I can’t even remember what down we’re at, or what play we’re supposed to be doing, and of course I have no idea whatsoever about what the score is. This isn’t like me. Normally my head’s completely in the game and I’m strategizing and plotting routes of escape.
But this time I almost drop the ball.
It’s only my pro reflexes that let me hang onto the ball. It bounces messily between my hands like I’m a fool trying to handle a hot potato.
If I could hear the crowd now, I’m sure they’d be laughing if they were rooting for the other team.
There’s no way to go about this cleanly. I don’t have any idea who’s around me, or what the other team expects us to be doing, the way I should.
Someone rushes at me from the left, about to tackle me, about to bash me into the ground, sending the football flying.
It’s too late to escape.
He makes contact, but I somehow resist, by sheer force of will, and by sending my body towards him. Instead of falling down myself, he gets knocked down, tripping. Surprisingly, it might be my footwork that saves me. Damn it, I’m never going to hear the end of this from Coach, but my footwork keeps me as stable as a rock.
I scan the field quickly. The entire defensive line of the other team seems to be rushing at me. It’s like being in a battle in ancient Greece, and I’m just one mad man against an entire squadron that’s rushing at me. Only a fool and a madman would try to fight them, try to rush right into them, to score a touchdown. But that’s me. That’s my job. I may get a concussion rushing into this army, but that’s what I’m going to do.
Another one is to my left. I rush over to my right, right towards the white line, and I spring along it in a straight line for a few meters, before someone’s rushing up behind me. Someone really, really fast. Even faster than me. These guys are big, and they’re fast too. They’re like human flesh tanks of solid muscle, built from hours eating cheeseburgers and hours in the gym.
My legs are pounding. I can’t hear anything but my own breathing. My helmet feels like it’s part of me, and my pads too. My cleats feel like extensions of my body.
Somehow the thoughts of Chloe and Scout are gone… And I’m aware of it.
I’m entering that coveted “zone” that athletes describe, where everything seems to slow down. Time is slower, people are moving in slow motion. I can make decisions faster, as if I don’t need to think about them. My body simply responds. My body responds on its own, working away, my muscles all perfectly coordinated, all functioning to the absolute peak of their performance.
But, still, I know I can’t outrun him.
I can’t outrun my troubles.
I pivot, stopping completely, jamming my feet into the turf. I spin as he rushes at me. His huge body glances off me, but I use his momentum to spin myself, propelling myself in the opposite direction.
I’m off, springing away, thrusting against the thrust with all my force, all my power.
I can see the line. I can see where I’m going to throw the ball down to the ground in triumph, another touchdown scored.
But there’s another opponent rushing up from behind me, past this fallen comrade, coming at me from the left. I’m back over on the white line, almost out of bounds, a dangerous game, the ball tucked in my arm, using the classic grip.
I’m going to outrun him. He’s too big, and I can’t withstand a tackle from him, not after all I’ve been through. All I’ve got to do is run. Run, like I’ve never run before. My cleats are banging the turf. I can hear them, and my own breathing.
An image of Chloe’s naked, delicious tits rushes into my field of vision. Am I going delirious with physical exertion? Whatever, I can’t deal with that now. I just run, run and run.
Suddenly, it’s all over.
I’m across the line.
I throw the ball down, and just stand here, my hands resting on my knees, partially bent over. I’ve never been one for touchdown celebrations, or dances, nothing like that. Call me old fashioned, or whatever you want.
The sound of the crowd suddenly comes roaring back. Everyone’s cheering. I look up at the scoreboard and it’s flashing.
The game is over.
I’ve won the game, the last touchdown. The clock is down, ground down to 00:00, and I didn’t even realize it.
Up in the crowd, I suddenly see Chloe looking down at me, looking sexy as hell, her hair framing her beaming face.
Scout is next to her.
Is she my daughter?
Chloe
“Wasn’t that great, Scout?” I say. “The way Dan won the game?”
“Yeah!” says Scout, her eyes wide. “He ran past all those guys!”
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I say. I’m not sure how to say it, so I just decide to blurt it out. It’s a strange feeling, not knowing how to approach a subject with my own daughter.
“What is it?” says Scout, a hot dog in her hand and a soda between her knees. She’s excited about the game, excited about being around all these people. They’re the types of people that she’s never met before, strange Philly characters in her eyes.
“Dan is your dad,” I say, just spilling the beans once and for all. Whatever her reaction, at least I’ve said it. I can’t carry this guilt around any longer. One down, two to go. What a horrible thought, but it’s true. The two people I care most about in the world. All I have left to do is tell Dan. Right after the game. Right after the game, I promise myself.
The moment seems frozen. Time seems to be moving slowly. I don’t know how my own daughter will react.
“Really?” she says, still smiling.
I nod my head. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier,” I say.
“Wow! He’s my dad!”
She’s so excited that she doesn’t even ask me why or how this happened. She’s just peppering me with questions about when she can see him, and what he thinks about it.
“He doesn’t know yet,” I say.
