A Cure for All Diseases

by Reginald Hill

  "Very witty. And her and Feldenhammer?"

  "Oh yes. There were rumours. Nothing positive, but it was gener- ally agreed that what Indira wanted, Indira got."

  "What about the family? If they suspected . . ."

  "They might have been suspicious, but they wouldn't have been surprised," said Bowler. "What they weren't going to do was demand an investigation and encourage the tabloids to dig up all the others. So they simply took her away."

  "Great. Well done, Hat. Another job for you. You seemed to get on all right with Sidney Parker? Well, get yourself up to the hotel and talk to him again."

  "Yes, sir. Sir, is it right what they're saying, that he's gay?"

  "Doesn't bother you, does it?"

  "No, sir," said Hat indignantly.

  "Oh, I get it. You thought he liked you for your cultural depth and witty conversation! Don't brood on it, Hat - use it! Undo another but- ton on your shirt if it helps. I want to know precisely when he and Ted

  Denham stopped screwing in their little love nest on the cliff. Maybe Sid likes to keep check of how long it takes. He is, after all, an ac- countant. Okay?"

  "Yes, sir," said Hat unhappily.

  "If he doesn't want to be cooperative, you might like to wonder why, when his niece Minnie told him she'd stumbled upon Dr. Feldenhammer performing an act of indecency with an underage girl who also happened to be his patient, he didn't inform the authorities."

  "But Miss Bannerjee was seventeen, sir," objected Hat.

  "You know that and I know that, but there's no reason for Sidney Parker to know that, is there?" said Pascoe. "Call me if you get any- thing."

  He rose and went out to his car. When he got back to the Hall he found as expected that Dalziel and Novello had returned with the Denhams. He'd left instructions with Wield to keep them separate, Ted in the Incident Room, Esther in the Hall.

  Dalziel was sitting on the lawn talking to Charley Heywood and her brother. There was another figure with them. Sammy Ruddlesdin.

  "What the hell's he doing there?" Pascoe demanded of PC Scroggs.

  "Said he was waiting for you, sir. Said you were expecting him."

  In a sense it was true. But he was in no mood to exchange pleas- antries with the journalist just now.

  Dalziel had spotted him and rose not without effort from the grass. Ruddlesdin started to get up too, but the Fat Man put his hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down.

  "So what's she say?" he asked as he joined Pascoe on the steps.

  "A convenient CRAFT moment," said Pascoe.

  "Nay, don't be cynical," said Dalziel. "Experience like that, nasty knock to the head, does funny things to the mind, as I know. Even now, most of what happened afore I got blown up is like an old movie I saw years back and didn't much care for. Any road, why should she lie?"

  "Because she's not yet sure which way the wind is going to blow," said Pascoe.

  "Which wind's that?"

  "The wind that Ted Denham blows out of his mouth when he talks. How did he look when you picked him up? Any problem? "

  "Came like a lamb. When I mentioned his watch, he went and got it for me. Gave it to yon Frodo to check out, but you were right, the broken catch were dead flimsy."

  "Excellent. And Esther?"

  "No problem either. At a guess I'd say being brought in didn't come like a bolt from the blue to either of them."

  "Meaning they've probably been doing a bit of rehearsal," said Pas- coe. "With the woman as director and scriptwriter. Be interesting to see if Ted can remember his lines. I think I'll start with Esther. That way I'll know what the lines are."

  Dalziel said, "Pete, about Ted and Clara, you're forgetting one thing, aren't you? When me and Ivor went off to Denham Park, you didn't know then the will wasn't valid."

  "So?"

  "So that fancy tale you wove doesn't make sense if, soon as the bart mentions the will to Clara, she says, 'What the fuck are you talking about?' I mean, once he catches on that her signature must be a forgery, he's home and clear, isn't he? Let them find the will! It changes nowt!"

  Pascoe was unconcerned.

