by A. Gorman
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that…”
“You’ve made amazing progress in a month, and I don’t want you to take a step backwards because you can’t verbalize what you’re feeling. A service dog would understand you even when you don’t understand yourself.”
“I’ll look into it, okay?” I said, biting my lip in thought.
“That’s all I can ask. I’m really proud of how much you’ve accomplished.”
“Thank you, Dr. Judd. You have a lot to do with that.”
“I’m just a little part. Your will to live, to be better, is what’s making it happen.”
I smiled as I realized I couldn’t let this disorder cripple me any more than what the IED had already. I needed to fight to better myself and understand that it’s okay to lean on others, to depend on them. Even though that scared me, I knew it would be okay, and it was very possible that a service dog was exactly what I needed.
“As we did a month ago, I’m going to ask you a series of questions. I’ll then compare your answers to see where we need to focus our therapy.”
“Okay, I’m ready when you are.”
“Good, let’s begin.”
He asked a line of questions, and I didn’t hesitate letting my true feelings come through. Dr. Judd gave a slight smile with some of my answers. This was the most the doctor had smiled since I’d been seeing him.
“We’re on the right track, Evie. I feel comfortable with suggesting cutting therapy time down if you are.”
“Still three days a week or two?”
“Two days a week would be sufficient, but if you run into a problem, I’m a phone call away.”
“I can do that. Can we start that next week?”
“Yes, we’ll do a new schedule before you leave tonight.”
“Great,” I said with a smile. The rest of the appointment was working with redirecting the dark voice. I left the appointment feeling lighter, almost normal.
With my parents and Dr. Judd’s words echoing in my head, I came home and opened the dusty laptop that sat on the desk in my bedroom. I typed in Mutts for Vets and started my research on service animals and Cain Graham.
The organization seemed nationally known. Cain was in the Army as well and started Mutts for Vets after he retired from the Army. There wasn’t a picture of him on the website, but he sounded like a very humble person. The work he does for vets was astonishing, and I became very intrigued about what I’ve read about him and what he had done for the veteran community. I quickly dialed the number on the website and made an appointment for the following day.
In that moment, I decided that I needed to help others like me—those too afraid to get help like I was in the beginning. I tried not to think about how much further I would have progressed if I had realized that I needed help when I go home, instead of waiting a month. That would have been a month without nightmares.
How I was going to start a group like that I wasn’t sure of, but I knew that I had to get myself on the mend first, I had to take control of my life. I started looking forward to the future for the first time in a long time. I began researching statistics and centers in the area that offer the help that was needed. There were many soldiers that aren’t getting help, and they need the same attention that I was getting.
My eyelids started to droop, and I bookmarked all the pages I’d been looking at and closed the laptop. I turned off all the lights and went to bed, feeling better about my future and myself than I had in in a long time.
***
The excitement from the night before carried over to the next day. I returned to my research and the day sped by. Before I knew it, it was almost tome for my physical therapist to arrive. I hurried and showed, hoping she wouldn’t have to wait for me.
I began going over the questions I had for Cain as I hobbled out to the front porch to wait on Cheryl, my physical therapist. We have therapy sessions three times a week and this community session will be taking us to Mutts for Vets, which was unknown to her at this point.
Cheryl had been a huge help, and I’d enjoyed getting to know her over the past six weeks. Her work with me, my parents seemed more relaxed—I think they thought I was going to commit suicide. Not that I didn’t think about it, but had chosen to hold on to a sliver of hope that there’s a reason I lived.
I let out a long, deep breath, cleansing breath, and closed my eyes. Thankful that I didn’t give into the voice in my head that told me to end it, end my life, on so many occasions. Even though I lived with a lot of pain and grief, there’s so much to live for. I saw that now.
Gravel crunching under tires had me opening my eyes, and I looked down the drive to see Cheryl’s silver hybrid pulling in. A smile graced my lips as I pushed myself up from the chair and shuffled across the porch to the steps. One wooden step at a time, I stepped down the stairs with the help of the railing.
“I thought I might have to drag you out of the house… You look different.” Cheryl beamed before she walked up to me, making sure to be close in case I lost my footing.
“Well, I had a breakthrough at therapy with Dr. Judd Monday, and if I wasn’t for that, you might have had to.” I smiled at her.
“Evie, that’s fantastic.”
“I was hoping while we were out today if we could stop by Mutts for Vets,” I coyly asked.
“Yes, of course,” she excitedly replied. “You decided to look into getting a service dog,” she asked as she waited for me to sit down in the car and fasten my seatbelt.
“Yes, and no. I’m going to see if having a service animal is a fit for me, but while I’m there, I want to ask Cain some questions about how he started helping vets.” She shut the door and walked around, getting in the car.
“Sounds like a plan. Are you vetting him out?” She looked at me before starting the car.
“No, I have an idea in my mind, and I want to figure out how I need to go about making it happen. Did you realize that one in eight soldiers come home from the war with some form of PTSD? And fifty percent of those don’t seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, only eighteen percent receive adequate care. The veterans are suffering, and it got me thinking, what if they want to get help but are afraid to,” I rushed out.
