Letting her and Henry get out of the car, watching them watch me back out of the driveway, I have to make myself do it.
But I’m only a half-mile or so down the road when I pass the big black truck that I’ve seen in the driveway. It suddenly feels hard to breathe, and I pray that Ann-Elizabeth got Henry hooked back to his chain so that nothing is obvious.
I slow down, and once the truck is out of sight, swing the convertible onto a gravel road, back up and follow him. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I just need to see that nothing awful is going to happen. It would be my fault if it did. I’m the one forcing Ann-Elizabeth to do things she knows will cause trouble.
I slow down as I pass the turn into the trailer park. Lance’s truck is now parked out front, and I see Henry sitting in front of the barrel, his demeanor now completely different from the happy dog who had been in the back seat just a few minutes ago.
Ann-Elizabeth is nowhere in sight. I pull over a quarter mile or so down the road, grab my phone and type a quick text.
Everything okay?
I wait, impatiently watching the phone screen, as if I can make the words appear.
Finally, they do.
Yes.
Relief floods through me.
See you tomorrow.
I hope for an answer back, but when none comes, I ease onto the road and head home.
*
Ann-Elizabeth
I’VE JUST STUFFED the phone in my backpack when Lance opens my bedroom door. I can smell beer on his breath eight feet away and wonder if he guzzles a six-pack on the way home in order to reek like a brewery by the time he gets here.
“What are you doing?” he asks, his voice low and threatening.
“Homework,” I say, zipping the backpack.
“I don’t see any books,” he says.
“I was just finishing up.”
“Why haven’t you started supper? You think your mama should be fixing it after working all day?”
“I will,” I say.
“And how long’s that going to take you? You expect the two of us to sit around and wait? Didn’t I tell you to start supper before you start homework?”
“You did,” I say.
“So why didn’t you listen?”
Anger lights a fuse inside me, and it is all I can do to bite my tongue and not respond. I know that to do so will only enrage him, and I have no desire to go there. I leave the backpack sitting next to the bed and walk past him and out of the bedroom.
By the time I reach the kitchen, he is right behind me, grabbing my arm.
“Ow,” I say, wrenching free. “That hurt.”
“You’ll get a lot worse than that if you don’t start listening to what I tell you.”
I know I should bite my tongue, but I can’t convince myself to do so, and the words spill out of me, toppling one over the other like doomed dominos. “You’re not my father, and you have no right to tell me anything at all!”
His already blotchy face reddens to an alarming degree. He raises a hand, and I brace for the blow.
But he stops himself, his eyes narrowing to slits of hatred. “You little bitch. You have no idea what it means to be grateful, do you?”
“For what?” I ask, even as I realize I am fanning the fire.
“The fact that I’m willing to be seen with your mother. You think she would ever be able to get a man like me without me taking pity on her?”
A laugh bubbles up, but I force my lips together to prevent it from coming out. He’s serious. Amazingly enough. “Don’t talk about her like that.”
“Why? I thought you were such a stickler for the truth. That’s what I’m giving you. Just like I told you the truth about that stupid dog of yours. He’s a danger to society. Actually, I never should have let you keep him. I’ll be rethinking that.”
If hate has anything in common with acid, there’s a very good chance it will dissolve my bones. “You have no say over it.”
“Oh, you think you know how to persuade your mama better than I do?” He laughs a despicable laugh. “I assure you I’m gonna win that one.”
“You say a word against Henry, and I’ll tell her what you’ve been trying to do to me.” Just saying the words out loud makes me feel sick.
“No, you won’t. Because you wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings. See, I know you, Ann-Elizabeth. Better than you know yourself, apparently.”
“Don’t test me. You might be surprised.”
“I don’t think so.” He takes a step toward me, reaches out a hand to touch my hair. My skin crawls. I move back, and he laughs.
“Such a little virgin, aren’t you? I could help you out with that, you know. You don’t want to leave it up to some fumbling teenager whose only experience is taking care of business with a magazine, do you?”
“Get out, Lance. Now. I mean it!”
My voice rises to a note so sharp that it hurts the back of my throat, and I feel instantly nauseous.
“Settle down,” he says, the words honey sweet. “I’m willing to wait until you’re on board with the idea.”
“That will never happen,” I say. “Get out of my room before Mama finds you in here.”
He takes a step back, raising a hand in temporary concession. “We’ll put this on hold for now, little girl. But I don’t give up easy. You remember that, okay?”
As soon as he’s out the door, I slam it shut behind him and flip the flimsy lock. He could cave the whole thing in with one shoulder, but I don’t think he will since Mama will be home any minute.
I fall across the bed and smother my instant sobs in my pillow. I hate myself for the tears, hate the weakness that makes me fear him. I’m shaking so hard I can barely breathe. I turn my face on the pillow and gulp in air.
I hear a sound coming from my back pack and realize it’s the phone Nathan gave me. I unzip the bag and pull it out, reading the message on the screen.
