by T. S. Ryder
He couldn’t help but think that he’d screwed up somehow.
After the show, he’d taken a pass for them both from the ever-present party. Every city, dozens of women. That life was so old and tired for him. All he wanted now was to be with Mindy. He’d fallen for her so hard in the last few months. He loved her, he knew that now.
Mindy led him into the hotel room. “I’m really tired tonight, baby.”
“Okay. Let’s go to bed then.”
“There’s no need for you to miss out on partying with the guys before you head home. I’m just going to go to bed. I’ve been really tired the last few days.”
He pulled her close, wrapping her in his hold. “So you’d rather I go upstairs to the party than stay here with you?”
“Don’t put it that way. I know how important the band is to you, and soon you’ll be on break and won’t be seeing the guys as much.”
He let his arms fall to his side. What had he done wrong?
All he knew was that Mindy had become the most important thing in his life, and suddenly she was pushing him away. He’d known this day would come, in the back of his head. He covered the hurt with a laugh. “Sure, I’ll go party for a few hours. Sleep well, sweetheart.”
She looked so relieved, and that hurt his pride even more.
Upstairs, he grabbed a vodka, then another, and found a quiet corner to relax. He sat back as his guys hooked up with different women, sometimes more than one, and wandered in and out of the bedrooms in the suite. What the hell was wrong with them that they needed this scene every night after a show?
Sure, it was hard to come off the adrenaline high of playing before thousands upon thousands of screaming fans. He knew that. But he’d found his peace in Mindy. What was up with her?
Or, more to the point, what did he do wrong? He knew what he had to do now, as much as he hated it. He had to give her the distance she obviously craved. Maybe she was getting sick of him, maybe not. He sure as hell hoped not.
Someone brought him a vodka and cranberry juice and he downed it quickly.
He was sick with worry, and, damn it, what else could he do but protect himself? If she wanted space, he’d give it to her.
That night, when he stumbled his way downstairs, he fell onto the couch and passed out. It was ironic, he thought before the blackness took him. It was almost like he was right back where he’d started.
Chapter Thirteen - Mindy
Mindy sat on the bed, half dressed, and tried to think beyond the booming in her head. She was pregnant. She’d taken the test two days ago and it had been positive.
She didn’t know which way to turn next. Devon seemed distant; he’d slept on the couch last night, passed out from drinking too much. Since they’d been together, he’d never done that.
She pulled out a dress without really looking at it. It was white. Innocent, which was a laugh at this point. She was no longer innocent, and she had a baby growing inside of her to show for it. Devon’s baby.
He’d never want to be tied down this way. He’d grow to resent her. She’d always worried she wouldn’t be enough to keep him happy. Now, he’d believe she was trying to trap him into marriage because that’s what her brother would insist upon.
It’d be marry her or lose the band.
Tomorrow, she’d be home with Bret and her mom, and she’d have to think of a way to tell them. She wouldn’t even tell Bret the baby was Devon’s. But, no. That wouldn’t work. He’d know she’d never take a chance on sneaking off for a quickie with some roadie.
She zipped herself into her dress and set about doing her makeup. If she didn’t make Bret swear to secrecy, he would tell Devon about the baby. Devon had known she was a virgin. There would be no question who the father was. Then he might even feel obliged to be with her, to take care of them both.
Pity from the man she loved was the last thing she wanted. She put down the eyeliner pencil and struggled not to cry. How was it possible she’d had everything she ever wanted, and now it was just falling away?
She blotted her eyes with a tissue then went back to lining them. Refusing to cry, she decided she’d be thankful for the time she had with Devon. It was a dream come true for her. And then she’d get on with her life as a young mother.
Single mother at twenty-one. How could this be happening to her? She picked up the mascara to finish off her makeup and began to apply it in slow, even strokes.
She’d simply take the rest of her classes online and stay at home with her mother. Mom would be happy to help, once the initial shock wore off.
There, all made up for her last day on the road. She didn’t even have the guts to tell Devon it was over. He’d ask why and she couldn’t be honest with him. Best to let Bret tell him when they went back on tour and she wasn’t there.
Devon strolled into the bathroom where Mindy’s cosmetics were spread all over the counter. “Having a woman around sure is cluttered.” He offered a tight smile over her shoulder and she held a hand out to him. This was their last night together. She intended to make sure it was one neither of them would forget.
He stepped forward and took her hand. She kissed his fingers and lifted her gaze to his face. “You know I love you, right?”
“Sure. I feel the same way.” Even that. He’d never come out and told her he’d loved her. He’d say that, or “back at you,” or “me, too.” He wasn’t ready to start a family with her. He was barely ready to be in a relationship with her.
For her heart, and the sake of the baby, she had to leave and never come back.
That night, after the concert, they made love. When it was all over, and she lay curled up in Devon’s arms, she couldn’t keep the tears from flowing.
“Hey” —he caressed her cheek, wiping the tears away— “why are you crying? Tell me what’s going on in your head.”
Burying her face in his neck, she pulled him closer. “Just hold me, all night.”
“I’ll hold you every night, if that’s what you want, Min.”