  "Makes no difference. Clara's a very bright girl. I can imagine Den- ham rattling on at great length, putting on the charm, imagining he was overcoming her scruples with his subtle arguments, while all the time he was only giving her space to get her head round what he was saying. She tells him she'll need time to think. He thinks she means whether to be a good honest citizen or to tear up the will. Whereas what she's really thinking is: I need to see this will. And by the time she finds it, she's worked out it doesn't matter if it's valid or not, as long as Sir Ted thinks it is! Like I say, a bright girl."

  "Not all that bright," said the Fat Man. "Else she'd have also worked out Ted were the person benefiting most from Daph and Ol- lie's deaths, so maybe it weren't so clever meeting up with a possible killer on an empty beach. And another thing, if Ted thought he'd been disinherited, why the fuck would he want to kill his aunt anyway? "

  "I don't know, Andy," said Pascoe, irritated. "Perhaps it was a spur of the moment thing. I'll ask him about it when I interrogate him, shall I? By the way, was Ruddlesdin here when you brought the Denhams in? "

  " 'Fraid so."

  "Shit. Tell him I'll kill him if he prints anything before he gets my say-so."

  "Pete, it's no use gagging the Mid-York News. By now the national vultures will be dropping down on Sandytown. If I were you, I'd think about a press conference."

  "Never thought I'd see the day when you suggested that, Andy."

  "Never thought I'd see the day when you didn't, Pete."

  The two men looked at each other in silence for a while, then Pas- coe forced a smile and said, "Well, I'd better not keep Esther waiting any longer."

  "You don't want me to sit in then? "

  Pascoe said, "I think not. But thanks for the offer."

  "Anytime," said the Fat Man. He turned and walked away to re- join the trio on the lawn. As he reached them, he said, "Twang!"

  "What?" said Charley.

  "Nowt. Just the sound of an umbilical cord snapping."

  "So what's happening, Mr. Dalziel?" said Ruddlesdin. "How soon can we expect to hear that Sir Edward's been charged?"

  "Don't think you'll be able to hear owt for the sound of my stomach rumbling," said Dalziel. "I'm fair clemmed. Charley, George, you can't lie around here all day, cluttering up a crime scene. On your feet. We're all off to the Hope and Anchor. Mr. Ruddlesdin's treat."

  Sammy Ruddlesdin looked ready to object. Then he looked up at Dalziel's bulky figure, looming over him like the Old Man of Hoy.

  "My pleasure, Mr. Dalziel," he said. "My pleasure."

  11

  Pascoe had his strategy all carefully worked out as he made his way to the big drawing room. Esther would be sitting on the sofa that Beard had occupied, her expression a mix of weary indifference and intellectual superiority. Novello would be sitting watchfully opposite her. On his entrance, the DC would rise and vacate her seat. He would sit down, smile, apologize for keeping Esther waiting. And then he would take her through her initial statement, getting her to reconfirm every last detail. Eventually he would start gently nudging her into making alterations. Why, if she'd avoided the storm, had she felt the need to change her clothing? How, if she hadn't been among those who removed the body from the hog roast basket, had she come to burn her arm? What was that? You haven't burnt your arm? Perhaps you'd care to roll up your right sleeve . . . ?

  Eventually she would have to abandon her script and move on to his and then the drama was ready to unfold.

  But when he pushed open the door, he realized that he'd been rehearsing the wrong play.

  Esther Denham wasn't sitting on the sofa but was at the open bu- reau, writing. She wasn't wearing an arm-concealing blouse, but a sleeveless top, revealing a neat dressing on her right forearm. Novello, standing behind her, looked round at Pascoe's entry and shrugged helplessly.

  "Miss Denham,"
said Pascoe.

  "Almost finished," said the woman without looking up. "When they said you were delayed, I thought it would speed things up if I wrote out my revised statement. There, that's finished."

  She signed her name with a flourish, gathered together the sheets of notepaper and handed them to Novello.

  "Shouldn't you sign as a witness?" she inquired. "I think we've probably had enough problems with forgeries for one day."

  Novello glanced at Pascoe again. He nodded, and she took the pen and signed, then handed the papers to Pascoe.

  How cooperative everyone was being in this case, he thought. Roote had had a statement prepared for Wield; Feldenhammer had handed his to Dalziel: now here was Esther Denham getting in on the act.

