by Anna Hill
Rebecca’s panting breath finally slowed, but her dream had left her anxious and afraid. There was only one place that would make her feel better right now. She crawled off of her bed, grabbed the thick woolen sweater hanging on the back of her door, and pulled on her sneakers.
Being as quiet as she possibly could, Rebecca tiptoed out of her room and down the stairs. Etain would completely freak out if she caught Rebecca slipping out into the woods, especially with the possibility of a scout being out there. Even Rebecca realized that going into the forest was probably pretty stupid, but she felt like the house was suffocating her. She needed the stillness of the woods, the chill of fresh air in her lungs, and the calmness of the trees to help her mind return to normal.
Rebecca snuck out the door at the end of the first floor hallway and quickly made her way through the back garden. With each breath, a white cloud curled out of her mouth as she walked in the brisk fall air, the frosted ground crunching beneath her feet. The weather had been getting steadily colder. As warm as the summer had been, it seemed that the winter was going to be unrelentingly bitter.
She walked out of the garden and into the forest, picking her way through the pine trees and out to the large rock that Faolan usually used as a perch while surveying the woods. When she reached it, Rebecca gripped onto the cold stone and, using the cracks Faolan had showed her, hoisted herself up onto the top.
The rock felt cold beneath her as she lay down, but it was refreshing. Even the goosebumps that were rising up on her flesh invigorated her. Rebecca took a deep inhale and then let the air pass slowly from her lungs, watching the white mist that swirled past her lips.
She closed her eyes and listened to the world around her. The forest was so quiet, not even a breeze danced among the branches above. After a few moments of silence, a calmness drifted over Rebecca and her clenched muscles finally relaxed.
However, no sooner had Rebecca finally found peace than she heard a twig crack somewhere off in the darkness of the trees. Her eyes sprang open, but she kept herself pinned down, close to the surface of the rock. In an effort to hide her vapory exhales, she kept her breathing to a minimum. Surreptitiously, she turned her head to each side, scanning the woods for any hint of movement.
“You know, I should have you locked in your room for this.”
She heard the voice before she saw it’s source, but she recognized it immediately. Maverick made his way out of the woods to her right, walked up to the rock, and effortlessly pulled himself on top.
Rebecca sat up and waited as he took a seat on the opposite side of the rock. Keeping, she noticed, as much distance between them as possible.
“If you were anyone else in the crew, you’d be punished for doing something as stupid as this.”
Rebecca didn’t respond, except to roll her eyes and then stare off into the woods.
“I know it’s taking you time to adjust to a new way of life, but you have to understand that we’re trying to keep you safe. If the Ailill find out about you, they won’t stop until they’ve captured and, most likely, killed you. This is for your own good, the training, the rules, all of it…Dammit Rebecca, why won’t you even look at me?”
Rebecca’s anger surged inside of her. Finally, she turned to face Maverick, her eyes narrowed in a heated glare. “You haven’t said a word, not a single word to me in a month, and you expect me to sit here and allow you to lecture me? In case you’ve forgotten, you took me away from my life, away from my best friend, away from the one place I’d finally been able to make a home. And for what? To spend day in and day out punching foam pads in the woods? To watch the others train and perfect their gifts while I’m forced to suffer through the agony of my own supposed gift, with no help and no hope of relief?
“I can’t stand it anymore, Maverick. I can’t handle these nightmares. I don’t know why I have them, or how to control them, but I need to figure them out soon because I’m not sure I can take much more of this…I’m so afraid of them. You all call our abilities gifts, well mine isn’t a gift. It’s a curse and I hate it…I hate it…”
She wasn’t sure when she’d started crying, but she suddenly felt a tear roll down her cheek. Rebecca turned away, covering her face in an effort to hide her pain.
A second later, she felt a pull as Maverick brought his arms over her, drawing her into him. She allowed herself to roll into his warm chest as his strong arms enveloped her body. Unable to stop the flow of tears, Rebecca burrowed her face into his shirt and allowed him to hold her as she wept.
They sat in silence until Rebecca regained control of herself. Though her tears had stopped, she made no move to pull away from Maverick, nor did he draw away from her.
“I didn’t realize your dreams were haunting you like that…” Maverick said as he began to softly and calmingly run his hand over the top of her head. “I’m sorry Rebecca, I should have been there for you.” His voice was shaky, as if he could feel her pain.
Rebecca stayed still. She sensed he had more to say, so she remained silent, giving him time to find his words.
“I was being selfish, I know that now, but I just couldn’t be around you. I was…I mean I started to develop feelings for you…that I shouldn’t have.”
Rebecca breathed in sharply and her chest became tense. She slowly lifted her head away from Maverick’s chest and looked him straight in the eyes. He struggled to keep eye contact with her, his face growing slightly red as he stammered on. “I never meant for this to happen, Becs. I feel bad even bringing this up now, but it’s been so hard to be around you lately and I didn’t know what to do anymore. This never should have happened, I can’t, I mean, we can’t…It’s just that…”
Maverick stopped abruptly as he finally looked Rebecca directly in the eyes, the familiar look of pain written across his face. “I can’t feel this way about you, Rebecca. Not now, not with everything that’s going on. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to the crew.”
