A Cure for All Diseases

by Reginald Hill

  "Right, luv. I don't count," said the Fat Man. "Did he say anything else? "

  "No. I said thank you again for the bike and he said I was a special girl and I said does that mean when I'm eighteen you'll buy me a motorbike too? And he laughed and said maybe he would."

  Charley asked, "What made you think of a motorbike, Min?" then wished she hadn't.

  The girl said, "Because he bought Teddy one for his birthday, only when I heard Teddy thanking him, they said it was a secret, so maybe I shouldn't have told you."

  "Think of me as a policeman too," said Charley.

  She didn't look at the Fat Man, but felt his eyes on her.

  He said, "What about your mum and dad? They must have won- dered when Big Bum gave you fifteen pound for using your memory card."

  "I didn't tell them," said Minnie promptly. "They'd just have made me put it in the savings bank like Dr. Feldenhammer's twenty pound, and I had things to spend it on."

  Like what? wondered Charley. And do I really want to know?

  Dalziel said, "That were real interesting, Minnie, very helpful. Now, would you do me a favour? All this talk's made me thirsty. Why don't you run along to your mam and ask if there's any chance of a light beer with my light lunch?"

  Minnie offered no objection but sped away into the house.

  When she was out of earshot, Charley said sharply, "If you knew she was listening, why didn't you send her away before? "

  "And miss that little nugget?" said Dalziel. "Soon as I clapped eyes on young Min, I saw that here were the ears and eyes of Sandytown! Only understands half of what she knows, but it all gets stored away, understood or not. Bet you were just the same at her age. Well now, I reckon that might solve our little problem of the hold Daph had on Fester."

  "Catching him screwing one of his staff isn't much of a hold," said Charley.

  "What if she weren't one of his staff? "

  "I thought . . . oh, I see what you mean . . . she might have been a patient? But surely - "

  "Surely a nice upstanding pro like Dr. Feldenhammer wouldn't screw one of his own patients, is that what you mean? Listen, luv, if you're going to make it in your line of business, you'll need to be ready to hear far worse things than that. Stuff that is a thousand miles away from the way you yourself act and think."

  "Oh. You mean like you knowing about that saint, you mean?" retorted Charley.

  "Wulfhilda?" Dalziel laughed. "Nay, we've a lot in common. Bright lass, very moral. She escaped through the drains when the king wanted to shag her. And she could multiply her stock of booze when guests turned up unexpected. That's a trick I'd love to learn."

  There was definitely more to this guy than met the eye, thought Charley.

  She said, "Very interesting. But I still think it was irresponsible to let Minnie carry on eavesdropping when you knew she was there."

  "Don't think she heard owt that's not on the curriculum these days! " said Dalziel. "Mebbe Mr. Standfast and the dinner lady were a visual aid. Any road, that's why I've sent the lass off now. It's clear she thinks the sun shines out of her Uncle Sid's bum and I didn't want her earwigging while we talked about him. What was all that about him giving Ted the bart a motorbike? "

  "No idea. First I knew about it," said Charley, affecting indiffer- ence. "I really hardly know Sid."

  "Apart from him having a red Maserati and being absolutely gor- geous, you mean? Come on, lass. You do not knowing about as well as Minnie does not listening!"

  Oh shit, thought Charley. In principle she agreed with Sid, sex was nobody's business except the couple doing it. And their psychologists, of course. And maybe the police, if there was some connection with a serious crime . . . ?

  The bottom line was, the cops had read her e-mails. Okay, she was still pissed off about that, but it was a fact. And she'd accidentally misled them in two ways, first in the closeness of the relationship between Ted and Clara, and second in the location of Clara and Sid when the storm started. Probably unimportant, but with two people dead already . . .

  "Spit it out afore it chokes you," urged Dalziel.

  "Sid's gay," she said. "Ted too. Don't know if they're exclusively so - I'd guess not in Ted's case."

  She hadn't expected him to look surprised and he didn't.

