by Diane Lennox
There was a long silence, and Leander was tempted to break it, but he wanted to stay strong. He said his piece. He needed to be patient and let Marius figure out his.
“My only concern, Leander, is that you do not have control over your father like Shar Kane does,” Marius finally replied.
Leander bit at the corner of his lip as he contemplated this. “You’re right, I can’t claim to have control over him like my grandfather has,” he admitted, but then suddenly a thought came to him. “However,” he continued on, “I think my lack of control may be better in this situation. If it’s just me to act as mediator then there can be no question that my father is behaving on his own and not out of fear of what my grandfather may do to punish him if he doesn’t. And, well, I also personally feel that my father will behave more naturally if my grandfather isn’t hovering over him.”
“And if your father should physically attack me?”
Leander’s eyes widened. “My father would not–”
“He did,” Marius said, cutting Leander off.
Leander gasped, he couldn’t help it. The thought of his father attacking someone without reason seemed crazy to him, but he had no reason to believe Marius would lie about this. “Marius-khan, I… I had no idea.”
“Perhaps you should speak to your father before we continue this conversation.”
“Yes, I think I should. Forgive me, Marius-khan, I did not realize the situation was quite this serious. I… I’ll understand if you do not wish to forgive my father in light of this.”
“I take it this is not a common occurrence.”
“No, not that I’m aware of, at least not towards someone who is not a threat to our family. I…” Leander shook his head. “I need to figure this out. Again, forgive me, I should have found out what happened first. I just didn’t see the point unless I was going to mediate.”
“You already are, Leander.”
Leander paused, not quite sure how to take that. “I’m sorry, Marius-khan, I don’t know if you mean that I’ve overstepped or that you’d like me to mediate all conversations in the future.”
“The latter.”
“Th-thank you, Marius-khan,” Leander said shakily. “Um, if you could let my grandfather know, I would appreciate it. He will only allow me to continue if he hears from you directly.”
“I will do so.”
“Thank you, and I will speak to my father about what happened and see what I can do about his apparent violence. I… I’m not sure what to say, Marius-khan. I’m deeply ashamed that you were attacked in our home and I’m admittedly surprised that you’re willing to speak to me, or any Kane, at all now.”
“I would like to keep communication open for now. We shall see where it goes.”
“Thank you, Marius-khan. Oh, um, as for future contact with me, are there any stipulations? Would you prefer for me to wait a while to contact you again? Give you some space?”
“No. For now you may speak to me over the phone whenever you wish.”
“Understood. Um, I’ll let you go for now. Take care, Marius-khan.”
“You as well, Leander.”
The call ended and Leander slid off the bed and onto the floor with a thud. By the fucking gods, his father had attacked him?! What in the hells had happened?!
Leander waited until his shaking legs could support him before he rushed upstairs and knocked on his father’s door. He needed answers and he needed them now.
The door opened revealing a rather ragged looking Lazarus. Judging by the rings under his eyes Leander doubted he slept at all last night.
“We need to talk, right now,” Leander said, a little shocked at his own tone, but Lazarus just nodded in response and opened the door for him.
The room smelled like smoke and Leander looked to the fire place to see that it was lit and blazing away. It had probably been doing so all night.
Leander walked over to it and took a seat on one of the leather armchairs nearby, his limbs still shaking, then watched as his father shut the door then walked over to sit in the other chair.
He just looked at his father for a moment, his stomach doing strange flips inside of him. It had been a very long time since he was afraid of his father, but this new information had him badly rattled.
“I… I talked to Marius-khan. He said you attacked him. Physically,” Leander said softly, clutching at the armrests of the chair.
Lazarus hung his head and ran his hands through his unruly, auburn and silver streaked hair. “It’s true.”
“But why?”
Lazarus shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters a great deal, father. Is he a threat? Should we not trust him?”
“No, no he’s fine, Leander. He just…”
“He just what, father? I’m scared,” Leander suddenly blurted out as if his father could comfort him despite being the one he was afraid of. “I don’t want to be scared of you.”
“Fuck,” Lazarus cursed then looked up at Leander, his reddish eyes looking like they were flickering as they reflected the flames of the nearby fire. “I promise, you don’t need to be scared, Leander, I just, with Marius… I just fucked up. That’s all.”
“Did you? I don’t understand, father, why would you attack him if he wasn’t a threat?”
Lazarus’ thin lips tightened into a hard line and he shook his head.
“No,” Leander said sharply and suddenly stood. “No, I need to know, father. I need something. You can’t do something like this then not explain! I don’t want to lie in bed thinking my father is a horrible person who might snap and hurt me too one day!”
“I won’t bother trying to argue the horrible person part right now, I fucking feel like one, but you need never fear me. I may be no better than a beast sometimes, but that also means I’m protective of my pups. I would never hurt you. Ever,” Lazarus said softly.
“Then why Marius-khan?”
“I don’t wanna say. It… it’s between him and me.”
“Damn it, father, we’re going to lose Alexei if I can’t convince Marius-khan that you’re not a monster!” Leander cried. “I beg of you, don’t do this to us. We’ve never given a damn about anyone before. We can’t lose him. Please, father, help me. I asked grandfather if I could mediate between our families and Marius-khan has agreed. I need to fix this, please.”