She nodded, skin-to-skin. It was exactly what she wanted, and she wished for the thousandth time that this had happened down the road, later, so that she could know if he really wanted to be with her or would just be doing what everyone told him he had to do.
He’d needed to date a girl-next-door to clean up his image. If she ended up pregnant, his record label, his manager, even her brother would insist that he marry her. He didn’t need a scandal of this magnitude, or they’d undo everything they had accomplished for his career.
She’d never know if he wanted her and the baby or if he’d do it just to keep his contract and his band together. If she disappeared from his life, no one had to know the baby she had was his. No one would even bother to come looking for her. She’d be a blip on the radar, that one chick Devon Jennings had dated for a couple of months. At least it had been real. She could console herself on the long, lonesome evenings ahead of her with that.
Chapter Fourteen - Mindy
The plane ride home was quiet. Mindy didn’t know how to start talking to Bret about Devon. He’d go ballistic, she knew that, and on a plane that might get him in trouble with security.
They rented a car at the airport. They only had a little luggage to put in the trunk. Mindy had shipped most of her new clothes to her mother’s house. Not that it mattered. Before long, she wouldn’t even be able to fit in them. Even now, the waistband of her jeans dug into her stomach.
Mindy climbed into the passenger seat. Bret turned the ignition and the sports car roared to life. She touched his hands and tears sprang to her eyes. She wanted to tell him before they got home so he could help her open up to her mother. Mom would be so disappointed that Mindy had altered the course of her life in such a drastic way.
“I have to tell you something, Bret.”
He turned to face her, the car idling in the background. “Min, what’s wrong?”
“Everything.” She began to sob and it took her a moment to get hold of herself. He put an
arm around her and pulled her closer to his side of the car.
“Okay, I have to tell you something and you have to promise to not get mad.”
“At you? Why would I be mad at you?”
“Not at me.” She sniffled and leaned back so she could face him. “At Devon.”
“Damn it, he didn’t! Did he touch you?” Bret’s face turned bright red and his hands clenched into fists.
“It’s more than that. We’ve been having a relationship. Pretty much the entire time.”
Bret punched the steering wheel, over and over. “I’m going to kill him.”
“It wasn’t his fault, Bret. I pushed for it. I… I’m in love with him. I always have been.”
“I know that, Min. Everyone knew that. Devon had to know, too, so he took advantage of your feelings for him.”
Mindy brushed the hair from her face and pulled a wadded up tissue from her purse. She’d been crying so much lately. “He didn’t take advantage of me. I was going to take my courses online and go back on the road with him.”
“But, what? He dumped you?” He shook his head and faced her again. He put a hand on her leg. “I’m sorry, that was a jackass thing to say. What changed? You said you were going back on the road with him.”
“First I need your promise. What I’m about to tell you, you can never tell anyone, never talk to anyone about it, except, well, Mom has to know. I have to tell her.” She dried her face and pushed her shoulders back. She had to face this hard reality. “Do you promise?”
“It depends on what it is.” He tilted his head and raised his eyebrows. He could be so obstinate. And overprotective.
“No. I won’t tell you if you don’t promise. I’m begging you, as your sister, to promise me.”
He laced his fingers through hers on her knee. “Fine, I promise.”
She nodded, and her shoulders slumped. Thank God. “I’m pregnant.”
“You’re… you’re in trouble?” He used the old euphemism, clearly not able to say the words yet.
“Not in trouble. Everything will be fine. I’ll still take my online courses. I can do my dissertation from home. I’ll still get my doctorate. It just may take me a little longer. Life will be pretty busy with a baby. Well, obviously.” She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.
“Let’s get you home. Mom can take care of you. Everything’s going to be fine.”
“I know it will, Bret. I’m not worried about that part. I’m going to miss Devon.” She glanced at him as he pulled the car out of the lot.
He tightened his hands on the wheel. “No, you won’t. That bastard is going to marry you. Even if he won’t do it because it’s the right thing to do, he’ll do it because if someone finds out, the record label will be ready to kick us out on our asses again.”
“That’s the very last thing I want, Bret. Please, hear me out. I love him, you know that. I can’t be some burden for him, some woman he leaves at home. I’ve seen the parties after every show. How long would he stay faithful to me if he were forced to marry me? If he loved me back, it’d be different, but he doesn’t. He never said it to me, not even once.”
“He’ll stay faithful or I’ll kill him. Not sure I’m not going to do that, anyway.”
She sighed. “It’s no good. You can’t fix everything. Let me handle this in my own way.”
He was silent a long time. Long enough for Mindy to remember that night at the zoo, their first night together, and every night since. She wiped her eyes with the tissue. It was time for her to grow up. Fairy tales were for children, and him being in love with her would only be some fairy tale she told herself.
“Fine. I won’t tell anyone,” Bret said at last.
Chapter Fifteen - Devon
Devon had been at his home in L.A. for a week and he hadn’t heard one word from Mindy. She’d agreed to call him after she told Bret.
In a tearful goodbye in the privacy of their hotel room, she’d told him she loved him and that their time together had been the most wonderful time of her life.