“Are you going to tell him? When are you going to tell him?” Her eyes are shining with excitement.
“Right now,” I say. “Right after the game.”
He’s probably busy with the reporters who want to ask him a thousand dumb questions about how the game went and why he played the way he did.
I take Scout by the hand and we fight our way through the crowds. Dan’s surrounded by his teammates, his coach. I wave at him and he blows me a kiss, and he waves at Scout.
“Hi Dad,” yells Scout.
That really makes his eye pop. He gives us a very, very surprised look, like he doesn’t know what the hell’s going on, or he’s just seen a ghost.
Shit, this isn’t exactly the way I wanted it to go down.
But it seems like he’s not completely sure what happened, since there’s a ton of noise. Or maybe he thinks that Scout just yelled something to be funny, the way little kids sometimes do.
Dan starts pushing his way through his teammates, through the reporters, coming to see us.
His helmet is off, held in the crook of his arm. Sweat is pouring down his face, and he wipes it away.
“Hey there,” he says, smiling down at Scout. “Did you like the game?”
“Yes!” says Scout, practically bouncing out of her skin with excitement. At least for now she’s refraining from calling him “dad” again.
“You too?” he says, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
“You were great,” I say. “Dan, there’s something I need to tell you. I’m really not good with this, so I’m just going to blurt it out. Here it goes…” I pause, a big heavy pregnant pause. “Scout is your daughter.”
I suddenly realize I shouldn’t have done this with Scout present. This could create an awkward situation, to say the least.
His face is expressionless.
“That’s nice to know,” he finally says, but he doesn’t look at me. “What do you think about that, Scout, being my daughter?”
“You’re my dad!” says Scout
, smiling up at him.
“Come here, Scout,” says Dan. “I wish I’d known.”
He takes her in his arms and picks her up, and gives her a big hug. A pained look of fatherly love is on his face.
But he still doesn’t look at me.
“I have to go,” he says, suddenly turning away. “I love you, Scout,” he says.
“I love you too, Dan, I mean Dad,” says Scout.
He doesn’t say anything to me, and he turns away and slips into the crowd, disappearing.
What just happened? He didn’t seem too pleased with me, but… He seemed to like the idea of being a dad. It was almost, though, as if he already knew, as if he was just waiting to hear it from me. That’s strange, and not what I was expecting.
“Come on, Scout,” I say. “It’s time to go.”
“But where’s Dan going?” she says, sounding worried.
“He’s got more football stuff to do,” I say. “He’s an important player on the team. And he’s got to do a lot of interviews and talk to the coach and everything.”
But I know it’s not true. I know he could be spending time with us if he wanted to.
Then again, it is a pretty big news hit I just gave him. Maybe he just needs time to recover. Maybe he just needs time to think.
I take Scout by the hand and lead her through the crowd. There’s no site of Dan, not at all. His huge body with his football gear and pads is gone, lost into the crowd. I’ll just have to give him time…
Dan
I stand in the shower, with the rest of the team long gone. I was the first one here in the morning, and I’m the last one to leave.
So I was right. Those suspicions that had haunted me, that had just appeared, like specters, like ghosts… I was right all alone. Scout is my daughter, the result of that one night tryst that Chloe and I spent together six years ago.
I don’t know how I didn’t realize it before. I don’t know how I didn’t see it. It’s so painfully obvious now. Scout even looks like me, well, and Chloe too. She has my eyes and my hair, and her face is quite similar to mine, in its own way.
So was this the reason that Chloe didn’t want to contact me? What, she didn’t think I’d be a good father? She thought I was too irresponsible, or that she didn’t want to be stuck with a football player for a husband or boyfriend?
What was so wrong with me? What did I do to deserve this?
Moreover, what kind of woman hides the pregnancy from the man, from the father? Sure, she can do what she wants. I’m glad she had Scout, but shouldn’t she have told me?
If I only had known…
If I had only known, I could have been there for Scout. I could have been there to help. Chloe must have known that I would have changed my whole life in order to help her, in order to help raise Scout. Even if Chloe didn’t want to be with me, I could have been there for Scout, and for Chloe, as a dad, as a solid rock, as a figure just to help with the simple things.
I would have loved to be there for Scout. A pang in my heart tells me I missed a lot. I missed her birth, and all those years when she was growing up.
But she’s still growing up, I remind myself. She’s still a child. She stills needs me. And I can be there for her.
I promise myself right now, sitting in the locker room, fully dressed now in my regular street clothes, just some causal jeans and a sweatshirt, with my jacket around me… I promise myself that whatever happens between Chloe and me, I’m going to be there for Scout. I want to be a real dad, a positive force in her life.
I just don’t understand why Chloe didn’t want me to be a dad. Apparently now that we’ve been hooking up romantically, the guilt is too much for her, and she wanted to tell me, just go get it off her chest.
But I wasn’t good enough for her as a dad before, why would I be now?
I don’t know whether she wants to be with me, and I don’t know… can I be with her after what she did to me? I don’t know how I can deal with this pain.
