“Babe, put Kody in his high chair and come in here. Grab your empty glass, I have news.”
“I wonder what Daddy’s news is, bubba. Do you know?” I go to the coffee table and pick up my glass. Walking into the kitchen I set the glass down on the counter where Ben is waiting with my wine bottle to refill my cup. I take Kody over to his high chair.
“So, what’s this news you have?” I sit down at the table, where Ben already has a couple pieces of pizza on a plate for me with my glass of wine. So classy, we are.
“One of the guys had a great idea today,” he says cautiously as he eyes his pizza. It’s never a good sign if he can’t look at me when he has an idea.
“Ooookay.”
“We all agreed that it would be best to do a huge renovation on the shop.”
“That’s actually a really great idea!” I don’t even have to fake this enthusiasm. I know this is what he wants in life.
“I’ll have to oversee a lot of this process myself to make sure everything is going to go the way I want it since I’m basically going to rip everything out to start with a blank slate.”
“Okay, are you going to stay open and do different rooms at a time?”
“That’s the plan. Let’s just hope this goes smoothly, so all I have to do is start with one room at a time. Rip everything out and then rebuild.”
I push back in my seat and stand up. Walking over to my husband, I sit down on his lap and wrap my arms around his neck. Leaning in, I kiss him deeply. “I’m so proud of you. I hope this turns out exactly how you want it. I’ll be there for anything you need from me.”
“Well, here’s the thing. I’m not going to be home a whole lot in the evenings since I need to start soon. I want to start going to stores and looking at stuff, that way I know what I want to do once I get everything demoed.” He gives me a worried look.
“We’ll be fine. The sooner you get started on it the sooner you’ll be done and be able to get back on your regular schedule.”
He smiles a heart stopping smile. “You’re the best. I love you, so much. Everything I do is always for you guys. I just want to provide you with the life you deserve.”
BEN’S PARENTS ARE in town and coming over for dinner tonight. I’m slightly irritated that I have to play nice for the night when all I want to do is sit in the room and sleep. But I actually put real clothes on instead of my yoga stuff. So that’s a plus right?
Ben comes walking into the kitchen from taking a shower. It’s Saturday so he didn’t go to work today, he’s been helping me clean up the house and get food ready. Which has been a huge help instead of me having to do it all myself.
The doorbell rings, and Ben rushes off to answer the door before he says anything to me. I love that boy, but I swear he’s like a different person when his parents are around. It annoys the shit out of me.
I hear them talking, and then Ben comes back into the kitchen. “Mom said she would rather eat in the living room like we usually do. That way they can spend time playing with Kay and Kody and not just talk to Kay while everyone is eating.”
Shrugging I tell him, “Sure, that’s fine. Can you help me get everything ready? Then everyone can just come in here buffet style.”
“Sure can, babe.” He sets about grabbing all the hot things and setting them on pot holders on the counter.
I grab all the paper plates and plastic silverware and set them next to the food. “Okay, guys. Food is ready, come on in and grab it!”
Grabbing a play for myself, I load it up with food then grab myself a water, I don’t want to drink in front of my in-laws. Kay and Kody will go between everyone’s plates and eat random food. So I’m not too concerned about making the kids a plate.
I kind of hate when the in-laws come over, I have to be on a certain level of good behavior. Not that I would be rude, but still.
“Ben, how’s work going?” David starts the conversation flowing about work.
Before Ben can answer him though, his mom speaks up. “Lyla, do you think you’ll get a job? Or are you just going to be a stay at home mom?”
I’m a little shocked at her question. “I’m happy right now being home with my kids, and Ben hasn’t told me I needed a job. So, until that time comes, I really don’t think I’m going to worry too much about it.”
“Yeah, Mom. You know I make enough money with what I do so that Lyla can stay home. That was my intention anyway. I didn’t want her to work when we had kids so we could save money on daycare. That shit is expensive.”
His mom tsks. “Ben, watch your language.”
Ben chuckles. “Mom, that ship has long since sailed. I’m not sure you can stop me from much now.”
That makes me laugh. I don’t think anyone could stop Ben from doing anything he set his mind to.
The rest of the meal isn’t as painful as I thought it would be, or as it started. After all the food was eaten David and Martha started playing with the kids so I was able to finish cleaning up. After cleaning up, I just sat back and relaxed.
I almost pulled out my Kindle, I was being ignored anyways. But I didn’t want to seem too rude. Right before the kids are set to head to bed, my in laws finally leave. I get the kids to bed, then Ben and I fall into bed and promptly pass right out.
That’s a great night right there.
ONE THING IS FOR sure, I don’t really like bugs. Every time I’m out here I get eaten up by bugs. Since discovering these trails, I’ve made it a point to come out here once a week just to get away from the house. I haven’t seen Bronson out here since that first time though, which shouldn’t make me as sad as it does.
I’ve hiked just about every trail there is in the few short weeks I’ve been here. And I’ve found that every single one leads to a different opening. But I always end up back at the clearing where I met Bronson. Waiting for a little bit each time to see if he’ll show up.
But he never does.
