by Maisey Yates
Which made the fallout her fault. But she wasn’t going to dwell on that.
“I’m dwelling,” she muttered. “I’m a liar, and I’m dwelling.” She took down a bowl and poured herself a large portion of the chocolaty cereal. Then she stared at it. She didn’t want to eat cereal by herself for dinner.
She was feeling restless, reckless.
She was feeling something a whole lot like desperation.
Because of that kiss.
The kiss she had just proposed she wasn’t going to think about, the kiss she couldn’t let go of. The kiss that made her burn, made her ache and made her wonder about all the mysteries in life she had yet to uncover.
Yeah, that kiss.
She had opened a floodgate. She’d uncovered all this potential for passion inside herself, and then she had to stuff it back down deep.
Jonathan Bear was not the only man in the world. Jonathan Bear wasn’t even the only man in Copper Ridge.
She could find another guy if she wanted to.
Of course, if she went out, there would be all those gossip issues she and Jonathan had discussed earlier in the week.
That was why she had to get out of this town.
It struck her then, like a horse kicking her square in the chest, that she was running away. So she could be who she wanted to be without anybody knowing about it. So she could make mistakes and minimize the consequences.
So she could be brave and a coward all at the same time.
That’s what it was. It was cowardice. And she was not very impressed with herself.
“Look at you,” she scolded, “eating cold cereal on a Friday night by yourself when you would rather be out getting kissed.”
Her heart started to beat faster. Where would she go?
And then it hit her. There was one place she could go on a Friday night where nobody from church would recognize her, and even if they did recognize her, they probably wouldn’t tell on her because by doing so they would be telling on themselves.
Of course, going there would introduce the problem of her older brother. But Ace had struck out on his own when he was only seventeen years old. He was her inspiration in all this. So he should understand Hayley’s need for independence.
And that was when she made her decision. It was Friday night, and she was going out.
She was going to one of the few places in town where she had never set foot before.
Ace’s bar.
Six
“I’d like a hamburger,” Hayley said, adjusting her dress and trying not to look like she was about to commit a crime.
“Hayley?” Her brother looked at her as if she had grown another head. “What are you doing in my bar?”
“I’m here to have a hamburger. And...a beer.”
Ace shook his head. “You don’t want beer.”
Darn him for being right. She couldn’t stand the smell of the stuff, and she’d honestly never even been tempted to taste it.
“No,” she agreed. “I want a Coke.”
“I will get you a Coke. Are Mom and Dad here?”
She sighed heavily. “No, they’re not. I do go places without them. I moved out.”
“I know. We talked about it last time Sierra and I went over for dinner.”
Hayley’s brother had never much cared about his reputation, or about what anyone thought of him. She had been jealous of that for a long time. For years, Ace had been a total hellion and a womanizer, until he’d settled down and married the town rodeo princess, Sierra West. Now the two of them had one child and another on the way, and Ace’s position in the community had improved vastly.
“Right. Well, I’m just saying.” She traced an imaginary pattern over the bar top with the tip of her finger. “Did I tell you I quit working at the church?”
Ace look surprised by that. “No.”
“Well,” she said, “I did. I’m working for Jonathan Bear. Helping out with things around the house and in the office.”
Ace frowned. “Well, that probably isn’t very much fun. He’s kind of a grumpy sumbitch.”
“I didn’t know you knew him all that well.”
“He’s my future sister-in-law’s brother,” Ace said, “but no, I don’t know him well. He’s not very sociable. It’s not like he comes to the West family gatherings.”
“He said he knows you because he buys beer from you.”
“That’s how everybody knows me,” Ace said.
“Except for me.”
“You were trying to buy beer from me. I’m just not going to sell one to you.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Sure it is,” he said, smiling. “Because you don’t actually want to buy beer from me. You’re just trying to prove a point.”
She scowled. She hated that Ace seemed to understand her so well. “Okay, maybe so. I’m kind of proving a point by being here, I guess.”
“Well,” he said, “it’s all right by me.”
“Good.”
“I kind of wish you would have come on another night, though,” he said, “because I have to go. I promised Sierra I would be home early, so I’m about to take off. But I’ll tell Jasmine to keep an eye on you.”
“I don’t need anybody to keep an eye on me.”
“Yes,” Ace said, laughing, “you do.”
Hayley frowned, and plotted how to order a beer when her brother was gone. Ultimately, she decided to stick with Coke, but when the dancing started, she knew that while she might stay away from alcohol, she didn’t want to stay seated. She had danced once. And she had liked it.
She was going to do it again.
* * *
Jonathan didn’t know what in blazes he was doing at Ace’s. Sure, he knew what he’d told himself while getting ready, his whole body restless thanks to memories of kissing Hayley.
He had continued to push those thoughts down while pacing around the house, and then, after a while, he’d decided to go out and find someone to hook up with. He didn’t do that kind of thing, not anymore. He had a couple of women he called; he didn’t go trawling bars. He was too old for that.
