by A. Gorman
Someone pulls me away from the blast. My body feels lifeless. I’m dead. It feels like I’m dead. I’d rather be dead.
I don’t come to until I wake up in a hospital in Germany.
My face is numb, and is bandaged up on the side. Parts of my body is damaged from the blast and bandaged. They said it would take time to heal. But scars last forever.
I’d been through enough in the war that I wanted an out, and this was my out. My injuries were severe enough to leave the army. Most folks I knew would have a hard time leaving their comrades behind, but, to me, they were just as bad as the enemy. I only had one friend, and his name was Jason. He looked out for me after I was raped by a few of my fellow comrades. Unfortunately, he didn’t find me until after. I couldn’t understand my own people doing this to me. But it exists, there, out in the open.
Still, tears fall from my eyes at the reality that stands before me. War was the only home I had known. My parents died while I was in Iraq. The house we lived in burnt down, with them in it. And now, I have no one. No home. Nothing. I am nothing.
With my hair tucked into a tight bun, I head to the only place I knew I wanted to visit. New Orleans. Maybe I could find a home there. Maybe I could just slip under the radar and no one would notice.
But with every stare, I had to relive that day. The blast both saved my life and scarred me for life. There was no win-win situation. But I had to find my will to live, because maybe I would have been better off dead.
I wake with a start. My heart is racing at a rapid speed. Realizing I’m safe, I try to slow my breaths. Glancing out the window, it’s still dark out. The nightmares come most nights. Getting up out of bed, I move to start unpacking my duffle bag, putting clothes away. I remind myself that I need to go shopping for clothes and other necessities. Grabbing a blanket, I move to the couch and try to get some sleep before I have to go to work.
***
A few hours later, I wake and get ready for work black uniform shirt and black khaki pants. I tuck my hair into a messy bun, even though my shift doesn’t start for another three hours yet. I am groggy and exhausted from the nightmare I had last night. They never go away. Some vary from the real situation, but, in the end, they are real to me.
Grabbing the ziti out of the fridge, I make some for breakfast. I hardly eat home cooked meals since it’s only me. Dishing the rest of the food into another container, I clean the dish Drake brought over so I can return it.
Hopping in my jeep, I decide to head to the pet store I had seen just outside of town. As I drive down the main road, a sign grabs my attention, Puppies for sale. Turning down the gravel driveway, I pull up to a stone, two-story house. Exiting the car, I walk up to the door and knock. Surprisingly, the one and only Drake Harmon answers the door. My heart lurches.
“Hi. I just saw the sign in the yard about puppies for sale.”
“Oh yeah. Come on in.” He opens the door wider. “We have three puppies left.”
“Great.” I follow him through the house.
The house is old, but in good condition. Drake stops in the kitchen. “Ma, I have a friend here to look at the pups.”
His mom wipes her hands on the dish towel that rests on her shoulder. She holds her hand out to me.
“I’m Sienna. I work with Drake, and I just so happened to see the for sale sign about the puppies.” She reaches up and touches my face.
“Mom’s blind,” Drake says.
“I’m Veronica, dear. Nice to meet you, Sienna. Drake will show you the pups.”
As much as I don’t like my face being touched, I understood that’s probably how she connects with people.
“Nice to meet you, too.”
I follow Drake to the puppies. “Sorry about my Ma touching your face. She does that so she can picture you.”
“Oh. It’s okay,” I brush it off.
The puppies are playing together when we approach them. “They are so cute.” I bend down to pet them.
Drake bends down as well. “If you like one, it’s two hundred and fifty. They have papers, too. And they are up to date with their shots and everything.”
He watches me as I play with one. One pup immediately takes to me when he jumps in my lap and tries to lick me. This one seems like the odd ball of the bunch. He’s brown all over and has a small white spot on his nose. They are Labradors, which means they grow to a decent size.
“I definitely want this one,” I say, cuddling the brown pup.