I think I’ve built him up to be this fictional character, like in the books I read. Christ, that would make me absolutely crazy wouldn’t it?
I continue on the path, absorbing all the sounds that nature provides, not really paying any attention to my surroundings. Just walking with a single minded mission to get to that clearing.
So when I hear footsteps behind me and a clear voice, I about just about jump out of my skin. I whirl around, not really sure what I’m going to do if someone tries to attack me, and come face to face with the mysterious boy himself.
“Hey, Lyla,” he greets me in his low voice.
“Hey,” I reply in a breathy voice.
He smiles. “I didn’t scare you, did I?”
“Well, what exactly do you think is going to happen when you sneak up on someone out here?” I hiss at him.
“It’s not like I was being super quiet, I thought I was pretty loud myself,” Bronson snickered. “Let’s go sit down, and talk.”
I shrug. “Sure why not.”
We walk in companionable silence towards the clearing. When we make it there, we each sit down in one of the chairs. Looking at him, I find that he’s already staring at me. Not saying anything. Which makes me nervous.
“What?” I ask worried.
With a smile that reaches his eyes he states, “You are so beautiful.”
I feel my cheeks heat up with a blush, that I’m sure is covering my entire face. But I don’t answer him. I’m not really sure what I would even reply back.
“You don’t have to be afraid of me. I’m know I’m a lot to take in at first, but I won’t bite.” Cue big grin. “Unless you ask, very nicely.”
I groan and roll my eyes. “What a typical male thing to say.”
“Let’s play a game.”
I chew on my bottom lip, not sure that I want to go there with him. But that grin on his face is enough to coax me. “Okay, I’ll bite. What game?”
“Twenty questions. Simple rules. But, every time you pass, the other gets something in return.”
“In retur
n? Like what?” My mind is spinning with every possible thing that could be.
“I don’t know, we get to choose what it is when we get to that point.”
Sucking my lip back into my mouth, I wage an internal war with myself. Play this game and finally learn something about my mysterious stranger that has taken over my life or don’t and go back home.
“All right, sure. What the hell.” Excitement gleamed in his eyes.
“I’d let you go first, but I’m no gentleman. What’s your favorite color?”
Thinking that this may be easier than what I thought I answer quickly. “Blue. What’s yours?”
“Black.”
I scoff. “That’s not even a real color. Who says that?”
“Are you judging me? I didn’t know that there were limitations on what someone’s favorite color could be.”
Trying to sound outraged I say, “I would never judge you. I’m not a judgmental person.”
Chuckling he replies, “I know. I’m just giving you a hard time. Okay, so how about we try a harder one. When did you lose your virginity?”
Embarrassment floods my cheeks. “Are you sure this is something you really want to ask? Because I really don’t want to answer it. I mean, I haven’t even known you long enough for you to even justify asking me that.” This time I don’t have to fake the outrage.
“Your choice. Answer it or don’t. But if you don’t there will be consequences.” His voice staying even the whole time, but I can see on his face that he really doesn’t want me to answer.
I lower my head, but stare at him through my lashes. I can’t believe he would really ask me that, but I don’t really know him so I can’t even say that I can’t believe he wouldn’t do this. I really have no idea what he has the balls to do.
But, god help me if I don’t want to find out.
What the hell kind of person am I?
“I’m passing.”
I hear a sharp intake of breath. “Stand up.”
Pushing out of the chair, I stand to my full height of five foot three. When he steps up to be toe to toe with me, I’m forced to notice everything about him. The way his breathing has picked up, the way that he’s nervously running his hand through his hair, the way he’s looking at me like he’s ready to devour me.
Making me feel desired. Wanted.
“Kiss me.” The words were said on an exhale, barely above a whisper. But I had no problem hearing him.
His eyes bore into mine, waiting for my decision. Waiting to see what I’ll do.
I want to feel his lips press into mine. I want to know what his hands feel like on my body. I want to know what the planes of his stomach feel like.
But I can’t.
I’VE BEEN AVOIDING Ben as much as possible. It’s been pretty easy, he’s been busy with the renovations. Leaving me at home more with the kids and no help. Me being alone is turning into a bad thing. All I’ve done is think about running away from Bronson.
The guilt I feel at even letting it get to that point is so overwhelming that I can barely focus on anything else.
I’ve been working so hard on keeping the house clean. Well, cleaner than normal. I’ve been waking up at the crack of dawn to make sure I’m up before the kids. It’s so hard. I’m so exhausted every day. I get headaches nonstop. I find myself wanting to take naps during the day. And then when Ben does come home, I’m in no mood to be intimate with him. I make sure he has his dinner and the minute it’s time to put the kids to bed I do.
Like today, all I want to do is be at home, sitting on the couch. But I decided to take the kids to the park to get us all out of that house for a little bit. Kay has been running around and jumping between all the different equipment. Kody seems to be content at sitting right in front of me playing with some toys I brought for him.
I’m scrolling through Facebook on my phone being nosy without posting anything myself. I always think it’s weird that people post a minute by minute update on their lives. I wonder if anyone will ever tell them that no one else cares?
