The hottest days of July came, but Velchaninov was forgetful of time itself. The pain of his grief accumulated in his soul like a ripe abscess, and became clearer to him every moment in his tormentingly conscious thought. His chief suffering consisted in Liza’s not having had time to know him and dying without knowing how tormentingly he loved her! The whole purpose of his life, which had flashed before him in such a joyful light, suddenly faded in eternal darkness. This purpose would precisely have consisted—he thought about it all the time now—in Liza’s feeling his love upon her constantly, every day, every hour, and all her life. “No one has had or ever could have a higher purpose!” he pondered at times in gloomy rapture. “If there are other purposes, none can be holier than this one!” “By Liza’s love,” he dreamed, “my whole stinking and useless life would have been purified and redeemed; instead of myself, idle, depraved, and obsolete—I would have cherished for life a pure and beautiful being, and for this being everything would have been forgiven me, and I would have forgiven myself everything.”
All these conscious thoughts came to him always inseparably from the vivid memory of the dead child, always close, and always striking his soul. He re-created for himself her pale little face, recalled its every expression; he remembered her in the coffin amid the flowers, and earlier, unconscious in fever, with open, fixed eyes. He remembered suddenly that, when she was already laid out on the table, he had noticed one of her fingers which, God knows why, had turned black during her illness; he had been so struck by it then, and had felt such pity for this poor little finger, that it had entered his mind right there and then, for the first time, to find Pavel Pavlovich at once and kill him—until that time he “had been as if insensible.” Was it insulted pride that had tormented this child’s little heart, or three months of suffering from a father who had suddenly exchanged love for hatred and insulted her with a shameful word, who had laughed at her fear, and had thrown her away, finally, to strangers? All this he pictured ceaselessly to himself, varying it in a thousand ways. “Do you know what Liza was for me?”—he suddenly recalled the drunken Trusotsky’s exclamation, and he felt that this exclamation had no longer been clowning, but the truth, and there had been love in it. “How, then, could this monster be so cruel to a child he loved so, and is it probable?” But he hastened to drop this question each time, as if waving it away; there was something terrible in this question, something unbearable for him and—unresolved.
One day, and almost not remembering how himself, he wandered into the cemetery where Liza was buried and found her little grave. He had not been to the cemetery once since the funeral; he kept imagining that it would be too painful and had not dared to go. But, strangely, when he bent down to her little grave and kissed it, he suddenly felt better. It was a clear evening, the sun was setting; round about, near the graves, lush green grass was growing; not far away amid the eglantines, a bee buzzed; the flowers and wreaths left on Liza’s little grave by the children and Klavdia Petrovna after the burial still lay there, half their leaves blown off. Even some sort of hope, for the first time in a long while, refreshed his heart. “What lightness!” he thought, feeling the silence of the cemetery and gazing at the clear, serene sky. A flood of some pure, untroubled faith in something filled his soul. “Liza has sent it to me, it’s she talking to me,” came the thought.
It was already getting quite dark as he went back home from the cemetery. Not too far from the cemetery gates, on the road, in a low wooden building, there was something like a chophouse or pub; through the open window clients could be seen sitting at tables. It suddenly seemed to him that one of them, placed just by the window, was—Pavel Pavlovich, and that he had also seen him and was peeking curiously at him through the window. He went on and soon heard someone coming after him; it was in fact Pavel Pavlovich running to catch up with him; it must have been the conciliatory expression on Velchaninov’s face that had attracted and encouraged him as he looked out the window. Having overtaken him, he smiled timorously, but now it was not his former drunken smile; he was even not drunk at all.
“Good evening,” he said.
“Good evening,” Velchaninov replied.
XI
PAVEL PAVLOVICH GETS MARRIED
Having replied with this “good evening,” he became surprised at himself. It seemed terribly strange to him that he should meet this man now with no anger at all, and that there was something quite different in his feelings for him at that moment and even a sort of urge for something new.
“Such a pleasant evening,” Pavel Pavlovich said, peeking into his eyes.
“You haven’t left yet?” Velchaninov said, as if he were not asking but merely pondering, and continued to walk.