Sure you’re okay?
I consider telling him the truth, if for no other reason than the release of my own fear. But I can’t. It’s too awful. Too humiliating. Too different from the world Nathan lives in with a mom who’s home when he gets there, a dad who wants him to go to writing sessions with him.
I really can’t imagine what it would be like to go home to that every day. And so I answer in the only way that seems to make sense.
Everything is good here.
*
Nathan
I PICK MATT up on the way to school.
For some reason, I didn’t sleep well, turning side to side in my bed throughout the night, and I’m not sure how I’ll stay awake in my classes this morning. I’m driving Dad’s Jeep and pull into the Starbucks drive through on 21st Avenue.
I order the biggest coffee they have, and Matt asks for some frilly Frappucino thing that I give him heck about every time he orders it. Today is no exception. “One day you’ll grow up and drink real coffee,” I say, passing him the whip cream topped drink.
“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it,” he says, taking a sip through the green straw.
“I just need some caffeine,” I say.
“What? You up all night talking with Ann-Elizabeth?”
“Nothing that interesting. Just couldn’t sleep.”
“Thinking about her?”
I shrug. “More like worrying, I guess.”
“Why?”
“Her mom’s boyfriend sounds like he’s missing a few critical chips on the motherboard.”
“That sucks. She scared of him?”
“I don’t know. Maybe a little.”
“He ever hit her?”
I pull forward and then out of the Starbucks parking lot. “I don’t think so. But she sleeps outside with Henry at night because the asshole won’t let him in the house.”
Matt pulls back and looks at me in disbelief. “What?”
“I know.”
“What about when it gets really cold?”
“She says she might sneak him
in, but if the boyfriend finds him, he’ll take him to the pound.”
“Dang,” Matt says, taking another sip of his Frappucino. “I didn’t know she had all that going on.”
“Doesn’t seem fair, does it?”
“What?”
“I don’t know. The fact that some of us get an easier start.”
He shrugs. “It’s not like we had any control over it.”
“I know.”
“At least she’s got a gift. I’m pretty sure it’s gonna take her somewhere.”
“Yeah. You ever feel guilty for not having the odds stacked against you?”
“No. You think I should?”
“I don’t really know how to think about it. To be honest, I never gave it much thought until I started going out to Ann-Elizabeth’s place and realized what she does just to take care of her dog.”
“Guilt isn’t productive, man. But if there’s anything I can do to help you deal with that psycho, all you gotta do is yell.”
“Thanks, man,” I say. Even though I can’t imagine what that would be.
*
Ann-Elizabeth
I DON’T SEE Nathan until Lit in the afternoon.
When he walks into the room, I find myself staring at him, unable to take my eyes off his ridiculously good looking face. He spots me, smiles the smile that actually rivals Luke Bryan’s, and I just about melt.
I look away just in case someone else is watching my reaction. I can only imagine what a goofball I look like, grinning as if I’ve just won the lottery.
“Hey,” he says, taking the desk next to mine.
“Hey,” I say, suddenly at a loss for words.
“I stopped by your locker earlier.”
“I had a test to make up so I never got over there.”
“You up for another practice session after school?”
I start to say there’s no way I can do it again today, but then I think about how good it felt to be a part of what we did yesterday, and I say, “Okay. That sounds great.”
“We’ll swing by and get Henry and then head to my place?”
I nod, unable to believe this is suddenly my life. But for once, I’m not going to question it.
*
WHEN THE CLASS is over, I pick up my backpack and step away from my desk. Nathan follows me to the door, and we’ve just left the room when Carlie’s voice sounds from behind us.
“Aren’t you two cozy all of a sudden?”
We both stop and turn around. Nathan’s face is unsmiling when he says, “Hey, Carlie.”
“You don’t write. You don’t call.” Her voice is light, but the look in her eyes is anything but. She shifts her gaze to mine, adding, “Is she the reason?”
“We’re not doing this,” Nathan says.
“What? You could have been honest with me. Instead of leading me to believe we were on temporary hiatus.”
“I didn’t lead you to believe that or anything else. We’ve been done.”
“What’s with the lowering of standards, Nath?” She grabs the arm of a girl I recognize from the cheerleading squad, pulling her to a halt. “Hey, Haley. Did you know Ann-Elizabeth sleeps outside with her killer dog every night?”
Haley looks so surprised by the information that her lips move in response, but no sound comes out.
“Carlie.” Nathan bites out her name, clearly furious.
My face goes instantly hot, and I realize that the only way she could know this is if Nathan told her. I look up at him, my heart hammering in mortification. I take a step back, then turn and take off down the hall.
“Ann-Elizabeth!” I hear him call my name, but I keep running, not stopping until I’m outside in the parking lot where the buses have pulled up. I find mine and charge up the steps, making my way to the back where Brandi slides over and pats the seat beside her.
“I thought you might not be here again today,” she says, her voice warm and happy. “I missed you yesterday. Where were you?”
