by Kym Dillon
It was Jessica, and in that moment, Marnie wondered if she had ever really just looked at her friend, just noticed her. Jessica was a beautiful woman, her face strong and determined, her fluttering short black hair giving her a strangely gamine appeal. Here on the edge of nowhere, after a battle that was impossible to understand, she looked vulnerable and stalwart all at once. It wasn't until she saw the silver shine of tears on Jessica's face that Marnie realized with a start that her friend was mourning.
Jessica cried without a sound for some timeless measure, but then a tall man padded out to meet her. It was Marcus, of course. He had obviously taken a beating during the fight. One eye was swollen almost shut, and he walked carefully, as if his ribs still pained him. However, from what Marnie now knew of shifter physiology, he probably wouldn't show any signs of his mistreatment within a few days.
For a long moment, he stood wordlessly behind Jessica, and then he laid a hand on her shoulder. Jessica jumped slightly, and instead of turning to face him, she dropped her cheek down to his hand to nuzzle it gently.
"You'll make yourself sick if you keep crying like this," Marcus rumbled, and Jessica choked on a laugh.
"How can I stop?" she demanded. "What the hell am I supposed to do at a time like this? My best friend is dead."
But I'm not dead at all, Marnie thought, strangely indignant.
"I didn't know she was your best friend," Marcus said, coming up to wrap his arms around Jessica's waist from behind. She hesitated, and then Marnie felt a pang as Jessica relaxed into Marcus's embrace. There was a weary resignation on her face that Marnie had never seen before. Jessica was always the bold one, the fighter, the one who bristled with energy and would never, ever be stopped. For her to find a man who could encourage her to lean on him, well, that was something truly special.
"Of course she's my best friend," Jessica said, her voice soft. "We grew up together, made it into medical school together, and believe me, we had to have each other's backs in those days. Our courses at medical school... well, they were competitive to say the least, and we were two of very few female students. The men never welcomed us, some of the professors were asshole dinosaurs who not-so-privately thought that women didn't have what it took to actually be doctors... it was a nightmare sometimes.
"Marnie's the one who got me through it. Everyone always called me the firecracker, but she was the real powerhouse. She was the real genius, and her work after that proved it. She was brilliant, and never boasted about it or made a big deal about it. She just always did her best, and she always inspired me do my best."
Marnie felt as if her heart were a piece of paper that was being ripped slowly in two. She had no idea that Jessica felt that way about her. She had always stood in awe of her best friend's mind and strength. To know that Jessica regarded her similarly touched her deeply. Why had they never talked about how they felt?
While Marnie was still thinking about that, Jessica's face suddenly crumpled. Her hands rose to cover her sobs, and she sagged back against Marcus. Marnie could see that the werepanther was supporting her friend's weight, a look of deep sorrow on his face.
"God, how could I have shouted at her like that? How could I have said those words to her? I was so cruel, and now I don't even understand it. It was as if I had lost all control over myself, and went insane. It was like there was something whispering all this... all this poison in my ear, and I didn't have any choice but to listen to it.
"Marnie would never have flirted with a guy that I was interested in. We used to go on double dates together when we had the time, and believe me, she never made feel left out or less than she was. I know this shit, I've known it ever since we met. How could I have been so cruel?"
Marcus hugged Jessica tightly, his face a mask of sorrow.
"That outburst wasn't entirely your fault. Not really."
Jessica laughed through her tears, a sad and soggy sound.
"Oh really? And why is that?"
"I hadn't thought about this until just now. I wish I had. It wouldn't have changed the final outcome, but it might have given you a few more precious hours with your friend.
"There are rumors among shifters that when a pair bond is very strong, every emotion gets turned up. We love harder, we feel joy more powerfully, the sensual and sexual urges are enhanced."
"Animal magnetism," Jessica said speculating, and Marcus nodded.
"Something like that. However, the negative emotions can be enhanced as well. That means that a hint of jealousy..."
"Can turn into a full on terrible out of control tornado," Jessica said, finally understanding. "A little bit of irritation at a partner being gone can turn into a full out rage..."
"Right. Separation is known to make it worse. When split up, bonded pairs who are normally cheerful and easy going can turn into vultures, cruel and angry with one another, and the longer it lasts, the more intense the insanity."
"So, that all happened because of our separation and not because I suddenly handed my rational mind over to raging maniacal bitch?"
Marcus nodded painfully, a sad look on his face.
"When you chose me, you chose a very strange path, and there are trials and tribulations as well as pleasures," he said. "I am very sorry, Jessica. I should have prepared you better. If I had, that argument might not have happened at all."
Jessica turned around in Marcus's arms, going up on tiptoe, and he hunched so that she was nose to nose with him. It made Marnie ache all over again to see her friend so intimate with a man. Jessica had dated a little in college, but there was always something wary about her interactions with the opposite sex. To see her so close, so wonderfully loose and trusting with Marcus, healed something raw in Marnie's heart.