Rebecca remained silent as she stared back at him. It felt as if something extremely heavy was slowly coming down onto her heart, painfully crushing it within her chest. Her anguish must have shown on her face, because Maverick’s expression rapidly turned to panic and fear.
“Please Becs, please don’t be angry with me…I can’t take that…”
Rebecca shook her head despondently as she looked away from him, chiding herself for the tears that were brimming up at the edges of her eyes. She’d felt a connection with Maverick, one it seemed he’d felt as well, but now, just like everything else in her life, it was being taken away from her.
“Becs…” Maverick placed a hand under her chin, turning her face slowly back towards his. “Just because we can’t be…that way, doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere, alright?” He said, holding his face stern.
Maverick wouldn’t allow her to look away as he searched her eyes imploringly.
Rebecca remained silent for a while; first looking back at Maverick and then, pulling her head away from his hand, she looked down at her lap.
It felt worse to hear him admit his feelings, to see the mix of sincere affection and sorrow within his eyes. Part of her wanted to scream at him. How could he do this to her? How could he be so selfish? But although she hated the truth of it, she had to admit that part of her could understand. As painful as this felt, as difficult as it was to accept that the two of them would never be close, not in the way she wanted, she couldn’t ask him to choose her over everything he’d worked his entire life for.
“Ok,” she said at last, still not looking up. “I mean, it’s fine if we can’t be…together, but you have to understand that you took me away from everything and everyone that I loved, brought me here, and then left me alone. How was I supposed to feel?”
Maverick’s other hand fell from her shoulders and rested softly around her waist. She started to pull away from him, but felt his muscles tense, holding her in place.
The silence held heavily between them until Rebecca looked bac
k up. She was shocked to see such intense pain and grief in Maverick’s eyes.
“I won’t ever let you feel alone, never again. I promise,” he whispered.
He looked just as crushed and pained as she felt, and Rebecca finally realized that he too was struggling with the prospect of loosing the strong connection they shared.
After a long moment, Rebecca nodded slowly. As much as her heart hurt, as much as she still ached for him, his words and intensity gave her some strength.
She blinked heavily, suddenly feeling stupid that tears had collected in her eyes. A soft smile of embarrassment stole across her lips and she tried to look away from him. “I’m sorry,” she said, laughing slightly at herself.
“Don’t ever apologize to me,” Maverick said as he wiped away a tear that had escaped down her cheek. When they met eyes again, he smiled at her. “You’re something special Becs, you know that?”
Rebecca laughed sheepishly and wiped at her cheek again. “Just because we’re cool now doesn’t mean you’re allowed to lie to me,” she said playfully.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Though he still smiled, there was weight behind his words. “I really hope you can understand my choice. I need to do what’s best for the crew, for all the Truaillithe. I need to remain a strong leader.”
“I understand,” Rebecca answered, breathing deeply as she swallowed her feelings. “I want to help you protect everyone. I came here to be a part of everything, to be a part of this world, and especially to find my parents. I would never want to come between you and what you’ve built.”
Hurt returned to Maverick’s face, though it seemed to be a different type of pain than before, almost as if there was pity in his eyes.
Rebecca waited quietly, as, again, it felt like he had something else he wanted to say. However, after a long moment of silence, he just shook his head and chuckled softly.
“Alright, we agree. We won’t let our feelings change anything.” He held her gaze a moment longer and then, finally, almost reluctantly, he pulled away from her.
“I’ve never met someone quite like you, Becs,” He laughed as he stood up. “You’re my kinda different.”
“I’m as normal as any Truaillithe, I guess,” she joked, standing up as well.
Maverick’s usual cocky smile returned to his face, “So, do I now have the right to lecture you about running off into the woods late at night?”
Rebecca playfully rolled her eyes at him, “No, now you have even less of a right.” Ignoring the fact that she still, infuriatingly, longed for him, she grabbed his arm, squeezing it slightly as she spoke, “But I promise, Maverick, I won’t do it again.”
Maverick nodded and then moved to the edge of the rock. Throwing his legs over the edge, he pushed off and landed gracefully on the ground below. Turning back around to face the rock, he raised his hands up to help Rebecca. Crouching down and balancing on the edge, she lowered herself to him, allowing him to assist her slowly to the ground. His strong hands squeezed tightly onto her body as he gradually guided her down.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you tricked me into coming out here tonight,” Maverick teased.
Rebecca was about to protest when suddenly Maverick brought her into a tight bear hug, squeezing her almost to the point where Rebecca couldn’t breathe. She was just about to start begging for air when he loosened slightly.
“I’m so glad I found you, Becs,” Maverick said, keeping her enveloped in his arms.
“Please don’t break me,” Rebecca chuckled, her head still slightly crushed into his chest.
Maverick laughed and pulled away, a bit embarrassed.
Rebecca smiled at him and shook her head.