I start to tell her, but then change my mind because my hands are shaking, and I’m trying really hard not to cry. Why would Nathan have told Carlie about Henry and me? Did they have a good laugh together over it?
Humiliation courses through me, and I force an even note in my voice when I say, “Nowhere really. I’m back now. How was your day?”
*
Nathan
I START TO go after Ann-Elizabeth when Carlie grabs my arm.
“Let her go,” she says, her voice a little too high. “Are you kidding me? What has gotten in to you?”
I put my hand on hers and deliberately remove it from my arm. “You’re cruel,” I say.
She gives me a disbelieving stare. “What’s cruel about the truth?”
“Who told you that about her?”
“What difference does it make?”
“Who told you?” I repeat.
“Matt,” she says.
Anger threads steel through my voice when I say, “You don’t know anything about her life.”
She stares at me for a moment, as if I’m speaking a language she doesn’t understand. “Why would you care about somebody like her, Nathan? You and I get each other. We’re-”
“Done,” I say. “Over.”
Disbelief widens her eyes. “You don’t mean that.”
I take a step away from her, holding up a hand as I say, “I’ve never meant anything more in my life.”
And with that, I bolt down the hall, hoping I can still catch Ann-Elizabeth before she gets to her bus.
*
Ann-Elizabeth
I GO STRAIGHT out back to Henry’s barrel as soon as I get off the school bus. No one is home yet, and on a note of complete defiance, I use the key to open the new padlock Nathan had given me to replace the one we cut off his collar.
It clicks open, and I slip the chain from his neck, patting my leg for him to follow me. I walk to the front door and step inside the hallway. Henry sits outside the door, looking at me with a clear question on his face. I swallow a gulp of pain, realizing that he even knows he’s not supposed to be in here.
“Come on, sweetie. It’s okay,” I say. “It’s just for a little while.”
He takes a tentative step inside, and I close the door behind him. With a tucked tail, he trots to my bedroom, and by the time I walk in behind him, shutting the door, he has crawled under my bed.
I stand for a moment, staring at the reality of my situation, the fact that I have a dog I love more than anything, and I cannot care for him. I can’t keep him warm and safe. I can’t give him the real home he deserves.
And for a day, an entire day, I had thought life might have taken a turn for the better.
But with Carlie’s jab just a short while ago, I realized my life hasn’t changed at all.
I will never fit into Nathan’s world, and what a fool I had been to yield, even for a moment, to the hope that something good could be just around the corner for Henry and me.
I drop my backpack on the floor and throw myself across the narrow twin bed, putting my arm over the side and reaching my hand underneath to rub the top of Henry’s head with my thumb.
He licks my palm, and I start to call him out so he can sit up here with me, but then I think about the reality of what will happen if Lance comes home, so I don’t. I let him stay under the bed, hidden, and at least safer for it.
I think about Nathan again and the look on his face when Carlie had laughed about me sleeping outside. Was it embarrassment? How could it not be though?
Who wants a girlfriend who doesn’t even have a roof over her head?
Carlie comes from one of the wealthiest families in our school. Of all people, she knows what a joke it is that Nathan would consider dating me.
And if he didn’t know it already, he does now.
*
Ann-Elizabeth
“WHAT THE HELL is that damn dog doing in here?”
I come abruptly awake to the sound of Lance’s rage.
I bolt up,
panic welling so fast and hard that I am instantly choked by it.
I jump off the bed, stumbling to stand a few feet away from Lance, instinctively putting myself between him and Henry who I am praying is now out of sight under the bed.
“I’ll take him outside! I’m sorry. It’s not his fault!”
Lance’s face is a bonfire of fury. ”I warned you what would happen if you ever let him in here again. And now I’m going to do what I should have done in the first place. That stinkin’ mutt is going to the pound.”
Shock nails my feet to the floor, so that I stand motionless while he reaches under the bed and pulls Henry out by the scruff of his neck. Henry yelps, pulling away. Lance grabs his left leg and yanks hard, jerking him out.
I am terrified that he will bite Lance because he is hurting him.
But he drags an unresisting Henry across the floor of my bedroom toward the open door. “Stop!” I scream, the words tearing out of me.
Rage hurls me at him as if my own feet have become a tornado.
“Let go of him!” I yell again, my voice sounding as if it is splintered with glass.
When he doesn’t stop, I launch myself at his back, my arms wrapped around his neck, choking him while I kick and pummel him with my legs.
“You crazy little bitch!” he yells, letting go of Henry and turning his wrath on me. He yanks my hands free, and I drop to the floor like a lead weight. I scramble to get to my feet, and it’s then that I see Lance’s booted foot swinging toward me. I instinctively curl into a ball. The toe of his boot misses my midsection, but connects with a solid thud at my left hip.
Pain shoots through me like a gun shot, so excruciating that pinpoints of light go off in front of my eyes. Nausea washes up from my stomach, and I feel like I’m going to throw up.
The Heart That Breaks Page 9