“Great. I’ll go grab the papers.”
Digging in my purse, I grab the cash from my wallet. When he comes back, he hands me the papers and I’m on my merry way.
“See you later,” I tell him.
“Later,” he says at the door.
With enough time to spare, I decide to go to the pet store to grab some stuff the dog will need. Carrying him inside with me, I grab food, toys, a doggie bed, a potty pad, and a leash. I haven’t thought of a name for him yet. Maybe Baxter. Bax for short. After making my purchases, we head home and I am able to play with him for a few before heading to work.
I make a mental note to come check on him during my break. He whined when I was leaving, and I felt horrible. My heart broke.
THREE
I make it to work on time, and greet the guys as I tie the apron around my waist. Just as the first order comes in, Drake came beside me to get to work. It gets busy but we don’t have time to talk, but my body feels him near for the whole first half of the day.
My lunch break is around noon, and I walk home to check on Baxter. Once I get there, I shower him with a few kisses and let him out for a potty break. I look off into the woods and recall the dream I had. Then I shake the thoughts out of my head. I get in my head too much. Once Bax is done, I put him back inside and head back to work.
Drake is sitting on the stoop when I arrive to work. I sit down next to him.
“What did you name the pup?” Drake asks.
“Baxter. Baxter Daniels.”
He nods. “That’s a perfect name for him.”
“He whined when I was leaving. I felt bad.”
“He’ll get used to it, once he knows you come back.”
“Yeah,” I say in agreement.
“How come you wear clothes two sizes too big?” Drake asks.
“You don’t know me, or anything about me, Drake Harmon.” I stand. “I have my reasons.”
I head back inside to finish my shift since my break is over.
“You’re a hard girl to get to know, Sienna.”
I like hearing him say my name. When I finally look over at him, he smiles. You know the kind that curves up in one corner. Ah. Stop thinking about his lips. I shake my head at him. But it is nice cooking along-side of him. He’s so tall, at least six foot four, and it makes me feel so tiny. I kind of like that.
It gets busy for dinner and we don’t have a chance to talk until after the shift.
“Can I walk you home?”
“That’s really not necessary,” I tell him.
He holds his hands up. “Look: it’s dark out, and I’d feel better knowing you were home safe. I’m not trying to get in your pants, Sienna.”
I give him a wary look before answering him. “Okay. Fine.”
It’s after eleven at night, and I am a little scared to walk home in the dark. We walk down the path that leads to the cabin.
“Is your mom a single mom?” I ask.
“Yeah. My dad took off when I was young. Haven’t heard from him since I was ten.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“How about your parents?” he asks.
“Mine are deceased. Died in a house fire, back home in Maryland.”
“What are you doing here in New Orleans?”
“I don’t have anyone back home. I needed a place to start over after I got released from the war.”
“The war, huh?” he mentions.
“Yeah. I don’t like to talk about it. Just bad memories most of the time.”
>
Drake shoves his hands in his pants pockets. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But I’m here if you ever do.”
He is walking on my left side, where my scar is shown. “Thank you.” The cabin comes into view. “Do you work tomorrow?” I ask.
“No. I’m off. You?”
“I’m off, too. Would you want to come over and help me spruce up this place? I’ll even feed you my terrible cooking.”
He chuckles. “You got yourself a deal.”
“Okay. Oh. Let me grab your mom’s dish quick.” I go inside to grab the clean glassware, and come out and hand it to him. “Thanks for walking me home.”
“Goodnight, Sienna.”
“Goodnight, Drake.”
Inside, Baxter greets me by bouncing at my feet and wagging his tail.
“Hey, buddy.” I pick him up and hold him and love on him.
Setting him back down, I decide to eat the last of the ziti Drake brought over. Once I finish eating, I take Bax out to pee and let him do his thing.
We go back inside and we play for a little longer before I carry him into the bedroom with me. He’s so funny; his bark is more of a yelp.
After a shower, I settle into bed, hoping sleep takes over with no nightmares.
