Tess listened to Ryan pounding on the door, curled on top of the bed with a quilt tossed over her head. By the time the cabin had grown silent, her tears had dried. How could she have believed him? He’d joked that all men lie. That he didn’t lie. Apparently that had been another deception.
Earlier she had fought herself not to open the door. She wanted to hear his explanation…even in front of Donna. She longed for a thread of reason. Anything to make the hurt go away and bring back the contentment she’d felt only minutes earlier. But she found no reason. Only more dishonesty.
Now in silence, she rose on tiptoe and crept through the cabin, peeking through the windows. Finally, she decided that Ryan had gone back to the cottage. Spurred by her need to get away, Tess did her best to pack on her own and not wait until morning. She would leave tonight.
Having given Ryan her address and telephone number, Tess suspected he’d call. But she wouldn’t answer. She wouldn’t listen. She had no judgment to tell truth from lies.
Tess’s head pounded as she thought about his business card. She wanted to destroy it, but some deep hope clung to her heart—a small thread of faith. Could the warm, loving feelings have been totally wrong? She thought back to her life with Al. Though she didn’t see the truth, she wasn’t ignorant. She sensed things weren’t right. In truth, she hadn’t wanted to know. She’d deluded herself. Had she done that again, wanting so badly to feel loved and desired? Her question swung from despair to hope.
In the darkness and her inexperience, Tess turned off the water, leaving the taps open just enough so the wrapped pipes wouldn’t burst. She remembered Al doing that. She prayed she had done the job correctly. She reviewed the list of tasks to close the cabin for the winter. With haste, she threw her luggage and storage boxes into the car.
Pulling the shutters closed, she secured them inside, then pulled the fuses from the box. Locking the door, she climbed into the car. Tears rolled down her cheeks and dripped from her chin as she dug in her jacket pocket for her keys. Along with her keys, she felt something else. She dug them out and gazed at the smooth pink heart-shaped stone Ryan had given her. Tempted to toss it out the window, she closed her hand around the rock and slid it back into her pocket, then pulled down the rutted lane to the dark highway and headed home.
Since leaving Mackinaw City, Ryan hadn’t been the same. That night, Donna had been furious and tore away from the place as if he’d cheated on her…and perhaps he had. He should have talked with her on the telephone and made things right then. His head swirled with “what ifs.” All he knew was that love had found him that night in the woods and he wasn’t going to let a misunderstanding ruin his chances to love the way God meant him to love.
The next morning, he’d gone to Tess’s cabin and found the shutters locked, everything secured and Tess already gone. His heart felt weighted with loss and loneliness. He closed Jill’s cottage and left the northern city, his emotions as raw and aching as if someone he loved had died.
For the past two weeks, he’d dialed Tess’s phone number time after time, but the answering machine always picked up, and Tess never returned his call. No matter what he did or said to make things better, how could he right the wrong he’d done?
He imagined how hurt Tess had been, opening her heart to him, speaking of trust, and in the next hour, he had let her be hurt by Donna’s surprise visit. He could blame Donna, but he knew where the blame lay. He grimaced, thinking how similar it seemed to Tess’s husband’s dreadful surprise.
With frustration charging through him, Ryan left the office and headed for his sister’s house. Jill could give him some needed guidance through a woman’s eyes. Gary had just gotten back to work following his appendectomy and with Davie in kindergarten, Ryan hoped Jill would be home alone. He needed to talk.
When she opened the door, her knowing gaze smacked him with the truth. “You look terrible. What’s wrong?”
Ryan mumbled about his northern romance and the horrible story of Donna’s unexpected appearance.
Jill’s eyes rolled throughout his narration, and her sputtered comments seemed less than helpful.
Finally, he fell back against the sofa cushion and closed his mouth. He’d apologized to Tess with the same comment, “Open mouth, insert foot,” and he felt as if he’d done that today with Jill.