Sure, it’s good to know now, but the years missed with Scout, and possibly Chloe… it feels like someone has torn a hole in my soul, like someone ripped out my organs and threw them into the dumpster where they were trampled on savagely by who only knows.
I feel numb now, the pain so strong that I can’t even feel it any more. I don’t understand… I don’t understand how she could do this to me.
If she wants to be with me, will I even be able to recover from this blow, will I even be able to… respond to her desires, her love?
The whole world feels like it’s ended for me. I feel like I’m at the very end of my rope. Everything around me looks dull and grey, and my body feels heavy and tired, impossibly exhausted, pushed past my last reserves.
The football game from an hour ago is just a distant memory. We won, and I scored the winning touchdown, but if I was in a haze then, confused, I’m beyond confusion now. Everything seems dull and terrible, intense, heavy, depressing, and overwhelming past all hope.
I don’t know where to go. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if Chloe and Scout are going to be back at the house.
I don’t know what Chloe’s going to say to me. I know she’s going to offer up an explanation, but I just don’t know whether she’s going to say she wants to continue the relationship with me, whether she wants to raise Scout with me, with me as the father and her as the mother.
What I do know is that I don’t want to confront her right now.
That’s why I split. That’s why I couldn’t face her. It would simply be too much of a blow for me right now if she didn’t want me…
The phone rings. Of course it’s Chloe.
I stare at the phone for five rings, which seem to last for hours and hours. My mind is racing with each ring.
Should I pick it up?
My thoughts are a nightmarish combination of all sorts of terrible possibilities, awful repercussions should I pick up the phone.
But I’m going to have to talk to her sooner or later. I have to. There’s no way around it. Especially not if I’m going to be Scout’s dad. Even if Chloe doesn’t want to be with me, I’ll have to coordinate visitation with her and things like that.
I might as well pick up the phone, but my hand and arm feel heavy like they’ve never felt before. My body is tired, exhausted from the emotional strain.
I finally swipe right, answering the phone.
I don’t speak, though.
“Dan, Dan, are you there?” It’s Chloe’s voice, sounding sweet and innocent, but she might as well be a thousand miles away from me right now.
I don’t speak for what feels like a full minute, but I don’t know how much time is passing.
“Hi,” I finally say.
“Dan, listen, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to tell you like that. But I just had to. I just had to blurt it out. I didn’t know how to tell you. I just want you to know that I really care about you and I want… Well, I want to be in a relationship with you if you’ll only have me. If you can only forgive me for what I did.”
“Are you back at the house already?” I say. “I want to see you.”
“No, Scout and I are still here at the stadium.”
“Where are you?” I say.
She tells me she’s right outside, and I run out of the locker room in my street clothes, leaving my locker open and unlocked, with my duffel bag lying out.
I rush through the crowd of people but I don’t see her anywhere. I turn around frantically, trying to find her, trying to spot her and Scout.
Chloe
I spot his muscular body moving through the crowd, his head turning around frantically, trying to spot me.
“Dan!” I cry out, waving my hands.
“There’s Dan!” shouts Scout, waving her own hands, even though she’s must too short for her hand to be seen above the crowd.
Dan spots us and he rushes over to us, rushing through the crowd, which parts for his huge body. People are staring at him, and people are clapping and
shouting, because he just won the game for them. But I don’t care about the game, or whether or not Dan won. I just care about Dan.
“Dan!” I say, breathless as he rushes up to me. “I’m so sorry, but… I love you.”
The words tumble out of my mouth without effort, as if they’re coming out on their own. It’s taken me so long to say what I’ve known for so long, and it feels good to have them off my chest. I just hope he feels the same way. I just hope he can forgive me for what I’ve done. My heart starts pounding as I stare at him, waiting for an answer.
“I love you too, Chloe,” he says. “And I forgive you. I know you had your reasons.”
“Oh, Dan,” I say, and I fall into his big arms.
He kisses me passionately, and the crowd around us cheers.
“Gross,” says Scout, from behind us.
We break apart in our embrace and start laughing.
Dan picks up Scout and holds her in his arms easily, with her feet pointed towards the ground.
“I’m so glad you’re my daughter,” says Dan. “We’re going to have a lot of fun together… as a family.”
I don’t even have any words to describe how happy this makes me. This is what I’ve wanted all along. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize what I wanted, but at least I’ve finally got it. At least our family is finally together. For the first time in a long, long time, I don’t feel alone. It’s not just me and Scout anymore. We’re all reunited once and for all, the happy family that I’ve always known I should have, and that Scout should grown up in.
Chloe
Epilogue
It took us a couple months to arrange everything, but at this point we’ve got it all sorted out. Scout and I have moved into the city, into Dan’s semi-unused house in what he calls the suburbs. But to me it still has that city-like feel. We’re close enough to the city to go into get a bite to eat, or to catch a move or a show.
Oh, we moved in with Dan, of course. Not just into his house. In case anyone was confused—although that seems somewhat unlikely, especially if you’ve been following my story all along.
Her Boss: A Billionaire and Virgin Romance Page 31
