And then there was a savage flaring of ecstasy that swept everything away except her voice calling huskily to Cash, telling him of her love and of their baby growing within her womb…
For an instant Cash couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“What?”
“I’m pregnant, love,” she whispered, leaning forward to kiss him again.
Suddenly Cash believed it, believed he was hearing the depth of his own betrayal from lips still flushed with his kisses. He had thought he was prepared for it, thought that a woman’s treachery had nothing new to teach him.
He had been wrong. He sat rigid, transfixed by an agony greater than any he had ever known… and in its wake came a rage that was every bit as deep as the passion and the pain.
“You’re pregnant,” Cash repeated flatly, a statement rather than a question.
He could control his voice, but not the sudden, violent rage snaking through his body, a tension that was instantly transmitted to the woman who was so intimately joined with him.
“Yes,” Mariah said, trying to smile, failing, feeling the power of Cash’s fingers digging into her hips. “Didn’t you want this? You never tried to prevent it and you like children and I thought…”
Her voice died into a whisper. She swallowed, but no ease came to her suddenly dry throat. In the moonlight Cash looked like a man carved from stone.
“No, I never tried to prevent it,” Cash said. “I never spend time trying to make lead into gold, either.”
He heard his own words as though at a vast distance, an echo from a time when he could speak and touch and feel, a time when betrayal hadn’t spread like black ice through his soul, freezing everything.
“I don’t understand,” Mariah whispered.
“I’ll just bet you don’t.”
With bruising strength Cash lifted Mariah from his lap, kicked out of his entangling clothes and stood motionless, looking through her as though she weren’t there. She had the dizzying feeling of being trapped in a nightmare, unable to move, unable to speak, unable even to cry. She had imagined many possible reactions to her pregnancy, even anger, but nothing like this, an absolute withdrawal from her.
“Cash?” Mariah whispered.
He didn’t answer. In electric silence he studied the deceptively vulnerable appearance of the woman who stood with her face turned up to him, moonlight heightening both the elegance and the fragility of her bone structure.
She’s about as fragile as a rattlesnake and a hell of a lot more dangerous. She’s one very shrewd little huntress. No one will believe that I’m not the father of her baby. I could go to the nearest lab and get back the same result I got years ago, when Linda told me she was pregnant – a chance I was the father, but not much of one.
But Cash had wanted to believe in that slim chance. He had wanted it so desperately that he had blinded himself to any other possibility.
Luke would feel the same way this time. Rather than believe that his beloved Muffin was a liar, a cheat and a schemer, Luke would believe that Mariah was carrying Cash’s baby. If Cash refused to marry Mariah, it would drive a wedge between himself and Luke. Perhaps even Carla. Then there would be nothing left for Cash, nowhere on earth he could call home. He had no choice but to accept the lie and marry the liar.
It was as nice a trap as any woman had ever constructed for a foolish man.
Except for one thing, one detail that could not be finessed no matter how accomplished a huntress Mariah was. There was one way to prove she was lying. It would take time, though. Time for the baby to be born, time for its blood to be tested, time for the results to be compared with Cash’s own blood. Then, finally, it would be time for truth.
“When is it due.”
Cash didn’t recognize his own voice. There was no emotion in it, no resonance, no real question, nothing but a flat requirement that Mariah give him information.
“I d-don’t know.”
“What does the doctor say.”
“I haven’t been to one.” Mariah interlaced her fingers and clenched her hands in order to keep from reaching for Cash, touching him, trying to convince herself that she actually knew the icy stranger standing naked in the darkness while he interrogated her. “That’s – that’s what Nevada wanted. He said he’d take me into see Dr. Chacon if I didn’t tell you this time.”
So that’s who fathered her bastard. I should have known. God, how can one man be such a fool?
Suddenly Cash didn’t trust his self-control one instant longer. Too many echoes of the past. He had known the trap. He had taken the bait anyway.
So be it.
Mariah watched as Cash dressed. Though he said nothing more, his expression and his abrupt handling of his clothes said very clearly that he was furious. Uncertainly Mariah tried to dress, but her trembling fingers forced her to be satisfied with simply putting her nightshirt on and leaving it unfastened. When she looked up from fumbling with the nightshirt, Cash was standing at the front door watching her as though she were a stranger.
“Congratulations, honey. You just got a name for your baby and a free ride for the length of your pregnancy.”
“What?”
“We’re getting married. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but-”
“We’ll talk about it later,” Cash said, speaking over Mariah’s hesitant words. “Right now, I’m not in the mood to listen to any more of your words.”
The door opened and closed and Mariah was alone.
14
It will be all right. He just needs some time to get used to the idea. He must care for me. He wouldn’t have asked me to marry him if he didn’t care for me, would he? Lots of men get women pregnant and don’t many them.
It will be all right.
The silent litany had been repeated so often in Mariah’s mind during the long hours after dawn that the meaning of the words no longer really registered with her. She kept seeing Cash’s face when he had told her that she would have a free ride and a name for the baby.
When we’re married I’ll be able to show Cash how much I love him. He must care for me. He doesn’t have to marry me, but he chose to. It will be all right.