  He sat down on an armchair. The woman came from the bureau and declined elegantly onto the sofa.

  So now the scene was physically as he'd envisaged it, but even before he studied the sheets in his hand, he guessed that his prepared script was out of the window.

  Written on Sandytown Hall - headed notepaper in an elegant cur- sive hand, the new statement was both confession and rebuttal. To Pascoe the style bore the mark of the lamp.

  Making my way back to the Hall after a stroll round the grounds, I stumbled upon the body of Lady Denham con- cealed in some long grass in the vicinity of the hog roast machinery. Having ascertained that she was dead, my first thought was to call for help. Then I became aware of a man's wristwatch snagged on her blouse. On closer examination, I realized that it belonged to my brother, Sir Edward Denham. Knowing that earlier he had been involved in an angry altercation with Lady Denham over changes she had made to her will, I began to fear that he might have something to do with her death. Marks around the body's neck made me suspect there had been foul play. With time for leisurely thought, I am sure I would have reached the conclusion that my brother was incapable of such an act, but I did not have this time. My only thought was for Edward. I removed the watch. Then I tried to think of other ways in which I could misdirect any investiga- tion. Knowing of her long-standing feud with animal rights extremists, I looked for a means to suggest their involvement here. The hog roast machinery was close by. It occurred to me that substituting Lady Denham's body for that of the pig in the basket could be seen as a clear statement of the motives behind the murder. There was no sign of Ollie Hollis, who was in charge of the actual roast, and the developing storm made it unlikely that anyone else would come this way to disturb me, so I winched the basket off the pit, and, using the heavy insulated gloves I found in the hut, I managed to remove the pig and substitute the cadaver, burning my forearm slightly in the process.

  I then made my way back to the Hall, entering unobserved by a rear door, and went to the room I knew my brother used for changing in when he went swimming. I found him there, towelling himself down. It soon became clear to me as I told him what I had done that he had no idea what I was talking about. He in fact had spent the last hour or so in the company of Sidney Parker, his homosexual lover. He was completely bowled over when I told him about Lady Denham. I was convinced of his innocence, and I realized the presence of his watch on the scene meant that someone was trying to point the finger of suspicion his way. Not knowing what other false clues might have been deposited, it seemed best to say nothing but to try to outthink the perpetrator. To this end, we agreed that Edward must be among the first on the spot when the body was discovered so that any other physical evidence of his involvement that might have been planted could be explained by contact made in removing it from the basket. Edward, though not the clearest of thinkers, has always had a great deal of self-possession in trying circumstances, so, though naturally deeply distressed, he was able to carry this off with relative ease.

  I had hoped that the police investigation might have led rapidly to discovery of the real culprit and that my role in this affair would never need to surface, but clearly this has not happened. In fact, I am glad of this opportunity to get this burden of concealment off my chest. I regret that any action of mine should have muddied the waters, and hope that by volunteering this statement, I might leave the way clear for the police to get on the trail of the real perpetrator.

  Pascoe sighed deeply as he finished reading and said, "Miss Den- ham, you realize that, however we take this statement, in it you are admitting to a very serious offense? "

  "Yes."

  "And if in fact your assertion that you were mistakenly trying to cover up for your brother turns out itself to be an attempt to cover up for your brother, you are committing an even more serious offense?"

  "I had worked that out. But my statement is true."

  "Really? Work out a lot, do you, Miss Denham?"

  "I'm sorry?"

  "Visit the gym two or three times a week? Weight training, that sort of thing?"

  "Certainly not."

  "I didn't think so. I don't observe any of that definition of the bi- ceps, triceps, or deltoid muscles that usually accompanies such exer- cise."

  "How about my pecs, Chief Inspector? Are they defined enough for you? "

  "Excellently defined, if God did all," said Pascoe. "But my point is, young, healthy, and fit though you appear to be, I find it hard to be- lieve that you could have done all you claim to have done without as- sistance. Your aunt was no spring chicken. The winch and the pulley systems, even though well oiled, still require a fair amount of strength to work them."

  "Your point being? "

  "My point being that it seems to me far more likely that this was the work of you and your brother working in concert."

