by Glover, Dan
There were no such things as ghosts. When people died, they died. End of story... there was no heaven and no hell, no purgatory, nothing but endless nothingness throughout eternity.
"Of course I don't think you're crazy, Lisa. What a thing to say."
Allison had rejected all the childhood nonsense about a god looking down on everyone and sending his son Jesus to save everyone from the sins in which they invariably clothed themselves just as she had long ago given up on the notion of happily ever after. There was no perfect life awaiting anyone.
The world was built upon a foundation of suffering. If Lisa desired to believe in ghosts and fairy tales, that was her right. Allison wasn’t about to dash anyone's hopes and dreams. Still, she didn’t appreciate those who hoisted their own beliefs upon her.
There was something about the house. She felt it the first time she walked through it with Lisa... maybe it was the whole atmosphere of an old Victorian lingering on long after someone should have set a match to it, the traces of those who had gone before her still lingering like the scent of lilacs still permeating the air long after the flowers had withered and blown away.
She wondered fleetingly what would happen to Alex and if she would ever see her brother again in this life.
Chapter 55—Doing Right
"I thought you said we'd get a choice."
Oscuro felt a quiet panic gripping his chest. It was hard to breathe the rancid air in this hole—it smelled of diesel fumes and excrement—and his head hurt dreadfully. For the first time he began to realize the enormity of his crime against the women he had enslaved there.
What had the old man said? There was ten years worth of food down here. Ten years... could he stand being locking up like a thing unholy for ten years? The thought brought a wave of nausea washing over him which he swallowed hard to keep down.
He had to make them understand. He wondered if the women he had brutalized might have once had the same thoughts running through their heads in the moments leading up to their deaths.
"You can't just leave us here. It isn’t right."
"You left us down here, you bastard. Was that right?"
The woman closest to him spat on his face.
"You took my baby from me. I'd kill you with my bare hands if they'd let me. I hope you die slow and hard."
Oscuro couldn’t look at the masks of hate staring at him painted a pallid white in the surrounding gloom of darkness and damp drippings of something unspeakable just beyond the light. It was as if he was seeing past the façade of normalcy into the true nature of all human beings... the unleashed animalistic desires for revenge that fueled religious zealots and warmongers alike.
He didn’t understand how these men knew where to find the bunker. When the car had come to a stop he felt a hand digging into the old man's pocket. Someone must have bee retrieving the key to the cellar. The old man... Kirk lay unconscious on the concrete floor, his breathing labored. The four women—free from their shackles—stood huddled together glaring at him.
Now, he was chained to the wall in their place. The skin around his ankles already chafed and bled from the sharp metal biting into him as the clammy concrete made him cringe thinking of the myriad insects biding their time until darkness once again reigned down here in the squalid earth.. Still, he thanked all the putrid powers in the universe that the big Indian had removed the tape from his eyes and mouth though roughly.
"The choice was never yours."
The big Indian stood looking at him with his hands on his hips, slowly shaking his head. He looked so utterly disgusted that Oscuro wondered how he stopped himself from using the sawed-off shotgun in his hands to send him and the old man packing to hell.
"We were told to leave it to your captives whether to call the police or to leave you here. Either way, your time is up. You'll never see the light of freedom again."
"You can't just leave us here. There is no way out."
He was repeating himself but he couldn’t help it. He heard a tone of desperation in his voice that he didn’t like, like a child being punished unjustly for something he hadn’t done. It sounded way too much like his conquests, begging for just another minute of life.
"Come on, we need to get these women out of here."
The big Indian took gentle hold of the arm of a woman to help lead her up the spiral stairway leading to the heaven of outdoors with fresh air and a spaciousness forbidden down here in the pit of hell.
"I can't stand being down here another minute with these clowns."
The short stocky one walked over to Kirk putting his fingers on his wrist as if feeling for a pulse. He had a look of concern on his face. For just an instant, Oscuro wondered if he might not be able to use that to talk himself out of the pit after all.
"This one is in bad shape. Are you sure we're doing the right thing? I know these guys deserve to be left here to die, but Christ. I'm not sure I can live with myself if we do this."
"This place gives me the creeps. We can talk about it when we get out of here."
Billy Austin looked at Oscuro, studying his face.
"I agree it isn't right to leave them to die but I don't want these clowns coming back to my house, either."
The stocky man helped the other women up the stairs leaving Billy alone in the cellar with the two prisoners. Oscuro had forgotten that he still wore clown makeup. He felt embarrassed under Billy's gaze, as if he'd been caught doing something he promised not to do. He lowered his eyes as Billy spoke.
"Do you remember me?"
"You were in Eastern Oklahoma State. I remember talking to you there. Your name is Billy Austin."
Oscuro raised his eyes to glance at Billy but then lowered them again.
"I remember talking to you too, Alex. If I ever see you again, I'll kill you without saying a word, though. You disgust me. How could you even think of doing something like this?"