The more Mariah repeated the words, the less comfort they gave. Yet the endless, circling words of hope were all she had to hold against a despair so deep that it terrified her, leaving sweat cold on her skin, and a bleak, elemental cry of loss vibrating beneath her litany of hope.
Cash would marry her, but he did not want the child she was carrying. He would marry her, but he didn’t believe in her love. He would marry her, but he thought she wanted only his name and the money to pay for her pregnancy. He would marry her, but he believed he had been caught in the oldest trap of all.
And how can I prove he’s wrong? I have no money of my own. No home. No job. No profession. I’m working toward those things, but I don’t have them yet. I have nothing to point to and say, “See, I don’t need your apartment, your food, your money. I just need you, the man I love. The only man I’ve ever loved.”
But she could not prove it.
“Mariah? You awake?”
For a wild instant she thought the male voice belonged to Cash, but even as she spun toward the front door with hope blazing on her face, she realized that it was Nevada, not Cash. She went to the front door, opened it, and looked into the pale green eyes that missed not one of the signs of grief on her face.
“Are you feeling all right?” Nevada asked.
Mariah clenched her teeth against the tears that threatened to dissolve her control. Telling Nevada what had happened would only make things worse, not better. Cash had always resented the odd, tacit understanding between Nevada and Mariah.
Nor could she tell Luke, her own brother, because telling him would in effect force him to choose between his sister and Cash, the man who was closer to him than any brother could be. No good could come of such a choice. Not for her. Not for Cash. And most of all, not for Luke, the br
other who had opened his arms and his home to her after a fifteen-year separation.
“I’m… just a little tired.” Mariah forced a smile. She noticed the flat, carefully wrapped package in Nevada’s hand and changed the subject gratefully. “What’s that?”
“It’s yours. It came in yesterday, but I didn’t have time to get it to you?”
Automatically Mariah took the parcel. She looked at it curiously. There was no stamp on the outside, no address, no return address, nothing to indicate who the package was for, who had sent it or where it had come from.
“It’s yours, all right,” Nevada said, accurately reading Mariah’s hesitation.
“What’s underneath all that tape?”
“Mad Jack’s map.”
“Oh. I suppose they found where the mine was.”
Nevada’s eyes narrowed. There was no real curiosity in Mariah’s voice, simply a kind of throttled desperation that was reflected in her haunted golden eyes.
“I didn’t ask and they didn’t tell me,” Nevada said after a moment. “They just sent it back all wrapped up. I’m giving it to you the same way I got it.”
Mariah looked at the parcel for a long moment before she set it aside on a nearby table. “Thank you.”
“Aren’t you going to open it?”
“I’ll wait for… Cash.”
“Last time I saw him, he was in the kitchen with Carla.” Nevada looked closely at Mariah, sensing the wildness seething just beneath her surface. “You told Cash about the baby.”
Mariah shivered with pent emotion. “Yes. I told him.”
Without another word Mariah stepped off the porch and headed for the big house. She couldn’t wait for a moment longer. Maybe by now Cash had realized that she hadn’t meant to trap him. Maybe by now he understood that she loved him.
It will be all right.
Mariah was running by the time she reached the big house. She raced through the back door and into the kitchen, but no one was around. Heart hammering, she rushed into the living room. Cash was there, standing next to Carla. His hand was over her womb and there was a look of wonder on his face.
“It’s moving,” he said, smiling suddenly. “I can feel it moving!”
The awe in Cash’s voice made Mariah’s heart turn over with relief. Surely a man who was so touched by his sister’s pregnancy could accept his own woman’s pregnancy.
“Moving? I should say so.” Carla laughed. “It’s doing back flips.”
A healthy holler from the second-floor nursery distracted Carla. “Logan just ran out of patience.” She hurried out of the room. “Hi, Mariah. The coffee is hot.”
“Thank you,” Mariah said absently.
She walked up to Cash, her face suffused with hope and need. She took his hand and pressed it against her own womb.
“I think I’ve felt our baby moving already. But you have to be very still or you won’t-”
Mariah’s words ended in a swift intake of breath as Cash jerked his hand away, feeling as though he had held it in fire. The thought of what it might be like to actually feel his own child moving in the womb was a pain so great it was all he could do not to cry out.
“I can’t feel a damned thing,” Cash said roughly. “I guess my imagination isn’t as good as yours.”
He spun away, clenching his hands to conceal their fine trembling. When he spoke, his voice was so controlled as to be unrecognizable.
“I’ll leave tomorrow to make the arrangements. After we’re married, you’ll stay here.”
Mariah heard the absolute lack of emotion in Cash’s voice and felt ice condense along her spine.
“What about you?” she asked.
“I’ll be gone most of the time.”
Tears came to Mariah’s eyes. She could no more stop them than she could stop the spreading chill in her soul.
“Why?” she asked. “You never used to work so much.”
“I never had a wife and baby to take care of, did I.” The neutrality of Cash’s voice was like a very thin whip flaying Mariah’s nerves. She swallowed but it did nothing to relieve the aching dryness of her mouth or the burning in her eyes.
“If you don’t want me to be your wife,” Mariah said in a shaking voice, “why did you ask me to marry you?”