"If you know anything about the psychological or physiological interactions between humans and shifters, from now on, I want you to tell me. But... It is good to hear that there is an explanation for what happened and why I went off like a loose cannon. I was afraid I was losing my mind."
She buried her face in Marcus's chest, and Marnie almost didn't hear it when her friend said, "I love you."
The look on Marcus's face reminded Marnie of the sunshine. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that her friend would be protected and cared for her entire life, and something in her opened with pleasure and joy for Jessica.
"I love you so much, Jessica."
"Will staying close to each other prevent that reaction from happening again," she asked, wiping her eyes a little and stepping back.
That's Jessica, Marnie thought affectionately. No time for cuddles, time to move on with the data gathering.
Marcus smiled as if that was one of his favorite parts of Jessica as well.
"Theoretically. If we stay together, we end up being more balanced and in tune. We smooth each other out. In eras past, the bond was designed to make us better hunters, though of course that only applies when both members of the bonded pairs are shifters..."
"Don't count me out so fast," Jessica said with a tiny smile. "I thought I did pretty well with the torch last night."
"You did," Marcus said, giving her a deep kiss. "There are a few places I go where you cannot follow, but I can see about taking missions that have space for a medic, especially one as lovely as you.."
Jessica sighed tiredly.
"I can't look that far forward," she said, breaking apart from him. "There has to be something that I can do for this village still, something that can save those that remain. Maybe... maybe afterward, I can stop and think about that."
Marnie realized that she could read Marcus's thoughts as clear as day. A cloud drifted over his face, and she could see him weighing the possibilities of simply pulling Jessica away, of stealing off with her into the sunrise and taking her to a place where this sickness could not possibly touch her.
Then she saw him surrender the idea, instead offering her his arm as they trudged back to camp. That was good too. He knew that Jessica would put the work of saving others
before her own life if she had to. To take it away would make her other than who she was, and in a way, that itself would destroy her.
He understands her, that's good, Marnie thought with relief, and then she knew that she had to keep going. She couldn't wait too long, or that tugging towards the darkness would grow even more powerful.
She sailed over the camp, catching fleeting impressions of pain and terror, sadness and resignation. Her soul burned with sympathetic pangs, but she had to be careful not to get sucked into any of it. If she did, she might have grown stuck forever or some other strange and dire fate. Instead, the closer she got to the medical tents, the stronger the pull was towards her own body. She sailed faster and faster until things were passing in rush of colors, and then everything went black.
For a moment, Marnie wondered if it was all over, and then she realized that in the darkness, she could hear voices.
"I cannot let you take her from this place."
The voice was Dr. Carter's, low and raspy. Though she had insisted that all of her medical team take sleep shifts, it sounded as if she had not done the same herself. She sounded as though she had worked all night. This morning, after so much grief, she was simply worn out.
"And I am telling you that you cannot stop me," growled Jax.
Even when he was angry, his voice was so beloved that it made Marnie want to leap into his arms. He was so close, why couldn't she raise her arms and go to him? Why couldn't she call out to him?
It took a massive effort to even open her eyes, and when she did, she was startled to see that she was surrounded by a white glow. After a moment of confusion, Marnie realized that she was looking at something that had grown very familiar to her in the past twenty-four hours, though certainly not from this angle.
I'm in a body bag, she thought with skin-crawling horror. Oh my god...
She could feel herself start to panic, but her body wasn't responding to her at all. She felt as if she was encased in a hollow of concrete. There was no pressure on her, but she couldn't move. She was trapped in her own body, and a creeping claustrophobia started to set in.
"No," Dr. Carter said, and there was some impatience in her voice. "I suppose if you decided in all your testosterone fueled male grief and rage that you had to pick up her poor body and throw it over your shoulder, there would be little I could do."
Jax growled, a sound that would make most men shake in their boots, but Dr. Carter continued.
"And you would be responsible for spreading this damn disease wherever you took her. You want to take her home? That means taking her through an international airport, Jax. That means exposing an entire traveling population to germs that might still be very viable. Where are all those people going? You're going to the United States, which, let's be honest doesn't always move as fast as it should when it comes to epidemics. What about the people who are going to major population centers like London or Beijing? The people who are going to small rural homes, where there's no professional medical help for miles? You may very well be dooming them to what is happening here, something that Marnie herself would never abide."
Dr. Carter paused. Jax was quiet now, and Marnie wondered if they were done. However, when Dr. Carter continued, her voice was strangely soft, almost subdued.
"I think you know...we have a friend in common."
Jax made a sound of acknowledgment. He sounded almost reluctant to say anything, and Marnie paused in her struggle to understand what Carter was talking about.
"He's not under anyone’s control... but I think that I could convince him to see my side of things, don't you?"
Jax's growl was low, but there was a note of surrender in it.
"You fight dirty, Doctor," he said begrudgingly.
