by Anya Nowlan
“With getting Jackie back.” The way he said it thrust a knife-edge right into Callie’s heart. She heard all the pain he must have been feeling in his scant words, and what he didn’t say was obvious in the way he carried himself – a man without his other half.
How didn’t I see it before? It was Jackie all along…
Callie looked up at Jonah, and though his posture was rigid and she could see the distrust in his eyes, he nodded slightly. She turned back to Ryder.
“Okay. I think you need to tell us the whole story. Come in, Ryder.”
I can’t leave him alone with this. We found our happiness, we have to help them find theirs, if we can…
NEEDING HER BEAR
MONTANA WILD BEARS
BOOK 4
BY
ANYA NOWLAN
CHAPTER ONE
Ryder’s jaw squared as he walked past Jonah and headed into the cabin after Callie. He saw the look the younger man gave him, and there was no love lost between them. The scar from the swipe Ryder had landed on Jonah’s cheek hadn’t even fully healed yet. Ryder was mildly surprised that Jonah had even let him talk to Callie for more than two words. He had to wonder if he’d come to Callie and Jonah partially hoping to get into a fight or whether he was truly naïve enough to think that there was still a chance.
There hasn’t been a chance for more than a year now, Ryder reminded himself glumly. And yet, there he was, literally begging for help from a man whose family he had tried so hard to destroy over the last couple of months and a woman who had all but betrayed him. The lengths she makes me go to.
He sat down on the couch in front of the fireplace, and Callie and Jonah both took seats on leather chairs, banking him on either side. All of a sudden, he felt incredibly exhausted. It took all the effort in the world to keep his shoulders from slouching lower.
“I must look like shit,” Ryder murmured conversationally, pulling a hand through his dirty blonde hair. The look on Callie’s face confirmed his suspicions. Then again, spending a week in the bottom of a whiskey bottle did that to a man. His ribs still ached from the beating he had taken from Jonah and Jackson, and he had a nasty gash on his leg that would not heal. He’d made the conscious decision to keep away from the clan since Jackie had shown up like the flames of hell on a sunny day. As much as he knew, it was a good idea to not pile his frustration on his people immediately – it came with the uncomfortable side effect of not healing quite as well. Werebear magic was always strongest when they were together, which was rather uncomfortable for a group of shifters who couldn’t stand being in close quarters for too long.
“What’s this about?” Jonah asked impatiently. Ryder caught the tail end of the disapproving glare that Callie tossed in Jonah’s direction and the indignant shrug that the man gave in return. It only took one glance at Jonah for Ryder to know that he wasn’t welcome there. And why would he, after all he’d done?
“It’s about Jackie. I… we… I’ve been trying to talk to her for more than a year. Ever since Bitterroot, ever since… well. Let’s say that I’ve really needed to talk to her, and she hasn’t been very forthcoming with her time.” Ryder could feel Jonah getting tenser by the moment. At any other time, his bear would be bristling with rage and they’d be at each other’s faces already. But he didn’t have the fight left in him anymore, nor did his bear. Instead of reacting, he took Jonah’s anger with stoic indifference.
Would it even matter if he killed me? Would she give a shit? Ryder shook his head. He’d tried hard to control the morose thoughts that had been swimming in his head since Jackie had given him and Jackson the earful of a lifetime, and he’d promptly gone and drowned himself in a bottle. But merely trying real hard didn’t seem to be doing the trick at the moment.
The battle was still fresh in his mind, though it was overshadowed by Jackie’s return. Just seeing her there, in the midst of the bloody fight, had made Ryder suddenly lose all his composure. It had come as much of a shock to Jackson as it had to him, Ryder thought. While it had stopped them both from doing something they would have ultimately (perhaps) regretted, a twinge of resentment boiled somewhere beneath Ryder’s longing. He’d done everything he could think of to get in touch with her, and only when he was about to kill or be killed by her older brother did she see it fit to show up and grace him with her presence?
But isn’t that what you were trying to accomplish?
“I think you’re going to have to tell us everything, Ryder. From the start,” Callie urged. Before she could finish, he shook his head resolutely. He looked at her, her brown eyes flooded with guilt and compassion. Wasn’t he playing on exactly that? That Callie would feel bad enough for betraying the clan to help him even if he didn’t deserve it? Truthfully, he knew he should have been thanking her for what she did, but that was just one in a long line of truths he had got exceptionally good at ignoring lately.
