by Amy Andrews
He saw the two red spots of colour in her cheeks and how the shine of tears emphasised the deep rich glitter in her emerald eyes. And knowing he was responsible was killing him.
‘You’re right. I had a revelation when I saw that baby on the screen that really pulled me up. I realised that after years of not wanting one that I did want a baby. That I wanted to be a father, very much. I’ve never felt that way. Never. And it’s because of you. Loving you makes me want things I’ve never wanted before. I wanted it to be our baby on that ultrasound screen. Yours and mine.’
Madeline swallowed hard. His voice was husky with passion. The plea in his voice unmistakable. She let herself think about having his child inside her for a moment. A part of him. A family of her own. It had been so long since she’d been part of a family.
He sounded genuine and despite the dictates of her sensible brain, her heart was flowering, his earlier declaration of love and his admission that he wanted to have babies with her like welcome rain nourishing fragile petals. She felt the bloom swelling in her chest and she wanted to have the chance to nurture it.
But at the same time her brain urged retreat. How could she put her heart out there again? She’d taken a risk with him and his heat and his passion had warmed her all the way through and it had been fantastic while it had lasted. But the ending had been awful and she just couldn’t trust him with her heart again.
How could she knowingly get involved with someone still so heavily caught up with his ex-wife? Sex with the ex might be a hip thing to do these days but she couldn’t live like that. How could she trust that he wouldn’t succumb again?
‘And what happens when Tabitha turns up our doorstep one day and you end up in bed together?’
Marcus blinked. Did she really think he would cheat on her? He felt angry that she would even think that of him. ‘What?’
‘Well, you’ve obviously had problems in the past, realising you’re divorced,’ she pointed out, trying to stay calm.
‘Let’s get this straight,’ he said, beginning to realise the damage Tabitha had done to Madeline’s trust. He should have tanned her hide after all! ‘What happened between Tab and I was incredibly stupid but I’m not going to apologise for it. I’m sorrier than you can know that you got caught up in the consequences but we were both single and free to sleep with whoever we wanted, including each other. And in the ten years since our divorce it was the only time it ever happened.’
‘How do I know it won’t happen again?’
‘Because I don’t cheat, Maddy. Never.’
She so wanted to believe him. ‘But she’s very attractive.’
‘Listen to me,’ he said, crouching in front of her. ‘I don’t love her, I don’t want her. I only ever want to be with you.’
She looked into his earnest blue eyes and wanted to believe him, but the scene from last night kept replaying in her head and she didn’t want to trust her heart to him and be back in this position ever again. She sat back in her chair, distancing herself from his presence. Her temples were starting to throb. ‘I don’t know, Marcus. Too much has happened. I can’t think properly.’
He stood, bitterly disappointed that she hadn’t taken him at his word. ‘You shouldn’t have to think,’ he said calmly, trying to be rational. ‘You should know. We’ve been inseparable for six weeks. You should know in your gut. Trust your gut, Maddy.’
Just like a man to simplify the emotion out of it. She shook her head and swallowed the threatening tears. He didn’t get to tell her what she should know. ‘The only thing I know in my gut at the moment is that the man who supposedly loves me is still sexually attracted to his ex-wife.’
Marcus felt like she’d hit him with a hammer between the eyes. How could he convince her that he felt nothing for Tabitha? ‘It wasn’t like that, Maddy. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.’
‘And when another moment comes along?’
He sighed, seeing the confusion in her eyes. She looked utterly torn. Too much had happened and they weren’t getting anywhere by going back over the same ground.
‘I love you, Maddy, and I know you love me, too. We can make this work. Don’t shut me out.’
‘I can’t. You’re asking too much of me. Everyone I’ve loved has left me or let me down. My parents. Abby. Simon. And now you. I should have kept that damn ring on and pretended my life was fine.’
Marcus was horrified at the very thought. ‘Oh, no, Maddy. You were so shut off, so guarded. You can’t seriously want to go back there.’
‘Yes,’she said, nodding her head vigorously, tears streaming down her face. ‘Because I know how to play that role. There’s two roles I know how to play really well in my life. One is the shut-off Madeline and the other is the grieving Madeline. And I know which hurts less.’
‘Maddy, no,’ he said, reaching for her.
‘Get out,’ she said on a sob. ‘Just go. Please, go.’
He opened his mouth to object but he had upset her again and each tear was like a drop of acid searing his flesh. She looked so miserable and it tore at his insides.
