‘A drunk, unqualified Jack-of-all-trades is not exactly the sort of person I was hoping to entrust the lives of my children to,’ Katy said miserably.
‘Mal, in the pub, says he’s great. Says we should talk to him about any stuff we need doing up here. Look, he seems decent enough to me, at least we could get him to take a look at it. See if he can doing anything?’
Katy sighed. ‘Typical that you getting help involves a trip to the pub.’
‘Can I help it if it’s the hub of the local community?’ Jim asked her. ‘You should come down some time, it would do you good to meet a few people.’ In response, Katy kissed her sleeping daughter on the top of the head.
‘Okay, but take Jakey and Vincent with you, a good snowy walk might actually mean Jake sleeps for more than five minutes tonight.’ At the sound of his name, Vincent lifted his head, sighing heavily and looking as though trudging for a couple of miles through snow was the very last thing he had on his mind.
‘Right, lads.’ Jim rubbed his hands together. ‘Who’s coming on a rescue mission to the pub?’
‘I think I should stay here,’ David said. ‘Just in case …’
‘Go to the bloody pub!’ Alex shouted, clapping her hand over her mouth when she remembered dozing Tilly.
‘Fine,’ David said. ‘Only there might not be any mobile service, so …’
‘Just bloody go!’ Alex warned him.
‘What about you, Jack? Want to experience a genuine British pub?’
‘Oh, go on, darling.’ Joanna draped one hand over his shoulder. ‘Once you’re out of the way, I can brag properly about how wonderful you are.’
‘Sure.’ Jackson smiled. ‘Why not? Sounds like fun.’
‘Don’t all die in a ditch, will you,’ Lydia said churlishly.
‘And remember to come back, we’re all freezing here!’ Katy warned Jim.
‘Don’t you worry about us,’ Joanna got to her feet and, producing her capacious Orla Kiely handbag from the side of the sofa, brought out a bottle of fine single malt whiskey. ‘As soon as the sun is over the yard arm, I’m sure we’ll be able to keep ourselves amused for a few hours.’
‘Speak for yourself,’ Alex said, gloomily.
Lydia and Joanna went with the men as they hunted out a sufficient number of boots and coats to protect them on their journey, a very reluctant Vincent refusing to be enthused by the idea of walkies.
‘What kind of dog are you, anyway?’ Jim asked him, as the dog in question looked dolefully at his lead. ‘What normal dog doesn’t always want to go out?’
‘It’s terribly exciting,’ Joanna said, cheerfully, as she zipped up Jackson’s jacket. ‘It’s just like Scott of the Antarctic.’
‘Hopefully not just like.’ David smiled. ‘You will keep an eye on Alex, won’t you?’
‘Hard not to, she does practically eclipse the sun.’ Joanna smiled back at her friend’s husband. ‘Of course, David, Alex will be fine. Her bark is much worse than her bite, you know,’ she told him.
‘Oh, I know! Her bark is part of the reason I love her. Never scared of anything, my Alex.’
Just as they were about to depart, Stephen pulled Lydia to one side. ‘You look beautiful,’ he told her. ‘It seems like a long time since I’ve seen you in anything other than a business suit.’
‘You had your chance to see me in a lot less last night,’ Lydia hissed at him.
‘Oh, God.’ Stephen looked appalled. ‘Did I pass out? Right in the middle?’
Lydia nodded. ‘Well, we hadn’t really got further than second base, but still it was extremely disappointing.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Stephen said. ‘I’m just not that used to drinking, I suppose. It’s not that I didn’t want to, I did, I do. I really do. You look so great today, I’d like to see you wearing that holey jumper and nothing else.’ Taking Lydia by surprise, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately. Surrendering into his embrace, she waited for the fire to kick in, in the pit of her belly, and for her own desire to rise to meet his. She waited. And waited. Perhaps her longing was still frozen solid somewhere in her core, because all she felt when Stephen kissed her were his wet lips and irritating stubble.
‘Bloody hell, you two,’ Jim joked. ‘Get a room – oh, you have.’
As they broke apart, Lydia resisted the urge to wipe her mouth with the back of her hand, and did her best sexy, smouldering smile for Stephen, sensing Jackson’s eyes on her. ‘We’ll have to pick up where we left off later,’ she purred in a loud whisper, so unlike herself that for a second Stephen looked a little alarmed.