But right now, he was too much of a hazard to his innocent assistant, and he needed to take the edge off.
And it occurred to him that if he went to Ace’s bar and found somebody, the news might filter back to Hayley.
Even though she might find it upsetting, it would be beneficial in the long run. She didn’t want to mess with a man like him, not really. It was only that she was too innocent realize the dangers. But she would, eventually, and she would thank him.
That decision made, he’d hauled his ass down to the bar as quickly as possible.
By the time he walked in, his mood had not improved. He had thought it might. The decision to find a willing woman should have cheered him up. But he felt far from cheered. Maybe because an anonymous body was the last thing he wanted.
He wanted Hayley.
Whether he should or not. But he wasn’t going to have Hayley. So he would have to get the hell over it.
He moved to the bar and then looked over at the dance floor. His chest tightened up. His body hardened. There was a petite brunette in a formfitting dress dancing with no one in particular. Two men hovered nearby, clearly not minding as she turned to and away from each of them, giving them both just a little bit of attention.
She reminded him of Hayley. Out there on the dance floor acting like nothing close to Hayley.
Then she turned, her dark hair shimmering behind her in a stream, a bright smile on her face, and he could barely process his thoughts. Because it was Hayley. His Hayley, out there in the middle of the dance floor, wearing a dress that showed off the figure her clothes had only hinted at before. Sure, in comparison to a lot of women, there was nothing flashy about it, but for Hayley Thompson, it was damned flashy.
And he was... Well, he would be damned if he was going to let those guys put their hands on her.
Yeah, he was bad news. Yeah, he was the kind of gu
y she should stay well away from. But those guys weren’t any better. College douche bags. Probably in their twenties, closer to her age, sure, but not the kind of men who knew how to handle a woman. Especially not one as inexperienced as Hayley.
She would need a man who could guide the experience, show her what she liked. A man who could unlock the mysteries of sex, of her body.
Dickwads that age were better off with an empty dorm room and a half bottle of lotion.
And there was no way in hell they were getting their hands on her.
Without ordering, he moved away from the bar and went out on the dance floor. “You’re done here,” he said to one of the guys, who looked at him as though Jonathan had just threatened his life. His tone had been soft and even, but it was nice to know the younger man had heard the implied threat loud and clear.
Hayley hadn’t noticed his approach, or that the other guy had scurried off to the other end of the dance floor. She was too involved with the guy she was currently dancing with to notice. She was shaking her head, her eyes closed, her body swaying to the music. A completely different kind of dancing than the two of them had done last week.
Then her current dance partner caught Jonathan’s eye and paled. He slunk off into the shadows, too.
If Jonathan hadn’t already found them wanting when it came to Hayley, he would have now. If they were any kind of men, they would have stood up and declared their interest. They would have proclaimed their desire for her, marked their territory.
He still would have thrown punches, but at least he would’ve respected them a bit.
Not now.
“Mind if I dance with you?”
Her eyes flew open and she looked around, her head whipping from side to side, her hair following suit. “Where are...”
“Tweedledee and Tweedledum had somewhere to be.”
“Where?”
“Someplace where I wouldn’t beat their asses.”
“Why are you going to beat their...butts?”
“What are you doing here, Hayley?”
She looked around, a guilty expression on her face. “I was just dancing. I have to say, when I imagined getting in trouble in a bar, I figured it would be my dad dragging me outside, not my boss.”
“I haven’t dragged you outside. Yet.” He added that last bit because at this point he wasn’t sure how this night was going to end. “What are you doing?”
She lifted a shoulder. “Dancing.”
“Getting ready to have your first threesome?”
Her mouth dropped open. “I don’t even know how that would work.”
He huffed out a laugh. “Look it up. On second thought, don’t.”
She rolled her eyes like a snotty teenager. “We were just dancing. It wasn’t a big deal.”
“Little girl, what you don’t know about men could fill a library. Men don’t just want to dance. And men don’t just want to kiss. You can’t play these kinds of games. You don’t know the rules. You’re going to get yourself into trouble.”
“I’m not going to get myself into trouble. Did it ever occur to you that maybe some men are nicer than you?”
He chuckled, a low, bitter sound. “Oh, I know that most men are a lot nicer than me. Even then, they want in your pants.”
“I don’t know what your problem is. You don’t want me, so what do you care if they do?”
“Hayley, honey, I don’t want to want you, but that is not the same thing as not wanting you. It is not even close. What I want is something you can’t handle.”
“I know,” she said, looking to the right and then to the left, as though making sure no one was within earshot. Then she took a step toward him. “You said you wanted to...be inside of me.”
That simple statement, that repetition of his words, had him hard as an iron bar. “You better back off.”
“See, I thought you didn’t want me. I thought you were trying to scare me away when you said that. Because why would you want me?”
“I’d list the reasons, but I would shock you.”
She tilted her head to the side, her hair falling over her shoulder like a glossy curtain. “Maybe I want to be shocked. Maybe I want something I’m not quite ready for.”