Madeline watched him walk out, staring after him, wanting to call him back but too confused to trust her gut like he’d asked her to do. Her brain hurt. The throb was developing into a migraine. And Marcus wouldn’t be around to massage this one away. She pulled out another tissue from the box as her face crumpled.
She was about to finish for the day when Veronica buzzed her.
‘There’s a Tabitha here to see you,’ she said.
Madeline paused. What the—? Her headache had built steadily, the two tablets she had taken at lunch just managing to hold it in check. Did she really want to confront the woman who had given her the damn thing in the first place?
‘Send her in,’ she said, too weary to think. How much more emotionally draining could this day get?
Tabitha entered and, despite Marcus’s assurances that Tabitha and he were long over, Madeline felt an unreasonable streak of jealousy.
‘Sit down.’ She indicated the chair to the other woman.
‘I owe you an apology,’ Tabitha said, sitting. ‘Last night was unforgivable.’
Madeline looked at her hands, not saying anything. Last night had replayed in her head so much she was giddy with it.
‘I didn’t expect to see Marcus with a woman. You see, I had this plan to carry out and you well and truly threw a spanner in the works.’
‘Oh?’ Madeline asked, her curiosity piqued despite the pounding of her head. She listened as Tabitha told her all about it and by the end she even felt sorry for Marcus.
‘So what are you going to do now?’ Madeline asked.
‘Marcus phoned Tony and spoke to him. I owe him big time for that, which is why I’m here. He didn’t have to help me after the stunt I pulled. I’m surprised he hasn’t strangled me. Mind you, he probably will if he ever finds out I’m here. But I’m flying out soon.’ She stopped, suddenly looking worried. ‘That’s all right, isn’t it? You said the baby’s OK? Everything looked good, right?’
‘Yes. The foetus looked very healthy. Just rest for the next couple of days. If the spotting continues or gets heavier or you experience any cramping, go and see your GP,’ Madeline advised. It felt surreal to be calmly advising Tabitha like she was just any patient.
‘I will.’ The other woman nodded. ‘I’m keen to get back and see Tony and start sorting out our problems.’
‘Good for you,’ said Madeline with a tight smile. Chit-chat after all that had happened between them seemed so trite.
‘Marcus is in love with you.’
‘Apparently, yes.’
Tabitha waited for a few seconds for Madeline to elaborate. ‘You don’t understand. Marcus had never been in love with anyone. Not even me, really.’
‘And yet he slept with you.’
Tabitha nodded, regarding Madeline closely. ‘Marcus told me you were having problems with that. Please, let me assure you, that wasn’t about love. That was part of my gran
d plan to get Tony back. And as far as Marcus was concerned, it was just a pleasant way to say goodbye. Don’t punish him for something that happened before he even met you.’
‘Except it had huge consequences for Marcus and I, didn’t it?’ Madeline said testily. ‘I don’t mean to be rude but to quote a famous person, there are three people in this relationship. And I’m sorry, that’s just not going to work for me.’
‘I don’t blame you. I’m sorry I’ve stuffed everything up for both of you. I hope you guys work it out. I like you. You’re good for him.’
‘You don’t even know me,’ Madeline said, not really warmed by Tabitha’s faith.
‘I know you ultrasounded me when you must have felt like scratching my eyes out. I know I left a broken-hearted man just now. I know he wants a baby with you that he never wanted with me.’
Madeline said nothing, her head pounding with the migraine and the heaviness of her thoughts.
Tabitha stood. ‘I’m on my way to the airport. Please, please, give Marcus another chance. And maybe one day you and I can become friends.’ She put out her hand.
Madeline stood and clasped Tabitha’s hand automatically, her good manners coming to the fore. Friends? Her head throbbed at the thought.
A week went by. It was hell. Madeline kept on going over and over the same stuff. He loved her. She loved him. Tabitha was out of the picture. What was the problem? Was she punishing him? Was she punishing herself for jumping in and blurring the line between rebound sex and love so quickly?
He sent flowers. He rang. He texted. She just felt numb. Another person she had let in enough to love and he had left her, too. Only it was so much harder this time round to be alone because she had loved him so intensely in their brief time together and knowing he wanted to have a baby with her was torture. She wove fantasies in her head during the long, long nights about her and Marcus being together, getting married, setting up house together. Having a baby. Having two. Three. Making a family together.
She went through the motions of life. Her colleagues were very kind and supportive but also very worried. It was Veronica who got her through the days. She brought her coffee and snacks between patients and insisted that Madeline eat them. She fussed around like a mother hen and entertained her via the intercom with readings from a book called One hundred and one ways to murder your ex.
