I pull his tie off, letting it drop to the floor beside my dress. My fingers move quickly, unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it off his shoulders. He runs his fingers through my hair, dislodging the curls from their pins until they fall down my back.
Then his Dom persona rises to the surface as he pulls my hair, arching my head back and giving him access to my neck. It’s all lips, teeth, and tongue as I cling to him, moaning at his ferocious change in demeanor. He lifts me into his arms and walks over to the bed.
“Hands on the post,” he says as he sets me down.
I wrap my hands around the post while he walks over and picks up his tie. With deft movements, he ties it around my wrists holding me to the post. I hear him unbuckle his belt and pull it from the belt loops. I stand there for a minute, unsure of where he’s going with this. I jump when I hear the crack of his belt snapping against itself.
“Tsarina,” he says deeply, “do you want to know what my belt feels like?”
Do I want to know? I can feel the chills racing over my body, but I’m not afraid. Part of me wants this, wants to experience this with him. I want so desperately to have every memory possible. Liquid heat fills my core as I look over my shoulder and nod.
“Remember what I said about consent?”
“Yes, I want to know what your belt feels like.” My voice is strong and clear, no wobble or uncertainty to be found. I answer his next question about safe words with the same steady voice.
“Good girl,” he says a second before his belt makes contact with my ass.
I gasp in shock at the impact, the heat of the sting lingers, and he rubs his hand over the mark. His fingers slip along the edge of my thong, down my crack until they find my wet folds. He circles his fingers over my clit with a grunt of approval at how wet I am.
“Do you like this Tsarina? Being my toy?” One finger slips inside me, pumping torturously slowly. “It makes you wet, doesn’t it? Giving me all the control.”
I nod and shift my feet a little wider, hoping he’ll continue to work me with his fingers until I come. When I move my hips against his hand, attempting to increase the friction, he withdraws his hand. The belt cracks down against me again.
“I’m not ready to let you come yet, Tsarina. We’re just getting started.” He rubs the second impact site with another sound of approval. “Your skin is the prettiest shade of pink right now.”
He slaps the belt against me one more time with a growl. “Spread your legs,” he says as he drops to his knees behind me. He pulls my thong to the side and spreads me open. He kisses me all over, covering my welts with sweet kisses, circling my tight hole with one of his fingers, before he finally brings his mouth to my dripping core. He swirls his tongue around my clit until my legs start shaking, and then he adds a finger to my pussy. He hums against me, and between the vibration from that and his tongue flicking my clit, I cry out as I hit the peak of an orgasm. My walls tremor and contract around his fingers, but he keeps his pace until my body goes slack.
He stands and reaches over me, untying my wrists, while one hand supports my lax body. He lays me down on the bed and lays down on his side, so we’re facing each other. At some point, he lost his pants which is great for me because I can reach down and slowly stroke his hard length. My thumb brushes the piercing at his tip.
I push him onto his back and scoot down the bed, so I’m right beside him. My tongue replaces my thumb, circling the tip of his cock. He pulls my hair into a low ponytail with his hand, so he can watch me. I look up at him as I lick the length of his cock from tip to base, loving the way he seems to harden even more against my tongue.
With one hand cupping his balls, I take him fully into my mouth and as far down my throat as possible. I pull back a little when I start to gag but keep bobbing my head up down, alternating between licks and sucking his cock. I slide one finger from his balls to his crack, doing to him what he did to me, teasing him. He pulls my hand away from his ass, and I smile around his cock, thinking I’ve finally pushed to one of his boundaries.
“If you’re going to put your finger in my ass make sure it’s wet first.” He puts my finger in his mouth, covering it with saliva. He smirks down at me. “You’re good now.”