“I’m sorry, Ryan. I guess I don’t seem sympathetic, but you were an absolute fool. I don’t understand how you got yourself into this mess. You’re an honest guy. You’re a gentleman…in every sense of the word. So explain.”
“I don’t know, Jill. One thing led to another. I was the kind stranger who helped her out of a couple of problems. We talked, and it felt nice to have another person nearby. I offered to help her close up the cabin. She seemed lonely and a little pensive. I started out as Mr. Macho. You know, ‘Here he comes to save the day.’ The next thing I know, I invited her to the island. There was a gorgeous sunset. She bought a sweatshirt and I used the clothes hanger to get into my car, and—”
“Wait a minute. I followed you until the hanger.”
Ryan recounted the twin stories of the locked keys. “Somehow, in that moment, I kissed her…and she kissed me back. In my gut, she seemed like an old friend, a fellow traveler in the world of problems and laughter. We were like two lost souls finding each other.”
“You’ve been reading too many women’s magazines.” Jill shook her head. “Why weren’t you up-front? Why not tell her your breakup was fresh, but the feelings had died long before. Why didn’t you tell her that Donna called, but you weren’t going to change your mind?”
Ryan’s heart sank. What Jill said sounded so easy. “I didn’t want to add tension to an already-edgy situation.”
“I don’t blame her for leaving when she saw Donna. Not one bit. If I’d trusted a man, let him kiss me, listened to his poetic rambling about lost souls and fellow travelers, I’d have run out on you, too, when another woman showed up.”
“I’d planned to tell her…after the fact.”
Jill rubbed her neck. “But you forgot to tell your plan to Donna. If you had, she wouldn’t have shown up.”
He grimaced. “Right. So now I need a plan of action.”
“That’s the first thing you’ve said that makes sense. But I’m wondering if you’re too late, Ryan. I don’t know Tess well, but I understand how badly she was hurt. The summer after her husband’s death, we sat on the beach for a long time and she poured out her heart. She wondered if she could ever trust again. She asked me about Gary. Why did I trust him? Did I ever suspect that he was cheating on me? How did I make him satisfied and happy? She sounded as if she felt guilty for some reason.”
As he listened to Jill’s description, Ryan slumped deeper into the cushion, wishing he could vanish. He’d seen Tess’s vulnerability. He’d heard her remarks about commitment and promises. Why hadn’t he been open then and not taken chances?
“Sitting there with a hangdog face isn’t helping, Ryan. The poor woman was blaming herself. It sounds like after two years she finally found the courage to trust someone—and you really threw her a curve.”
“I know.”
“So do something to prove how much Tess means to you. But there are no guarantees.”
No guarantees. Jill was right. But he had to take a chance. He and Tess had been soul mates, sharing thoughts and feelings. She was meant for him—the hand of God had moved the earth. He had no doubt. Somehow he had to convince her he cared about her more than words could say.
Tess closed her front door and gazed at the wrapped floral bouquet. She carried it to the end table by the window and detached the small card. Ryan. Tears blurred in her eyes as she looked at his signature and simple message. “Please talk with me.”
She crumpled into a nearby chair while her thoughts drifted back to Mackinaw. Images of their footprints in the sand rose in her memory, imprints washed away by the tide just like Ryan had torn away a piece of her heart. Old beliefs charged through her head.
Emotions are fleeting. Love is devious. Men are fickle and dishonest.
Tess’s thoughts shot back to her life with Al. He brought her flowers on occasion, often after one of his extralong weekends or his very, very late evenings at the office. Were these flowers like Al’s—to salve Ryan’s guilt? Or could she be totally wrong? Were they a reminder of their hours on the island and their first kiss?
She brushed unbidden tears from her lashes and grabbed the telephone. She’d told no one about the incident with Ryan, and today the memory weighed on her like a boulder.
Tess dialed her brother’s telephone number. Maybe Dan wouldn’t understand, but Helen might offer her a sympathetic ear.
After their hellos, Helen’s comment was direct. “So what happened up north? I wondered why we hadn’t heard from you lately.