“Then an idea came to me; I want to form an organization that reaches out to those who don’t know how to help themselves. A place that could help those with PTSD or traumatic brain injury, because during my research I noticed the two diagnosis can be dually diagnosed.”
“Wow. I love your idea. Sounds like you’ve been thinking about it, but I don’t want you to take on too much at once. We need to focus on you first.” I looked out the window, taking in her words, wondering when was the last time I took the time to look past the face reflecting in the window. I knew I hadn’t since I’d been home—I needed to open my eyes to things beyond the window.
“I realized that too. I would be of no use to someone else if I couldn’t take care of myself.”
“Well, I think that it’s good that you’re asking someone else that provides a service to veterans. That way you will get the facts on what to expect.”
“Thanks. I was so down and depressed. I honestly thought I wasn’t going to be able to do anything with my life. I know I’m not physically immobile, but my head was making me nearly incapacitated...” I swallowed, thinking of a way to thank her.
“You have a lot to do with that. I know I haven’t been the easiest person to work with and I appreciate you not giving up on me.” Blunt was the best way to be.
“That wasn’t an option… So does Mr. Graham know we are coming?”
“Yes. I spoke with his assistant yesterday and she told me today would be a perfect day for us to come in. Cain will be teaching a class until five, but after that he will be free.”
“Perfect,” she said as she turned from the half-mile long lane of the ranch onto the county road that would take us into town.
My palms were sweating. I was nervous. What if a service animal wasn’t for me? I
had set my mind on getting a dog after the research. Maybe I could train my own if Cain didn’t think I needed one. So many thoughts raced through my mind that I didn’t realize that Cheryl had pulled in front of Mutts for Vets.
The single story white block building was busy with activity. There were several cars in the parking lot, but Cheryl was able to park close to the door. The clock on the dash read four-fifty so we had a few minutes to kill, and that gave me plenty of time to make it inside of the building.
“Ready,” Cheryl asked before she opened the car door.
“Yes.”
She nodded and we get out of the car. I made sure to have my footing and stand up, moving out of the car door’s way before I shut it. We walked to the entrance quietly. Questions were zooming around in my mind. I don’t know which I was more excited for, meeting my possible companion or meeting Cain. Once at the entrance, Cheryl held the door open and I walked in.
We were immediately greeted, “Welcome to Mutts for Vets. How may help you?”
“Hi. I’m Evie Gervais. I called yesterday about meeting with Cain.”
“Yes, I spoke with you. I talked to Cain last night and he said he has a few dogs he would like you to meet. He will be out in about five minutes.”
“Great, thank you. We will wait over here.” I point to chairs that were off to the side of the entrance.
“That works.” She gave us a polite smile.
I was too nervous to sit, so I walked over to glass wall. On the other side of the glass, several dogs were being dogs, running around and jumping, and I stood there, watching them. I felt someone watching me and I turned my head toward the gaze, and I was expecting a person but I was wrong.
Honey colored eyes greeted me as I looked at a fuzzy sable color German Shepard. His head turned, and he knew I was checking him out. He got out of his bed, walking over to the glass wall, and jumped up onto the glass to look me in the eyes. He could see something that I couldn’t feel, looked at me as he knew what I was feeling on the inside, and it something that he knew that wasn’t good. He started barking and whining.
“I see that you’ve meet Titan,” a man with a deep, southern drawl stated from my right. His voice could melt butter, and I turn to my right to see who had stepped beside me. My eyes meet his chest, the man stood a lot taller than me. As my eye traveled up, they took in his broad shoulders sexy jaw line that’s has a faint five o’clock shadow. His trimmed, tan face was completed with full lips and sexy dimples that greeted me as my gaze made its way to his sea green eyes. “I’m Cain Graham. I’m assuming you’re Evelynn?”
I cleared my throat, trying to compose myself. “Evie Gervais. Nice to meet you, Mr. Graham.” I held out my hand to shake his. His fingers caressed my wrist as we shook. Zaps of electricity shot up my arm, momentarily leaving me at a loss for words. He let go of my hand, and my words came back.
“Umm… Thank you for meeting with me tonight. I have a dual purpose for my visit. The first is to look at getting a service dog and second is to ask questions about running a company that caters to veterans.” I smiled as I thought about how his touch made me feel, and I look at the hand that touched me and look farther up his arm to see that tattoos covered his arm. Quickly, I glanced at the other arm and saw more tattoos. I raised my eyes to look at his chest, and judging by its thickness, I’m sure more tattoos were hiding under his shirt.
I glazed back into his eyes and caught him checking me out. He gave me a small smirk.
“Likewise. You can call me Cain. When Amy told me about you coming in last night, I worked with a few dogs that I thought would be a good match for you. I like to make sure that the dog and you. Normally I would introduce you to a few dogs, but Titan took control of the situation. Would you like to meet him?”
Nervousness built in my stomach. “Yes, please.”
He opened the door and Titan sat, waiting on his command.
“Titan, come,” Cain orders, gently. The dog gets up and walks to him. “Sit. Okay, Titan,” Cain orders. Titan sat next to him. “He knows he’s off the clock now, and you can introduce yourself to him.”
