by Radclyffe
“Fire rescue,” Beau said again as she knelt by the victim, who upon closer inspection appeared to be a young girl. A very young girl. Fourteen, maybe fifteen years old. Lynn joined her, opening the med kit as Beau quickly checked for vitals. “Got a pulse here. Fast and thready. She’s sweating. Respirations labored.”
“OD?” Lynn said, wrapping a tourniquet around the girl’s upper arm. “Damn. Her veins are horrible. I’ll be lucky if I can get an IV in.”
Beau rapidly checked the girl’s lungs to make sure she had airflow on both sides and did a quick manual inspection, feeling her neck and extremities before signaling to Lynn it was clear to turn her onto her back. “Get anything in way of an IV?”
“Not yet.”
“She’s got a reasonable external jugular. I can get that,” Beau said. Lynn handed her the intravenous catheter and held her light on the field while Beau quickly threaded in the catheter and taped it in place. Lynn connected the IV bag and opened the line wide.
From downstairs, a male voice announced Police.
“I’ll get the gurney and fill them in,” Lynn said.
“Roger that.” Beau shined her penlight into the girl’s eyes. Her pupils were pinpoint and didn’t appear to be responding. A faint pink froth rimmed her pale lips. Pulmonary edema. Almost certainly an overdose. While she waited, she pulled the drugs she might need if the victim deteriorated during transport. Before long, she heard voices and the clatter of the stretcher being maneuvered up the stairwell and down the hall. She got up to give Lynn a hand.
“The uniforms will check the rest of building,” Lynn said.
They positioned the stretcher next to the mattress and Beau gripped her penlight between her teeth so she could see what she was doing. She grabbed the backboard and slid the edge close to the girl’s right side. Lynn grasped the girl’s shoulder and hips to tilt her up so Beau could work the board underneath her and started to roll her.
“Oh, crap,” Lynn gasped.
“What?” Beau asked, pulling the penlight out of her mouth with one hand and steadying the backboard with the other. When she flashed her light on Lynn’s face she knew from her frozen expression what had happened. “You get stuck?”
“Fuck, yes.” Lynn lifted her right hand. A hypodermic syringe dangled in the air, the needle embedded in her palm. She pulled it out and stuck the needle end into the mattress. “It was under her. Goddamn it. Goddamn it.”
“I’ll get her. Clean that puncture out,” Beau said. Even knowing it wasn’t that easy to contract hep-C or HIV from a simple puncture didn’t help mitigate the cold wash of terror that coursed through her. “You got it?”
“I got it. I got it.” Lynn ripped off her glove and wiped at her palm with an alcohol swab. Her face in the stark light was grim but composed. “It’s fine.”
“Betadine too.”
“Okay. I’m okay.” Lynn jerked on another pair of gloves and together they shifted the patient onto the backboard, slid her onto the gurney, and strapped her down.
Beau gripped one end of the gurney. They’d have to lift it over the mattresses on the floor before they could wheel it the rest of the way out. “Can you—”
“Yes.” Lynn grabbed her end. “Rookie mistake. I can’t believe I did that. Jesus.”
“We’ll get it looked at as soon as we get to the hospital.”
Lynn didn’t say anything as they loaded the patient into the rig, and Beau knew they were both thinking the same thing. Baseline blood tests. Then the wait until the tests could be repeated. Then more waiting to see if Lynn had sero-converted. Everyone in healthcare knew the risks and took appropriate precautions, but their job exposed them to uncertain and uncontrollable situations more than any other. Acceptable risks.
Most of Beau’s life had been shadowed by the consequences of acceptable risk. Her own life and Jilly’s hanging in the balance. She’d chosen to deal with the constant uncertainty by ensuring that no matter what happened, no one else would ever suffer because of her again. She would never let anyone else pay the price that Jilly had paid for her.
So what was she doing with Ali, if not what she had sworn she would never do? She needed to do more than put the brakes on. She ought to back way away. A collage of images flashed through her mind. Ali, fierce and determined as she bent over Bobby in the trauma bay. Ali, reaching for her, comforting her as she cried for Jilly. Ali, triumphant as she took her to the apex of pleasure. She ached to see Ali again—to hold her, to be held. To tell her secrets, and at long last, to stop hiding.
