by Lacey Black
I give him a quick nod and he cautiously sits down, putting his arm around my pillow and my neck. I slide comfortably into his embrace, letting his warmth wrap around me like a blanket. Travis reaches his other hand forward and gently rubs our son’s chubby little cheek.
“I did so many things wrong over the past several months, Josselyn. I have so many regrets. But you and our son are not one of them. How I treated you will forever haunt me. I allowed the house to consume me and took for granted that you would always be at home waiting for me. I was wrong. So very, very wrong,” he says as he stares into my eyes. I can see his hurt, his anguish, his fear.
“The worst of it was that I let you believe that you weren’t as important to me, and that’s unacceptable. You and him,” and Travis nods down to our son in my arms, “are the most important people in my life. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for everything that’s happened. But, I can show you. If you’ll let me.”
I look at Travis, really look at him. His strong jaw has today’s stubble growing in. His light brown hair is much longer than he usually keeps it and is curling around his ears and neck. His ocean blue eyes are boring into me as he waits with baited breath for me to say something.
“What do you mean, show me?” I finally ask.
“The house is done. Our house. I want you and this little guy to come home with me when you’re released from the hospital. I want to go back to our original plan and do this together. Because, frankly, the alternative scares the shit out of me,” he says seriously.
“We can’t go back, Travis,” I say. He starts to get a panicked look on his face so I quickly continue. “We can’t go back, but we can go forward. Can I ask you a question?”
“Yes,” he says as he absently strokes our son’s forehead.
I take a deep breath and decide to dive right in. It’s now or never. “Did you mean what you said when I was being taken into the operating room?”
“Yes. I meant every word. I love you so damn much it hurts. I love your smile, your heart, your passion. I love everything about you, and the thought of not having you in my life anymore feels like someone is cutting off my oxygen. I love you, Josselyn,” he says as he leans forward and places the lightest of kisses on my lips. “So fucking much,” he adds.
I pull away and look deeply into his eyes. “Well, that actually works out really well for me because I love you, too,” I tell him. Once the words seem to sink in, his face lights up in the most beautiful smile in the whole world. A smile that reaches my heart and sends butterflies fluttering through my stomach.
“God, I love you,” he says again before his lips capture mine in the most pure, magical kiss I’ve ever experienced. The kind of kiss that makes your toes curl and your heart burst in your chest. The kind of kiss that is full of promise.
Before the kiss can be taken to the next level, the little bundle of joy in my arms begins to squirm and lets out the loudest ear-piercing scream I’ve ever heard.
“He’s been doing that since he was born. I think he’s hungry,” Travis says as he leans down and takes our son from me. “I didn’t let the nurse give him formula since I wasn’t sure if you were going to breastfeed or not.” Travis gives me a sheepish look. “We never really got to discuss that, did we?”
“No, I guess we didn’t,” I reply as I look at our son held securely in Travis’s strong, protective arms. “I think I want to try,” I say in a small voice laced with nerves and a little embarrassment.
I slowly bring myself to a sitting position using the remote control on the big hospital bed. Travis takes his free hand and helps adjust the pillows behind my back. When I’m all situated, Travis returns our son to the crook of my arm and helps position another pillow under my arm and the baby for stability. I look down at his pink, wrinkly face and can’t help the emotions coursing through my body. Pride. Joy. Love. An unconditional kind of love that I’ve never experienced before. I feel complete.
Travis helps me adjust my hospital gown until I’m exposed on one side of my top half. I have no clue what the heck I’m doing, but honestly, it doesn’t matter. My son seems to know exactly what to do and latches on to my breast like he’s been doing it for weeks.
“Huh, I’d say he’s a lot like his dad already,” I quip with a slight rise of the corner of my mouth.
Travis gives a full belly laugh as he slowly sinks back down onto my hospital bed. We both watch as our son eats for the first time. His eyes are closed as he steadily, yet insistently, suckles at my breast.
“So, tell me everything I missed when they wheeled me into the operating room. Hey, where is everyone?” I ask finally noticing that we’ve been alone for the past half hour with no interruptions. I also take in the two plants and the floral arrangement sitting on the table on the other side of the room for the first time since I arrived in my room.
“Well, the waiting room is packed right now, but I asked them to all wait until I come get them. I wanted us to have a little bit of time to talk and settle first.” Travis runs his large, calloused fingers along the crown of our baby’s head and his blue eyes remain locked on the baby. “Which reminds me, I probably won’t be able to hold them off too much longer. No one has seen him yet, and they’re all chomping at the bit,” Travis says as his eyes finally return to mine.
I’m sure my eyes show shock at his words. “How is that possible? They haven’t seen the baby?”
“Nope. Let me start at the beginning. When they wheeled you through that operating room door and lead me to a small waiting room just off the corridor, I paced that room and the connecting hallway like a caged animal. They offered to send for my family to come down and sit with me, but I didn’t want them there. I wanted to be here, alone, while I waited. I wanted to be the first person to see that doctor and talk with her.
