By God, lass! And you stood there taking this?
Well, no. After a bit I got angry too. Do you blame me? I said things I shouldn't have said.
Like what?
That she thought she was so special but in fact she was a laughing- stock. A geriatric nymphomaniac running after a man twenty years younger than herself, a man who found her at best ridiculous, at worst revolting.
You don't take prisoners, do you, Pet!
I'm not proud of some of the things I said, Andy. I ended by telling her it was time the world knew exactly what kind of monster she was and then even her sodding title wouldn't protect her. By this time she'd stopped yelling back at me. She just stood there, looking at me like I was a piece of dog dirt. And she said something like, "What I am, I am, Nurse Sheldon. I do what I need to do and I accept the consequences. Now go away. You are pathetic." Suddenly I ran out of things to say. That's when I threw my wine over her.
Why? I mean that was nowt compared to what you'd been saying to her. A geriatric nymphomaniac! She must have said summat more than, "You are pathetic." Summat really offensive. Or threatening. Come to think of it, this thing about letting the world know what kind of monster she was - what's that mean? Just fancying old Fester doesn't make her a monster, not in my book, anyway.
You know what it's like in a row, Andy. Words just come out.
Mebbe. Okay. Then what? You and her ran at each other and started pulling each other's hair?
No. She stood there like the wine was nothing, I was nothing. I walked away. All right, maybe I walked away because I was afraid of what I might say or do next, but I didn't do or say it. I went and found Lester and told him what had happened.
Looking for a comforting hug, were you?
To warn him that the big moment had likely come. He was going to be faced with a choice, her or me.
Rarely a wise move, luv, facing a man with a choice. What did he say?
He said hed have a word with her, get things sorted. I was still pretty wound up. I said he better had, and quick, I wasn't going to put up with that old biddy treating me like dirt any longer. Then the storm started and everyone rushed back to the house. I made for the conservatory. It was dark in there and I found a corner hidden away behind a shrub.
By yourself?
Yes. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Other people came into the conservatory, but I don't think any of them saw me. I just sat there and fumed till the storm passed. Then I went outside.
So Lester was telling a porkie when he gave you an alibi?
Yes. I didn't want him to, but when we got back here last night, he said that if Daph Denham had mentioned our bust-up to anyone, it might look bad. It was simpler if he said wed been together in the conservatory during the storm and it would save the police wasting time going down a dead end.
Very civic-minded of him. And after the storm? Were you there when they found Lady D?
In fact, no. Someone spotted your friend, Franny Roote . . .
Nay, lass, not my friend.
Sorry. He speaks very highly of you. Anyway, his wheelchair had got stuck at the bottom of the lawn, which was really boggy after the downpour, and the poor lad had managed to tip it over trying to get it to move. I don't know how long he'd been lying there, trying to get the chair upright and drag himself back in. He was a right mess, soaking wet and covered with mud. Someone had to look after him, and I was the obvious choice. I got him back in the chair and a couple of us manhandled it onto firmer ground. Then I pushed him back to the hall. I heard this uproar behind us - that must have been when they found Lady Denhams body - but I was concentrating on getting poor Franny back inside where I could check him out properly.
Aye, quite right, the patient comes first, eh? So how was poor Mr. Roote?
Fortunately he didn't seem to have done himself any real damage, so it was just a case of cleaning him up and drying him down as best I could. And while I was doing this, people started coming back inside, all talking about the murder, naturally.
That must have been a shock.
Of course it was a bloody shock! She was an old monster, but that didn't mean she deserved to be killed and roasted like a pig! I couldn't take it in. I just concentrated on getting Franny sorted. He was really upset, didn't want to leave, but I told him if he didn't get himself home and into some dry clothes, I wouldn't answer for the consequences. A man in his circumstances is very susceptible to pneumonia. I wheeled him out to his car and helped him in. I offered to go with him, but he said no, he was fine now. Then he drove off. I was going to go back into the house, but suddenly I couldn't face it. Also I'd got myself all mucky cleaning up Mr. Roote. So I got into my own car and drove back here. I got myself cleaned up, then I had a word with you, remember?
A pleasure as always, Pet, but why did you do that?
I don't know. I thought, being a policeman, you ought to know what was going off. After we'd talked, I went up to the clinic, saw Lester's car there so knew he was back. And I went in and we talked things over.
And cooked up your little story, to save us poor overworked bobbies from wasting time down a dead end. Kind of you, except of course you haven't done it. Does Lester know you've changed your mind and are telling me what really happened?
Yes. After he rang me to warn me you were coming to see me, I looked out of the window and I saw you sitting out there on the lawn, and after a while, just watching you, I found myself thinking, That doesn't look like a man I want to lie to. So I rang Lester back and told him I'd decided to come clean.
Did he give you an argument?
Not really. He said it was up to me, he was still ready to stand by our story, even if it meant lying in court. I said I was really grateful but I didn't want it to come to that, and he said in that case it was probably for the best, and to tell you he was sorry, and if you wanted to see him again, this time he'd be completely frank with you.