But life was suddenly so bleak and she rued the day she’d ever met Marcus.
A week later Madeline was at the hospital at two in the morning. She’d been called to a terminally ill patient’s house because his condition had worsened and his exhausted family hadn’t been able to cope any longer. She’d called an ambulance and accompanied the patient to the palliative care ward.
She yawned as she shut the patient’s chart and placed it back in the trolley.
‘Madeline?’
‘Simon! It’s so good to see you.’ And it was. It had been two months since she’d seen him. He was in scrubs and looked as tired as she felt. He held out his arms and she accepted his hug.
‘What brings you to this neck of the woods at such an ungodly hour?’ he asked, pulling out of the embrace.
She filled him in and they chatted for a little while catching up on each other’s lives. Madeline had expected their first meeting to be awkward but it was just like old times. Two good friends having a chinwag. It was nice but she couldn’t quite believe as they talked that she’d ever thought herself in love with him.
‘What about your love life?’ she asked.
Simon blushed. ‘I have met someone. Her name’s Marcia. She’s fantastic. I’m going to ask her to marry me.’
Madeline blinked but she could see his excitement. ‘That’s great, Simon, really great. I’m happy for you.’
He laughed. ‘I thought you were going to give me a hard time about rushing it.’
‘Well, I suppose, given your track record, I’m a little surprised,’ she teased. ‘You haven’t, have you?’
‘No way. This is so right it’s scary.’
She felt tears prick her eyes. ‘How do you know, Simon?’
‘I knew from the moment I saw her.’
‘But how do you know it’s going to work?’
He sighed. ‘I don’t, Madeline, there are no absolute guarantees. After our, er, prolonged…relationship, I just know life’s too short to second-guess everything. I don’t want to go another ten years of my life being too cautious to live a little. And if it all falls in a heap, at least I’ll have been happy for a while. She’s the one, Madeline. I know it in here.’ He patted his chest. ‘You’ve just got to trust your gut.’
Trust her gut. She walked out to the car park with those words still in her head. Trust her gut. The same words Marcus had used. What did her gut say? Remove what had happened and Tabitha and the baby—what was her gut telling her about Marcus?
She sat in the car for ages, peeling away the layers of her hurt and all the stuff that had muddied the waters between them. Her gut told her—he was the one. She smiled and then she grinned and then she laughed. Marcus Hunt was the one!
She revved the engine and accelerated away from the hospital. Her heart was pounding, her mind clearer than it had ever been. She’d been so foolish! She hoped it wasn’t too late.
She was slightly breathless when she banged on Marcus’s door twelve minutes later. She wanted to yell at him to hurry and stood there in an awful panic, hoping that he hadn’t already found someone to replace her. What if he was having rebound sex right now?
Suddenly she felt ill and was just about to turn and go when the door opened. He looked haggard and unshaven and delicious and any doubts she had vanished. He was her guy—her life was incomplete without him. She burst into tears and walked straight into his arms.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she blubbered. ‘I’ve been so stupid.’ Marcus held her tight, his surprise replaced by an overwhelming sense of relief and love. ‘Maddy, oh, thank God, Maddy.’ He snaked his fingers into her glorious loose hair and held her to him as she sobbed.
‘I was foolish and jealous,’ she said, pulling back from his shoulder and wiping the tears away with her hand. ‘I never should have doubted you. I was angry at you and punished you for something that had happened before we met. I’m sorry. Please, forgive me. You’ve pulled me out of this terrible limbo I was in and helped me to live again. And now everything sucks so badly. I don’t want to live another moment without you in my life.’
‘Maddy, Maddy, Maddy,’ he said, cradling her face as he rained kisses all over it. ‘I love you. This last fortnight has been hell. I’m sorry my actions hurt you. I never wanted that to happen. Can you ever forgive me? You do know you’re the only woman for me, right?’
She kissed him then. A long deep kiss that said it better than words ever could. He picked her up and kicked the door shut behind them.
‘I’m never letting you out of my sight again,’ he said when her feet touched down seconds later on his bedroom floor. ‘Let’s get married.’
Madeline laughed, giddy with delight. ‘On one condition.’
‘What,’ he asked kissing down her neck.
‘Let’s not wait ten years to do it.’
‘Ten years?’ He gave her a hard, possessive kiss. ‘I don’t even want to wait ten minutes.’
And they tumbled backwards onto the bed.
ISBN: 978-1-4603-5899-3
AN UNEXPECTED PROPOSAL
First North American Publication 2007
Copyright © 2007 by Amy Andrews
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