‘Must be something in the water,’ David said, nodding at Joanna, who’d more or less pinned Jackson against the wall and was quite going to town over the business of a goodbye kiss.
‘Honey,’ Jackson spluttered, as she finally allowed him to come up for air. ‘I’m only going to the pub, not Iraq.’
‘I know, it’s just that you are so delicious.’ Joanna let him go, hooking her arm through Lydia’s. ‘Oh, Lydia, isn’t it lovely when your man is such a hunk?’
‘Very,’ Lydia agreed, smiling to see Jackson flush red. ‘Now, let’s go and find some whiskey glasses; in these freezing conditions, it’s practically medicinal.’
‘All I know is,’ Joanna said quietly, a tiny delighted smile on her lips, ‘I have never been so happy. I mean really happy, you know? It’s not like in the past, with Ted or Sebastian, or any of the others. Even from the beginning with those two I could feel it wasn’t quite right. Yes, Ted had a speed boat, and Seb was hung like a racehorse, but since meeting Jack, I’ve realised that none of those things really matter if you love someone. Not that he doesn’t have a massive cock, he totally does.’
Joanna winked at Lydia, who tried her very best not to gag in horror, drowning the impulse with a large sip of whiskey.
‘And do you think he feels the same way about you?’ Katy asked. ‘I mean, do you think he’s serious? Will we all be arguing over your choice of bridesmaids dresses in a few months?’ Joanna said nothing. ‘And can they not be puce?’
‘There is nothing wrong with puce,’ Alex insisted.
‘It sounds like puke, that’s all I’m saying,’ Katy muttered.
‘All I know is that he makes me so happy,’ Joanna said. ‘And I know it sounds corny, but when I’m with him I feel like my life finally means something. You know, some people might think I live an awfully shallow existence, selling Slankets to pensioners and the unemployed, and I suppose in many ways I do. The funny thing is, up until now, I haven’t minded that it’s all been about the glamour and the money, the celebrity …’
‘Celebrity?’ Alex raised an eyebrow.
‘Suddenly none of that matters, and I find that I’m thinking of things I’ve never thought of before. Settling down, baking, children …’
‘Not putting your latest engagement ring on e-Bay,’ Alex added.
Joanna was unperturbed, adding wistfully, ‘It’s like I’ve found my soulmate.’
Lydia watched as Katy sighed and Alex grinned.
‘Wow, Jo-Jo, you really mean it, too, don’t you?’
Joanna nodded, smiling. ‘I know, it’s weird for me to be so serious, right?’
‘Do you think he’s sincere?’ Lydia asked her. ‘I’m just saying, you haven’t really known him very long, have you? And, you know, some men, they play the game and say all the right things, say anything, in order to get what they want. Some men are even in love with the idea of falling in love, just like some girls. They live for the chase and getting girls to fall for them. Then as soon as they know they’ve got you, they move on, leaving you stranded and feeling like a fool.’
Alex and Katy exchanged loaded looks, but Joanna seemed immune to any negative vibe, she was so cosseted in love.
‘I do know what you mean, Lyds,’ she said serenely. ‘I’ve been around the block. It’s not like I haven’t met some slime balls in my time. But Jack’s not like that. It’s different with him, I s
wear. It’s like we’re meant to be and … I hadn’t mentioned this before, because I don’t want you lot planning a wedding before he’s had a chance to buy a ring, but he’s taking me back to New York in the New Year, to meet his mum! Imagine, me, meeting a mum. How will I know if I’m any good at it? I haven’t met my own mother in the best part of a decade.’
Typical Joanna, Lydia thought, to shrug off the persistent state of estrangement that existed between her and her parents with such marked flippancy, although Lydia knew that their lack of interest in her life cut her friend to the quick. They’d more or less disowned her when she failed to finish her degree, and point blank refused to acknowledge any of the success she’d had as a model or TV presenter. They found the whole thing terribly vulgar, Joanna told her once, which was mainly why she did it. Some years ago, Joanna had decided she simply didn’t need the constant disappointment of her family’s disapproval, and stropped trying to impress them. What hurt her the most, though, was that they hadn’t seemed to notice or care.