I switched from Facebook to Pinterest. If given the time and patience, and honestly the inclination, I could spend a lot of time on Pinterest. Pinning things I have no intention of ever doing. But everything is nice to look at. When I notice movement out of the corner of my eye I look over and I see a woman, that looks around my age, sat down on a bench close to me. But I don’t pay any attention to her. I continue on my Pinterest binge.
After some time passes, I finally hear the woman talk. “Excuse me, can you tell me what time it is?”
I glance over at her and then back down at my phone in my hand. “It’s almost four o’clock.”
“Ugh, thank you.” Her obvious annoyed tone makes me look harder at her. She looks around the park, looking super paranoid. “I’m waiting for someone to meet me, but he said he wasn’t sure if he was going to be late or not. And that if he didn’t show ten minutes after the time we agreed on then I needed to leave.”
Confusion sweeps through me. Realization instantly follows. This is a drug deal I bet. “Oh, okay. Well, I hope he shows.” What am I thinking? I hope he shows. The best thing for this girl is if he doesn’t show. But then maybe meeting in a park is smart. Less cops hang out here and all that.
“Yeah, for my sake I hope he shows.” She moves her ahead looking in every direction. “So, are any of the kids out there yours?”
I turn my head in the direction of Kay’s excited squeals. “Yeah, that little girl over there in the hot pink outfit.”
A sad smile appears on this girl’s face. “She’s so cute.”
A surprised chuckle leaves me mouth. “Yeah, she is super cute. But you can’t let all of that fool you. She’s a handful most days.”
She stands up from her bench and moves over to sit next down next to me. “Hey, handsome. How are you?” She starts cooing at Kody, talking to him in the universal baby talk everyone seems to do around little kids. It’s also super annoying most days.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name. I’m Lyla.”
“I’m Sophie.” She continues cooing at Kody, who looks like he’s just eating this shit up.
“I should have a baby right now. Maybe I would be able to quit if I had a purpose.” By quit I assume she means quit using drugs. From the looks of her I think quitting would be in her best interest. Her brown hair holds no shine whatsoever, there are dark circles under her eyes, and she is as skinny as she could possibly be.
“Sometimes you need to make your own purpose. Find what you’re needed for in this life. Not leave it up to chance. You need to trust your heart.”
“Have you ever used?” She returns her attention to me, looking intently at me.
“No, I can honestly say I’ve never used.”
“Do you ever feel so trapped and weighed down by everything and nothing at the same time? Do you feel like you just want to break free of all the chains holding you back? When I get high it’s unlike anything else I’ve ever felt. The feeling of all your worries and cares just gone, if only for a short time.”
“Do you think it’s worth it, if it only works for a short amount of time?” But the more that she talks the more that I feel like she’s saying everything that I feel. Every thought I feel on repeat on a daily basis. And then I surprise myself. “What all do you do?”
She gives me a worried look. “Why?”
“I’m just wondering. Perverse curiosity.”
“Curiosity killed the cat, you know?”
Slowly blinking, I focus all of my attention on her. “I know. But I think this cat is far to weighed down to care.”
“I’ve snorted coke and shot up with heroin. I started by just smoking weed, but it turned out to be not enough to turn my brain off. Coming down is worse with the harder stuff, but if I can just keep up with it then I’m fine.”
“How much does this stuff cost?”
“It just depends on how much you want.” She glances around again, looking for her guy.
<
br /> I turn my head to glance too, I kind of want to see this guy. “If I just wanted to sample it?”
“I think it’s twenty for just a small bag of coke. Oh, there he is now. Do you want some?”
I purse my lips. That’s the million-dollar question now isn’t it? Do I want to go down this road? Do I really want to jeopardize everything? I sit still for a second, contemplating my options. Finally shaking my head, she shrugs then grabs my phone out of my hands and adds her number into my phone.
“If you change your mind, you have my number. Just call me.” And with that she’s off to her dealer.
He’s about one-hundred yards away. And doesn’t look at all like how I imagined a drug dealer would look. This guy is one-hundred percent as nerdy as they come. But it’s always the quiet ones you have to worry about, right? He’s wearing a blue oxford shirt that’s tucked into khaki pants. His hair is cropped short on the sides but he has a mess of curls on the top that look seriously unkempt. Like he’s run his hands through it a million times already today.
And in just a few short minutes Sophie has her drugs and she’s on her way back to wherever she came from. I look down at Kody who is contentedly playing with his toys, banging them together and squealing in delight. Jesus, what the hell was I doing even considering this.
Even though I don’t feel remotely like myself, I honestly don’t think I could ever do drugs to make myself feel good for just a moment.
“BABE, WHAT’RE YOU doing up there?” Ben yells up the stairs at me. When we came home from the park, I instantly found Kay something to do in her room. I’m trying to teach her how to clean up after herself. It isn’t going well, but it’s a work in progress. Then I came into our room thinking about taking a shower, to wash all of this guilt off of me.
“Going to the bathroom, I’ll be down in a minute.” I shut the door and walk into the bathroom and stand there for a moment before I flush the toilet. Making my story plausible.
In My Head Page 6