Tess’s emotions bubbled to the surface. “I can’t talk about it…or I’ll cry.”
“Tell me, Tess. I’m not just your sister-in-law. I’m your friend.”
Pleased that Helen seemed so ready to listen, Tess emptied her confusion onto the table like a puzzle and sorted the pieces. She began with their humorous meeting in the woods, the firelight, the island, the sunsets and finally, to Donna’s arrival.
“You’re kidding. The rat.” Helen spit her sentiment into the air. “He doesn’t deserve a woman like you. You’re better off without him.”
But Tess’s tears had won out and Helen’s voice softened. “He really took a slice of your heart, didn’t he? I’m sorry.”
“You’d understand if you’d been with him. He seemed so…gentle and honest. We shared our feelings and thoughts. And his eyes were—”
Helen gasped. “Tess, you didn’t—”
“No. Absolutely not. I’m not that stupid. But I wanted to, Helen. For the first time since long before Al died, I yearned to be in his arms, to be loved by someone that tender and kind.”
“Tess, you’re not naive. You read people well. Could you be wrong? He might have a reasonable explanation. Did you ask? Did you let him explain?”
“I ran off that night and left. Drove away before morning, and I haven’t answered his calls.” Emotion thundered through her, and Tess pressed her hand against her aching chest. Could Helen be right? Could there be some plausible justification? No, how could there be? She saw Donna. She saw Ryan. “Now he’s sent me flowers.”
“You could be wrong, Tess.”
“I don’t think so.”
Helen’s sigh shivered through the wire. “Think about it, Tess. Do you have his phone number?”
“Yes. I have his business card. He’s in real estate, and I asked him to do an appraisal on the cabin.”
“An appraisal?” Helen said with question. “Maybe you should call him. Give him a chance to explain.”
“I was probably a fling. That’s all.”
“Remember, Ryan isn’t Al, Tess. Ask God for help. Have you forgotten about prayer?”
Chapter Nine
Ryan sat at his desk, staring at Tess’s market evaluation. He missed her more than he could imagine. He’d wrestled with his thoughts. Was their relationship like the shipboard romance that he and Tess had joked about? He believed not.
In their lengthy conversations, they’d talked about hopes, dreams, beliefs, and they’d laughed at each other and themselves. He meant what he’d said about God’s direction. Some things were meant to be. And in his heart, he sensed they were part of the big picture, the scheme of things.
He’d called Tess so many times, longing to hear her voice when all he heard was the answering machine. He thought about the couple who’d dropped by the office, interested in purchasing northern property. When he told them about Tess’s cabin, they were anxious to look at it. Was this God’s hand? Would Tess return his call for a possible sale?
In truth, he hated to see her sell the cabin. She loved it so much. The property offered a prime view of the island and bridge. She’d never find an excellent parcel of land like that again.
Besides, he’d told her to wait through the winter to make a decision. If he phoned, it would be putting pressure on her. Even if he did, would she speak to him? No matter, he couldn’t bear waiting much longer without hearing her voice.
Looking at the clock, he calculated she would be home from her school job. He picked up the phone and punched in her number. After three rings, he pulled the receiver from his ear ready to hang up, but at that moment, he heard her voice.
His heart lurched. “Tess, this is Ryan. Please don’t hang up.”
Silence hung heavy between them.
“Thank you for the flowers,” she whispered finally. “What do you want, Ryan?”
Her cold voice sent icy waves through his chest. He wanted to tell her the truth. I want you, Tess. I want you to understand what happened. But he couldn’t. He had to ease into it. Move slowly.
“I wanted you to know…I had the cabin assessed. And I, uh, I might have a buyer if you’re still interested in selling.”
He waited, and the silence wrapped around his heart as heavy as it hung on the air. “Are you there, Tess?”
“Yes. I’m thinking.”
Her voice sounded aloof and deliberate. Her reserve rose between them like a stone wall, and all he could answer was a pitiful “Oh.” He waited, the open telephone line humming with emptiness, except her breathing.