“I’ll figure out how to make things civil between us, I won’t let you lose Alexei, but there’s parts of me I just don’t want you knowing, Leander.”
All of a sudden Leander could hear the echo of Simon’s voice in his head saying something painfully similar.
Am I not allowed to have one secret from you?
There was an explosion of sound and it wasn’t until it was silent once more that Leander realized what just happened.
“I…” Leander started to say, his eyes wide as he looked at the pieces of glass glittering in the fire pit then to his father who was looking at him like he suddenly didn’t recognize him. “I’ll clean it up. It’s probably in the rug too. I’ll get the vacuum,” he said, his voice weak and shaking.
Lazarus reached out and grabbed Leander by the wrist.
“I’m sorry, father,” Leander apologized, feeling as if he was about to cry he was so upset by his own behaviour and fearful of what his father might do or say. It wasn’t as if he didn’t throw things, he threw stuffed animals and pillows at his brother all the time, but throwing a glass was something entirely different and not something he’d ever done before, not even in his imagination. “I won’t do it again. I’m so sorry.”
Lazarus simply kept tugging on Leander’s wrist, pulling him in, until Leander was sitting across his lap and his arms were wrapped around him.
“I don’t care about the glass, Leander,” Lazarus said softly to him and it was now clear to Leander that his father intended to comfort him, not scold him.
Leander closed his eyes and clung to his father, resting his head on his shoulder, taking in the smell
of leather, booze, and fire, despite feeling extremely conflicted at the moment. For one, he wasn’t sure why he was being comforted when he just behaved so badly, and secondly, he was still rather afraid of his father despite his reassurances that he would never harm Leander.
“Tell me what happened,” Lazarus whispered to him, running his hands over Leander’s hair.
“You first,” Leander daringly whispered back before he could stop himself. By the gods what had gotten into him? Why was he pushing his luck when he already should be in so much trouble?
Still, the words were out there now, so all Leander could do was put up a brave front and not shy away from looking into his father’s eyes.
Lazarus shook his head. “It’s not for my son to know.”
“What about your future Shar?”
Lazarus suddenly stilled, his eyes turning dark and flickering dangerously red.
Leander froze, not even able to breathe. He’d seen those eyes before, but they had never been directed so pointedly at him. It was the same look Lazarus had when he desperately needed to hunt or when he came back still high on his bloodlust.
He thought to what Marius said. Could he control his father? Did he even have a chance? … Did their grandfather even have control? Really?
But there were also his own father’s words to consider and the promise he made only minutes before. Lazarus would never hurt him. Ever. So even though the man he was currently sitting on was clearly going into the hunter headspace, that didn’t change the fact that he was still Leander’s father. He needed to press on.
“Y-you,” Leander whispered, his voice nearly failing him. “You can’t be Shar, father,” he started then smirked a little, though it was really more just a nervous twitch of his lips. “Though maybe I can’t be either, if I’m going to get violent whenever I don’t get my way,” he added, still very ashamed with himself.
“It’s not a good idea for you to be Shar, Leander,” Lazarus whispered in return, and though his voice was more reminiscent of a soft, rumbling growl, it still sounded fond, not aggressive like Leander feared it would.
Leander felt himself deflate. “I know I wouldn’t be any good yet, I’m too young, too inexperienced with life. I don’t have the confidence either. But I want to work hard to be everything I need to be for this family. I know I can do it,” he said and stared up into Lazarus’ eyes, hoping his father could see his sincerity.
“That’s not the problem, Leander.”
“Then what is? Tell me what I need to do to. I’ll do anything. I’d do anything for my family.”
“That’s the problem,” Lazarus said then took Leander’s hand and nuzzled his face into it, his shadow of a beard scratching into Leander’s skin. “We’d do anything for you in return.”
Leander’s eyes widened. He knew Simon’s loyalty to him was absolute, but he didn’t expect to see a similar look in his father’s eyes.
“Would you rather Amos stepped up?” Leander asked.
“It would be safer.”
“Would you do anything for him?”
“I’d be by his side and follow his lead.”
Leander swallowed hard, trying to ignore the uncomfortable swell of ambition in his gut. It was one thing for his father to say he’d do anything for him, but he wasn’t just his father, he was Lazarus Kane, one of the deadliest men in the entire country.
Gods, it was too much. His father was right, it probably would be safer if Leander wasn’t given that much power. There was too much ambition that he didn’t understand, or feel comfortable with, bubbling away inside of him.
“If you don’t think it’s a good idea then maybe I shouldn’t pursue Shardom,” Leander said, though his gut gave a lurch as soon as he said the words, as if it didn’t quite agree with the conclusions his brain had come to. “I’ll tell Marius-khan that grandpa will handle the reparations. But please make it work, father, Alexei is extremely precious to me and Simon. We need him.”
The dangerous gleam slowly faded from Lazarus’ eyes, but he still didn’t look quite like his usual self. “I will, Leander, I promise you that.”
