by M. L. Young
I scribbled my signature so quickly I thought the paper would light on fire, and I walked outside a free man. It felt different breathing the air and seeing the ocean from out here. I had full access to the outdoors while I was in there, but it wasn’t as freeing as it was in this moment. Birds chirped, the waves sounded louder, and the air seemed less polluted. It was all in my mind, I was sure, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t real, at least to me.
“You have a big night tonight,” Percy said.
“I should’ve known you guys would plan something,” I said.
“There’s obviously no alcohol, and it isn’t super huge. But we couldn’t just let you get out and not celebrate anything with you,” he said, opening the door to the SUV for me.
“Do you have my phone?” I asked as he got into the driver’s seat.
“Not on me, I forgot it. Besides, you don’t need it yet,” he said.
“I need to check my messages,” I said.
“I took care of your e-mails and business messages, don’t you worry,” he said.
“But I don’t care about the business stuff right now,” I said.
“Trust me, just wait,” he said, looking at me. His eyes spoke a story that his mouth didn’t. I nodded, not questioning him further, instead just letting life take its course. Would Bianca be at this party tonight? Was Percy alluding to that?
“What time is the party?” I asked as we pulled into my driveway.
“The car will be here at seven to pick you up. Don’t be late,” he said.
“I have no distractions, and besides, it’s only a few hours away, right? I’ll be there on time,” I said.
“I’ll see you tonight,” he said, and I shut the trunk and walked inside.
Smiling, I looked around my house. It was spotless. I walked to the fridge and pulled out a green drink. I’d asked Percy to make sure I was stocked with healthy foods, and there was nothing better or healthier than a green drink to make sure you were cleansed. My time at the facility might have ended today, but that didn’t mean my healing was over yet. I needed to continue to work on myself if I were going to stay healthy and sober.
Instinct took over and I grabbed my pocket for my phone before realizing Percy didn’t have it or give it back to me. It was weird how my brain reverted to wanting my electronics, even after being without them for five weeks. I guess this generation really was the digital age, and I was still a little addicted or conditioned to want my phone, no matter how long I stayed away from it.
I watched TV, catching up with work e-mails and news on my laptop and trying not to become depressed by the headlines. Not the ones about me, but about the state of things. Suicide bombers, wars, and violence all over the world, not just here in Los Angeles or in this country. Too bad there wasn’t a place like I went to where everybody could be helped. Living in such a peaceful way for five weeks really opened me up to how great it would be if we could all live a life like this.
I looked at the clock when it struck six, getting up and deciding I needed to get ready. I ran upstairs, where my clothes were already laid out on the bed, and I took a shower, feeling all of my ten jets blasting on me.
I couldn’t wait to see everybody.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Bianca
“What if it goes to shit?” I asked, pacing as Regan stood calmly near me.
I was still in my living room. I hadn’t left yet, even though I was supposed to soon. I was probably already late, even.
“It won’t! You’ve been looking forward to this, haven’t you?” she asked.
“Yeah, but I’m scared. This is a lot to do,” I said.
“Just take a deep breath. He wants to see you, you know that, and you want to see him. There aren’t any problems,” she said.
“Come with me,” I said, looking at her suddenly.
“What? I wasn’t invited,” she said.
“I don’t care, I can’t go alone. Regan, I can’t go alone,” I said.
“Okay, fine, I’ll go, but I’m not going to be next to you when you see him. Let me change,” she said, going to her room.
I felt a little more at ease knowing I’d at least have a friend for the journey there, even if that were all she was around for. I hadn’t been this nervous for a long time. Our whole relationship and the incident in Paris culminated in this one moment that could make or break the rest of my life. What if neither of us gave the reaction I was hoping for? What if seeing his face, his actual face in person, triggered something in me? No, I was over-thinking this. I was just hyping myself up.
Regan came out fifteen minutes later, her hair pulled back and a little makeup on, before she grabbed her keys and dragged me along. There was a car outside waiting that Percy had sent. Regan held my hand the entire way out to and into the car. “You’ll be fine,” she said, patting my shoulder.
I hadn’t a clue where the venue was, or even how many people would be there. I asked the driver, and he said we were about three minutes away. I broke out into a cold sweat. “Why is this so hard?” I asked, putting my forehead against the seat in front of me.
“Just breathe, Bianca. It’ll be over soon,” she said, rubbing my back.
“Thank you for coming. It means a lot,” I said.
“I’ll always be here to support you,” she said.
The venue was small and nonchalant, with no signs, no lights blasting, nothing like what I thought it would be. Okay, maybe this would be a little easier. It wasn’t a big production, not a huge Hollywood party, and there weren’t any reporters or paparazzi outside. It was as low-key as it could get.
There was a man standing outside, a bouncer I was assuming, who had a clipboard. “Name?” he asked.
“Bianca Keller,” I said as he scanned the list.
“You’re on the list, you guys can go,” he said, opening the door.
“I can’t believe I got through,” Regan whispered after we walked inside.