"I'm sick. I'm not right in the head. If anyone can understand that, it has to be you. We're a lot alike, you and me."
"There's where you're wrong. I'm nothing like you."
"Then why were you locked up in an insane asylum, Billy Austin? You're crazy, just like me."
"No, I'm not. They made a mistake. I'm as sane as anyone. Two days ago I discovered there's a tumor growing in the back of my brain that causes my symptoms. No one bothered checking me out physically. They just stuck me in an asylum, told me I was nuts, and pumped me full of drugs. When that didn’t work, they gave me electro shock therapy and erased my personality.
"Because I didn’t have any money I never had a chance. I grew up dirt poor. My father was an alcoholic. My mother was a bible thumper. They never bothered with me or my sister. I had to take care of the both of us. I was ten years old, Alex. Do you have any idea what it was like growing up being beaten and starved? The kids in school constantly teased me. Even the teachers got in on it by calling me out in front of the class for wearing dirty clothes and not taking a bath. The thing is, it's hard to take a bath when you're living in cars and abandoned houses.
"You grew up in the lap of luxury, Alex. You had everything: a loving family, a wonderful sister, a perfect home. But instead of taking care of Allison, you used her. What's even worse, you wanted to make her your property, as if she is something you can own. Don't you know she's the most wonderful creature that ever blessed your life? Think about that long and hard before you answer me. There is one man up there who wants to leave you down here to die and there's another man up there who doesn't think it's right. Whatever I say will be the vote that decides your fate."
Oscuro had never been claustrophobic before but the thought of dying in that hole overwhelmed his senses. He wanted to admit to Billy Austin that he was right... he had taken advantage of Allison... if only to pacify the man. He wanted to beg for one more chance. He saw how his whole life had led to this very moment, a series of missteps and disastrous decisions that ended here in the cellar of hell. Finally he opened his mouth to hear words he nev
er thought he would speak.
"You should leave me here, Billy Austin. I deserve it. But please take the old man out. Get him some help. He might live."
Chapter 56—Voices
“Can I tell you a secret, daddy?”
Jem was lying on the sofa next to Billy on the back porch, looking out over the ocean in the distance. Lisa and Allison had Tom and Roger help drag the beast out there, knowing how much Billy loved watching the waves. Jem loved snuggling close to him, sensing that he wouldn't be around much longer. She had brought a blanket out to wrap around her daddy to keep him warm.
“Of course, sweetheart, you know you can tell me anything.”
“Promise not to tell?”
Jem sat up looking up at him.
“I promise, Jem.”
Billy put his hand over his heart.
“Lucy talks to me sometimes.”
Allison knew Jem didn’t like to tell her secrets to just anyone. But her daddy was different. Lucy was an all-gray kitten she had given to Jem as a birthday present. Something in the girl's words—some hurt maybe—made Allison step closer in order to better hear the discussion.
“When we’re all alone, like at night, just before I go to sleep. She starts to purr and if I listen to her purrs they sound like words. She tells me things. I know kittens can't talk, daddy. But maybe Lucy is special. She tells me things no one else knows but me."
“She does! And what does Lucy say?”
“She lets me know about things that are going to happen.”
Jem's eyes were looking at the ceiling, as if she was studying the designs on the old tin perhaps really seeing it for the first time.
“And sometime she wants me to do bad things. But you know what?”
“What, Jem.”
“I never do what she says, daddy. I know it isn’t right.”
“That’s my girl, Jem. Never do what someone tells you if you don’t feel it is right. Tell me, do you get headaches when Lucy is talking to you?”
“Yes! How did you know that, daddy?”
“Can I tell you a secret too, Jem?”
“Yes, but I’m not very good at keeping secrets, daddy.”
“That’s okay, Jem. It’s not the kind of secret you have to keep. I remember as a little boy, I had a dog for a pet named Poky. My daddy didn’t like cats. He didn’t like dogs much either. And you know what?”
“Your dog talked to you too.”
“Yes, he did. And I had headaches too. But just recently I learned that my dog didn’t really talk. Something wrong inside my head made me think that the dog talked… something in my brain was making me sick.”
“Oh... do you think there might be something wrong with me too?”
“I hope not. But you’re little yet, Jem, and if they find out now, they might be able to help you. I waited too long and now, they can’t help me.”
“You’re going to die, aren’t you daddy.”
“Yes, sweetheart. I'm going to die.”
Jem huddled close to Billy as they lay together while gathering darkness squeezed the sun into the sea and the only sounds to be heard were waves breaking on the shore along with crickets detonating in the tall grasses.
Neither of them seemed to notice Allison standing in the door listening to them and if they did, they paid her no mind. They were ensconced in a magical realm of their own. She felt like an eavesdropper listening to something sacred, something beyond the scope of the world to bear.