Big on him! So then it was love and kisses down the line and promises you'd meet up later for something a bit more substantial. Nay, don't look offended, lass. With old Daph out of the way, you don't want to hang about. Strike while the iron's hot. And when you've both got your breath back, you can tell Lester I'll look forward to talking to him again, but meanwhile I've got other fish to fry. Right? Now I'll be off. Take care, Pet. And try not to kill any patients, eh? Not with the boys in blue all over the town! Cheers!
8
So what do you make of that, Mildred? I could do with a bit of female input.
Nowt worries me more from a woman than a sudden rush of hon- esty. Usually means they're hiding something, in my experience!
Old Fester too. Mebbe after I went back in to pick up my file and Mildred, he got to thinking I could have been eavesdropping on his call to Pet. Mebbe it weren't Pet's idea to come clean, but Fester's. Mebbe there's something he's more worried about me finding out than that the two of them were both wandering round loose during the period when Daph got topped. I'd put money it's got summat to do with that song about the Indian maid, the one that got Fester so upset when Ted the bart whistled it in the pub. I were singing it in the shower when Pet jumped me. Got to give it to her, the way she explained doing that were pretty convincing! Don't know why they give Oscars to them Hollywood stars for spouting some other bugger's lines when half the women I know could act em off the screen without breaking sweat! No, it was Daph visiting me, then me singing "The Indian Maid" as did it.
My guess is Daph must have got something on Fester, something that meant he couldn't just tell her to sod off and bother some other bugger. She wants him, but she can't buy him, 'cos, first off, he seems pretty comfortable already, and second, it's clear the one intimate part of herself she kept out of everyone's reach was her purse! Nay, it had to be summat really personal to keep him dangling at the end of Lady D's string.
Likely Petell think I'm delusional if I tell him any of this. Any road, last thing I want is him getting a sniff of my knee trembler with Pet. Don't think he's got
any secrets from Ellie. Okay, she wouldn't go running to Cap, but by God, the reproachful glowers I'd have to put up with! So I'll sit on that till I know what it is I'm sitting on, as the actress said to the bishop.
What Pete will like is knowing how the wine got on Daph's dress. I can see his eyes lighting up as he thinks, What if it went further than wine throwing and ended up with Pet on top of her, throttling the poor old biddy? Doesn't mean to kill her, but when she realizes how far things have gone, she rushes off to fetch Fester. So they decide the best thing is to stick her in the hog roast!
Doesn't sound all that likely to me. And it 'ud mean all that stuff about fixing then unfixing their stories was even more complicated than it looks! No, like all the best lies, I reckon most of Pet's story is true, up until the storm starts anyway.
So what was all that stuff about squealing pigs she overheard? Mebbe the animal rights nutters had got close enough to really put the frighteners on Daph. But you don't soften people up, then top them, do you?
So where now? Report back to Pete?
Nay, hell have plenty of other things to worry about. And I don't want to look like I'm hanging around, all pathetic, like them poor old sods who sit on park benches watching the lasses playing tennis.
Not that I'd mind the company of a bit of young stuff for a change. That lass of Stompy Heywood's now, she's got an interesting way of looking at things. And a nice turn of phrase. If I'd caught her a bit younger, she might have trained up into a good cop. Said I needed a bit of female input, didn't I, Mildred? And talking to her 'ud give me the chance to take a closer look at the Parker setup. Sounds like if anyone will benefit from poor old Daph's departure, it's Tom Parker. Now hell have free scope to put all his daft ideas into action!
So Kyoto House it is. But how am I to get there? That's the rub. No problem, Pet 'ull fix me up a lift. Her and Fester will be only too glad to see me off the premises.
And if I time it right, I might get a bite of lunch too!
9
FROM:[email protected]
TO:[email protected]
SUBJECT: whos a big twit then?!
Hi!
Ive done it again! Why should I be surprised? This started - more or less - with me dropping the old lemonade jug & seeing it hit the one stone remaining in Mill Meadow, like Id aimed it. That should have been a warning. Charley girl - you dont want to get mixed up in this - but mixed ups what I am!
Sorry - waffling - dont worry - Ive not been arrested or anything like that - tho maybe I should be.
Back to the beginning - after I shot my last off to you I felt a lot better - also felt in need of coffee - so went downstairs to find Mary preparing a tray with a cafetiere & some choc cake - which she was going to bring up - in case I wasnt well! Typical - time to think of others - even in the middle of a crisis - which it is for them. Got to remember that. For them its a crisis - for me its just grand opera. I can leave the theatre anytime I like - head for home - get my life back - turn all this into an anthology of entertaining anecdotes for my mates.
But Tom & Mary will be back here on the stage - having to deal with whatever comes up.
The kids were playing somewhere in the garden - making a lot of noise. Id seen Minnie briefly as I came downstairs. Shes seriously pissed with me - returned a glower for my friendly smile - & vanished. At Marys suggestion I took my tray outside onto the terrace - & she joined me - & I got stuck into the coffee & cake - yummy! For a few minutes it was easy to forget everything that had happened. The sun was shining - the sea was sparkling blue like a Riviera tourist poster - not a hint of yesterdays storm - & the visibility was so good you could probably see all the way across to Holland - if (I recalled Sids remark) you really wanted to.