It feels like a challenge. I’ve never done this, but Friday was talking about it once. Something about a male g-spot or prostate. At least Griff is open to letting me try. I continue sucking his cock like I need it to breathe and slowly slide my finger in his ass. Friday said something about it being at the front, so I gently probe until his muscles clench around me and his abs flex. He tries to push me off him, but I shake my head. I want him in every part of me. He comes with a grunt down my throat. I swallow every drop before sliding back up.
He pulls me up to his shoulder where I nestle in. He kisses my forehead and nuzzles me. “Claire,” he takes a deep breath, “I love you.”
I freeze for a moment, overcome by the words he just spoke out loud. I love him too, so much. My heart shatters into a thousand pieces as I realize this will be the only time I hear him say those words to me. I can’t say them back, it doesn’t seem right knowing what I’m about to do tomorrow. So instead, I kiss him.
I kiss him and hope that he feels my love in that kiss. I hope that he feels my absolute devotion to him. The fact that I will never, ever love someone the way that I do him. I want him to feel my desire, my respect, my affection, and my need for him.
As we kiss, I hitch my leg up over his hip. He’s still hard or hard again as I reach down and tease myself with the tip of his dick between my slick folds. He moves his hips up, pushing inside of me. We both pause as he fills me completely before our hips start moving in tandem, a dance only we know the steps to. His hand squeezes my hip as we continue to kiss and make love to each other.
He rolls us, so I’m on my back as he fills me with slow, deep strokes. His fingers move down to my clit, circling it while fucking me until another orgasm builds. I cry out, actual tears rolling down my cheeks as I come and feel him come within me. In my mind, I’m chanting I love you over and over, willing him to hear it subconsciously.
He lays on top of me for a minute, his heart racing as fast as mine. He doesn’t say anything, but I can hear his subconscious I love you just as loud. Eventually he pulls out of me and passes out. I don’t let myself fall asleep for hours. I lay there and memorize every single thing about him that I can as silent tears track down my cheeks. I cry for the way I’m going to break his heart. I cry for the way I’m going to break mine. I cry at lossing the possibility of what we could be. I cry until all that’s left in my heart is an empty void.
When I wake up, I see the sun streaming through the windows and feel the heat of Griff’s body at my back. I stay there, absorbing his heat and breathing in his scent for the last time. I want nothing more than to roll over and snuggle up closer to him. Instead, I gently roll out of the bed and walk with light steps into the bathroom. With one last glance at the beautiful ink that covers his body, I close the door.
I get a glimpse of my ass in the mirror, smiling at the red welts from Griff’s belt last night. My neck also bears bruises from him. I wish those marks would stay on me forever. The hot water stings a bit on them, causing me to wince under the spray. I hear the handle on the door jiggle and am glad I remembered to lock it before getting in the shower. If Griff joined me in here, I don’t think I’d have the strength to walk away.
I was fully expecting Griff to have snuck out to his room by the time I finished getting ready, but he’s sitting on the edge of the bed looking straight at me when I walk out of the bathroom. He’s gotten partially dressed, with his shirt unbuttoned to the center of his chest and tie draped around his neck.
“I thought you would have gone back to your room by now,” I say as I walk over to set my makeup bag inside my suitcase.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay after last night.”
“I’m fine.” I keep myself busy, ignoring his attempts to make eye contact.<
br />
“Are you sure because you are acting strange this morning?”
“I’m fine -”
A knock at the door interrupts me. I lock eyes with Griff when Con’s voice calls my name through the door. We both look at each other, knowing that this is it. Griff walks to the door and swings it open.
A look of surprise crosses Con’s face as he steps inside. Lilith follows closely behind, and as she takes in Griff’s appearance, understanding dawns. She takes the tiniest step between Con and Griff, typing something into her phone quickly. Con looks back and forth between Griff and me, his eyes taking in my freshly showered appearance and bruised neck. Then moving to Griff, half dressed with obvious sex hair.
“What. The. Fuck.” Con says with intimidating stillness. “Tell me this isn’t what it looks like.”
