by M. S. Parker
I had the words though. “It’s too big to be real.”
He chuckled, a low sound that stirred things low in my belly. “Exactly.”
We stayed where we were for a few minutes longer, then broke apart with similar sighs. He took my hand, lacing his fingers between mine, and we walked into the courthouse together. My heeled boots clicked against the floor, echoing through the nearly-empty building. The day after Christmas wasn’t a federal holiday, but with Christmas in the middle of the week, a lot of judges had postponed trials until the following week, which meant the usual bustle of plaintiffs and defendants, prosecutors and defense attorneys had been drastically reduced. At least that was what CT had told me when he’d announced this morning that we were going to get married that same afternoon.
I’d thought he was joking at first, but then he’d produced a marriage certificate and told me to meet him at two o’clock.
“Are you sure you don’t want a big church wedding?” CT asked for the third time. “I don’t want you to regret this.”
“I won’t,” I promised him and squeezed his hand between mine. “I’ve never imagined a big, fancy wedding. All I’ve ever wanted is someone who loved me enough to make a sincere commitment to a life together.”
That was the sort of sentence that would’ve sent another man running. All CT did was smile and lean over to kiss my temple, confirming what I already knew. I couldn’t explain it, but I knew this was exactly where I was supposed to be and who I was supposed to be with. The flutter of nerves I was currently experiencing was excitement and anticipation rather than anxiety.
Except in one particular area.
“What about you?” I asked, finding the courage to finally ask the one question that had been circling my mind from the moment the shock of his proposal had lessened. “Are you sure you don’t want to wait until your parents are on board with this?”
He shook his head. “They need to see this as my decision and respect it. I can’t say how long that will take, and I don’t intend to wait around while they get used to the idea of me making another decision I didn’t consult them about.”
I tugged on his hand, bringing him to a stop. “You’re not doing this just to rebel against them, are you?”
His eyes widened. “No, I swear. I love you, and I want to marry you. I–”
I pressed my fingers to his lips, stilling them. “I don’t doubt your feelings. I know those are genuine, and so was your proposal. I meant the timing. I want to make sure you’re not trying to rush into things because you know your parents won’t approve.”
He bit the pad of my finger, then kissed it, his tongue flicking over the sting. “No,” he said firmly. “This is me wanting to start our life together as soon as possible.”
I searched his expression, his eyes. I believed him with everything inside me. “All right then.” I nodded and exhaled a long breath. “Let’s go.”
Less than fifteen minutes later, we stood in front of a tall, thin woman who CT had said had been one of the first women judges in this district. He’d done a piece on her for his school paper, and they’d spent some time talking during various functions. She was known to be objective…and discreet.
The ring CT slid on my finger was a simple gold band that matched the one I’d given him a minute ago. I didn’t have an engagement ring – not really necessary when the wedding came barely twenty-four hours after the proposal – but I didn’t mind the lack of adornment. These rings had belonged to CT’s maternal grandparents, and he’d inherited them a few years ago. The way he talked about them told me all I needed to know. They’d been important to him, which meant the rings were important to me. I didn’t care about their price tag.
“…You may kiss the bride.”
The twinkle in CT’s eyes made me think he was going to do something crazy and embarrassing, but his kiss was brief and almost-chaste. Still, it warmed me to the core.
“Congratulations, Mr. Hunter,” the judge said with a smile. “Mrs. Hunter.”
Mrs. Hunter.
I was a Mrs.
Holy shit. I was married.
We’d really done it.
“If you’ll sign the license, I’ll make sure it’s properly filed,” she said, pointing at the paper on her desk. She then looked over my head to the two people I’d completely forgotten about. “I need your signatures where it says witnesses.”
Witnesses had been the one thing CT hadn’t thought of. He said that if he’d remembered, he would’ve told Finn and Griselda to come, but since we were already at the courthouse and didn’t want to wait, he’d grabbed the first two people he’d seen and asked for a favor. Sandra Claude, the wife of a public defender who’d forgotten his lunch, and Jerry Lawrence, a janitor who’d done this twice before, stepped up to the desk to take care of their side of things.
Once everything was signed and all congratulations given, CT and I found ourselves standing outside the judge’s chambers, feeling like we’d just been through a whirlwind, and both struck by the knowledge that the two of us had completely turned our lives upside-down.
“I need to sit down,” I said, making my way over to a bench. My head was spinning, my knees weak.
“You aren’t regretting this already, are you?” CT sat next to me, true concern on his face.
“No,” I assured him. “It just hit me how much this is going to change everything. School. Financial aid. Where I live. Where you live. Where we live.”
He put his hands on either side of my face. “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”
“Your parents will want us to have a pre-nup,” I said. “They’re going to think I’m with you only because of the money and they’ll never believe otherwise. Or they’ll think I’m pregnant and I tricked you into marrying me so that–”
He kissed me, effectively shutting me up. His mouth moved against mine with single-minded determination until I forgot everything, including my new name.