‘He’s taking you to meet his mother?’ Katy gasped. ‘That sounds serious?’
‘Yes, right after my annual New Year party – you are all coming, aren’t you?’ Joanna beamed. ‘This year it’s going to be extra special with Jackson on my arm.’
‘Well, I’ll be working,’ Katy said.
‘And I’ll be pregnant. Still,’ Alex said.
‘But you will be there, won’t you, Lyds?’ Joanna asked her. ‘I insist that you are there.’
‘I wouldn’t miss it,’ Lydia assured her, taking in a deep breath. ‘Well, it really does sound like you have met your perfect man.’
She stared into the amber depths of her whiskey glass, chewing on her bottom lip. Jackson was taking Joanna to meet his mum. And because she knew him, she knew Jackson would only do that if things were serious between him and Joanna, because in the short time she’d known him, she’d learned that his family meant the world to him. So he must really mean all those things when he said them to Joanna. The realisation hurt her all the more. How rock solid were they? she wondered bitterly. Would Joanna still think her ‘Jack’ was so flawless if she knew about his affair with Lydia? Feeling the whiskey burn the back of her throat, Lydia tried to picture the look on Joanna’s face if she told them all her secret, then and there.
‘Anyway, enough about me and my sickening happiness.’ Joanna grinned. ‘Anything you want to share with us, Lyds?’ She waggled her eyebrows conspicuously, and Lydia knew exactly what secret she wanted her to spill. She shook her head.
‘Me? No, nothing exciting ever happens to me.’ Lydia smiled at Alex. ‘What about you? Does David really drive you up the wall as much as you make out?
‘No, not really … I know he loves me,’ Alex said, as she sipped her ginger tea. ‘And I love him. It’s just that he fusses so much. It’s like the only thing I am to him is pregnant, like I’m just a massive great big incubator for his progeny. He doesn’t see anything but this bump any more.’
‘Oh, don’t be silly,’ Joanna said, sipping the fiery, golden liquid from her glass. ‘That man adores you, of course he’s going to be a bit jumpy. It’s his first baby. Not everyone can be as calm and as in control as you.’
‘Me?’ Alex laughed. ‘I’m bloody terrified, and I can’t even get drunk before lunch to drown out the fear.’
‘Not you, Alex,’ Katy said, stroking slumbering Tilly’s hair from her forehead. ‘Nothing frightens you, it’s one of the things I’ve always envied most about you.’
‘That’s not true,’ Alex said, cradling her bump. ‘When my mum died I was terrified then. It was the hardest time of my life, a time when I really didn’t know if I could keep going. I don’t think I would have, if it hadn’t been for you lot.’ Lydia reached out, covering Alex’s hand with her own. ‘And then the thought that something might happen to me, that I might get cancer too and have to leave little this little mite. That keeps me up all night, wondering if I should even have got pregnant. What if I die and he or she grows up not even knowing who I was?’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Joanna said gently. ‘Losing your mum so young was awful, but do you think she would have wanted you to have a life half lived? Don’t forget, we all knew your mum. Remember that time she came for a surprise visit in the first year, and made us clean the house from top to bottom, standing over us with a litre of disinfectant? She was just as scary and tenacious as you, and she’d be so proud of everything you’ve done, Alex, and so proud of what a brilliant mum you’re going to be. Besides, you get checked out every year, so if, heaven forbid, they ever do spot anything, you will be treated early and everything will be fine. All that good work you’ve been doing for breast cancer research has started to pay off, you know.’
Lydia smiled, reaching out to hug Alex. That was the thing about Joanna. Just when you started to believe she was all gloss and surface, she showed her true colours. Deep down, under all the artifice, was a sweet, caring woman, who knew exactly the right thing to say. The woman that all of them had loved as a sister since the moment they’d met her touting for flatmates in Fresher’s Week at university.
‘Thanks, Jo.’ Alex mustered a smile. ‘It does help to hear you say it. Now all I have to worry about is that I am going to have a baby! Fuck!’