“Hey, Hoodrat, what’s goin -” Levi stops in the middle of the doorway. “Oh fuck.” He charges in, stepping between the guys opposite of Lilith.
“What’s going on, apparently, is Griff betraying lifelong friendships,” Con growls as he steps forward.
“No,” I say walking right up in front of him, “it’s not how it looks.”
“I’m in love with her,” Griff says.
“It’s just a favor and sex,” I say at the same time.
I look over my shoulder at Griff. I know I deserve to feel how devastated he is by my words. It’s the punishment I deserve for being so awful.
“Claire,” Griff trails off, his eyes begging me not to hit the self-destruct button on our relationship.
I burrow deep down into that void inside me as I look in his eyes and rip his heart out. I deserve to see his pain. I deserve to feel a thousand times over. “It’s not serious, just a casual thing as he helps me with something. It’s over now.”
“You piece of shit.” Con steps around me, his fist already rising.
Levi moves to intercept, but everything happens so fast. The next thing I know Con’s fist is wrapped in Griff’s hand as he blocks the attack. I’ve never seen anything like it, and the whole room is stunned. The tense silence lasts for what feels like an hour but really is just seconds.
“No.” Griff says with a shocking amount of authority. “If you and I are going to fight, it’ll be with words, not fists.” He turns his attention back to me. “Claire, don’t do this. Don’t throw us away like this. I know you don’t want this.”
“Thank you for all your help, Griff,” I say with cool detachment, “but I need to tell my brother everything now.”
I watch as pain fills his face; his eyes turning glassy as he walks out the door and out of my life. At some point, Ivy showed up too. She looks around the room as he walks past her, and when no one makes a move to follow him, she does.
“I’m going to take a minute, and then you are explaining everything.” Con walks away from me and looks out the window. His back and shoulders rise as he takes deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down with the outlet of physical violence.
“Lilith,” I look over at her, barely able to hold her accusing gaze, “can you go get Mom and Dad? They need to be here, too.” She and Levi have a silent conversation before she turns and leaves the room.
I quickly swipe my cheek as a lone tear escapes my eyes. I barely hold back a sob as I feel Levi wrap his arm around me and pull me to him for a hug. In any other situation, I would rebuff his offer of comfort, but right now I’m just so grateful for a steady presence to hold onto. I shudder against him a few times as I fight to control myself.
“I kind of feel like that thing about fighting with words was a dig at me,” he whispers against the crown of my head. “We can’t all be Mensa members, you know? Every group needs a pretty boy.”
Levi’s joke works to distract me from the pain of what I’ve just done and ease the anxiety of what’s to come. I squeeze him in silent appreciation. His humor is so comforting in this moment, the light-hearted big brother I never had.
Lilith comes back with Mom and Dad, each holding one of the twins. She closes the door behind them, and I motion for everyone to sit somewhere. Mom stays standing, she knows what’s coming.
“Should I go or…” Levi asks.
“Stay. You’re as much family as anyone.” I answer. God knows that Con could use him right now. “I was diagnosed earlier this year with Multiple Sclerosis,” I blurt out. The room goes completely silent for a minute.
“Claire,” Dad stands up, handing the baby he was holding off to Lilith. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
I glance at Con before answering. “I think I wanted to come to terms with it on my own. I wanted one successful run at being a principal dancer.”
“You’ve known for months and you didn’t tell me?” Con asks with hurt coloring his voice. “I would have helped you. I would have been there for you.”
“You can’t help me.” I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist. “You can’t fix this for me. I knew that would be what you would want to do. I needed time to make my peace. MS is treatable but incurable, eventually it’ll probably be terminal. It’s scary, but the reality is that I have maybe twenty years left.”
“Are you experiencing symptoms?” Lilith asks.
“Yeah, I’ve had a few flares. For me, my symptoms are neurological. I go into these brain fog-like states and don’t remember where I am or what I’m doing. I haven’t had many physical symptoms yet.”