Cash said something savage beneath his breath, but Mariah didn’t give up. Anything, even anger, was better than the frigid lack of emotion he had been using as a weapon against her.
“Other men get women pregnant and don’t marry them,” she said. “Why are you marrying me?”
“I could hardly walk out on my best friend’s sister, could I? And you have Carla wrapped around your little finger, too. They would think I was a real heel for knocking you up and then not marrying you.”
“That’s why…?” Mariah shuddered and felt the redoubling of the chill despair that had been growing in the center of her soul.
“Carla and Luke are the only family I have or ever will have,” Cash continued with savage restraint.
“That’s not true,” Mariah said raggedly. “You have me! You have our baby!”
She went to Cash in a rush, wrapping her arms around him, holding him with all her strength. It was like holding granite. He was unyielding, rigid, motionless but for the sudden clenching of his hands when Mariah’s soft body pressed against his.
“We’ll be a family,” she said. Her lips pressed repeatedly against his cheek, his neck, his jaw, desperate kisses that said more than words could about yearning and loneliness, love and need. “Give us a chance, Cash. You enjoyed being with me before, why not again?”
While Mariah spoke, her hands stroked Cash’s back, his shoulders, his hair, the buttons of his shirt; and then her mouth was sultry against his skin. When she felt the involuntary tremor ripping through his strong body, she made a small sound in the back of her throat and rubbed her cheek against his chest.
“You enjoyed my kisses, my hands, my body, my love,” Mariah said, moving slowly against Cash, shivering with the pleasure of holding him. “It can be that way again.”
Cash moved with frightening power, pushing Mariah away at arm’s length, holding her there. Black fury shook him as he listened to his greatest dream, his deepest hungers, his terrifying vulnerability used as weapons by the woman he had trusted too much.
“I’ll support you,” he said through his clenched teeth. “I’ll give your bastard a name. But I’ll be damned if I’ll take another man’s leavings to bed.”
Shock turned Mariah’s face as pale as salt.
“What are you saying?” she whispered hoarsely. “This baby is yours. You must know that. I came to you a virgin. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved!”
Cash’s mouth flattened into a line as narrow as the cold blaze of his eyes.
“A world-class performance, right down to the tears trembling in your long black eyelashes. There’s just one thing wrong with your touching scenario of wounded innocence. I’m sterile.”
Mariah shook her head numbly, unable to believe what she was hearing. Cash kept talking, battering her with the icy truth, freezing her alive.
“When I was sixteen,” Cash said, “Carla came down with mumps. So did I. She recovered. So did I… after a fashion. That’s why I never worried about contraceptives with you. I couldn’t get you pregnant.”
“But you did get me pregnant!”
“You’re half right.” Cash’s smile made Mariah flinch. “Settle for half, baby. It’s more than I got.”
“Listen to me,” Mariah said urgently. “I don’t care what you had or when you had it or what the doctors told you afterward. They were wrong. Cash, you have to believe me. I love you. I have never slept with another man. This baby is yours.”
For an instant Cash’s fingers dug harshly into Mariah’s shoulders. Then he released her and stepped back, not trusting himself to touch her any longer.
“You’re something else.” He jammed his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. “Really. Something.
For the first time in my life I’m grateful to Linda. If she hadn’t already inoculated me against your particular kind of liar, I’d be on my knees begging your forgiveness right now. But she did inoculate me. She stuck it in and then she broke it off right at the bone.”
“I-”
Cash kept right on talking over Mariah’s voice.
“Virginity is no proof of fidelity,” he said flatly. “Linda was a virgin, too. She told me she loved me, too. Then she told me she was pregnant. Sound familiar?” He measured Mariah’s dismay with cold eyes. “Yeah. I thought it would. The difference was, I believed her. I was so damned hungry to believe that I’d gotten lucky, hit that slim, lucky chance and had gotten her pregnant. We hadn’t been married five months when she came and told me she was leaving. Seems her on-again, off-again boyfriend was on again, and this time he was willing to pay her rent.”
Mariah laced her fingers together in a futile attempt to stop their trembling.
“You loved her,” Mariah whispered.
“I loved the idea of having gotten her pregnant. I was so convinced she was carrying my baby that I told her she couldn’t have a divorce until after the baby was born. Then she could leave, but not with the baby. It would stay with me. Well, she had the baby. Then she had a blood test run on it. Turns out I hadn’t been lucky. The baby wasn’t mine. End of story.”
Cash made a short, thick sound that was too harsh to be a laugh. “Want to know the really funny part? I never believed Linda loved me, but I was beginning to believe that you did. You got to me in a way Linda never did.” He looked at Mariah suddenly, really looked at her, letting her see past the icy surface to the savage masculine rage beneath. “Don’t touch me again. You won’t like what happens.”
Mariah closed her eyes and swayed, unable to bear what she saw in Cash’s face. His remoteness was as terrifying as her own pain.
Suddenly she could take no more. She turned and ran from the house. The chilly air outside settled the nausea churning in her stomach. Walking swiftly, shivering, she headed for the old ranch house. The pines surrounding the old house were shivering, too, caressed by a fitful wind.
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