‘Are you scared about the labour?’ Lydia asked her, as Joanna topped up her glass with her second large whiskey. The warmth of the alcohol was slowly melting through her body, and had done a lot to take the edge off her secret nightmare. Besides, hopefully the men would be gone for a very long time, and here she was in front of a crackling fire with some good whiskey, a mountain of mince pies and her favourite people. For a few hours at least, life was okay. ‘Because my dad’s latest wife says it’s not as painful as you think it’s going to be, and when it does get so painful that you think you might die, that’s when you know you’ve reached the hardest part and it’s all downhill from then on! Unless something goes wrong, of course …’
‘Thanks, Lyds, if it was the labour that I was worried about, then, yes, that would definitely put my mind at rest,’ Alex said sarcastically. ‘But no, it’s not that. It’s what comes after.’ Alex smiled fondly at Tilly, who was curled up asleep with Vincent on the sofa. ‘I’m not like you, Katy. I’m not a natural mother. I do what I want, when I want to. If I want to go for a sponsored trek along the Andes, at a moment’s notice, then I go. I don’t even ask David, I tell him. But I can’t do that with a baby, can I? A baby’s going to need me, to feed it, and stuff. And you can’t run twenty miles a week with a baby in tow, or work ten-hour days. I was really happy when I fell pregnant, so excited, and then one day I couldn’t bend down to lace up my trainers, and it hit me. I’m not really a baby person.’
‘Of course you are.’ Joanna patted her on the knee. ‘I’m sure you are, I don’t think God would let you get so royally knocked up unless somewhere deep in there, beneath that tough exterior, beats the heart of a woman made to smell of baby sick and need incontinence pads.’
‘Bitch!’ Alex smiled despite the insult.
‘I don’t think you have to worry,’ Katy said, stroking Tilly’s forehead. ‘Nobody’s a natural mother; I know I wasn’t. For the first three months after Jake was born, I felt like sticking my head in a gas oven every day. Thank God we only had electric …’
‘So far, none of this is helping,’ Alex told her friends ruefully.
‘What I mean is, just because you get pregnant, you don’t suddenly and automatically have all the maternal wisdom in the world downloaded into your psyche. You have to learn by your mistakes and sort of feel your way. And, yes, it is a pain not being able to do what you want, when you want, any more. But all of that is outweighed by the totally amazing, all-consuming love you will feel for your baby. Even when it throws up on you and you don’t notice till you’re in the supermarket …’
‘But what if I don’t love it?’ Alex asked Katy anxiously. ‘What if it hates me?’
‘Have it ado
pted!’ Joanna suggested, making Lydia giggle. ‘By Madonna or Elton John – oh, or Angelina. She likes a baby.’
‘I promise you right here and now that you and that the little person in there …’
‘Massive person,’ Joanna interjected, digging Lydia in the ribs.
‘… will adore each other unreservedly,’ Katy finished, shooting Joanna her best chastening look.
‘I hope you’re right,’ Alex said. Katy leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
‘Of course I am. Trust me, becoming a mother is the one thing I know something about.’
Alex looked a little reassured as she balanced her empty mug on her bump. ‘I tell you what, though, what I wouldn’t do for a good old-fashioned forward-facing fuck!’
Lydia glowed with happiness as she watched her friends dissolve in giggles at the unexpected comment. Despite all of the nasty surprises that life might hold in store for a person, there was always one thing she could count on. Her friends – they would never let her down. And at that moment, she knew with total certainty that nothing and no one would ever make her do anything to hurt any one of them. As long as Jackson Blake could keep their past relationship to himself, then so could she.
Chapter Seven
The sun had long since retreated behind the low and brooding cloud that hung, full of snow, over the peaks of the mountains, when the men returned, plus one. It was no coincidence that by that time all the women – bar Alex – were a little tipsy, and even she had caught the girly, giggly mood, despite her enforced sobriety. The girls could spot the little party, torches flashing, coming round the bend, and went en masse to greet them.
‘We have returned bearing expertise!’ Jim said, his ruddy cheeks due either to the cold or beer, or most likely both. Jake was slung over one shoulder, clutching a can of fizzy orange in one hand and a packet of Skittles in the other. Lydia could almost see Katy waving goodbye to her easy bedtime and unbroken night.
‘A little bit worse for wear,’ Stephen told her, kissing her fondly. ‘Hey, hey … Shall we go and light the fire in the bedroom, know what I mean?’
The Night Before Christmas Page 10