  "Oh aye? Lot of it about. Not catching, thank God, else we'd probably all be wearing tutus down the nick. I can see it'd be a bit of a shock to you when you found out, fancying 'em both like you did. How did you find out, by the way? "

  "This morning. I saw Sid in the hotel swimming pool, and I real- ized what I'd said in my e-mail about the hog roast was wrong. It wasn't Clara Teddy was banging in the cave on the cliff, it was Sid!"

  Dalziel whistled and said, "Quite a mistake that, lass. Bit short- sighted, are you?"

  She told him the story and felt indignant when he still regarded her doubtfully.

  "It was dark in the cave," she declared. "I only got a glimpse, he was on his face, I just saw those long white legs, and when I saw them again in the pool, I knew beyond all doubt that's what I'd seen in the cave. I think he must shave them!"

  "Bloody hell!" said the Fat Man. "Wonder how far up he goes?"

  They were saved from further pursuit of this interesting spec- ulation by the roar of an engine. It didn't sound like the Sexy Beast, more like an asthmatic eunuch. Charley knew who it was long before the familiar bike and sidecar combination hove into view around the side of the house and slewed to a halt in a spray of gravel. Gordon Godley vaulted off with a display of athleticism that suggested the Fat Man was right about his age, and came striding onto the terrace. His gaze was focused on Charley, but he didn't seem convinced he was seeing her till he got within a couple of feet. He reached out his hand as if he was going to touch her, then he collapsed onto a chair and said, "Thank God! It's not you! "

  Charley, scrolling through her course notes again for some tip on how best to deal with such a situation, could come up with nothing better than, "Well, it is, actually."

  "No, sorry," said Godley breathlessly, never taking his eyes off her. "It's just that when they finally turned me loose I went to the garage to pick up my bike and the police were holding up the traffic to let an ambulance come off the beach, and when I asked a policeman what was happening he said that a girl had fallen off the cliff and I said which girl and he said he didn't know anything except he thought she'd been staying up at Kyoto House so I jumped on my bike and headed straight up here because I thought . . ."

  He stopped, either for want of breath or because he didn't want to give what he'd thought the weight of utterance.

  As Charley and the Fat Man looked at each other with wild sur- mise, Mary came hurrying out onto the terrace, closely followed by Minnie.

  The child was bright-eyed with excitement, the mother pale with shock.

  "Mary, what is it?" demanded Charley.

  "It's Clara," cried the woman. "I've just had Tom on the phone. There's been a dreadful accident at Sandytown Hall. It's poor Clara. She's fallen over the cliff, and they think she's going to die."

  5

  After Peter Pascoe set off down the drive, Franny Roote had poured another cup of coffee and rolled his chair into the barn. He pointed a remote control at the LCD panel on the wall and watched as a sharp picture of the entrance gate came into view.

  Pascoe's car appeared.

  He nodded approval as he saw Peter looking for the sensor and when he waved at the camera, Roote smiled and waved back.

  When the car pulled away, he sipped at his coffee and gave him- self over to self-examination. He was not by nature introspective but the instinct of self-preservation had long since persuaded him that knowing himself was the key to successful action. Without being a sociopath, he recognized what might be termed sociopathic elements in his makeup. Society to him was an ocean that could either buoy you up or drive you down. He knew how to work with its currents and tides so that they took him where he wanted to be rather than fight against them and
risk ending up beached and exhausted. But this did not mean he felt himself detached from society's conventions and relationships. His immorality had limits and his amorality stopped a long way short of total indifference to ethical judgments. For him the human race was a source of constant entertainment rather than a pernicious race of odious vermin. There were a few of them who inspired in him feelings of loyalty and of love, and even those he regarded as sideshow monsters he could view with an almost affectionate amusement that occasionally came close to sympathy.

  Lady Denham had stood high on his list of monsters but he admired her energy, her uncompromising forthrightness, and, though he was thankful not to have run the risk of becoming its object, her undiminished sexual drive. She was like a great bulbous view- blocking beech tree whose removal opened up all kinds of distant vistas, but whose absence you could still deplore. That she'd had some hold over Lester Feldenhammer he was sure. What it was he hadn't been able to discover, but he'd back Andy Dalziel to suss it out, if he hadn't done so already. That was the mark of the man, to know things, after less than a fortnight in Sandytown, that the famous Roote nose had not sniffed out with six months' start! You had to admire the fat bastard. Okay, like Lady D he belonged to the genus monstrum - and he was ten times more dangerous than she was - but though Roote might fear him, he could not get close to hating him.