“Now,” he said as he ended the kiss, “let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
I blinked at him, my mind still too befuddled to process much of anything.
“I want us to share each other’s lives. Everything. That includes any and all money I have access to. I trust you, Abigail Slade Hunter. With my life and my heart. No reservations.”
A swell of love rose up in me. “Have I mentioned how much I love you?”
His entire face lit up. “Tell me again. Always tell me.”
I leaned forward to give him a light kiss. “I love you. Always.”
“And I love you. Always.”
I kissed him again before sharing my newest concern. “I just know we’ll have to put up with people telling us we’re moving too fast, that this isn’t a good idea. My family, probably. Your family, definitely. I don’t think anyone will understand.”
“I have a suggestion,” he said as he reached over to tuck some hair behind my ear. “Let’s not give anyone the chance to ruin this. We deserve time to be happy, to figure out what we want our life together to be before we give our families the chance to weigh in.”
“You don’t want to tell our families?” I asked. I didn’t believe for a moment that he was ashamed or anything like that. I simply wanted clarification about what he was suggesting.
“Not about us being married,” he said, his eyes scanning my face, clearly searching for a reaction. “Not yet. Let them think we’re dating. My parents are going back to Boston tomorrow. Your parents aren’t in New York either. We can live together here, build our marriage the way we want, and we can decide when we tell people and how.”
The idea had appeal. I wasn’t in the best place with my family right now, and I didn’t even want to think about what it’d be like to try to explain all this to them. I had no doubt that telling the Hunters wouldn’t go over well, and I didn’t want to be responsible for driving a wedge between CT and his parents. We wanted this to be forever, and family came as a part of that.
“I’m not saying I d
on’t want people to know we’re married,” he said, pressing his lips to my forehead. “If you want, we’ll go rent out a billboard right now.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I like the idea of waiting to tell our families. Maybe once they see how good we are together, they’ll start suggesting we get married.”
He chuckled. “Then we can tell them that we’re already married, enjoy the look of shock on their faces.”
I laughed and leaned my head against his strong shoulder. “Or we never tell them and go through whatever big ceremony everyone expects us to have. Let them all have their fun, and we get to keep a little secret just for ourselves.”
“I like that idea.” He brushed the back of his hand down my cheek. “Something no one else gets to have.”
I took his hand between both of mine. “As long as we make our decisions together, I’m happy. I don’t want to be like my parents, getting into fights they could have avoided if they’d just talked to each other.”
He raised my hands and kissed my knuckles. “I promise you, we’ll always talk. About the things that matter, and the things that don’t.”
After a moment of silence, I asked, “What’s next?”
He grinned and stood, pulling me to my feet. “Our honeymoon, of course.”
That surprised me. “A honeymoon? How did you manage to pull that off?”
“I know someone who knows someone,” he said cryptically. “What do you think about renting a cabin in the woods for a few days? It could end up being another one of our special things…”
Twenty-Three
Jax
Afternoon, December 25th, Present Day
Hudson Valley, New York
“’…and so I came up here to the cabin alone, knowing your grandfather wouldn’t be able to bear learning about the secrets your parents had kept.’” Blake’s voice was rough as he continued to read the letter Grandma Olive had left in the firebox. “’I don’t blame them for not telling us that they had married so quickly, and I believe they must have had good reasons, maybe even the ones I suggested. I wish this wasn’t how you boys found out any of this, but if I would have been there to talk to you, then this letter would’ve been destroyed long ago. I can only ask that you forgive me and your grandfather, for not having the strength to talk to you about your parents. To tell you about them, about how much they loved all of you and wanted to see you grow up.”
He stopped, his hands shaking, and I reached over to take the letter from him. There wasn’t much left for me to finish, which was good because I wasn’t sure if I could’ve read more than a few sentences.
“’The loss of Chester, Abigail, and Aimee reminded me of how unpredictable the world is, which is why I’ve made arrangements to ensure that, if something happens to me, what I wasn’t able to share with you boys won’t be lost. Never forget that even if your grandfather doesn’t say it often, we both love you all very much. Grandma Olive.’”
I set the letter back on the table in case one of the others wanted to read it, then put my arm around Syll. She leaned against me, neither of us saying anything. Knowing that my parents had secretly gotten married six months before the anniversary date we’d always been told wasn’t earth-shattering. Knowing that they’d been working toward buying this cabin for our family and had wanted to keep it a secret for a while longer hadn’t changed the way I thought of them.
It was hearing about how their story had begun that had my heart aching. They had to have been so hopeful. Their lives stretched out in front of them. Planning for children, grandchildren. They’d had no idea how little time they actually had.
“There’s one more thing in the lockbox,” Blake said. “A safety deposit box key. With a note that says, ‘more stories about your parents.’”
I didn’t need a mirror to know that my face wore the same sort of gob-smacked expression that my brothers wore. After Grandfather had died, we’d written off ever learning anything new about our parents.
All because our grandparents hurt too much to talk to us. Or to each other, apparently.
