by Sabre Rose
Once the trek was completed, the tents erected, and campfire lit all under the cover of silence, Hillis announced that we were now free to talk, as long as the topics didn’t include any of the issues we were currently facing.
No one said a word.
We sat around the fire as the sun fell over the ocean, listening to waves crashing against the rocks. Our tents were placed in a wide circle around the fire, two to each, apart from me. I got to spend the night alone. And after the day I had, I couldn’t think of anything better than climbing into my sleeping bag and closing myself off to the world. How I longed for my little bedroom back at Sadie’s house. The one where I didn’t have to watch Tyler glare at me across the flames, or Gabe wink in my direction every time he made a crude joke. Part of me was waiting for Hamish to call the whole thing off, declare it was a stupid idea, something, anything, to get us all out of there. But either from the rehab therapy or the lack of alcohol in his system, Hamish remained silent, content to let the weekend play out as it willed. He never once commented on the ability of his sons, other than to compliment them, but he did studiously avoid me and made sure he was never placed in a position where he actually had to acknowledge my presence.
Once the sun had set and the ocean was left dark and foreboding, I zipped open the small entrance to my tent and crawled inside without bothering to remove any clothing other than my boots. It was cold and I shivered inside the padding of my sleeping bag, silently begging warmth to creep into my bones.
As the fire crackled and shadows danced over the walls of my tent, I wondered how on earth I had ended up here and why I didn’t put my foot down when Billie insisted I come. Maybe there was a part of me still not willing to give up my relationship with the Thornton family. Maybe I was addicted to the drama, to the roller coaster of emotions I experienced whenever I was around them. With these thoughts floating through my head, the voices around the fire finally faded into oblivion.
I woke in the wee hours of the morning. The fire still crackled and shadows still danced across the walls of my tent. I strained to listen for voices, but nothing greeted me other than the waves on the beach. Unzipping the bottom of my sleeping bag to free my feet, I leaned over and opened the tent. Embers glowed in the darkness and flames licked the sky. I wanted to fall back asleep, ignore the thoughts that told me I needed to put the fire out, but the images of my tent bursting into flames while I slept wouldn’t leave. Pleased to be out of the enclosed space, I stretched when I exited the tent and shuffled over to the fire, keeping my sleeping bag firmly tucked around my chin. The night had only got colder since I had gone to bed and my breath came out in white puffs. A figure was hunched by the fire, sitting on a log and poking the embers with a stick. Sparks flew into the air like tiny fireflies.
Tyler looked up as I approached. “Can’t sleep?” he asked, his anger from before seemingly gone.
“I thought the fire had been left unattended.” I moved opposite him and sat as close as I could to the fire without my sleeping bag melting in the heat.
The stars were out in force. I had never seen so many. They dotted the sky as though I were sitting under a blanket littered with pinpricked holes which allowed the light through.
“Can I ask you something?”
I tensed, dreading the question that I thought would come, and nodded.
“Has your mother always been like that?”
I laughed with relief, pleased that his annoyance at me was short lived. “Like what?”
“A bitch,” Tyler offered.
Picking up a discarded stick, I poked the embers like Tyler had done before, sending a spray of sparks into the night. “Pretty much,” I replied. “Why do you think I was so keen to move out of home?” I dug the stick into the ash. “I know she means well, but it’s a brand of caring most people don’t appreciate.”
“It’s good she cares,” Tyler said. He sat up straighter on the log, adjusting his feet so they lay out in front of him. “I wish my mother was a little more like her.”
When I looked at him questioningly, he amended his statement. “Okay, maybe not. But, as you said, she does care even if she has a strange way of showing it.”
“How long has it been since you’ve seen her? Maybe she’s changed.”
“I doubt it.” Tyler stared at the fire and the flames danced across his eyes. “I’m thinking of going to see her, actually. I just wish I didn’t have to do it alone.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat at his silent accusation. “What about Jake?”
Tyler shrugged. “True.”
The wind picked up and blew smoke in my direction. I moved across the grass, finding a better place to sit. With Tyler’s gaze directed at the fire, I was able to study him and a surge of nostalgic sadness crept into my chest. An outdoors Tyler was not one I had seen before. He looked at home under the stars. I was used to seeing him with glasses perched over his nose and a laptop on his knee which often jiggled with impatience. Out here he looked at peace.
“You look at home out here,” I said, voicing my thoughts.
Tyler broke the stick in his hands and tossed it on the fire. “Dad used to take us camping every year when we were younger. It was the only time we actually got to spend with him. No business calls taking his attention away. No wife.” He chuckled. “It was men only on those trips, even though we were only boys.”
“And you all got along?”
“It was only Jake and me. By the time Clark and Gabe were old enough to go, the trips had stopped.”
“It would have been nice if you all had got to share that. Maybe you could all start now.”
Tyler grunted. “I can’t see that happening.”
“I hate that I’ve been the one to do that.”
“We had our problems long before you came along, Lauren.” Again his eyes locked on mine and the reflection of the flames licked over them. “Can I ask you another question?”
“Go ahead.”
“Did he try anything?”