“Thank you,” Leander said then slid off his father’s lap. “Um, I can go get the vacuum if you like, for the glass.”
“I’ll clean it up.”
“Are you sure? I feel so bad.”
“I’m sure,” Lazarus said. “You get going.”
Leander nodded and headed out of the room feeling like his world had changed between when he’d entered and when he exited. He’d been so sure of wanting to be Shar, that he’d somehow find a way to make everything work even if he was nervous, and now he didn’t feel sure of anything. Though perhaps he started feeling less sure as soon as he heard his father had been violent. He still wished he had gotten an answer, but at the same time he wasn’t sure he wanted to know, just like how he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what sort of darkness was lurking about inside himself that his father seemed to plainly see.
If his father thought Leander being Shar would be unsafe then the best thing Leander could do was ignore his ambitions. He refused to do anything that would hurt his family, even if the idea of not being Shar was making his entire being ache. The point was to protect them, and he would.
~~~~~
Evgeni Desjardins leaned up against a tree, the sound of the river and the rustling leaves the only thing he could hear as he waited for the other party to arrive.
So it was rather alarming when Paris Romero suddenly appeared with hardly a sound at all.
“Evgeni?” Paris asked.
Evgeni jumped, startled, then quickly went about regaining his composure. “Paris-khan. Thank you for meeting me out here,” he said, stepping forward to face Paris properly.
Paris smirked. “Didn’t really want to, but Rafe sounded pretty set on it.”
As soon as Evgeni and Rafe were done their conversation Rafe had agreed to call Paris so that Evgeni could quickly meet the man before returning home to their family. He didn’t think he should be speaking of Paris to Yves and Julius without actually meeting the man himself.
“You don’t think I have a right to speak to you as a potential suitor for my little brother?” Evgeni asked, trying to keep up his confident air, though it wasn’t exactly easy when he was all alone with a man who killed for a living. Gods, how was Rafe not intimidated by him? The tattooed head, the scars, the beady eyes that seemed more animal than human. Actually never mind not being intimidated, how was Rafe at all attracted to this man?
“We aren’t–”
“You want to though,” Evgeni said, cutting Paris off. “And while I’m not particularly against it, I do have concerns.”
Paris crossed his arms over his chest. “Gonna tell me them?”
“Of course. For starters, I want to make sure you realize what Rafe is going to have to give up to be with you. He’s willing to let go of his family to stay by your side and hurt his own future career opportunities, both of which are extremely important to him, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
“You think I don’t know all that? Soren already warned Rafe about all those things and I was there when he did. I agreed with him. I told Rafe I’d bring him down. But the thing is, it’s Rafe’s decision to make, and he made it. Yeah, it works out pretty damned good for me, but I would have left him alone if that’s what he wanted instead.”
Evgeni nodded. It seemed Paris at least somewhat understood. “Good. Now for the part I’m more worried about,” he said and stepped forward, glad he was wearing heels so he stood a couple inches above Paris and could project at least some sort of authority. “You push Rafe into doing anything he’s uncomfortable with and I will make sure you live in misery for the rest of your life. He’s far younger and far more inexperienced than you, Paris-khan, and I’m not sure if you’re going to have the patience needed to deal with that. I don’t blame you for having needs, but I can blame you for picking a partner who may not be able to fulfill them. You may not be bothered by
it now, but it will become a problem, and as the older, more experienced one, you’re the one who’s going to have to find a solution. Don’t put that on Rafe.”
Paris shook his head. “I won’t put it on Rafe, but I’m not figuring it out alone because I’ll make a fucking mess of it. We’ll do it together. That way I’ll know what he’s thinking and feeling and they’ll be less room for mistakes. I know it’s going to be a problem, I’m not a total idiot, but I want to wait for him,” Paris said then let out a soft groan, running his hands over his face. “I know you don’t want me anywhere near him, and I know I’m not good enough for him, but I want to make him happy just like he’s been making me happy, okay?”
“Okay.”
Paris looked to Evgeni from between his hands, seeming shocked. “Okay?”
“Yes, okay,” Evgeni repeated.
Paris tilted his head, looking at Evgeni warily now. “Where’s the rest of the yelling and scolding and shit?”
“I said what I wanted to say and you gave me answers I find acceptable.”
“So you… approve?”
“I wouldn’t say approve, but my gut says Rafe will at least be safe and respected under your care and that’s the most important thing to me,” Evgeni replied, meaning every word. Of course he wished Rafe would choose someone else, gods, anyone else, but he could easily see that Paris was a very honest man and completely taken with Rafe. It was without a doubt a very strange pairing, but it seemed they were both committed to each other and that’s what mattered to Evgeni.
Paris stepped forward, a little too close, and stared up into Evgeni’s eyes. “You’re a hard man to read.”
“Am I now?” Evgeni asked, refusing to budge despite wanting to back far, far away. He didn’t like those animalistic eyes studying him so intently.
“Yeah, you are. My gut doesn’t know what to make of you. I think you care about Rafe, and I don’t think you’re lying to me, but you’re just…” Paris trailed off then looked him over. “I dunno. You make me on edge and I don’t like it.”