Then Tom came up the drive.
Nice to see him - of course - but it did mean end of quiet interlude time. Even as he walked across the terrace toward us - he was launching into a blow by blow account of his morning so far.
Spent most of his time - I gathered - making sure everyone affected by the development plans understood Lady Ds death didnt change anything. Comfort & light peddler - thats Tom. His message to them was - Lady D would have wanted them to go ahead with the Festival of Health as planned - put the tragedy behind them - full steam ahead to the Promised Land - with Sandytown on the map as its unrivalled capital - a fit memorial to dear dead Daphne!
Sunny optimisms no substitute for the real stuff - & it was maybe irritation at having my sunlit moment so quickly interrupted that made me object - but surely everything depends on the will? What if Lady Ds heir - or heirs - dont care to continue supporting her investment?
He said - theyd be mad not to - the future was gilt edged - & there were safeguards built into the consortium agreement - to protect a survivor if one partner died.
Instantly - you can see how my minds working! - I thought that sharp-eyed Pascoe would see this as a motive - specially once he ferreted out how Tom & Daph used to fight about various details of the scheme.
Didnt say anything of course - but could see Mary was worried about what was going to happen next. As Ive said before - suspect she feels - for all her reservations about Daph - that at least the old girl acted as a counterbalance to Toms flightier notions! But it soon became clear he wasnt so naively optimistic that he hadnt been thinking about the will also. He said hed been in touch with his solicitor whod made contact with Lady Ds London lawyers - whod told him that their Mr Beard was already on his way up to Yorkshire. No details of the will were forthcoming.
- but I do not doubt that Edward will inherit the bulk - they have been so close since Sir Harry died - said Tom.
- & what about poor Clara? - said Mary - doesnt she deserve some compensation for what she has had to put up with? -
Which prompted me to wonder where poor Clara was.
I was told she had gone out shortly before I got back.
- I think she just wanted to get some fresh air & walk around by herself - Mary told us - she said she thought she might pick up some of her things at the hall later - the poor child looked as pale as a snowdrop - tho of course some people do have that natural subtle skin tone-
There can be few people less capable of malice than Mary Parker - but I still felt my ruddy sun-smacked cheeks were being glanced at!
Tom went on to say that hed met Sergeant Whitby - whod told him he was searching for Hen Hollis - to help with inquiries - but he wasnt at home & no one seemed to have seen him since he left the Hope & Anchor last night.
I think we all thought - last time Jug Whitby went looking for a Hollis - he found him dead!
Tom had also checked out Diana. Shed sent apologies for not calling at Kyoto House this morning to offer moral & medicinal support - but her friend Mrs Griffiths had started packing to go home & Di was trying to dissuade her - presumably not wanting the word to spread that S-town was the new murder capital of the UK - & then the police had turned up to take Sandy in for more questioning! This had naturally thrown Di into a decline - from which she was still recovering - poor thing!
Mary rolled her eyes heavenward as she listened to this - whether in exasperation at the hypochondria - or gratitude at being spared the visit - I couldnt tell!
I noticed Minnie had done her stealth bomber thing at this point & materialized within eavesdropping distance - not wanting to miss hearing any fresh news her dad brought. Looking at her I felt a sharp pang of guilt - adults shouldnt off-load their crap on to kids - I can recall mum sermonizing the HB on that very subject!
Time to build bridges.
I said - hey there Min - what time are we going then? - She glowered at me & said - going where? -
- thought wed arranged to go for a swim in the pool - I said - I know I said this afternoon but I could manage now if you like - of course if youre too busy . . .
I could see her shilly-shallying between the chance to put me down & the prospect of going to the hotel & maybe seeing Uncle Sidney. No competition really. With a weary cu
rl of the lip she could have sold to Ice Queen Esther - she said - oh all right - Ill get my things -
- let Charley finish her coffee - commanded Mary - & say thank you -
Minnie glanced at me sullenly & muttered - thanks - almost inaudibly.
- didnt quite catch that - said Mary sternly.
Tom & Mary both had their attention fixed on their sulky daughter - so I took the chance to put my fingers in my mouth - pull my lips wide - & roll my eyes - in my famous Mad Mavis act that always used to get you corpsing when I did it behind the HBs back!
I judged my girl right. Her eyes opened wide - then she dissolved into peals of laughter - ran up to me - gave me a hug - & said - thanks a million! - before taking off into the house.
- there - said Mary - its marvellous what a few well judged words will do - isnt it dear? -
- how true - said Tom - You know - I think Ill stroll along with the girls to the hotel - I want to have a word with Sidney & get his take on what effect this business might have on the investment program -
I could tell Min wasnt too delighted to have her dad tagging along - she was probably hoping to squeeze every last detail of my interview with the police out of me - but she did pretty well by making sure whenever the path got too narrow for 3 abreast - Tom was always the odd one out.
To start with I went for an edited version - but eventually - maybe cos shes so sharp at spotting omissions - & also cos I dont think anyones too young to learn what cunning bastards the police can be! - I found myself telling her just about everything.
A Cure for All Diseases Page 32