“I had a slow time of it, but—I got the post, sir, with a promotion. I’ll be leaving for certain the day after tomorrow.”
“You got the post?” he did ask this time.
“And why not, sir?” Pavel Pavlovich’s face suddenly twisted.
“I said it just…” Velchaninov dodged and, frowning, looked at Pavel Pavlovich out of the corner of his eye. To his surprise, the clothing, the hat with crape, and the whole appearance of Mr. Trusotsky were incomparably more decent than two weeks before. “Why was he sitting in that pub?” he kept thinking.
“I was meaning to tell you, Alexei Ivanovich, about another joy of mine,” Pavel Pavlovich began again.
“Joy?”
“I’m getting married, sir.”
“What?”
“Joy follows grief, sir, it’s always so in life. Alexei Ivanovich, sir, I’d like very much… but—I don’t know, maybe you’re in a hurry now, because you look as if…”
“Yes, I’m in a hurry and… yes, I’m not well.”
He suddenly wanted terribly to get away; the readiness for some new feeling instantly vanished.
“And I would have liked, sir…”
Pavel Pavlovich did not finish saying what he would have liked; Velchaninov kept silent.
“Afterward, then, sir, if only we meet…”
“Yes, yes, afterward, afterward,” Velchaninov muttered rapidly, not looking at him or stopping. They were silent for another minute; Pavel Pavlovich went on walking beside him.
“In that case, good-bye, sir,” he spoke finally. “Good-bye. I wish you…”
Velchaninov returned home thoroughly upset again. The encounter with “this man” was too much for him. Going to bed, he thought again: “Why was he near the cemetery?”
The next morning he made up his mind; sympathy from anyone, even the Pogoreltsevs, was much too heavy for him now. But they were so worried about him that he absolutely had to go. He suddenly imagined that he would be very embarrassed for some reason on first meeting them. “To go or not to go?” he thought, hurrying to finish his breakfast, when suddenly, to his extreme amazement, Pavel Pavlovich walked in.
Despite yesterday’s encounter, Velchaninov could never have imagined that this man might someday call on him again, and he was so taken aback that he stared at him without knowing what to say. But Pavel Pavlovich took things in hand, greeted him, and sat down in the same chair he had sat in three weeks earlier during his last visit. Velchaninov suddenly remembered that visit especially vividly. Uneasily and with disgust, he looked at his visitor.
“Surprised, sir?” Pavel Pavlovich began, divining Velchaninov’s gaze.
Generally he seemed much more casual than the day before, and at the same time it could be seen that his timidity was greater. His external appearance was especially curious. Mr. Trusotsky was dressed not only decently but stylishly—in a light summer jacket, tight-fitting, light-colored trousers, a light-colored waistcoat; gloves, a gold lorgnette, which for some reason suddenly appeared, linen—all impeccable; he even smelled of perfume. There was in his whole figure something at once ridiculous and suggestive of some strange and unpleasant thought.
“Of course, Alexei Ivanovich,” he went on, cringing, “I surprised you by coming, sir, and—I c
an feel it, sir. But between people, so I think, sir, there always remains—and, in my opinion, must remain—something higher, don’t you think, sir? That is, higher with regard to all conventions and even the very unpleasantnesses that may come of it… don’t you think, sir?”
“Pavel Pavlovich, say it all quickly and without ceremony,” Velchaninov frowned.
“In two words, sir,” Pavel Pavlovich hurried, “I’m getting married and am presently going to my fiancée, right now. They’re also in the country, sir. I wished to be granted the profound honor, so as to dare acquaint you with this family, sir, and I’ve come with an exceptional request” (Pavel Pavlovich humbly bowed his head), “to ask you to accompany me, sir…”
“Accompany you where?” Velchaninov goggled his eyes.
“To them, sir, that is, to their country house, sir. Forgive me, I’m speaking as if in a fever and may have become confused; but I’m so afraid you’ll say no, sir…”
And he looked lamentably at Velchaninov.
“You want me to go with you now to your fiancée?” Velchaninov repeated, casting a quick glance over him and believing neither his ears nor his eyes.