“Hi, Titan, I’m Evie,” I said to the handsome dog. His eyes drew me in, making me want to love on the big dog. He raised his paw, wanting me to shake it. I took his soft paw in my hand, and gently shook it and let it go. He nodded his head and laid down.
“That’s the calmest I’ve seen him in a while.” Cain shook his head. “I have to say this if a first. So would you like to go to my office and we can discuss the program a little more in detail, and then I can answer your questions?”
“Yes, that’s fine. Oh, I totally spaced my friend being here. Cheryl,” who had been remained seated in a chair behind us, watching the interaction between Cain, Titan, and myself, “this is Cain and Titan. Cain, this is my physical therapist, Cheryl.” She grinned devilishly at the introduction.
“Hey, little brother.” She smirked.
“Hi, yourself. Didn’t think I would see you today.” Cain grinned and gave her a hug.
“Wait. He’s your brother?” What did I miss?
“Little brother.” She laughed. “Not so little anymore.”
“I had no idea.” I wondered what other kind of information Cheryl had.
“He’s the reason I became a physical therapist. After he was injured in a training mission, I couldn’t sit by and let him be in pain. So I went back to college and six years later, here we are.”
“Oh, wow,” I say amazed that she changed her life for her brother.
“We’ll talk about it more during our next session. I’ll let Cain get back to what he does best. I’ll sit out here and wait on you.”
“Thanks, Cheryl.” I grinned at the woman who I called my friend before I turned back to Cain, and that felt fantastic to have a friend.
“This way, please. Titan, heel.” The dog followed Cain on his left side as he walked into an office. “Please have a seat anywhere. Titan, sit.” The dog sat next to the desk Cain sat behind. “The paperwork is fairly simple, and I have to have it to cover you, the dog, and myself. This gives me permission to verify that you do have a medical condition that qualifies you for a service dog and not a therapy dog. They are different and I want to make sure you get the dog you need.”
“Thank you.” I take the paperwork and it’s clear of what he needs to confirm my need. I pulled out my cellphone to get Dr. Judd’s number and the list of medication and diagnoses of why they were prescribed.
Ten minutes later, the paperwork was completed and Cain was looking it over.
“What do you think of Dr. Judd?”
“A godsend—he’s exactly what I needed to get my head on straight.”
“Yeah, I saw him when I came home. We definitely need more doctors like him.”
“I agree. That’s what I want to talk to you about.”
“Sounds good. I have a few more things that we need to do and you can ask away.”
“Thank you.”
He asked me questions about where I lived, if I was able to afford the care of a service dog, if I agreed to training, or at anytime, if I felt I couldn’t care for the dog that I would return him to Mutts for Vets. The answers were all yes.
“Looks like you’re a candidate for Titan. I have to call Dr. Judd to get your diagnosis in writing but that shouldn’t be an issue.”
“Great. That makes me happy.”
“This is how the process goes: we will do a few over nights to make sure that you two are compatible beyond these doors. Once funding for Titan is in place, we will start training. It will last about a month. He’s fully trained, but you will need to be trained how to commutate with him at home and in public. To some, it might seem like I over train the dogs here, but I rather everyone be over trained than not.”
“I understand what you’re saying. That makes me feel better.”
“If you feel comfortable, I’ll let you take Titan home tonight.”
“Oh, Cheryl brought me. I don’t thi
nk he would like riding in her car.” His eyes widen.
“He wouldn’t have a problem with it, but I don’t think she’d like his hair in there with her patients.”
“I didn’t think about that. I’ll have my parents bring me—”
“Do you mind if I take you and Titan home?”
“I can’t ask that of you, we live outside of town.”
“It’s not a problem, Evie. That way you don’t have to rush through your questions.”
“I appreciate that. I’ll tell Cheryl.”
“Okay, I finish this up and then you can ask away.”
“Thank you, so much, Cain.” His name seductively rolled off my tongue. My cheeks flame with embarrassment. I’ve never been one to openly flirt with someone, but something about him makes me want to be womanly…sexy. He winked at me, and I hurried out of his office, without looking back.
I could be getting myself into trouble with him, but maybe he’s exactly what I need. He could be someone to look up to, someone that could be a role model at bettering the lives veterans. A smile replaced the embarrassment and I walk out to talk to Cheryl. I’m so glad Mom talked me into seeing a therapist, or I’d still be holed up in my damn bedroom…or worse.
Chapter Six
“Down, Titan. Yes, I hear the alarm clock. No, I don’t want to get up.” Sloppy kisses greet me as I tried to cover my face with the sheets from my bed.
Titan officially became my service dog yesterday. After waiting two weeks for the paperwork to be approve and a private donation to go through as payment from him, he was finally mine. He’s lived with us since the night Cain brought him to the house. I don’t know if was normal for Cain to make house visits, but he hasn’t missed a day since Titan’s been here.
To be honest, I’m glad he’s here. His visiting allowed me to talk to some else besides my parents. He’s been a blessing organization I want to open, because his insight was allowing me to get everything laid out. I wanted to make sure everything was worked out before I presented it to a financial backer. Honestly, I knew I had to make sure that I was able to handle the stress.