“Yes. I want to get rid of it,” she said finally.
“You do?” With disappointment, her words slithered through him.
“Too many memories.” Her hesitation weighted the air.
Ryan drew in a deep, hopeful breath. “I’ll need to meet with you then to get your signature.”
“I’m really busy, Ryan.”
Her words punched him in the solar plexus. “I could drop by…tomorrow night.” He held his breath.
“All right. I suppose that’ll work.” She sighed. “I need to get my furniture and things out of—”
“Tess, don’t worry about that now. First, I’ll see if they’re even interested.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”
He listened to the silence, wondering what more he could say. “I guess that’s it.”
She hung up abruptly, and Ryan forced down the knot of emotion lodged in his throat. He’d never felt so alone.
Tess stared at the listing agreement and felt tears push at the back of her eyes. She didn’t want to cry. Not in front of anyone and especially not in front of Ryan.
“Just sign here,” Ryan said, pointing to the line. “But if you’re not sure—”
“I’m sure,” she said, swallowing her emotion. She scrawled her name and dropped the pen.
Ryan closed the ballpoint and slid it into his pocket, then slipped the paper into his attaché case, but instead of rising, he sat and looked at her.
“Tess, I don’t know why you’re doing this. I realize I told you I might have a buyer, but I can see in your face you’re not ready to make this decision. I can tear up the agreement.”
His words washed toward her like a lifesaver—but she pushed them away, preferring to drown in her self-pity. “I’m fine with it, Ryan. I’m sure I’ll be relieved once it’s over. It’s just the place was always—”
“Your sanctuary. The place you draw in the breath of life. Your autumn that gives you hope for a new spring. I know. We talked about it.”
“We did,” she said, letting the memories swarm into her mind like bees, stinging her awareness.
“I don’t mean to hurt you any more than I have. All I mean is…all I want you to know is I used this as an excuse to talk with you. I—”
“You mean you deceived me again?” She peered at him, disbelieving.
“No. I didn’t lie about the buyers. That’s true, but I could have waited and not rushed this. I just wanted a chance to talk with you.” He lowered his head and stared at the tabletop. “To explain what happened.”
Explain what happened? She’d seen what happened
, yet Tess hadn’t allowed him to explain. Her heart felt a gentle nudge of compassion as if God were reminding her how a Christian should act. Do not judge. Do not take the beam from someone’s eye until you remove the mote from your own. Did she have a speck in her eye? She drew in a deep breath. Perhaps she did.
“Tell me now, Ryan. I’ll listen.”
“Let’s go to dinner, Tess. Let me take you out and we can talk there.” His face looked desperate.
Her heart softened. “You mean in a neutral corner.” Despite her attempt to remain serious, she felt a faint grin curve her lips.
Two days later, Tess carried dishes from her brother’s dining room table into the kitchen. Helen stood loading them into the dishwasher.
Dan came through the doorway with another stack and set them in the sink. “I think I’ll let you ladies talk while I go watch the football game. What do you say?”
“What’s new?” Helen said, flashing him a grin. “Just keep the kids happy.”
Tess grinned, watching their comfortable banter. She enjoyed Sunday dinners at her brother’s house, and she loved seeing her young nieces.
Dan filled his coffee cup and left the room while Tess headed for the sink to rinse the dishes. Since the dinner with Ryan, her mind was heavy with thought. He’d explained and she accepted his answer. She’d been too quick to jump. Too fearful from the past baggage she dragged around with her.
Just like Helen had reminded her earlier, Ryan wasn’t Al. That was true, but as soon as her heart eased, another fact ballooned above her. Ryan should be a family man. A man with a wife and children. Tess had miscarried twice. How was she to know if she could ever carry a child? She’d never had another chance.
The reality seared through her like a branding iron. She’d lived with that fear since Al’s death.
“So you saw him,” Helen said from behind Tess.
The Harvest Page 7