  "You think we conspired to murder Lady Denham?" She smiled. "I assure you, if my mind had ever turned that way, I would have come up with something a lot less muddled than this!"

  "I believe you," said Pascoe, smiling in his turn. "This smacks of masculine anger and impulsiveness. I think you probably chanced upon the event as it reached its climax. Too late to prevent the murder, you immediately set about setting up the diversions. That much of what you write is true, except of course that Edward was with you, following your instructions."

  "No," she insisted serenely. "I was alone. Teddy was never there. I'm sure that Sid Parker will be able to provide him with an alibi."

  "So am I," said Pascoe. "If the love of a sister can do as much, then surely the love of a lover will not fall short. Mr. Parker's story will, I fear, carry as much or as little weight as yours."

  "You don't seem to regard love very highly, Mr. Pascoe."

  "Oh, but I do. It comes second only to truth in my pantheon," said Pascoe. "I'm going to talk with your brother now. Knowing him as you do, how do you think he's going to stand up to interrogation? "

  "Very well. All he's got to do is tell you what little he knows. As such a devout worshipper of truth, eventually you'll have to acknowl- edge the presence of your deity."

  He felt he was beginning to see what Andy Dalziel had clearly seen from the beginning, the real woman beneath the polished shell. From the Fat Man she won sympathy. From himself she won merely admiration.

  Her one point of weakness was Ted. He did not doubt for a mo- ment that she was trying to cover up for him.

  But he didn't doubt either that her serene confidence in her brother's ability to be able to withstand close interrogation was misplaced. That was the trouble with love. It made you do silly things. But worse, it made you blind to weakness.

  He said, "I'll let you know how I get on then, shall I?"

  Then he stood up and left the room.

  12

  As they approached the gate of Sandytown Hall, Sammy Ruddlesdin's battered old Fiesta leading the way, George's Land Rover behind, Dalziel saw that he'd been right about the growing media interest. Their way was barred by a pack of journalists and photographers.

  Sammy began to brake, but the Fat Man's hand fastened like a clamp about his thigh.

  "Accelerator, Sammy, not brake," said Dalziel. "If the buggers don't get out of the way, run 'em down. Then turn l
eft up the hill."

  At the top of North Cliff, he directed the Fiesta along a skein of country lanes till thirty minutes later he was satisfied they'd shaken off any journalist attempting pursuit. Then he navigated the car back to the coast road and re-entered the town by way of South Cliff with the Land Rover close behind.

  They parked behind the Hope and Anchor and went into the pub by the rear door. A clever journalist who knew him might have been waiting in the snug, but only Ruddlesdin fitted that bill, and when they entered the room, they found it empty.

  "That was fun," said George Heywood with a grin. "I expect you've worked up a thirst, Mr. Dalziel. What are you having?"

  Dalziel nodded approvingly. This was as it should be, young man eager to buy drinks for his elders. But not in this case.

  He said, "You can buy me one later, lad. This round's Mr. Rud- dlesdin's."

  Sammy said, "Name your poison," with the complacency of one who knew that any expense docket marked Drinks for DS Dalziel would be passed on the nod.

  He took the order to the bar and rang a bell for attention. After a pause, Jenny the barmaid appeared.

  "Sorry about that," she said. "Bit shorthanded. Alan's popped up to the Avalon."

  "Oh aye?" said Dalziel. "Not badly, is he?"

  "No, have you not heard? That cousin of Lady Denham's, Clara, she's up there. She had a fall. We got word she recovered conscious- ness and we had a whip round for some flowers and Alan said he'd run them up there."

  "Friend of his then?"

  "We all liked her and we felt a bit sorry for her too, specially Alan, knowing what Lady Denham could be like. He used to say she went over his accounts like a spy satellite, she could spot an error from fifty miles up. I hope the old cow - sorry, shouldn't speak ill of the dead - I hope the old lady's left Clara comfortable in her will. Worth millions, they say? "

  She ended on a question mark, looking hopefully at Dalziel.

  Bet everyone in Sandytown knows exactly who he is by now, thought Charley. And they assume that, if anyone knows anything, it will be him.