I could hear music playing. The hallway twisted and turned in front of us. I pulled out my phone and texted Percy, telling him we were inside and that I was nervous and didn’t know what to do or where to go.
“Stay where you are, I’ll come get you and escort you,” he said.
Within five minutes he was coming out of the elevator, greeting us with a smile and thanking me for coming. “What’s going to happen?” I asked.
“Well, I know you want this private, and I think Kai would as well, if he knew you were coming,” he said.
“Wait, he doesn’t know?” I asked, looking nervously at Regan.
“I wanted it to be a surprise. I think he suspects it. It was hard to keep his phone away from him with a good enough reason, but I never came right out and said it,” he said.
“Wow, this is all so much,” I said.
“Don’t worry, it’s fine. I have a room reserved away from the party, and the guys in the band know you’re coming as well. They’re going to keep the party going and whatnot while Kai is with you. If you two decide you want to come out after, that’s your decision. If you both decide this is the last time to be together, then it’s like nothing ever happened for the other guests. While I want Kai to be happy and comfortable, your feelings and care are just as important to me as well,” he said.
“That makes me feel better. Okay, let’s go before I get too nervous,” I said.
We walked to a small room with a black leather couch and chairs inside. A few bottles of water were on a coffee table in front of the couch. “I’m going to sit this one out,” Regan said.
“What?” I asked.
“You need to see him alone, not with me there. I’ll still stay here, just out of sight until you guys are done,” she said.
“Oh, god,” I said, taking a deep breath.
She gave me a hug before walking off with Percy, leaving me in the room with the door closed. I took a bottle of water, sipping it slowly to not make myself sick as I sat on the couch and tried some breathing exercises I got
at my therapy sessions. I probably sounded like a pregnant woman to anybody passing by.
The minutes went by slowly, the clock on the wall above barely inching forward. My legs shook up and down, and I heard somebody walking towards the room. The handle turned and the door opened.
“Bianca,” Kai said in shock.
“Hi, Kai,” I said, standing up, my hands twisted in front of me.
“I didn’t know for sure you were coming. May I come in?” he asked, never leaving the doorway.
“Please,” I said, and he walked inside and closed the door.
“I’ve thought about you a lot since you know what,” he said, walking slowly towards me.
“Same for me. It’s been a long time,” I said.
He looked so healthy, like the old him but better. He’d put on a little weight, good weight, muscle, and his skin was glowing and smooth. How was he the same gaunt guy I saw in that run-down room in Paris? I couldn’t think about that version of him. It would ruin me.
“Can I hug you?” he asked bluntly.
“Yes,” I said, and he walked over.
He wrapped his arms around me and I felt good. My cheek was against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, his arms fully around me. His embrace made me feel like I was home again. I started to cry a little, my makeup now probably running, but I couldn’t contain myself. This was all that I ever wanted with him, to be happy and in his arms.
“Why are you crying?” he asked, pulling back a little while still keeping his arms around me.
“I’m just happy,” I said, looking up at him.
“I still love you, you know,” he said, causing my stomach to flip like the main star in a circus act.
“I love you, too,” I said.
With his eyes softened, he just looked at me before slowly moving in. I didn’t have trepidation or fear like I did on that Ferris wheel with Ned. I wanted it, his lips against mine. It felt so damn right.
He kissed me, the sparks flying as high as they could go, as if they were lit on Everest itself, and the rush of emotions was too much to bear. There was no tongue, nothing innately sexual, only loving and romantic. I breathed out heavily through my nose as we pulled apart, slowly, the skin on our lips sticking to one another as if it were begging us not to pull apart.
He kissed my forehead before it drifted forward against his chest. I wanted this, I wanted him, even if it weren’t going to be all roses and fireworks all the time. He was the man for me, flaws and all.
Twenty minutes had passed and we found ourselves sitting on the couch. The party was happening outside, but neither of us was paying any attention to it. “Where do we go from here?” he asked.
“Where should we go?” I asked.
“I want you in my life, not just in my life, but as mine, my girlfriend. I want to leave Paris behind us. I’m not that man anymore, but I’m also not exactly the man I was when we first met, either. I’m better. That funny, sweet, loving Kai is still here, but he’s just even better now, and I can give you all that you deserve,” he said.
“But how do I know you won’t relapse again?” I asked, for the first time not just in my head, but to his face.
“You just have to trust that I won’t. I can’t give you some magic coin or promise, because those are just words. All I can do is give you my actions, to show you that I’m different, and have you trust me again. I don’t expect you to fully trust me again this very second, but I can earn it. Just please be mine again,” he said.
I could hear the humility in his voice, and his extreme sense of sorrow. He wasn’t just feeding me lines to make me his girlfriend again, he was spilling the lower boroughs of his heart to me, his true essence and the truth as he saw it. He wasn’t just sorry about what he did, he had repented for his actions, and I could see that in him.
“You better give me a lot of foot and back massages to make it up,” I said, smiling a little.
“Does that mean we’re together again?” he asked, fully perking up.