She’d told Jilly she was in over her head with Ali. She was way more than that. She was lost.
*
Ali glanced into the ER on her way to the cafeteria and halted abruptly when she saw Beau standing at the nurses’ station. Her heart rate shot up with a combination of pleasure and irrational fear. Beau couldn’t be hurt if she was standing there, even if her expression was dark and solemn. Just the same, Ali couldn’t pass by without being sure.
“Hi,” Ali said, walking up to her. “Did you just bring in a patient?”
“Hi. I was hoping I might see you.” Beau’s eyes brightened and her frown turned into an almost smile. “How’s your night?”
“Pretty routine.” While she spoke, Ali quickly looked Beau over. She seemed fine. Not hurt. Ali’s pulse settled.
Beau glanced toward one of the curtained cubicles and a worried look returned to her face. “I’m just waiting for my partner now.”
Ali followed her gaze. “Something wrong?”
Beau sighed. “Ah, our last run was in a shooting gallery. She got stuck on a discarded needle.”
“Damn,” Ali murmured. No wonder Beau looked so tense and upset. She ran her hand lightly down Beau’s arm and squeezed her fingers. “I’m sorry. Do you want me to see her?”
“No. I’m sure you’ve got plenty to do.”
“I don’t mind. Really.”
“Thanks, but they’re getting blood from her now and the nurses are calling the ID fellow about prophylactic antiviral treatment.” Beau looked at her watch. “Did you get your midnight supper?”
“I just finished lapping a guy who was stabbed in a bar fight. I was on my way to the cafeteria when I saw you.”
“You’ve only got a few minutes before they close up.”
“Yes.” She really ought to go. Not that she cared about the free midnight supper. She could always grab something out of the vending machine if she got hungry. But she should get back to work and let Beau do the same. She’d studiously avoided thinking about Beau on the myriad occasions she had flashed back to their night together, their morning together, the meal they’d shared with Jilly, the moments in the car—any number of instances when Beau had touched her, physically and otherwise. She’d actually pulled her phone off her waist a half dozen times and looked at the number Beau had programmed in. Each time, she’d resisted calling her. Perspective. She needed just a little perspective, because the intensity of her feelings was very close to pain. She should say good night. Instead she said, “I’d rather talk to you than eat hospital turkey.”
Beau smiled. “That bad, huh?”
“Remember the meat loaf?”
“I’m due a break, and I doubt they’ll get everything taken care of here in under half an hour. Why don’t I keep you company?”
Ali glanced at the closed cubicle again. “You sure you have time?”
“Shouldn’t be a problem. Let me just tell Lynn where I’ll be. She can always call me if she needs me.” Beau turned, then looked back over her shoulder. “Don’t disappear, all right?”
“Sure,” Ali said, wondering if Beau could read her uncertainty that easily. She watched her as she crossed to the curtain, pulled it aside a few inches, and spoke to whoever was in the cubicle. Her black cargo pants hugged her ass and Ali was struck with the memory of those hard muscles flexing against her palms as Beau trembled on the brink of orgasm. She tightened and pulsed and there was nothing uncertain about what she
wanted. Beau walked back toward her, her eyes growing more intense as they held Ali’s.
“All set,” Beau said, her voice husky.
“I need to make a quick stop.” Ali stopped thinking altogether as she led the way down the hall. Fishing a key out of her breast pocket, she stopped in front of a plain door and unlocked it. She held it open. “I’ll just be a second.”
Beau didn’t hesitate but stepped into the dimly lit room.
Ali followed and closed the door. A single bed occupied one corner with a plain bedside table holding a phone, a lamp with a pull chain, and a stack of journals. Her duffel sat on the floor by the foot of the bed.
“Sorry,” Ali whispered, linking both hands behind Beau’s neck, “but I really need to do this.”