“Yes, sir,” Pavel Pavlovich suddenly grew terribly timid. “Don’t be angry, Alexei Ivanovich, this isn’t boldness, sir; I only beg you most humbly and exceptionally. I dreamed that you might perhaps not want to say no to me in this…”
“First of all, it’s utterly impossible,” Velchaninov squirmed uneasily.
“It’s just my exceeding wish and nothing more, sir,” the man went on imploring. “I also won’t conceal that there is a reason as well, sir. But about this reason I would like to reveal only later, sir, and now I only beg exceptionally…”
And he even got up from his chair out of deference.
“But in any case it’s impossible, you must agree…” Velchaninov also got up from his place.
“It’s very possible, Alexei Ivanovich, sir—I planned to get you acquainted at the same time, as a friend, sir; and secondly, you’re acquainted there without that, sir; it’s to Zakhlebinin’s country house. State councillor Zakhlebinin, sir.”
“What’s that?” Velchaninov cried out. It was the same state councillor he had been looking for, about a month ago, and had been unable to catch at home, who had acted, as it turned out, in favor of the adverse party in his lawsuit.
“Why, yes, of course,” Pavel Pavlovich smiled, as if encouraged by Velchaninov’s extreme astonishment, “the same one, you remember, you were walking along and talking with, while I watched you and stood on the other side; I was waiting then to approach him after you. Some twenty years back we even served together, sir, but at the time when I wanted to approach after you, sir, I still didn’t have this thought. It’s only now that it came suddenly, about a week ago, sir.”
“But, listen, it seems this is quite a respectable family?” Velchaninov was naively surprised.
“So what, sir, if they’re respectable?” Pavel Pavlovich’s face twisted.
“No, naturally, I don’t mean that… but as far as I could tell, having been there…”
“They remember, they remember, sir, that you were,” Pavel Pavlovich picked up joyfully, “only you couldn’t see the family then, sir; and he remembers and respects you. I spoke about you deferentially with them.”
“But how can it be, if you’ve been a widower for only three months?”10
“Oh, the wedding’s not right now, sir; the wedding’s in nine or ten months, so that exactly a year of mourning will have gone by, sir. Believe me, it’s all just fine, sir. First of all, Fedosei Petrovich has known me even since my youngest years, he knew my late spouse, how I lived, and what my reputation is, sir, and, finally, I have a fortune, and here also I’ve now obtained a post and a promotion—so all this carries weight, sir.”
“It’s his daughter, then?”
“I’ll tell you all about it in detail, sir,” Pavel Pavlovich hunched himself up pleasantly, “allow me to light a cigarette. Besides, you’ll see for yourself today. First of all, such men of affairs as Fedosei Petrovich are sometimes highly valued in the service here in Petersburg, if they manage to attract attention, sir. But apart from the salary and the rest—supplements, premiums, emoluments, dinner allowances, or else one-time bonuses, sir—there’s nothing, that is, nothing substantial, sir, that would constitute a capital. They live well, but it’s impossible to save, what with the family, sir. Consider for yourself: Fedosei Petrovich has eight girls, and only one little son. If he were to die now—all that’s left is a skimpy pension, sir. And there are eight girls—no, consider, just consider, sir: if it’s a pair of shoes for each of them, that already comes to something! Of the eight girls, five are already marriageable, sir,11 the eldest is twenty-four—(the loveliest girl, you’ll see for yourself, sir!), and the sixth one is fifteen, she’s still in school. For the five older girls suitors must be found, which ought if possible to be done well ahead of time, so the father has to take them out, sir—and what is the cost of that, may I ask, sir? And suddenly I appear, the first suitor in their home, sir, and known to them beforehand, that is, in the sense that I do actually have a fortune. Well, there you have it, sir.”
Pavel Pavlovich explained with rapture.
“You proposed to the oldest one?”
“N-no, I… not to the oldest one; I proposed to the sixth one, the one that’s still studying in school.”
“What?” Velchaninov grinned inadvertently. “But you say she’s fifteen years old!”