The familiar tightness in my chest returned. Fear. Guilt. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was. “Who?” I feigned ignorance.
Tyler didn’t answer, just lifted that one brow.
Adjusting the sleeping bag around my shoulders once again, I picked up the stick I had left stabbed into the ash. The bottom was black and white, burnt to a char. “It’s really none of your business anymore, Tyler,” I replied, hoping to avoid the conversation.
“It will always be my business. I can’t even describe what it felt like watching him help you down from that rock today.”
“You might not be able to describe your feelings but you still managed to make them known,” I muttered. Then, taking a deep breath, I added, “I guess that’s why, despite my initial hesitation, this weekend has been good for me. It has reminded me why we don’t work. There would always be this thing between us.”
“There was no need for him to touch you the way he did, no reason for you to allow it.”
“Allow it?” I repeated, my voice growing louder. “I was petrified, Tyler. I was quite literally stuck to that wall with no way to make my limbs move. If Gabe hadn’t helped, I’d probably still be there.”
“I should have been the one to help you.”
“You were. You held the rope. You needed to trust me, Tyler. Regardless of what Gabe chooses to do, it’s me you need to trust.”
Getting to his feet, Tyler began to pace around the fire, stopping and turning in the opposite direction each time he reached the space where I blocked his path. “I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to stop feeling what I feel when he’s anywhere near you. My blood boils. It’s like a red haze passes over me and all these things I don’t even mean start to spill out of my mouth, usually hurting the person who means the most to me.”
“I can’t be with you and feel guilty every time I see or talk to Gabe. It’s not as though he’s simply some ex who I can avoid. He’s your brother, Tyler. If I’m with you, our paths are goi
ng to cross. I can’t just ignore or avoid him.”
Tyler stopped pacing, running his hands through his hair and expelling a frustrated sigh. “I know. I know. I just don’t know how to stop it. How do you stop feelings?”
“Maybe at first you don’t stop the feelings. Maybe you just stop acting on them.”
9
LAUREN
The weekend almost gave me a sense of closure. Sure, Tyler looked sexy as hell and I often found myself daydreaming of the times we had spent together, but overall, it reminded me that I couldn’t be with him if he didn’t trust me. And from his reaction to Gabe helping me when I was frozen with fear, it was clear that he didn’t.
After the night spent in tents, Billie exploded at Hillis and demanded he take us home immediately. His insistence of completing the weekend was no match for Billie’s determination and by Sunday afternoon, I found myself unceremoniously dumped at my front door, my duty to attend the Thornton therapy weekend complete and definitely not a success. No doubt Billie would somehow make it my fault.
For the next week, Sadie and I studiously worked on our presentation for Haven’s Rest until we were sure it was perfect. Well, as perfect as we could get it. We had completed other jobs and campaigns for small businesses, but to get the contract for Haven’s Rest would catapult us into the big leagues. We had fun setting up the room, scattering it with clothes and props to make it look as though a group had just left for a night on the town.
We made the presentation in front of a collection of stony-faced suits who hardly ever smiled. Sadie did most of the talking, but her cheerful disposition did little to warm the hearts of the executives. With little more than a handshake, they dismissed us and we left feeling rather deflated. We were sure we had come up with an interesting concept. It was original and would grab people’s attention, but after receiving virtually no feedback, we had picked up takeaway food on the way home and now sat on the couch, watching old episodes of the cooking show I used to be obsessed with. I think that both Sadie and I were hoping that by watching it, some of the contestants’ skills might rub off on us. They didn’t.
“Do you regret quitting your job with Tyler?” I asked, popping a stale piece of popcorn into my mouth. We had watched a movie the night before and, after devouring our takeout, the leftover popcorn was the only food left in the house. We desperately needed to go to the store, but neither of us could be bothered.
Sadie, eyes glued to her phone, sighed and looked over at me. “Nope,” she replied simply. “It’s our first presentation, Lauren. We can’t expect everything to turn up roses the first time.”
“How did you end up working for him, anyway?”
“I thought we weren’t talking about Tyler?”
There was an unspoken rule between Sadie and me. I knew she still spoke to Tyler often, but she never mentioned him to me unless I brought him up.
“We’re talking about you, not Tyler.”
Sadie grinned. “Fine, if that’s the way you want to frame it.”
I rolled my eyes and picked a stubborn piece of popcorn from my teeth.
“Well, as you know, we met at university. Tyler was this really determined guy, always had a serious scowl on his face, always with his head in a book, or in a laptop. I met him through a friend of a friend, you know how it goes. Well, anyway, he became like this pet project I simply had to corrupt. I mean who went to university to actually study? Apparently no one had informed Tyler that his university years were supposed to be the time he ran amok.”
Smudge sauntered into the room and climbed onto Sadie’s knee, turning around in a circle five times before curling into a ball on her lap. She waited until he was settled before pushing him off.