It’s late; we are supposed to be on night watch. A couple of the guys harass me, but I take it jokingly. “Hey, Sienna. Do you have a guy waiting for you back home?”
I laugh them off. “No. I don’t.”
“I think you should give us a round or two,” Bowman says to me.
“You just keep your paws off me.”
“Oh come on. Have some fun, Sienna.”
Bowman tugs on my uniform, and I realize this is no longer a joke. Bowman starts touching me inappropriately, and then the next thing I know, my clothes are being ripped off. Three against one is no match. Fear erupts in me. How could my own guys do this?
I feel sick and dirty. They overpower me, and every time I struggle, they hold me tighter. They laugh and sneer at me. Finally, I close my eyes until it’s over. It feels like it last hours.
When I finally stumble back to the command center, Jason finds me naked. Before anyone notices, he quickly wraps his uniform shirt around me and holds me close to him while we go into my tent. Tears finally make an appearance, and my body shakes uncontrollably.
“I need to shower,” I tell him.
“Are you hurt?”
“Just let me shower,” I plead with him.
“Okay. Go shower.”
He helps me to the shower, and I stand under the water scrubbing my body as hard as I can manage. The filth always remains.
Jason protected me out in the field every day since that day. Rumor gets around that I’m easy and that makes me an easy target for others, but with Jason’s protection, it’s easier to get around and stay under the radar. We pretend to be dating so I’m not harassed.
I wake with a start, sitting straight up. Baxter wakes and comes over to me and settles in my lap. I just lie awake, looking at the moon outside my window as I pet Baxter. When I look at the clock, it says it three a.m. I sigh, knowing sleep won’t come easily again. And I don’t want to sleep. I’ll have nightmares if I do.
***
A few hours later, I wake with puppy licks to the face. I’ve only had a few hours’ sleep max. So, knowing the puppy needs out, I dress in a pair of ripped jeans and a white tee shirt. Then I start the coffee pot while the dog goes outside. With the leash in hand, we walk onto the dock. Fog hangs just above the water, making it look eerie.
After a short nap on the couch, Drake comes by that afternoon. He has on a pair of basketball shorts and a graphic t-shirt, looking all tall and gorgeous. He carries a box inside the house.
“What is all this?” I ask.
“Ma cleaned out her pantry and was going to donate all of it. So I brought it here for you. Now you don’t have to grocery shop for much.”
“Thanks, Drake. That’s so nice.”
I take the canned goods and stack them in the cabinet. There is cans of fruit, vegetables, beans, and soups.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I question with curious eyes.
He shrugs. “I guess I thought you could use a friend. And I don’t have many friends myself. So maybe we can be friends.”
I smile. “You’re one of the good ones, Drake. Now, are you ready to work?”
“I’m ready.”
“This eggshell color is for the inside to brighten the place up. I also got some stain for the porch.”
“Then we better get started,” Drake says.
* * *
We take a break around four in the evening and decide to order pizza. The front porch is all done. After we eat, I move to paint the bedroom an almost baby pink color.
“My momma likes you,” Drake mentions.
“She met me for like five seconds,” I tell him.
“She can judge someone pretty quickly. I guess you can say it’s a gift.”
“How did she become blind?”
“It’s from complications with diabetes. She can see figures and shadows, but that’s all she can make out. She’s been like that for as long as I’ve been alive.”
FOUR
DRAKE
“Mom, I’m home,” I say while entering the house from being at Sienna’s all day. I feel dirty and need a shower.
“I’m in here, sugar,” Mom calls from the kitchen.
Opening the fridge, I pour some of mom’s homemade tea.
“How’s that girl handling the puppy?”
I sit at the table next to Ma and chuckle. “Good. She named him Baxter. And her name is Sienna, Mom.”
“I assume she’s been through some tough times,” Mom tells me.
“Yeah, she has. She hasn’t given me any specifics. I don’t think she trusts people easily.”