I wasn’t going to be like that.
“I don’t know about the rest of you,” I said, “but I think Syll and I could use some time alone.”
She looked surprised, but judging by the expressions on my brothers’ faces, they were grateful for the suggestion. Something told me that I wasn’t the only one who’d gotten something important out of Grandma Olive’s letter. None of us said anything else as we went our own ways.
I managed to wait until Syll closed the bedroom door behind her, but that was as long as I was willing to go.
“I’m scared,” I blurted out. The confession should have made me feel foolish, but if anything, it took a huge weight off my shoulders.
“Scared?” Syll took a step forward and took hold of my hands. “Of what?”
I saw only concern and love on her face, heard only warmth in her voice, and it prompted me to keep going. “I don’t want to become my grandfather. I don’t want to stop talking with the people I love because I’m worried it’ll hurt.”
“Are you afraid that…that I’ll hurt you?” She looked appalled.
“I’m afraid you’ll someday get tired of dealing with me and realize you can do so much better.”
She gave me a strange look. “Is that why you’ve been working all the time? Why you changed the things I was doing at Pothos so I was in the office instead of with you?”
I linked her fingers through mine, holding on tight. “I thought that if you spent less time with me, it’d take longer for you to…leave.”
She stared at me. “You idiot.”
“Um, okay?”
She let go of my hands and poked my chest. “I thought you were working all the time because you’d realized that you didn’t want to be married to me and you were just waiting until after the holidays to tell me.”
My jaw dropped. “Syll, I love you. Why would you think that?”
She poked me again. “Well, for one reason, you haven’t wanted to have sex with me in weeks.”
I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck and hauled her to me, intending to kiss us both breathless. When her tongue flicked out first, I met it with my own, twisted them together, then moaned as she wrapped her arms around my waist, her hands dropping to grab my ass.
Damn, I’d missed her.
When my lungs burned, I finally released her mouth, barely managing to keep both of us on our feet.
“I always want to have sex with you,” I said hoarsely. “It just didn’t feel right, mauling you the little bit of time we spent together. I never wanted you to feel like sex was the only reason I wanted you.”
She laughed, shaking her head. “Jax, I’ve wanted you to ‘maul’ me since the first time I met you.”
“If I remember correctly, you slammed the door in my face.”
“Because it was either that or drag you inside and fuck you on the bar.”
I groaned, that mental image seared into my head. We’d had sex in the bar before it’d burned down, but not nearly often enough for my imagination. Now, I was picturing what it would’ve been like to stretch out on the bar and have Syll ride me to oblivion.
“I’ve been scared too.”
Her words brought me back, and I wrapped my arms around her, going cold at the thought of how close I could’ve come to losing her if it hadn’t been for Grandma Olive’s letter verbally knocking some sense into me.
“Scared of what, sweetheart?”
She tipped her head back to look at me. “I wanted to talk to you about starting a family, but I didn’t want you to think I was rushing things. And then you started working late, and it made me wonder if you’d even want that. Even wanted–”
“I do,” I cut in before she could say anything else. “I want a family with you. And I want a different life than my grandparents had. A different one than my parents had. I want us to talk to each other. You, me, my brothers, Cheyenne, Addison, and Brea. I want us all to
stop hiding things.”
Syll reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Then there’s something else I need to tell you.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t want to live in our house anymore.”
I hadn’t seen that coming. “All right. Any particular reason why?”
“I feel like it has ghosts for you. Not just from when you were a kid, but from being an adult too. I think you’ve kept it more out of obligation than anything else, and if we’re going to have a family of our own, I want to raise them someplace warm. Not just a house, but a home. A real home.”
I nodded. “First thing tomorrow, I’ll talk to my brothers and ask if any of them want it. Who knows, maybe Slade and Cheyenne will decide that it’ll be easier to have Estrada move in with them here.”
“Especially if my suspicions about Cheyenne are right.” Syll gave me a knowing smile.
“Your suspicions?”
“I think she’s pregnant.” When I opened my mouth, Syll put her finger on my lips. “I don’t think she’s told Slade yet, so let’s keep that to ourselves.”
I nodded. “Besides, it’s been a long time since my wife and I have had some quality time together.”
“It has,” she agreed, her voice sinking lower.
“And I’m thinking she might need me to remind her who’s in charge.”
Syll gave me a saucy wink and took a couple steps back, her hands playing with the hem of her shirt. “That depends. Are you going to let me take a more hands-on role at the club?”
I narrowed my eyes, stalking toward her. “I don’t like the idea of anyone ogling my wife, and if you’re there, people will ogle.”
“Did you ever think that maybe I don’t like people ogling my husband?” she countered. “You are entirely too fuckable for your own good.”
Her compliment startled a laugh out of me. Her shirt hitting me in the face cut it off.
“You know,” she continued as if she wasn’t standing there in a mouth-wateringly sheer black bra, “if we worked together in the club, it would make it much easier for the two of us to sneak into the playrooms. Lots of prime baby-making time.”