“So after fifteen of the longest minutes of my life, a nurse finally came to get me. She led me into the small connecting room to your operating room. I could see you on the table through the glass window and the doctor working on you. But then my ears finally registered the high pitched screams and my eyes connected with the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen. This little guy was throwing a huge fit as a nurse was weighing him and checking him out,” Travis looks down at our son’s face again and smiles as the recollections.
“As soon as she was done checking him over, she wrapped him in a blanket, and put him in my arms. That moment was the second time within thirty minutes that I said that I was completely and utterly in love with someone,” Travis says with a beautiful smile as he gazes deeply into my eyes.
“So, after Dr. Freeman finished with you, she came into the little room and said everything went perfectly. She was concerned that you were delivering three weeks early, but when he arrived at seven pounds, three ounces and twenty inches long, plus his lungs were obviously healthy, she just assumed we got the dates a little off. She said the pediatrician we choose will come and give him a full check up tomorrow, but everything now looks good.
“The nurses wanted to take him to the nursery to clean him up then, so I figured that it was a good time to go tell my family and Matty about the baby. I had decided on my way up to the waiting room that I wanted you to see and hold him first. You were the one who did all the work, right?
“So, I went to the waiting room and told them that we have a son. They asked a hundred questions like what his name is, details on weight and stuff, and how you’re doing. And of course, they wanted to see him. When I explained that I wanted you to see him and hold him first, no one said anything cross. But, I imagine their silence is bound to expire very soon.
“As soon as I could get away from them, I went to the nursery where they had him all cleaned up and ready to go. I got to hold him there and watch him sleep until they told me they were moving you up to your room. And that leads us back to right now,” Travis says as he leans down and kisses our son’s head.
The baby isn’t eating any longer and is snuggled comfortably against my bare
breast. I shift him up to my shoulder as I give the whole burping thing a try. “So, I guess we should go get everyone, huh?” I ask.
“Not yet. We have one more detail to finalize before they come in here,” Travis says as he helps adjust my gown to cover up my chest.
“What’s that?” I ask as I gently pat my little man’s back.
“I think he needs a name,” Travis says while gazing deep into my eyes. His stare is so intense. I feel like he can see straight into the depths of my soul with his hypnotizing ocean blue eyes.
“Oh, yeah,” I reply with a little chuckle. “Do you have any that you like?”
“Maybe, but I want to hear your suggestions first,” he replies.
“Well, I really like Grant for a first name,” I say and hold my breath a little waiting for his response.
“Grant? My middle name?” he asks with surprise evident on his handsome face.
“Yeah. I heard your mom call you Travis Grant once and it stuck with me. I really like it,” I tell him. “And I was thinking Michael for a middle name. Not only is it your dad’s name, but it’s actually my grandfather’s name. I was really close to him when I was a little girl,” I tell him, my voice barely over a whisper.
“Grant Michael Stevens. Wait? Are we giving him my last name?” Travis asks. I can tell he’s anxiously holding his breath now.
“Of course we are,” I say and I hear him audibly exhale.
“Grant Michael Stevens. I think it’s a great name,” Travis says as he places another kiss on Grant’s head.
Travis is so close now. I feel his body pressed against mine in the twin sized hospital bed – which isn’t really that comfortable with both of us in it – and feel his breath reflecting off of Grant’s head lying on my shoulder. Our eyes lock and the moment is suspended in time as we both convey our emotions and feelings into wordless communication. Then he moves – or I move, I’m not sure which – and our lips are touching as we express ourselves through a kiss. I could definitely get used to this kiss, everyday. Always. Just him.
A knock sounds at the door and a pleasant, young nurse wearing pink and blue scrubs steps into the room. “I hate to break up the moment, but you have a waiting room full of people and they’re starting to get rowdy. I’m concerned we may have a riot soon. I believe two of them are starting to throw badges around,” she says with a smile.
“Okay,” Travis says to the nurse at the door. He turns his attention back to me. “I’ll go get the troops so you get ready for the chaos,” he says with a genuine smile.
It doesn’t take long at all and I can hear them coming down the hall like a big ol’ stampede. Mrs. Stevens is the first one through the door but only by a fraction of a second. She’s followed very closely by everyone else all fighting to get inside the room at the exact same time through the same, small door opening.
Elizabeth’s eyes fill with tears as she bends down and places a gentle kiss on top of Grant’s head, tucked securely in the crook of my arm. The tears spill over as she looks up at me with a huge grandmotherly smile filled with happiness and excitement. She leans forward and places a kiss on my forehead as well before resting her head against mine.
“You are an amazing woman, Josselyn. I hope you know how truly blessed our family is to have you and this sweet baby boy a part of it,” she whispers.
My eyes fill with my own unshed tears as I absorb the words spoken to me. She offers me the support and the love that my own mother doesn’t. I know that my mother loves me; she just has always had a different vision of my life. But that’s the thing, it’s my life. I’m not sure if I’ll ever live up to her expectations of me, but that’s okay. I don’t need to. I have Travis and Grant, and right now, my main goal in life is to be a mom. A great mom.
“Would you like to hold your grandson?” I ask as I start to lift Grant towards Mrs. Stevens.
“I would love to,” she whispers as her eyes fill with fresh tears.