“Fifteen now, sir; but in nine months she’ll be sixteen, sixteen years and three months, sir, so why not? And since for the moment it’s all inappropriate, nothing’s been made public yet, only with the parents… Believe me, it’s all just fine, sir!”
“So it hasn’t been decided yet?”
“No, it’s decided, everything’s decided. Believe me, it’s all just fine, sir.”
“And she knows?”
“That is, it’s only for appearance, for propriety’s sake, that it hasn’t been talked about, as it were; but how could she not know, sir?” Pavel Pavlovich narrowed his eyes pleasantly. “So, then, will you make me a happy man, Alexei Ivanovich?” he concluded, terribly timidly.
“But what should I go there for? However,” he added hastily, “since I’m not going in any case, don’t offer me any reasons.”
“Alexei Ivanovich…”
“But do you think I can really sit down beside you and go!”
A disgusted and hostile feeling came back to him again after the momentary diversion of Pavel Pavlovich’s babble about his fiancée. Another minute, it seemed, and he would chase him out altogether. He was even angry with himself for something.
“Sit down, Alexei Ivanovich, sit down beside me and you won’t regret it!” Pavel Pavlovich entreated in a soulful voice. “No, no, no!” he waved his hands, catching Velchaninov’s impatient and resolute gesture, “Alexei Ivanovich, Alexei Ivanovich, don’t decide yet, sir! I see that you have perhaps misunderstood me: I realize only too well that I am not friends with you, nor you with me, sir; I’m not so absurd as not to realize that, sir. And that this present favor I am begging of you doesn’t count for anything in the future. And I myself will leave completely the day after tomorrow, sir—altogether, sir, so it’s as if there was nothing. Let this day be only one occasion, sir. I came to you basing my hopes on the nobility of certain special feelings of your heart, Alexei Ivanovich—precisely on those feelings that may have been stirred in your heart recently, sir… I believe I’m speaking clearly, sir—or not quite?”
Pavel Pavlovich’s agitation had grown in the extreme. Velchaninov looked at him strangely.
“You’re begging for some favor on my part,” he asked, pondering, “and being terribly insistent—I find that suspicious; I want to know more.”
“The whole favor consists only in your coming with me. And afterward, when we’ve come back, I’ll lay out everything before you as if at confession. Trust me, Alexei Ivanov
ich!”
But Velchaninov still kept refusing, and the more stubbornly as he felt in himself a certain heavy, spiteful thought. This wicked thought had already long been stirring in him, from the very beginning, when Pavel Pavlovich had only just announced about his fiancée: whether from simple curiosity, or some still entirely vague inclination, he felt drawn—to agree. And the more drawn he was, the more he defended himself. He was sitting, leaning on his hand, and reflecting. Pavel Pavlovich fussed about and implored him.
“All right, I’ll go,” he suddenly agreed uneasily and almost anxiously, getting up from his place. Pavel Pavlovich was boundlessly overjoyed.
“No, Alexei Ivanovich, you get yourself dressed up now,” he fussed joyfully around Velchaninov, who was getting dressed, “nicely, the way you know how.”
“Strange man,” Velchaninov thought to himself, “why is he letting himself in for it?”
“And this is not the only favor I expect from you, Alexei Ivanovich, sir. Since you’ve given your consent, also be my guide, sir.”
“Meaning what?”
“Meaning that there’s a big question, sir: about the crape, sir? What’s more appropriate: to take it off, or to keep the crape?”
“As you like.”
“No, I want your decision—that is, if you were wearing crape, sir? My own thought was that if I keep it, it will point to a constancy of feelings, sir, and so will be a flattering recommendation.”
“Take it off, naturally.”
“Naturally, you say?” Pavel Pavlovich pondered. “No, I’d rather keep it, sir…”
“As you like.”—“Anyhow he doesn’t trust me, that’s good,” thought Velchaninov.
They went out; Pavel Pavlovich contemplated the dressed-up Velchaninov with satisfaction; it even seemed as if more respect and importance showed in his face. Velchaninov marveled at him and still more at himself. By the gate an excellent carriage stood waiting for them.
The Eternal Husband and Other Stories Page 18
