by Glover, Dan
“We bought Twenty Nine Katz about four years ago.”
Yelena understood Justine helped Roger with the office work now that she did the cooking. Yelena thought how Justine must be done for the day too. She sat beside Yelena drinking a glass of white wine.
“It took three years for Roger to renovate it so it’s only been open one year.”
“What is renovate?”
“To fix it up… the tavern had been closed a long time when we bought it. And it hadn’t had any work done to it for many years. It looked ready to fall down. Roger fixed it up again. He planned to sell it when he finished. I think he fell in love with the building though and decided to keep it when he was done.”
“Do you like owning a tavern?”
“Roger does most of the work. I helped out in the kitchen because he couldn’t find anyone good to do the cooking. I didn’t like it though… not even a little bit. I did it for Roger. I like doing what I do now a lot better. Do you like to cook, Yelena?”
“I have always cooked, ever since I was a little girl in Russia. My grandmother taught me.”
“But do you like it?”
“Like, no like, that does not matter… it is only thing I know how to do. Cooking is better than to starve. When I was a young girl I learned to play a piano. I thought, oh Yelena… I could teach others to do this and maybe they will pay me. But it never happened. I married a man from America instead and become his good wife. I cooked and cleaned his house. I let him use me when he wanted sex. Thirty years go by… poof… like that. I think… is this all there is?
"Each day, that man treated me worse than the day before. Finally, I left him. I came to California to be with my friend Katya who I knew in Russia. But she moved away… I don’t know where. Someday I will go looking for her again. How about you, Justine? How long are you and Roger married?”
“I married Roger about six years ago.”
“You must love him very much to cook so many meals for him.”
Chapter 29—Soul Offerings
“So, Billy, tell me about things, Billy.”
Cindy opened her notebook.
“Things are good, Cindy.”
Billy arrived for his monthly appointment on a warm and windy mid-May morning looking forward to getting it out of the way and making it home in time to see Lisa for a few minutes before going to work.
“Really good… I took your advice. And you were right.”
“What do you mean, my advice?”
Cindy seemed preoccupied with flipping pages and finding something in her notebook… maybe her notes from last time.
“You said to not be so clingy. So when I left here, I told myself that even if Lisa leaves me, everything is going to be okay. I went home and I quit trying to pressure her into doing things and saying things that she really didn’t want to do or say.”
“Well, Billy.”
Cindy puffed out her chest each time just before she spoke.
“I’m impressed. I mean it. That took a lot of courage on your part. I know it did.”
“Well, thank you, Cindy.”
She was wearing a low cut top today and Cindy’s massive cleavage attracted his attention. He wondered ever so briefly how big her nipples were and how they would taste in his mouth.
“Lisa has a daughter in foster care named Jem. I’m going to help her get Jem back.”
“How are you going to do that, Billy?”
“I have some money put away. I’m helping her hire an attorney.”
“Do you think that’s wise? How well do you know this woman?”
“We’re getting married.”
“Oh?”
Cindy seemed surprised. Her chest puffed with concern… give up, give up, give up.
“When did this come about?”
“Just a few days ago... she asked me, believe it or not. I didn’t ask her. She said we ought to get married. And I agreed with her.”
“I see.”
Cindy's puff of concern seemed to ebb away.
“What do you suppose changed her mind? I mean, the last time you were here you talked about how she might not share the same feelings that you have for her.”
“I think my following your advice is what did it. I gave up acting like a little boy looking for his mother... looking for an apron to cling onto. I guess I grew up. It was time. Lisa didn’t seem to notice right away but over a period of a couple weeks she began looking at me differently, speaking to me as if I were a man rather than a little boy. I made a point of listening to her… I mean I really listened. I gave her my complete attention. I think she likes that… I don’t believe anyone has ever done that with her before me… at least no man ever has.
“There is an old woman who works as a cook at Twenty Nine Katz, the tavern where I work. We talk sometimes. We’ve gotten to be friends. She told me I should buy Lisa something and give it to her every day. She said it didn’t matter what… just some little something. She said it would be an offering to my soul. I didn’t understand exactly what she meant but I tried it and it worked. It made Lisa happy and it makes me feel good about being able to give something of myself, even if it isn’t much.”
“Your friend sounds like a very wise woman, Billy. It sounds as if she’d make an excellent marriage counselor. I’ve heard a lot of advice before but that is the best I can ever remember hearing… from anyone.”
“She is a very wise woman, yes… she tells me things about myself that I thought only I knew.”
“What does she tell you, Billy?”
“She tells me what the voices in my head say.”
“What do you mean?”
Cindy sat back in her chair as if mystified, puffing up her chest.
“Are you hearing voices in your head?”
“I mean before… I’m not hearing them now.”
Billy suspected Cindy wouldn’t take the news well. The wolf told him so. He remembered promising Roger that he would talk to someone about hearing the voices again but the wolf told him now didn’t seem to be the time.
“When I was back in the asylum… I mean… the institution.”
“How does she know what the voices say?”
“I’ve heard she’s psychic… that she can tell the future.”