“I thought MS was just physical,” Con says.
“It depends on the person.” I shrug. “My ability to dance hasn’t changed, but I am forgetting choreography. That leads me to how Griff and I got involved.”
Con’s nostril flare. “I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Well, tough shit. He’s gotten me through the past few months and helped me in ways I can’t even begin to describe to you.”
Con and I engage in a glare off. We have a silent back and forth conversation. He finally acquiesces and motions for me to continue.
“I went to him to ask for a catch and kill. There is someone harassing me at the studio. He said yes but made me tell him why I needed it. When I told him, I made him swear to keep it between us until I was ready to tell you. He asked me to keep him in the loop, and we started seeing each other regularly. One thing led to another and, you know.”
“Who’s harassing you?” Con and Levi ask at the same time, both puffing up ready to fight.
“I don’t know, but this,” I point at both of them, “is what I wanted to avoid. I don’t need you interfering. I can handle this on my own.”
“You went to him for help though,” Con says with an attitude.
“This isn’t about you, Con, stop acting like an asshole.” Lilith says.
“What doctor are you seeing?” Dad asks. “We should find the best specialist in the country for you.”
“Or the world. Fly them in from wherever,” Con says and looks at Dad, who nods in agreement.
“She’s already got the best, and he’s right in the city,” Mom says.
Both of their heads snap in her direction.
“I found an insurance statement and confronted her last weekend. She came clean but asked me not to say anything until she was ready.”
“The fuck, Claire?” Con asks accusingly. “You told her? The lying cheater? The person more interested in banging a maid half her age than keeping her family together?”
“Connor,” Dad warns.
“Dude,” Levi says, rubbing his brow.
“You know what? Yeah, I did confide in her. She’s made mistakes, but she doesn’t try to take over my life or smother me. You two,” I look back and forth between Con and Dad, “do. Please hear me when I tell you I need you to let me live and take care of myself on my own. For as long as I can.”
Con and Dad have a silent conversation where I know they’re agreeing to talk about this privately. I roll my eyes and finish packing. Lilith comes over to me and pulls me to her in a hug.
“We’ll be here, whenever and however y
ou need us. I’ll do my best to keep Con in line for you.” She hugs me tight.
“Thank you. I appreciate that.” I squeeze her back.
“Do you want to ride home with us?”
I look at the girls, and I’m still too sad about my infertility. I’m too raw right now. I look at Mom and Dad, “Are you guys going to the city or back to Founder’s Ridge?”
“We were going to go back to Founder’s Ridge, but we can change our plans.”
“You know what?” Levi says. “Ives went back to the city with Griff. I’d love some company for the ride if you don’t mind.”
“Sure,” I give him a grateful smile.
16
GRIFF
It’s not serious, just a casual thing. It’s over now. Claire’s words reverberate around in my head as I walk numbly down the hall to my room. The past few months play through my mind like a supercut of us, and I just can’t get on board with that statement. The way she looks at me, the way she touches me. There is no way this was a casual fling for her.
The sense of loss I feel right now is crushing. My eyes burn with unshed tears. I’ve poured my heart and soul and mind and body into nourishing this relationship, and she shattered everything in less than thirty seconds. I have to tell my body how to breathe, everything hurts.
I push my door open in a fog, turning when it doesn’t close immediately after I walk in. Ivy closes it gently behind her and walks to me, wrapping me in a hug. She holds me there, swaying gently in silence.
“I only caught the end of that, but I am so sorry,” she breaks the silence after a couple minutes. Her hands rub my back in circles. I should step back, but I accept her offer of comfort for another minute while I make sure I’m fully composed. Breaking down in front my friend who just married one of my best friends would make for a shitty honeymoon send off.
“Shouldn’t you be on your way to Bora Bora?”
“It’s not like we have an actual flight to catch. We’re flying private.”
Surrender (The Titans of Founder's Ridge Book 3) Page 12