She remembered the strange conversation with Yelena and how she first learned of Billy's impending death. She didn’t want to believe the old Gypsy woman. She told herself it was a mistake. Even after Billy came home from his trip to hell's cellar and told everyone of his affliction, she held out hope for a remission. As he wasted away with the coming weeks, it became clear Yelena had been right, as always.
She felt a set of arms encircle her and soft hands reaching around her to pull her close. Turning she took Lisa in her arms and while the tears coursed down her cheeks she kissed her lover long and deep before pulling back and looking her in the eye.
"We're really losing him, aren’t we? I keep hoping it's all a big mistake. I kept thinking I'll wake up and this will all have been some terrible dream."
"Oh sweetie, I know. I keep thinking the same thing. Come with me, Allison. I need to feel you close to me so badly right now. Billy and Jem are fine here for a few minutes. Come up to our room. Let me kiss that beautiful baby bump of yours and play with those wonderful breasts you're hiding."
"Only if I get to do the same to you, my love; you complete me, Lisa. You know that, right?"
Chapter 57—A Gathering of Lovers
The end had come, or was it just the beginning?
Lisa stood listening to sonorous words spoken to the sky, to the sun and to the wind, to the earth and the fires that burned so brightly inside all those she loved.
“Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe even when it is a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do even when it is a long way from here. Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go. Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you."
Tom Three Deer stood over Billy Austin's grave articulating the words of his people. Lisa refused to have a preacher speak over Billy's body… she knew he felt the same way as her. And so she and Allison asked Tom to say a few words… he graciously assented.
"So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion. Respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, and beautify all things in your life.
"Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
"Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none.
"When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself.
"Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.
"When it comes our time to die, let us be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way.
"Let us sing our death songs and die like a hero going home… let us die like Billy Austin died… a proud man… a gentle man… a loving father and husband.
"Ho Great Spirit… our Lover, the Sky… hear us and make us strong.
"Ho Great Spirit… our Mother, the Earth… hear us and give us support.
"Ho Great Spirit… our Father, the sea… send us your wisdom… may we tread your path. May we always be ready for the long journey which lies ahead of us all… purify us with your cleansing winds."
The ocean roared in the background.
Lisa, dressed all in black, couldn’t seem to stop trembling. Jem clung to her right side, silent and sad-faced, tears streaking her tiny cheeks, white puffy bandages still wrapped around her head from the surgery. Allison Johns stood on Lisa’s left, her arm around Lisa’s shoulder. Roger Barnes openly wept, his head down, tears running down his beard and spilling onto the newly dug earth where he stood, where they stood. As always, Yelena stood just a little apart from everyone.
“We need to get Jem to the doctor.”
Billy had insisted even though Lisa argued with him.
“She has the same thing growing in her brain that I do.”
“How could you possibly know that, Billy?”
Lisa thought he might be hallucinating again. But Jem had been having headaches. And more and more she talked of hearing voices and seeing things that weren’t there.
“Remember when I told you about Yelena when I first met her, Lisa? Yelena told me that she’s
a Gypsy… she can tell people’s fortunes. She spoke to me in a weird voice saying that I can save a girl but that I have to die slow and hard… like this. I remember she called her a jewel. I didn’t understand what she was telling me.
"I thought she was nuts. And then I considered that it might have been my sister Pearl who she was talking about. But I know now that Jem is that little girl. I can save her. I couldn’t save Pearl. Even if I have to die hard, at least I can save Jem. I know that now. And I know something isn’t right. What is it going to hurt if I’m wrong? Take her, Lisa. Have Jem checked out. If nothing else, just think of it as humoring a dying man’s last wish.”
She hated when he talked like that, but she knew he was right. Death stalked him like a hunter. The radiation treatments weren’t working. The tumor grew larger with each visit to the doctor; Billy was so dizzy that he could no longer walk and his eyes went back and forth in his head as if he’d just jumped off a merry-go-round and couldn’t find his bearings. Ever the man, though, he insisted on crawling to the bathroom when he had to go. Even his dying had a kind of quiet dignity about it. He had no concern for himself, but with Jem.
"We should listen to Billy. I've noticed Jem acting a bit peculiarly too. She told me she has a hard time telling if she's awake or dreaming. She's complaining about headaches a lot, Lisa."
The last thing Allison wanted was for something to be wrong with their girl yet at the same time she felt a compulsion to back up Billy and his request.
To help dispel a creeping sense of foreboding tingling up and down her spine Lisa made an appointment with Billy's doctor, Dr. Sparks, to have Jem checked out. Lisa brought their daughter in on a Monday while Allison stayed with Billy. Lisa had been surprised when she received a call the next day from the doctor himself.
“Mrs. Austin, we’ve found a spot in your daughter’s brain, a low-grade glioma. You need to bring Jem in for a follow-up examination. Can you bring her in tomorrow? The sooner we do this, the better.”