Mom places a hand on mine. “You’re a good boy, Drake. She’ll come around. And it sounds like you are quite fond of her. Ma smiles.
“I just met her, so it’s too early to tell.”
“Does she have any family?”
“Not that I know of. I think she said they died in a house fire.”
Mom paces a hand on her lips. “Oh. That’s a shame. A girl alone in the world.”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“Why don’t you invite her over for lunch on Wednesday before work? I’ll make your favorite.”
“Okay. Yeah. I’ll ask her tomorrow. I’m going to go up and shower and get ready for bed.”
“Goodnight, sweetie.”
“Goodnight,” I call over my shoulder.
Taking the stairs to my room, I set my half empty glass on my nightstand. Mom’s comment about Sienna alone in the world struck me like lightning. Hopefully, Sienna can eventually count on us in her times of need. She doesn’t have anyone. At least I had Momma.
I get a sense that Sienna had been through hell when she was at war. Now she’s at a war with herself. It fucked her up bad. I can see the apprehension in her eyes when she looks at me. She doesn’t trust me.
The thought of someone hurting her gives me murderous thoughts. One day, I’ll make her see she is no longer a victim.
***
The next morning, I wake around lunch time. After dressing for work, I head downstairs and see Momma has left a note. Went to the store. There’s chicken salad in the fridge. I make a sandwich with the chicken salad and have some chips at the kitchen table. Marvin, my dog comes over to beg. He’s still a pup; he’s one we kept with his Momma.
After I feed the dogs and take them outside to pee, I let them back inside and decide to stop at Sienna’s so we can walk to work together. Then I can ask her to come over for lunch. I’m not sure how she’ll react to it. The cabin isn’t a far walk. Two miles maybe. It gives me time to think. I prefer the solitude. We have a car, but we don’t use it. Ma takes the bus if she goes to the store or appointments. She’s very independent.
Even though the weath
er has turned cooler, I wipe the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand. I’m thankful for the cooler weather, because a brother ain’t trying to get any darker.
I make it to Sienna’s, and Baxter alerts her by yelping at me. She steps out onto the porch. “What are you doing here?”
I can’t help but smile when I look up her. “I thought I could walk to work with you.” I’m careful not to say that I want to walk her to work, because she would look at me suspiciously and we don’t need that. “If that’s alright,” I add.
At first, she doesn’t answer me. “Well, come on in while I finish getting ready.”
Stepping inside, I bend down to pet Baxter and then pick him up to cuddle. He laps at my face.
“Do you want some water or something?” Sienna offers.
“Sure. I’ll take a bottle if you have it.”
She reaches in and tosses me a cold one.
“Thanks.”
“Give me a sec to put my hair up and I’ll be right out.”
I nod and sit on the couch with Baxter at my side. Sienna has no clue how beautiful she really is. Even though she swallows her body in baggy clothes, I can tell she’s thin but has curves in the right places. She comes back into the room with hair up. At least she doesn’t try to hide her face, even with the burn mark and eye patch.
“You ready?”
I nod and follow her outside. “Ma asked how Baxter was doing. She likes his name.”
Sienna smiles. “I just love him so much. And he’s so cuddly.”
We start to walk down the path through the wooded area.
“Mom wanted me to invite you over to lunch the day after tomorrow before work.”
She looks at me quizzically. “Um. Yeah, sure. I guess that would be fine.” She gives a brief smile.
“You can bring Baxter, too, if you want. He can play with his brother.”
“Great. Sounds good.”
I can tell Sienna has some deep rooted issues. Today she semi cold, and I can barely get a word out of her. “Are you having a bad day today? Did I do or say something?”
She looks at me for a split second before staring at the ground. “I am. I’m sorry. It’s not you. You are being nice to me, and I’m being the queen of ice. I have good days and bad days. And this happens to be a bad day,” she says as she reaches over to touch my shoulder, and then drops her hand quickly.