“Yes, but you have to ask me again properly,” I said, sitting up.
“Bianca Keller, the most pretty and beautiful girl in existence, will you please do me the honor of being my girlfriend?” he asked, all cute like.
“Hm, I don’t know,” I said.
“Wait, what?” he asked.
“I’m kidding! Yes, I will be your girlfriend,” I said, and he tackled me with kisses and hugs on the couch.
I giggled heavily, likely a few snorts making the cut, before we decided we should go to the party. “Shit, I forgot Regan was here!” I said, my eyes jolting open.
“Well then, we better go save her,” he said.
We walked out of the room hand in hand before walking into the main room, where about thirty people were all dancing and having a good time.
I saw Percy across the room. He smiled, winking at me, and I gave him a small smile, my eyes saying more “thank you”s than my words ever could. Regan flocked to me, hugging me, telling me how happy she was for me and that she knew I wouldn’t regret this decision. “Thank you for helping me through this,” I whispered.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“Love you more, always,” I said.
“I’d like to make a toast,” Percy said, holding up a glass. “I’d like to make a toast not only to Kai and his sobriety and recovery, but also to Bianca, his girlfriend. I see the way he looks at you, and unfortunately I have to sit through him talking about you constantly, and I can honestly say you’re the greatest thing to happen to him. I know the road isn’t always going to be smoothly paved, and there will be rocky bits you’ll have to navigate through, but the end prize is so worth it. Cheers.”
“Cheers!” everybody said, holding up their glasses of sparkling cider.
I teared up a little, Kai kissing my cheek, his arm wrapped around my waist, before the music turned up and people dispersed onto the dance floor. “May I have this dance?” Kai asked, looking at me.
“I thought you’d never ask,” I said, taking his hand.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kai
The sun filled my bedroom as I slowly awoke the next morning. The covers, bright white, looked like fluffy marshmallows as my eyes adjusted and I peeked across the bed. Bianca was there, still asleep. I leaned over and kissed her softly on the forehead.
I slipped out of bed, getting dressed, before sneaking downstairs and trying to be as quiet as I could. I pulled out a few pans, eggs, bacon, and pancake mix, which I had Percy get me before I came back. I was going to make breakfast for her again, just like on our first morning together. I could think of nothing better to cement our new beginnings.
Last night was still so much of a whirlwind, and I wasn’t even sure I’d fully woken up from the dream. How did I, a drug addict, get with a girl like Bianca? It was funny, thinking of how I was during our first date, treating her like a groupie and all. She was the furthest thing from that. She was so kind, intelligent, cute, sexy, funny, and every other good adjective you could use about a person. I didn’t just love her, I was madly in love with her.
I cracked an egg and dumped it into the pancake mix before adding some oil and stirring. The mixture thickened, coating the wooden spoon, and I heated up my pan with some coconut oil and waited for it to bubble. I turned, looking outside my kitchen window, the city standing frozen in the distance.
It took twenty or so minutes to cook the food. I put it all on a wooden breakfast-in-bed tray a friend got me when I moved in and slowly took it upstairs. I watched the water and orange juice swirl around the cup, hoping that I wouldn’t spill it, before I walked in the bedroom and saw her looking at her phone.
“What’s all this? I was going to text you to see where you went,” she said, sitting up.
“I wanted to make you a good breakfast for our day together,” I said, setting the tray down on her lap.
“You’re so good to me,” she said, and I leaned in and gave her a kiss.
I wasn�
�t as hungry so I sat down in bed next to her, my arm around her, before turning on the television. We watched cartoons, of all things, laughing and just being full of happiness.
“What do you want to do today?” I asked.
“Anything as long as we’re together,” she said.
“How about a walk?” I asked.
“You’re really into exercise now, aren’t you?” she asked.
“Have to keep the body strong as well as the mind,” I said.
“As long as you hold my hand,” she said.
“You never have to ask for that,” I said, kissing her cheek.
We weren’t in any rush, instead just cuddling in bed all morning, not skipping a beat. I ran my fingers slowly through her hair, smelling her rose-scented shampoo and feeling at ease.
I could never lose this again.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Bianca
Three Months Later
“The last day of your freedom,” Kai said as I walked inside his house.
“Don’t remind me,” I said, pouting a little.
So much had happened in the past three months it made my head spin. I had graduated, finally, and with honors no doubt. Well, I had some doubt at the end, but nobody else needed to know that. Kai and I had taken a trip to Seattle to meet with Blake Hunter, some billionaire guy that Kai was working on a new app with. He said he wanted to be more than just a musician, and this was a charity app, though the details eluded me when he tried to explain it to me with his tech jargon.
I was starting my new job tomorrow, working for the city of Los Angeles as a child welfare worker, and I was both terrified and excited. What if I messed up? What if I couldn’t hack it on the streets? It was much different being in an actual position like this than just being in school and learning about it all in theory. I wanted to help so badly, but I was still going to be in bad neighborhoods and schools, and that was frightening.