  But it was neither of these monsters who had triggered this bout of self-examination.

  It was Pete Pascoe. No monster this, but a man he'd started by respecting and ended by loving.

  Not in any physical sense. He hadn't been lying when he assured the detective that there was nothing of homoeroticism in his feelings. He knew all about sexual love, the lullings and the relishes of it. This wasn't it. No, the measure of his feelings for Peter was the pain he felt in having had to lie to him.

  Normally in the world according to Franny Roote, success in de- ceit was a source of delight, a whimsy in the blood, leaving him so limber he felt that, snakelike, he could skip out of his skin. But not this time. He had tried to salve his unease with prevarication - but not necessarily in that order - clever stuff, but he no longer wanted to be clever with Pascoe, he wanted to be open. He had tasted the clean savour of openness and it was addictive. There were monsters enough in the world to play mind games with, but the heart was too soft a ground not to be damaged by such sharp twists and turns.

  He longed for an end to deceit and happily the time was now ripe to end it. But not by confession. In his observation and experience of the world, the truth rarely set you free. Indeed it was more likely to get you banged up!

  No, by one of those paradoxes he loved, his route to openness lay through that super-subtle labyrinthine hinterland of his mind ruled by Loki, the Nordic spirit of trickery and mischief. He did not doubt that his old familiar would show the right moment, the right place.

  Meanwhile, as in all areas of human endeavour, the key to success was information, and not being too scrupulous about how you got it. Every good policeman knew this, and Peter Pascoe was a very good policeman. He hadn't actually said it, but somehow it was clear that he had access to Charley Heywood's e-mails, and that he found them useful. Presumably she was using her laptop linked to her mobile. He went to his workstation and from a drawer retrieved the piece of paper bearing her e-mail address and mobile number. He didn't anticipate meeting any of the problems that accessing Wield's system at the Hall had given him, and in fact, as he worked, it almost seemed as if Charley, with the arrogance of youth, revelled in her insecurity!

  Twenty minutes later he made himself another cup of coffee and settled down to read.

  6

  Once again Pascoe arrived at Sandytown Hall to find Wield in full control.

  "She didn't look good," said the sergeant. "Head injuries, God knows what bones are broken, very faint pulse. Didn't dare touch her because of worrying about her spine. Ambulance service said it would be half an hour minimum, mebbe more. Big pileup north of York. All the roads snarled up. Didn't know if she'd last half an hour. Thought of trying to whistle up a chopper, then Bowler said, 'What about the Avalon?' I rang them, seems they've got the lot up there, small ambulance, paramedics, plus fully kitted intensive care unit. Fortunately the tide was way out, so the ambulance could get round the rocks. Never thought I'd say thank God for private medicine!"

  "So what do they think?"

  "No feedback yet. I've sent Novello up there to keep an eye on things. I've secured the whole of the cliff path and the private beach. And I've recalled the CSIs."

  They were standing on the ledge looking at the broken rail. The wood had certainly rotted where the screws fastening it to the metal stanchion had penetrated. The cord that had been used to make it good was still in place round the stanchion, but the rail had snapped off a few inches farther along where the wood was reasonably sound.

  "Would need quite a bit of pressure to break this, I should have thought," mused Pascoe. "And wasn't there a warning notice?"

  "Over there," said Wield, pointing to a square of hardboard lying facedown a couple of feet along the ledge. "Could have got blown down during the storm."

  "And the pressure? "

  "Stopped to take a breather and admire the view. Leant her full weight against the rail. Crack, and she's gone."

  "She didn't look all that heavy to me. Could there be someone else involved? "

  "Me and Bowler can't have been more than a couple of minutes behind her. No way anyone could have evaded us by coming up. If they went down, they must have moved like lightning. The beach was completely empty when we reached the ledge."