Marnie could imagine Dr. Carter's slight and rueful smile. When she spoke, she sounded even more fatigued, and for not the first time, Marnie wondered what the woman had gone through
"That's using whatever tools I have at my disposal to keep the world safe, Jax. I swear to you, Marnie's remains will be taken care of. They will not be handled disrespectfully, and we will use them to learn what we can in order to combat this disease. I swear to you. I may not have known her that well or for that long, but I am familiar with her work. As another female in this profession, I can assure you that this is what she would have wanted."
Jax sighed, giving in.
"I know. I know you are right, and that is the only thing that makes the idea bearable."
"Thank you."
"I need to leave," he said. "I can't survive this. I'm not a problem. As soon as I am packed, I’ll be going. I can't stand this."
That piece of information sent a jolt through Marnie. She longed to tell him to stay, she was alive, she was fine, but she couldn't move.
She listened helplessly as he left. She could still hear Dr. Carter moving around in the tent for a moment.
"What the hell are we going to do?" she wondered out loud, and then she was gone too.
10
It took Marnie more than an hour before she was fully back in her body. She fought for control over every muscle she had, but as she gained more and more control it got easier. The terrifying thought of being conscious when someone came to examine her body, with all the brutality that autopsy implied, spurred her forward.
Finally, she woke up all the way, her body aching, but it was a triumphant ache. She was in full control, and she struggled to free herself of the body bag.
Well, it's not like they're designed to be opened from the inside, Marnie thought ruefully. She had to have a sense of humor about this, she decided, otherwise she might go stark raving mad.
She was completely naked. Someone had likely bagged her clothes for possible contamination. There was a blanket in one of the cabinets, though, and when it was draped over her bare figure, she supposed it would cover her body well enough to get where she was going.
Marnie was on her way out the door when it occurred to her to look at her arm. The arm where that first terrible boil had appeared was perfectly clear.
With a soft gasp, she looked down at the rest of her body. There wasn't a single mark on her, and Marnie's eyes widened. What happened? Had she come back from the dead? Was it a miracle?
She was a woman of science. She rejected the idea of miracles, but she was still overwhelmed by what had happened. The damage to her body, to her organs, there was no way that they could have healed so quickly, so completely, but now she felt completely healthy, if sore. She shook her head. She could deal with it later. Right now, she needed to find Jax.
The camp was just waking up, and from the village, she could hear the renewed cries of grief. More had died in the night, some others had discovered themselves stricken with the disease. Marnie put the thoughts of the disease outside of her head, and she ran to the trailer that had been set aside for Jax and Marcus.
She knew that Marcus was likely wherever Jessica was, but she found Jax in residence. He had packed as he said he would, a small saddlebag sat at his feet. Instead of moving on, however, he simply sat on the bunk, head cradled between his hands.
The door was open, she let herself in. Even then, he didn't look up.
"Jax," she said, her voice rusty. "It's me..."
"No, it's not," he said flatly. There was such a flat and relentless tone to his voice that she was taken aback. He didn't even raise his head to look at her.
"Of course it is," she said in shock. "It's me, Jax, it's Marnie, just look at me..."
Jax's laugh was harsh, and she could tell from the way his breath rasped that he had been shouting or crying or both.
"Marnie Arbinger is lying in a body bag in a trailer to the west," he said, his words dropped like bricks. "She expired from massive organ failure hours ago. She died in my arms, and Stephanie Carter had to threaten to tranquilize me before I would let her go. I followed her to the place where they sealed her body away from me, and I sat with her throughout the night."
He drew a deep shaky
breath, and right then, Marnie couldn't bear it any longer. She reached for him with a shaking hand. Without looking up, Jax's hand shot out, wrapping around her wrist with a punishing grip. Marnie cried out, but his grasp didn't relax at all.
"Listen to me," he said, his tone deadly. He never looked at her, and Marnie felt a chill of fear. "Marnie died. I sat with her all night, and I talked with her. I talked until my voice gave out. I begged her to come back. I promised her the world if she would come back. I shouted at her, called her the worst things imaginable. She wouldn't come back for pity; she wouldn’t come back for anger. Finally, I threatened the camp. I told her that if she didn't open her eyes, I would burn this god forsaken place to the ground. I would do it in a heartbeat."
Marnie shuddered. Had losing her pushed Jax over the edge? Had something in him broken so completely that there was no coming back from it? It would be the most agonizing irony to lose him now.
"And you know what? That's when I knew that she was gone. If she wouldn't come back to save the people here, she wasn't coming back. That's how I know that you are not her."
Now he did look up at her, and she gasped. His eyes were green, but they were different from the eyes that had looked at her with such love, such affection and care. Now there was something bestial in them, the human edged out by the beast. Jax had given in to something that lived inside him, and she felt a buzz of fear. This might not be something that listened to reason. If she couldn't get through to him, she had no idea what he might do. He might kill her. He might actually torch the camp as he had threatened to do. By the time she would be able to get to Marcus to explain what was happening and enlist his help in stopping Jax, it might be entirely too late. Marnie knew that she had to convince him that she was indeed who she said she was, but now?
"I... All right, if I'm not Marnie, who I am?" she asked, trying to stay reasonable. She could talk her way out of this... couldn't she?"