“That cat is such an arsehole.” Sadie poked out her tongue in the cat’s direction as he sat and stared daggers at her, ears firmly planted against his head. “Anyway, back to my story.” She adjusted her position on the couch, lying across it rather than sitting on it and crossed her ankles. “You could say I wasn’t as well suited for studying as Tyler was and I switched from major to major. In the end, I graduated with a degree in Art history, of which I’ve done nothing with and can barely remember. Instead, I decided to travel. I kept in contact with Tyler and when I came back home, moneyless and jobless, he was looking for an assistant and asked me to fill in temporarily until he found someone. Six years later, I was still there.” She shrugged. “That’s how I ended up working for Tyler.” Reaching onto the floor, Sadie guided a handful of popcorn from her bowl into her mouth, stuffing it fully until she could barely close it.
“Do you miss it?”
Sadie shook her head, holding her hand over her mouth to stop the popcorn escaping. “Not really. I guess I miss all the functions I used to attend on his behalf. That was fun for a while. Especially when you came along. Before you, Tyler begrudgingly went to almost everything he was invited to as he considered it ‘his duty’.” Sadie coughed, choking on a stray kernel. “He hated them. I used to have to listen to him moan about all these people I was dying to meet, so when you came along and the requests for me to attend in his place increased, I was pretty happy. Then I realised that it was always the same people talking about the same old shit and the shine wore off rather quickly.”
“Did you ever meet his mother?”
“Tyler’s?” she asked.
I nodded, keeping my eyes stuck on the television because I didn’t want to see the smirk that I knew would be covering her face.
“I thought this wasn’t about Tyler?”
“It’s just one little question.”
The truth was, I was beginning to feel a little Tyler starved. The weekend away had helped give me closure, confirmed that I made the right decision regarding our relationship, but that didn’t mean I was completely over Tyler Thornton. He had gone from being my whole world to a distant part of it. There were days when I wanted to pounce on Sadie and demand she tell me every little piece of Tyler related gossip she could muster. My pride never let me though.
“Only the once. At Clark’s funeral. She wasn’t what I thought she’d be. From the way Tyler spoke about her, I expected this wasted druggy-type, but she wasn’t anything like that. She was well presented, well groomed, but I didn’t really get the chance to speak to her. Tyler was majorly pissed she was even there.” Sadie picked at her teeth. “Did he tell you he’s going to visit her?”
“When would he have had the chance?” I shot back, a little more sharply than I intended.
Sadie held up her hands as though I had attacked. “Whoa, calm down. It was just a question. Besides, he told me that he told you on that stupid weekend he was going to go and visit her. He’s on his way now. I think he wanted you to offer to go with him.”
“I can’t go with Tyler to meet his mother. I can barely be around him.”
Sadie wiggled her eyebrows. “Because you want to do bad things to him?’
I scowled. “Sadie.”
There was a knock at the door and Sadie stuck her thumb to her forehead. “Bags not.”
I sighed and lifted myself from the couch, stepping around Smudge who had firmly planted himself in front of Sadie and was engaging in a one-sided staring competition.
“If it’s Gabe, don’t let him in!” Sadie shouted.
I pulled open the door to find Peta standing on the step, arms laden with bags. “Good,” she said without greeting. “You’re here.”
“And so are you,” I replied as she barged past. “Why are you here?”
“It’s good to see you too, Ren,” she called over her shoulder. “Lounge down this way, I take it?”
I followed as she walked in and dumped her bags on the floor. Sadie shook her head in surprise. “Hello?” she said, looking over at me with a confused expression.
“Sadie, Peta, Peta, Sadie,” was my brief introduction. It struck me as strange that the two had never met before. Peta was my oldest and closest friend, and Sadie was fast becoming included in my small circle of
friends as one I truly trusted.
The two women eyed each other suspiciously and nodded in greeting. They both knew of the other, but it was the first time they had met. I felt oddly nervous, scared that they wouldn’t like each other.
Peta sighed loudly and pulled out a stool from the kitchen counter, sitting down heavily. “I figured I should come and visit you since you haven’t come to see me in years.”
I laughed and pulled out the stool next to her. “It hasn’t been years.”
“Years,” she repeated, emphasising the word with a pointed glare.
“Any particular reason for this visit? Kids good? Hubby good? Work good?”
Tears welled in Peta’s eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I said, leaning close and pulling her into my arms. She broke down completely then, and Sadie got up from the couch, declaring she needed to make a trip to the store.
“I’m pregnant,” Peta wailed.
“What?” I pulled back and held her firmly by the shoulders. “When? How? Was it planned?”
Peta pulled a tissue out of her pocket and dabbed her eyes, leaving smudges of mascara. “Well, I don’t actually know if I’m pregnant yet. I’m late. My boobs are tender, I’m crying at the drop of a hat and I’ve got this nauseated feeling in my gut. I don’t know if it’s morning sickness or just worry.”
“So not planned then?”
She shook her head. “I haven’t even told Shrek. I want to do the test first. I just didn’t want to do it with him, this time, you know? All the others were planned. Well, apart from Henry, but the other two were. And now this has happened and I don’t want to be alone when I find out, but I also don’t want someone there watching and judging my reaction. I really just don’t know how I feel. I don’t know if I’m going to burst into tears if it’s positive or burst into tears if it’s not.”
