one?” Zurra asked happily as she peeled off of him and then wormed inside a waiting white dress, filling it out from within into her adult form. It was modest and tasteful, and flattered her figure quite beautifully.


  “What do you think? Don’t I look beautiful?” she gushed as she set a delicate circlet and veil about her head. Cadbury clucked happily as if she approved.

  “Why am I helping you pick out a wedding dress?”

  “Oh, that’s right, we need to have you meet my parents first.”

  “That’s not what I meant!”

  Before he could stop her, Zurra reached into his pocket and pulled out the portable vone Cha’Rolette had given him. “Here, I’ll call my dad up right now.”

  “Do no such thing!”

  The shrine maiden placed her hand over her heart. “Oh, I just love Eldireer Festival weddings, they’re so romantic.”

  “This is no wedding,” Gerald warned as he fought with Zurra over the device. “This is a kidnapping. If you have any decency, you will call the authorities immediately.”

  The shrine maiden tittered as if it had been a joke.

  Despite his interference, Zurra managed to make the connection, and a second later a window appeared with Senator Immestria visible in it.

  “Daddy, I want you to meet Geri,” Zurra purred, stretching out her arms and wrapping them around Gerald’s waist so tightly he could barely breathe.

  The senator’s pink eyes narrowed. “A solid? Sweetie, you told me he was a Zurinite, like us.”

  “Don’t worry, he’s going to convert.”

  Gerald pushed against her cheek with all his might, deforming it. “Who said I was going to convert?”

  Senator Immestria slammed his fist down on his desk. “You can’t convert species, sweetheart, he’s a mundane!”

  “It’ll be fine. We’ll spray paint him pink, no one will know the difference.”

  The Senator stood up at his desk. “This is absurd! Now, I absolutely forbid you to spend one more minute with that...”

  Zurra waved her hand and ended the call.

  “See? My daddy likes you” she tittered. “Now I’ll call up my stepmom so you can meet her too.”

  While Zurra fiddled with the device, Gerald tried to make a break for it, but she stretched out one foot and wrapped it around his ankle. He came crashing down to the floor right in front of the cashier’s desk, nearly landing on top of Cadbury.

  “You two are such a cute couple,” the shrine maiden praised.