Mrs. Stevens takes Grant and cradles him naturally in her arms. “Hello, handsome. I’m your grandma,” she whispers as she nuzzles her nose along the side of his face.
“What’s his name?” Avery asks as she peeks over her mom’s shoulder and lays her hand gently on Grant’s capped head.
My eyes seek out Travis who is holding Brooklyn at the back of the room and talking with Nate. Still holding his four year old niece, Travis walks up and sits down next to me on the bed. “His name is Grant Michael Stevens,” Travis says, voice filled with all the pride and adoration of any new father.
I watch as Travis looks over at his dad whose own eyes fill with unshed tears. A moment passes between them unlike anything I’ve ever seen. They are father and son. They work side by side every day, and they are friends. I can see the pride and adoration mirrored in Mr. Stevens’ eyes.
For the next two hours, Grant is passed around to each of his aunts, uncles, and grandparents on the Stevens side. Even Uncle Matty takes his turn at holding his unofficial nephew. When my eyelids draw heavy and the sun is long set in the evening, the Stevens family start to file out of the room in search for supper.
“Matty, why don’t you stay at my place tonight?” I offer.
“I am actually staying at the new house tonight, Joss. I’m going to work on setting up a little while you’re both here,” he says with a conspirator glance at Travis.
“Okay. See you tomorrow?” I ask my best friend, noting his tone and the fact that he won’t look at me. He’s hiding something.
“You betcha, sweetie. Uncle Matty has more shopping to do for this little guy,” Matty adds before placing a kiss on my cheek and heading towards the door.
When the room is quiet, I turn towards Travis as he shuts the door. “Finally. I never thought they’d leave,” he says with a grin as he saunters over towards my bed and makes himself comfortable along side of me.
“It’s getting late. You should go grab something to eat and head home for some sleep,” I tell him.
“Nope. I’m staying right here tonight. I want the full ‘New Dad’ experience complete with sleeping in the uncomfortable chair,” he says with a smile.
“You don’t have to stay,” I counter.
“This is where you and Grant are, so this is where I am. I’m not leaving. Ever. I promise,” he whispers as he kisses me again with those magical lips.
With Grant tucked securely into my arms, I lean back against Travis and close my eyes. I can feel the heat radiating from his body and his breath against my head. Travis’s hand absently touches Grant’s head as he says those three little words that are irresistible to my ears. “I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you, too,” I reply as I get as close as humanly possible to him – well, as close as we can with clothes on.
“I mean it, Joss. I’m not going anywhere. You are my home. You are my life. You are my love. My forever. I was a fool and an idiot before, and honestly, I’m probably going to be one again from time to time, but everything I do is for you and Grant. Every decision I make is for you, for a better us. The only way I want to go through this life is with you by my side. I love you so damn much.”
I glance over my shoulder and smile at the man I love. I look down at our child we created together that one wild and crazy night nearly a year ago. That one night that changed the outcome of my life forever.
I wouldn’t change a moment of it for anything.
Chapter Fourteen
Travis
Today, I get to take Josselyn and Grant home. It’s Tuesday afternoon, the late October sun is shining, and we’re both completely stir crazy after two nights in the hospital.
The nurse comes into the room with a wheelchair to help Josselyn make the trek down to my pickup that is waiting in the circle drive in front of the hospital. Grant is strapped securely into his seat, sucking gently on a little green pacifier that takes up half of his face. We both tried to avoid the pacifier, but we learned that first night here that the kid is a sucker. He has to have something i
n his mouth at all times or he screams. I’d gladly take a baby with a pacifier over the ear-piercing screeches we heard that first night.
Josselyn is sitting in the wheelchair now, and I’m getting antsy. I’m excited. I’m nervous. She has no idea what my family and Matty have been up to for the past two days, and I’m thrilled and anxious to show her their hard work. Hell, it’ll be the first time she sees the house in all of its completed glory.
With Grant’s chair snapped tightly and securely into the seat base in the middle of the backseat of the truck, I help Josselyn climb up and into the truck cab. She’s moving slowly due to her c-section, but she’s getting around well. She’s a fucking rock star. I haven’t heard her complain once and her instincts are amazing.
When we’re all strapped in, I head towards the house. Though it’s on the other side of town, the drive doesn’t take too long since the mid-afternoon downtown Rivers Edge traffic is light. My left leg bounces uncontrollably as I drive towards home, towards my surprise.
“So is everything moved in?” she asks from the passenger seat.
“Yes, it’s all there and ready for us,” I tell her as we near the house.
I steer the truck up the long gravel driveway towards the beautiful log cabin home that I fell in love with a year ago. My mom went all out on the front porch. She lined the railing with pumpkins and gourds. There’s a straw bale sitting by the front door with a welcome sign. It looks very festive.
I park the truck as close to the front door as possible – I’ll move it to my half of the garage later on – and exit the truck to help Josselyn down. Once I open the door, she places her smaller, soft hand inside of mine, and I feel that familiar zing of electricity. That same feeling I get every time I touch her.
“Careful,” I tell her as I steer her towards the front steps. I quickly open the back door and release Grant’s seat from the base. He hasn’t made a sound the entire trip home and I’m hoping he can hold off just a little longer until I get my surprise out of the way.