“No,” he said, his tone emphatic now. “You’re on this big kick to have experiences. And there are much nicer men you can have experiences with.”
She bared her teeth. “I was trying! You just scared them off.”
“You’re not having experiences with those clowns. They wouldn’t know how to handle a woman if she came with an instruction manual. And let me tell you, women do not come with an instruction manual. You just have to know what to do.”
“And you know what to do?”
“Damn straight,” he returned.
“So,” she said, tilting her chin up, looking stubborn. “Show me.”
“Not likely, babe.”
He wanted to. He wanted to pick her up, throw her over his shoulder and drag her back to his cave. He wanted to bury himself inside her and screw them both senseless, breathless. He wanted to chase every man in the vicinity away from her. He wanted to make it known, loud and clear that—for a little while at least—she was his.
But it was wrong. On about a thousand levels. And the fact that she didn’t seem to know it was just another bit of evidence that he needed to stay away.
“You’re playing with fire,” he said.
“I know. When you kissed me, that was the closest to being burned I’ve ever experienced in my life. I want more of that.”
“We’re not having this conversation in the middle of a bar.” He grabbed her arm and hauled her off the dance floor, steering them both to the door.
“Hayley!”
He turned and saw one of the waitresses standing by the bar with her hands on her hips.
“Is everything all right?” she asked.
“Yes,” Hayley responded. “Jasmine, it’s fine. This is my boss.”
Jasmine arched her brow. “Really?”
Hayley nodded. “Really. Just work stuff.”
Then she broke free of him and marched out ahead of him. When they were both outside, she rounded on him, her words coming out on a frosty cloud in the night air.
“You’re so concerned about my reputation, but then you wander in and make a spectacle.”
“You were dancing with two men when I got there,” he said. “And what’s happening with that dress?”
“Oh please,” she said, “I wear this dress to church. It’s fine.”
“You wear that to church?” He supposed, now that he evaluated it with more neutrality, it was pretty tame. The black stretch cotton fell past her knees and had a fairly high neckline. But he could see the curves of her breasts, the subtle slope of her waist to her hips, and her ass looked incredible.
He didn’t know if hers was the sort of church that did confession, but he would sure as hell need to confess if he were seated in a row behind her during service.
“Yes,” she said. “And it’s fine. You’re being crazy. Because...because you...like me. You like me like me.”
There she went again, saying things that revealed how innocent she was. Things that made him want her even more, when they should send him running.
“I don’t have relationships,” he said. He would tell her the truth. He would be honest. It would be the fastest way to chase her off. “And I’m betting a nice girl like you wants a relationship. Wants romance, and flowers, and at least the possibility of commitment. You don’t get any of those things with me, Hayley.”
She looked up at him, her blue eyes glittering in the security light. He could hear the waves crashing on the shore just beyond the parking lot, feel the salt breeze blowing in off the water, sharp and cold.
“What would I get?” she asked.
“A good, hard fuck. A few orgasms.” He knew he’d shocked her, and he was glad. She needed to be shocked. She needed to be scared away.
He couldn’t see her face,
not clearly, but he could tell she wasn’t looking at him when she said, “That’s...that’s a good thing, right?”
“If you don’t know the answer, then the answer is no. Not for you.”
The sounds of the surf swelled around them, wind whipping through the pines across the road. She didn’t speak for a long time. Didn’t move.
“Kiss me again,” she said, finally.
The words hit him like a sucker punch. “What? What did I just tell you about men and kissing?”
“It’s not for you,” she said, “it’s for me. Before I give you an answer, you need to kiss me again.”
She raised her head, and the light caught her face. She stared at him, all defiance and soft lips, all innocence and intensity, and he didn’t have it in him to deny her.
Didn’t have it in him to deny himself.
Before he could stop, he wrapped his arm around her waist, crushed her against his chest and brought his lips crashing down on hers.
Seven
She was doing this. She wasn’t going to turn back. Not now. And she kept telling herself that as she followed Jonathan’s pickup truck down the long, empty highway that took them out of town, toward his house.
His house. Where she was going to spend the night.
Where she was going to lose her virginity.
She swallowed hard, her throat suddenly dry and prickly like a cactus.
This wasn’t what she had planned when she’d started on her grand independence journey. Yes, she had wanted a kiss, but she hadn’t really thought as far ahead as having a sexual partner. For most of her life she had imagined she would be married first, and then, when she’d started wavering on that decision, she had at least imagined she would be in a serious relationship.
This was... Well, it wasn’t marriage. It wasn’t the beginning of a relationship, either. Of that, she was certain. Jonathan hadn’t been vague. Her cheeks heated at the memory of what he’d said, and she was grateful they were driving in separate cars so she had a moment alone for a private freak-out.
She was so out of her league here.
She could turn around. She could head back to town, back to Main Street, back to her little apartment where she could curl up in bed with the bowl of cereal she’d left dry and discarded on the counter earlier.