Beau automatically gripped Ali’s hips as Ali took her mouth in a hot, languid kiss. She groaned in surprise and pleasure and pulled Ali closer, letting her pelvis ride over Ali’s in a slow, easy roll. She’d wanted to touch her from the moment she’d seen her walking into the ER, but she hadn’t. They were at work, but that wasn’t the most important reason she’d resisted. Ali so obviously guarded herself against casual intimacies—and as much as she’d ached to touch her, she’d wait for permission. Now she had it, and the dammed-up desire she’d been fending off all day flooded out. She skated her hand up Ali’s back and into her hair, gently closing her fist to hold her in place. Then she turned the kiss around on Ali and slipped her tongue into Ali’s mouth, tasting and teasing. Ali jerked in her arms and Beau almost lost her tenuous hold on her control.
“I’ve been wanting to do that all day,” Beau murmured. She kissed the corner of Ali’s mouth and pressed her face to the smooth column of her neck. “It’s been such a long damn day. Feels like forever since I’ve seen you.”
“About eighteen hours,” Ali said breathlessly.
Beau smiled and kissed her way up to Ali’s ear. She skimmed her mouth around the delicate rim. “You counted?”
Ali tilted her head back, exposing herself in a way she never had before. “I’m always aware of time. Instinct.”
“Is that all it is?” Beau bit down on her earlobe and tugged.
“Nothing to do with you,” Ali gasped.
Beau palmed Ali’s ass and rocked her pelvis into her. “Sure?”
With a growl, Ali grasped Beau’s shoulders, spun her around, and pinned her to the door with the weight of her body. She kissed her again, harder than the first time, deeper and more demanding. “You like to play with fire, my big bad firefighter?”
“I’m not playing now.” Beau grabbed Ali’s wrist and pushed Ali’s hand between their bodies, between her legs. “Feel how hot I am for you. I want you to go down on me so bad right now.”
Ali trembled, flexing her fingers in the fabric of Beau’s cargo pants, feeling the heat against her palm. “Jesus, Beau. We have to stop.”
“You know how much I ache for you?”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Ali murmured, brushing her mouth along the edge of Beau’s jaw. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have started anything.”
“Don’t apologize. Don’t ever apologize for wanting me.” Beau hugged Ali close, stroking her while she struggled to even her breathing and fight down the insane need for Ali to take her. To take her over and over, and never stop. “I’ve never been like this before. Never wanted anyone to touch me the way I want you to.”
“Maybe,” Ali said carefully, searching for sanity in the madness her emotions had suddenly become, “we need to slow things down a little bit.”
“I can’t. I don’t want to. You feel too good. You make me feel…you make me feel.” Beau rubbed her cheek against Ali’s temple. “Say you’ll have dinner with me tomorrow night.”
“Beau—”
“Say yes, Ali. Please.” Beau’s phone rang but she ignored it.
“You should check that. It might be your partner.”
“Not until you say yes.”
Ali shook her head. “God, you’re impossible.”
“That’s what you like about me.”
“Someday your ego is going to make your head explode.”
“Is that a yes?” Beau nipped at Ali’s ear again. “Yes?”
“Yes. Now go.” Ali opened the door. “Get out before I forget we both have to work. And for God’s sake, straighten your clothes. You look like you’ve been mauled.”
Beau laughed and tucked her shirt back into her pants. “Think about me later, when you get ready to go to sleep. Think about me thinking about you and what I’m doing.”
“Out.”
“See you tomorrow.” Beau backed out into the hall, her eyes never leaving Ali’s.
When Ali couldn’t see her anymore, she closed the door and stood there with her hand on the doorknob, trying to figure out what in the world she was doing. Beau wouldn’t back off and she didn’t seem to have the strength to make her. Maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe she didn’t need to control what was happening between them. When fires burned too hot, they burned themselves out.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Stop fidgeting,” Beau whispered to Bobby as they rode the elevator to the clinic area on the third floor of the hospital.
“Easy for you to say,” Bobby mumbled back, his foot tapping erratically. “You’re not the one who’s going to get kicked back half a year for missing the field training tomorrow.”