“Well, more than likely she picked up on something you said, Billy. There are people who claim to be able to see things, like telling you about your hearing voices, but they are actually reading telegraphed messages from other people.”
“Oh… I see.”
Billy was unsure if he targeted his lies on Cindy or on himself.
“I’m sure you’re right. It sounds to me as if that is exactly what’s happening… thank you, Cindy. I’m really working to try and see things like that. It helps being able to come here and talk.”
“You do seem to be making progress, Billy. One thing worries me, though…”
Cindy looked up from her notebook, puffing out her chest. Give up, give up, give up.
“What’s that, Cindy?”
Billy held his head to the right ever so slightly, perplexed. He suspected she wanted to try talking him out of marrying Lisa… to give up.
“You missed our last appointment.”
“Oh, yeah, I know. I had to work. I called and let your receptionist know that I couldn’t get off.”
Billy felt both relieved and concerned at the same time.
“Roger, that’s my boss, well, he fired the other guy that cleans up and so I had to work more hours than usual. Otherwise he’d probably fire me too. And I need that job.” There was no other guy and Billy knew Roger wouldn’t fire him but it sounded more compelling.
“That’s understandable, Billy.”
Cindy seemed as if she really did understand.
“But according to the terms of your release, you have to keep up with all your appointments. You really need to keep that in mind.”
“Yes, ma’am, I will. I promise to do better.”
Billy studied the
lines of her face. For an older, heavier set woman, she really was quite attractive.
“And I know you’ll keep your promise, Billy. Now, how are the medications working for you? Are you still feeling as if you have a good balance? No ups and downs?”
“I’ve been taking all the pills that I am supposed to take, every morning and every night. I feel good.”
“Any trouble sleeping?”
“Well, yeah... but I’ve always had trouble sleeping… even when I was a boy. The pills I take at night make me groggy but not sleepy.”
“Well, we’ll see how things go. If it keeps up, we might try prescribing a light sleeping aid.”
She scribbled in her notebook and looked to the clock on the wall.
Okay, Billy, we’re done for today. Remember to make an appointment on your way out.”
“Okay, I will, Cindy.”
“Oh, and Billy…”
“Yes, ma’am?”
“Congratulations.”
Chapter 30—Trip to Nowhere
“Roger is my world, Yelena… Jack too, our son.”
“Jack is the little boy I see around here sometimes?”
When she got drunk Yelena always tended to recall the long discussions she had with Justine. Sometimes the girl's voice sounded in her ears as if she was still alive sitting next to her at Twenty Nine Katz drinking vodka and laughing. It was hard to believe she had been gone for thirty years... and the boy.
“Oh… you haven’t met Jack yet? I’ll be sure to introduce you to him. Yes, he’s the little boy you see around here sometimes. Roger doesn’t allow any other children in the tavern. Jack comes by to see his father… Roger spends so much time here that he wouldn’t get to see his own son if Jack didn’t come here. When Jack was younger I would come down here with him and we’d watch Roger working on the building. When Jack got tired I’d take him upstairs to the apartment to nap.”
“How old is your boy?"
“Jack is nine years old. He’s very precocious though.”
“What is precocious?”
“Oh… I mean he speaks beyond his years… he is so smart for his age. He tells us how he remembers living with another family… that they lived in a log cabin by the ocean and how he remembered being scared of the beetles that would crawl out of the logs and into his bed at night, pinching his toes.”
“He lived with another family before you and Roger?”
“Well, he did, yes. I’m his step mother now but actually I’m Jack’s aunt. Roger was married to my sister Helen before I met him. Jack came to live with us when he was two years old.”
“This happens many times with the Gypsies too… when a woman dies her husband often marries the sister.”
“Well, my sister didn’t die. She and Roger got a divorce.”
“So your boy remembers this life with his mother?”
“I don’t know, maybe. But I think he means he remembers a previous life… he tells us that the people he knows now were there too… and he talks about how he fell into a hole when he was ten years old and how he couldn’t get out. I think he means that he died down there. He never says so. I think it scares him.”
“Ah… Jack is a special boy. He sees the past the way I see the future… he is a very special boy. I sense this too… that we live many lives… but I do not remember… maybe when I was little but no longer.”
“You’re right… Jack is a special boy, Yelena. I’ve heard you could tell the future… do you mean to say that’s true?”
“I tell fortunes. The future is something no one can know… only god knows. Sometime, I touch someone or they touch me and I get impressions from them. If I take their hand in mine I get deeper impressions. Sometimes it is so deep I... how do you say… blink out.”
“Do you mean pass out?”
“Yes of course that is it… I pass out. When I come to, people tell me I said things to them. They say my eyes rolled back in my head and I spoke in a strange voice. When I was a little girl in Russia my Grandmother Zoya told fortunes. She did the same thing… she took someone by hand and she shuddered and went to sleep in her chair. It was my job to listen to her and tell her what she said when she woke up. I thought she put on a show for the strangers to take their money. But now I know better.”
“I heard you told one of the girls not to go on a date.”