It had sounded a lot like goodbye, so he couldn’t kick the doubt creeping in that he should call her and make sure everything was okay.
He lay on his empty bed and thought about how much fun they’d had on the road. Touring had never been that way for him. It was something he had to do, and he’d go to the parties and hook up with some random groupie. The whole experience, he realized now, had left him with a hole.
A hole Mindy had filled to bursting with her vibrancy and devotion. She’d been there for him. They’d talked about his difficulties growing up with a father he could never please. That’s why he never went back to Indiana because Devon couldn’t stand to be there.
That night, the one when she’d set out to seduce him had been the single most passionate night of his life. He’d never felt that way for anyone. It was just the two of them, and damn the rest of the world.
He had to call her. Maybe she hadn’t worked up the courage to tell her brother yet. The number was exactly the same now as it had been years ago when they were kids, and he knew it by heart.
Before he could lose his nerve, he dialed the area code, then punched in the rest. It rang twice before Bret answered. “Yeah?”
They had caller ID, of course, Devon’s name had come up. “I want to talk to Mindy.”
“You son-of-a-bitch! I should fly there and wipe the streets with you right now. You’ve got some nerve calling here and asking to speak to her.”
Okay, so she’d told Bret and he was pissed. Devon had expected no less. “Look, you can be mad at me. I don’t care. But Mindy is a grown woman and she can make her own decisions about who she wants to talk to.”
“You still don’t get it, do you?” Bret’s voice was laced with venom. “She doesn’t want to speak to you ever again. She told me so herself when you called.”
“I don’t believe you.” Devon gripped his phone tighter.
“Min, he doesn’t believe me. I told you this would happen.”
There was a rustling on the other end of the line and then Mindy said, “Devon?”
“Min, it’s so good to hear your voice, sweetheart. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, but… Bret wasn’t lying.” Her voice shook and she sniffed like she was crying. “I don’t want to see you anymore. It’s over. Just leave me alone… don’t contact me again.”
The phone clicked off, and Devon held it from his face and stared at it. Did that really happen? Mindy never wanted to see him again?
What had he done wrong? He wracked his brain, trying to think of something. Maybe when he went upstairs and got wasted, she’d decided he couldn’t be trusted. But he hadn’t looked at another woman, not once since Mindy had been waiting in that room to find out what kind of favor her big brother needed. There had been no one but Mindy. But, hell… maybe he’d done a shit job at showing her that. He’d never once told her he loved her, had found it hard to say the actual words.
What did he do now?
Chapter Sixteen - Mindy
Mindy sat cross-legged on her bed, psychology books all around her. Her baby girl, Katy, was nestled between her legs. She looked up at Mindy, blue eyes wide. Light blonde hair covered her little head.
“Mommy has to study. Let’s see… name three traits of a sociopath. Do you know?” She tickled Katy’s chin, which made the baby chuckle. “You don’t know. You’re no help at all. That’s because sociopaths are not very nice people.”
Mindy’s mother appeared in the doorway and gave her a grin. “The two of you enjoying criminal psychology?”
“I’m finding it fascinating but Katy prefers being tickled.”
“Should I take her for a bit, so you can study?” Her mom wrapped her arms around Katy’s middle, aching for an excuse to take the baby and play with her. She seemed to love having a little one in the house.
“Sure. I’ve got a test tomorrow anyway.”
Her mom came and picked the baby up. “I’ll just give her a bath and st
art getting her ready for bed.”
“Mom, I can do those things. Go enjoy your time with her. I’ll be there in about forty-five minutes to take care of bath time.”
The phone rang and Mindy shrugged. She didn’t know who could be calling. It probably wasn’t for her. She’d lost touch with all of her friends when she didn’t go back to college. They had no interest in the struggles of being a young, single mom. “I’ll get it,” Mindy said.
She hopped up and trotted into the kitchen, snatching the phone off its hook on the wall. “Hello?”
“Hey, Min.” It was Bret calling from New York. He’d told her that the new album wasn’t going well at all.
“Hey, big brother. What’s up?”
“How’s my favorite niece?”
“Spoiled by her grandma. How’s my favorite brother?” She carried the cordless with her into her bedroom and sat back down amongst her books and binders.
“Just left the studio. Min…” He paused and she wondered if he were going to say anything else. Normally, he called to complain about how bad the whole recording process was this time around. “Devon’s a wreck. He misses you.”
She put down her criminal psychology textbook to listen. “He told you that?”
“He doesn’t have to. I’ve known him most of our lives. Trust me.”
“You just remember, you promised not to tell anyone about the baby, least of all Devon. Okay?”
Her brother sighed. “Yeah, and I’ll keep my promise. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t tell him about her. I think he’s looking for something that’s missing in his life. I think it’s you and Katy will be like icing on the cake.”
“He hasn’t called me, hasn’t come to see me. I’m not hard to find, Bret. I’ve accepted that he never really loved me. You should, too.” She stretched her legs out on the bed. She had the urge to push all the books onto the floor. She was tired, so tired from studying, taking care of the baby, and helping around the house. To be honest, her heart still hurt when she thought about how easily Devon had accepted her demand that he never contact her again.