  "But you still called the CSIs?"

  "I'd have called them even if I'd seen her fall," said Wield. "When you're investigating murder, every death's suspicious."

  "Quite right," said Pascoe, starting to climb back up to the garden. "It doesn't sound like Brereton will be answering questions for a while, if ever. You say she was found in Lady Denham's room. What we need to work out is what she was after there."

  "Mebbe she were looking for these," said Wield, producing the photos. "Bowler found them. He spotted a drawer we'd missed in the desk. Seems his parents wanted him to go into the family cabinet- making business."

  "Maybe he should have taken their advice," grunted Pascoe un- gratefully. He examined the photos. "They look like they're having fun. Any identification yet?"

  "Haven't had much time since I got them," said Wield. "Been a bit busy."

  "Sorry. Leave them with me then. And I'll get Frodo Leach to check out the drawer. Now let's talk to Bowler, see if there's anything more he can remember."

  Wield said, "Young Hat's a bit shook up, Pete. I think he reckons he should have got to Witch Cottage earlier and possibly have saved Ollie Hollis. Now he's blaming himself for not stopping the lass when she said she was going for a swim."

  "That sounds like a step in the right direction," said Pascoe indifferently.

  They found Bowler at the top of the path. He looked close to the point of collapse. Wield's heart went out to him, but Pascoe said, "You look like shit, Hat. Either snap out of it, or go home. You're no use to anyone like this."

  There had been a time, thought Wield, when he'd have held the lad's hand and tried to talk him out of his depression.

  On the other hand, this new approach seemed rather more effec- tive. Bowler straightened up and said, "I'm fine, sir. Really."

  "That's the ticket," said Pascoe heartily. "So let's go through it all again, from the moment you noticed someone in the hall."

  He took the young DC through events step-by-step. When they'd finished, Pascoe said, "Thanks. Now go and write your statement while it's still fresh."

  "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir," said Bowler.

  He still did not look happy, but at least he no longer looked de- feated.

  "Mebbe when he's done, he should go home," suggested Wield.

  "What on earth for?" said Pascoe. "We need all the bodies we can muster."


  "Way things are going, seems we're getting a steady supply of them," retorted Wield, for once letting himself be provoked.

  Pascoe looked at him unblinkingly for a second, then his face re- laxed into a rueful smile.

  He said, "Sorry, Wieldy. Maybe it's me should be sent home! Three bodies and counting. Oh shit. And here's three more I could do without."

  They looked across the lawn. Around the side of the house, a mo- torcycle combo came labouring. The reason for the strain on its engine was not far to seek. Behind Godley on the pillion sat Charley Hey- wood, her arms wrapped round the healer's waist, while in the side-car, like the effigy of some oriental god paraded to bless the rice crop, rode a serious-looking Andy Dalziel. By contrast, Gordon Godley wore a blissful smile.

  The combo came to a halt. PC Scroggs, eager to atone for his earlier dereliction, came hurrying forward, his face stern with the resolution of Horatio about to confront the ranks of Tuscany. Then he spotted Dalziel, skidded to a halt, and went into reverse.

  Pascoe did not move but let the Fat Man come across the lawn to him.

  "Pete, lad," he said. "Just heard the news. How's the poor lass?"

  "We're waiting to hear. Andy, what are you doing here? And why have you brought those two?"

  "Fair do's, I think they brought me. And not to worry, I think I've talked them out of making a complaint against you. In fact, if you've got any sense, you'll kiss and make up with yon Charley and get her onboard. She's bright as old Fester's teeth. Oh aye. That's one of the reasons I'm here. You asked me to talk to Pet and Fester, remember? But first things first, this Clara, did she jump or were she pushed?"

  Pascoe noted the old familiar imperious tone and recalled his feel- ings of loss and despair when he'd first seen the Fat Man stretched out in intensive care, as lifeless and forlorn as some deserted hulk found floating on a silent sea. To see him now, masts restored, wind filling his sails, should have been an undiluted joy; but was that just a small breath of nostalgia he felt ruffling his soul?