“You’re gonna pass your test. Don’t worry about it.”
The door opened and they followed the crowd out. Beau checked the directory next to the door, looking for the outpatient surgical suites. She was a little worried about Bobby’s upcoming pulmonary function tests, but he was so much better she figured he’d pass. Mostly she was hyped to be seeing Ali again. She’d gotten off shift at two in the afternoon and hurried home to grab a quick shower and collect Bobby. She hadn’t thought about much all day except the upcoming evening and her dinner with Ali. Now it was almost four and she was as nervous as her first date. More nervous, really, because she hadn’t actually had a bona fide first date with a girl before she got sick—more like a lot of backseat and post-game-celebration make-out sessions that half her partners pretended were just practice for the “real thing.” Then when she recovered and got on with her life, her dates were mostly lead-ins to sex. Nothing she ever got concerned about. She hadn’t been interested in anything long-term with the women she hooked up with. Long-term was not a concept that she entertained in her life, at least not personally. Now, every time she and Ali were apart, she was half afraid something would happen to change Ali’s mind about seeing her.
“You’re daydreaming again,” Bobby muttered.
Beau gave a little jerk. “No, I’m not. Come on, it’s down this way.”
“So,” Bobby said as he fell into step with her. “I guess I’ll be moving out this weekend.”
“Oh man, I’m really gonna miss your stuff all over the bathroom upstairs,” Beau teased.
“You know you’ll miss me when I’m gone.”
“I hate to break it to you, bu—”
“Anyhow,” Bobby said in a rush, “I asked Jilly to have dinner with me next week someplace. You know. To say thanks and all.”
Beau stopped walking. “You asked my sister out?”
Bobby straightened, his jaw thrusting forward. “Yeah. You got a problem with that?”
“Yeah, I’ve got a problem,” Beau said, pushing into his space and forcing him to back up until he was against the wall. She lowered her voice. “You’re a pussy hound. No way are you taking my sister out.”
“Hey. It’s not like that.”
“Oh, since when?”
“Since Jilly. She’s nice—special. I get that.” He folded his arms. “If you can take a woman out on a date, why can’t I?”
“Because…” Beau sighed. Her head was pounding. “What did Jilly say?”
“She said no.”
“Well then, what are we talking about it for?”
“I didn�
�t think she meant it, so I asked her again. A couple of times.” Bobby’s mouth thinned. “She told me about the health thing.”
“Fuck,” Beau said, pushing her hand through her hair.
“I told her I don’t care and I guess she believed me, because she finally said okay.”
“Bobby, if you hurt her, I swear to God—”
“What the fuck, Beau?” Bobby poked her in the chest. “I know the score. If I ran scared because of all the fucked-up things that might happen, I wouldn’t do what I do every day in the field. Give me a little credit.”
“Did she tell you why?”
His eyes darkened. “No, and I didn’t ask.”
“It’s because of me, all right? You should know that. I needed bone marrow and Jilly donated. She had a problem and ended up getting contaminated blood.” Beau looked away. “It was my fucking fault.”
“But you’re okay, right?”
“Yeah. Fine.” Beau couldn’t believe they were having this conversation. She liked Bobby. Loved him, even. She wanted Jilly to be happy almost more than anything in the world. She wasn’t even sure why the idea of Bobby dating Jilly scared her. She just couldn’t stand the idea of her being hurt. “Just be careful with her, okay?”
“I will. I swear,” he said with absolute sincerity.
“Let’s go get your tests over with.”
“Are you going to tell me about the bone marrow thing?” Bobby asked as they started walking.
“It was a long time ago. I was a kid,” Beau said tightly.
“Leukemia?”
“Jesus,” Beau muttered. “Hodgkin’s.”
“That’s rough. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Because I don’t want you trying to carry a hose for me, okay?” When Bobby laughed, Beau cut him a look. “What’s so funny?”
“Uh, partner—I’ve seen what you can bench press, remember? I know you don’t need anybody to pick up your slack.”