Turning toward the house, they began to make their way back silently. Although they walked separately for the first few steps, Rebecca soon felt Maverick’s hand searching for her own. As his fingertips slid slowly down her forearm, she offered out her hand and allowed their fingers to intertwine. Though she still felt somewhat deflated by everything that had happened between them tonight, this small gesture helped to calm any ill thoughts that had risen up from the dark corners of her mind.
When they were almost in sight of the garden, Maverick squeezed Rebecca’s hand, bringing her to a stop. “Thank you for being so understanding tonight. It’s hard for me to ignore how I feel, but we need to do what’s best for the crew, what’s best for everyone. No one can know what was said out here tonight.” Though his voice was strong, he couldn’t mask the worry that spread across his face, as if he expected Rebecca to object to what he’d said.
Truthfully, Rebecca had no want for the others to know how she felt. She’d only just started to mesh with the crew, and she didn’t want them looking at her differently or judging her because she and Maverick had feelings for one another. But more importantly, she knew that, as their leader, it was better if Maverick didn’t seem to have a favorite amongst them, especially one so new to the group.
“It’s cool,” she said, smiling softly to reassure him. “Nothing happened anyway, right?”
“Right,” he said, smiling back at her. Maverick paused for a second, his expression growing serious. “Thank you,” he whispered as he pulled her toward him, pressing her tightly against him in an urgent embrace. Every one of his muscles tensed up as he held onto her, and she too clutched firmly onto him, feeling as if they could never quite get close enough.
Eventually, Maverick leaned away from her, though his arms remained loosely draped around her shoulders. “It’s gonna be hard to always be so nonchalant around you now that I’ve told you how I feel… ” Though he laughed slightly as he spoke, she could sense the uneasiness in his voice.
Rebecca smiled and brought her hands in front of her and placed them on his chest. “The crew has to come first, I can understand that.”
Maverick nodded, “Thank you Becs, really.”
He pulled her toward him again, almost as if he needed to feel her one last time. After a long moment, they separated and headed back toward the house, making sure there was substantial space between. In the distant horizon, the first rays of dawn slowly lit up the sky, giving the world around them a soft pink glow.
Ten
Rebecca leaned back against the closest tree, struggling to catch her breath. She’d just finished a particularly strenuous training session with Etain, and now it felt like every muscle in her body was on fire.
While she recovered, she watched Etain make her way over to the rest of the crew, who were training a few yards away. Today they were working on perfecting their gifts. Three days a week, the other crew members worked on honing their abilities, gaining control over their gifts. Rebecca always had her own workouts on these days. As far as she knew, Owen, Aeden and Trysten still had no idea what her ability was. It wasn’t exactly like she could go out there and practice her gift like the rest of the crew. But even though Rebecca never joined in, she enjoyed watching them practice when her own training was finished.
Owen’s skill at plant manipulation was incredible. He could make them grow rapidly, twist, bend, even split apart instantly, all with just the flick of his hand. His favorite trick, however, was something truly unbelievable to watch. He could make a tree bend over and manipulate a lower branch to elegantly pick him right up off of the ground and lift him as high as he wanted.
As amazing as it was to watch Owen, Aeden was even more spectacular. A few months before Rebecca had joined the crew, Aeden and Owen had invented a whip-like weapon that would allow Aeden to fight using electricity. Strapped onto the palm of one of his hands was a homemade conductor glove, and leading from it was a long metal whip, taken from the shielding of an underground cable. Drawing energy from the electrical lines powering nearby buildings, Aeden would spin and snap the cord while manipulating the strong electric current through the weapon, making the whip light up and flash like lightning. It was incredible to behold, and at the same time absolutely terrifying.
On these days, little T
rysten helped the other two train. He would be their target, though he was always impossible to catch. It seemed more like playtime for him than training. He would giggle and laugh as he popped in and out of sight around their training area. Etain hadn’t been joking when she’d said Trysten might be their best fighter.
When he wasn’t in his office, Maverick would come watch the others train. Occasionally, he’d jump in and use his own gift if it appeared Trysten might need some help, but lately he was spending increasingly less time with the crew.
Rebecca looked up to see Maverick staring at her from across the opening. It had been almost two weeks since they’d talked in the woods, and though nothing physical had happened, somehow a closer bond had formed between them. They were now meeting up with each other every chance they could get. Sometimes they would talk, share stories, and laugh together, but recently they’d become fond of simply sitting in silence, holding each other’s hand.
They worked very hard to keep their rendezvous a secret. However, with invisible Tysten a constant threat around the house, Maverick was beginning to grow uneasy.
In order to keep themselves hidden from the others, they agreed instead to meet out at the rock in the early mornings. Rebecca’s dreams were growing more intense, and her ability to control them, to be able to wake herself from them, was rapidly declining. Whenever she’d awake in a cold sweat before dawn, she’d sneak from her room and silently make her way out to the garden. Every time, without fail, Maverick would be waiting for her along the path, as if he’d somehow sensed her distress. Together, they’d sit on the rock until sunrise, silently listening to the stillness of the forest.
Maverick would hold her close, the heat of his body soothing her pain. She felt safe in his arms, as if all her stress and fear were taken away. As soon as his strong arms enveloped her, all the tension in her muscles and the anxiety in her mind would melt away.