Justine walked around the bar to pour more vodka for Yelena and another glass of wine for herself.
“I heard you saved her life.”
“No… she did not listen to me… she died anyway. She only thought I told her not to go on her date. I don’t remember. Others tell me I said to her not to go away with the bad man or she will lose her breathe. But she went anyway.”
“Was that the girl who choked to death down by San Diego trying to swallow a packet of drugs?”
“Yes, I read about it in the newspaper too. Poor girl… she should have stayed here. But people never listen. And you cannot cheat death anyway. Death always finds you when it starts looking.”
“What do you mean, you don’t remember?”
“My grandmother used to tell me, Yelena… no one can know the future. Only god knows that. When I tell fortunes I never remember what I say… it is like I go to sleep and god speaks through me. It is difficult to know the word of god… sometimes people hear what they want to hear. I think my grandmother was right. It is the same with me… I never remember what I say.”
“It sounds as if you were close to your grandmother.”
“Oh, yes! My mother died when I was born… in those days things very hard for women in Russia. Things probably have not changed but this I do not know. My grandmother raise me… we were Gypsies… we travel town to town, always moving. I was scrawny little girl… fussy about what I ate, very skinny. My grandmother bought nanny goat so I could drink milk. But I no like the taste. I make a face and say, no, Nanya. I don’t like.
"I call her Nanya… it is Gypsy slang for grandmother. So she fed that nanny goat lollipops and Tootsie-Rolls to make her milk sweet. People laughed at her and said, look at old Zoya; feeding that goat candy… she must be just a crazy old woman. But I liked it and I drank the milk and I grew strong. My grandmother was a wise woman.”
“What a lovely story. I never heard of anyone feeding candy to a goat but it makes sense.”
“When I was just a young girl, maybe fourteen, my grandmother found me a boy to marry… it is the way with Gypsies. He was a pretty boy with long black hair like silk and dark eyes like deep wells… he reminded me of a wild Russian pony… proud and free… when he walked his hair bounced like a pony’s mane.
"I loved him very much. We were married and I went off with his family leaving my grandmother behind. His name I took… Ivan Ivanoff. It was during the big war that the Russian army took him away with lots of other men from our camp. I never saw him again. I never knew if he lived or died but I think he died. I feel it.”
“I’m sorry Yelena… that must have been horrible.”
“It was a bad time for me, yes. The Gypsies I travel with said: Yelena, you bring us bad luck. You must leave and never return. Oh, I say, I do not know where to go. I walked on a road for many nights. I sensed it was better not to be seen. One evening a man and woman in carriage picked me up and took me with them. We traveled by night and hid by day. But the Germans found us. They shot the man and woman and put me in camp where I had to cook for hundreds of people. I worked every waking minute.”
“You were in a concentration camp?”
“I suppose that is what they called it. We called it a big farm… in Ukraine. But no one could leave… men with guns were always watching. It was a hard life… the food was rotten but it all we had. Many people died… big piles they put into trenches like logs and covered with dirt. When Russians finally came to save us, everyone was happy… but life still was hard. So one day I went to the city with my friend, Katya. She said: come with me, Yelena… we will meet Americans looking for Russian brides and we
go to America. It is very exciting… but life was still hard.”
“You must miss your family back in Russia. Have you ever thought of visiting?”
“Oh no… no one is left alive now. One night many years ago I have a dream that my grandmother came to me. She was like a ghost… like fog. I know she was no more… that she had died. She put her hand to her face and took out her left eye. She said: this is yours now, Yelena. Use it well. In my dream I took her eye and put it on my forehead. I felt it sink into my head and it opened. The eye lets me see much I could never see before. When I woke I knew my grandmother had passed back to that place where we all come from and to where we all will go. I was happy that her hard life was over but I was also sad that I would never see her again.”
“Roger said you asked him to help you find a house to buy.”
“Yes… I went to an attorney to file for divorce from my American husband. Attorney said: Yelena, how long did you live with this man? Thirty years. Attorney said, thirty years! Yelena, you are… how do you say… entitled to money. So one day I get a check from the attorney. It is not enough money to buy a big house but enough for a small house… something for me alone. In Russia, it is different than here. People do not buy house there… they are passed from family to family. So I asked Roger if he could help me do this. He says yes, Yelena, I will help you… it is very kind of him.”
“Roger used to buy and sell houses for a living so I’m sure he can find you a nice one. If you don’t mind, Jack and I might tag along. Jack loves looking at houses.”
“I would like that so much. You have all been so kind to me. Tell me if there is ever anything I can do to repay you.”
“Actually, I’d like you to tell me my fortune… I mean… if you don’t mind.”
“Sometimes it is not good to know what is waiting for us.”
Yelena inwardly trembled under a deep angst… sensing something terrible lurking in this pretty lady’s future. And yet at the same time she hated to refuse outright a request from the woman who she looked upon as both her boss and her friend.
“If you really wish this thing, I will do it. But remember, what I say is not me… it is god who speaks through me and no one can know god’s will. What is interpreted from it may be right or it may be wrong.”