“I can’t tell you everything. But it’s because Jackie has wanted it that way.” Jonah started to stand from the chair, clearly ready to show Ryder the door. Ryder stopped him with a raise of his hand, his palms grimy from not having seen running water in a while. “But I’ll tell you what I can. And probably more than I should. Hell, knowing your sister, probably even I don’t know everything. But maybe it’ll answer some of the questions you might be having. That you should be having,” Ryder said, looking at Jonah. The younger werebear fell back into the chair with a huff, far from pleased with how things were playing out. Ryder settled back to eyeing the half-burnt logs in the fireplace. The words wanted to choke him. Even thinking about her made him want to break something, and talking about it wasn’t going to be an easy feat.
CHAPTER TWO
In Bitterroot, far too long ago…
He breathed in deeply, enjoying the smell of the mountains filling his lungs. The sun had peeked out from behind the taller peaks a while ago, and Ryder had been up for hours. Spring had been kind to Bitterroot. The ground had thawed out quickly, and life had returned to its pre-winter normal. Instead of the painful bite of cold, the sun was slowly bringing everything to life. He could feel it in his bones. Shifting became easier with each passing day. Just like their wild cousins, werebears preferred to sleep through the winter, though it wasn’t quite as all-encompassing. They hunkered down in their homes, sure, but instead of tiny insulated caves, werebears had cozy lodges and plenty of amenities to keep things pleasant during their time of rest. And Ryder had kept the best company over the previous winter.
He grinned to himself, hearing soft footsteps behind him. He kept staring out at the lazy morning, pretending as if he didn’t hear her behind him, until she was just a few steps away. Before she could jump back, Ryder had whirled around with impressive speed and scooped the small, curvy treat up in his arms.
“Ryder! No!” Jackie squealed as Ryder hugged her against him and kissed her on her cheek and neck. “Your beard tickles!” she squealed, batting at his biceps half-heartedly and trying to lean away from him.
“Oh no you don’t,” he growled, cupping her delicious ass with both hands and picking her up.
She straddled his hips and fell into a long, passionate kiss that made every nerve in Ryder’s body stand up in anticipation. His tongue dipped into her mouth, and she tasted like the sweetest honey. Her delicate fingers raked through his hair and gripped his shoulders, clinging to him as if he were a life raft on a stormy sea. His heart pounded out of his chest. They’d been hidden away in the cabin for more than three months, and he still couldn’t get enough of her. Every time he got his hands on her, everything came flooding back again. She was like a drug he couldn’t get enough of. A precious gem he wanted to keep all for himself.
“Ryder, you need to go,” she whispered, pulling away from the kiss with obvious difficulty. He muttered something in agreement, squeezing her ass and nibbling at her earlobe. She smelled like an intoxicating mix of jasmine and pine. It drove him wild.
“No, Ryder, I’m serious,” Jackie protes
ted as he walked her back to the cabin, slamming the door shut behind him with a kick of the foot.
“I know you are, babe,” Ryder agreed, setting her to sit on the edge of the dining table. She was dressed only in one of his old Montana Grizzlies tees and a pair of red panties that looked ripe for peeling off of her. He gripped her by the hips and pulled her against him, letting her feel exactly what she was doing to him. Ryder caught her in mid-objection, which swiftly turned into a trembling moan. Her nails were running down the length of his arms, and he kissed her again, hard. Every fiber of his being wanted nothing more than to get her naked and adore every piece of her right there on the table. His hands slipped under the soft cotton and felt the gentle curve of her back and the tapering of her waist. She was soft and yielding under his touch, a stark contrast to the hardness of his muscles and the coiling lengths that bound together to form his strength.
Jackie reacted to his kisses, her breath growing quicker, and her thighs clenching around his waist as he trailed his fingertips along her skin and over the small of her back, just the way she liked it. His hand slipped between her legs, and he pressed his fingers against the fabric of her panties, feeling the hotness of her sex. He growled through gritted teeth, parting the folds and rubbing over her clit in slow, luxuriating motions. When he went to pull off the shirt, she stopped him by gripping his wrists.
“Jackie, don’t make me play rough with you,” he said, exhaling deeply. Jackie’s teeth grazed over her plush pink lower lip, and her blue eyes shimmered with lust. She groaned loudly, unwrapping her legs from around his waist and planting her palms firmly on the table. She didn’t move away from his hand quite as quickly, though, and it didn’t go unnoticed by him.
She’s so fucking hot even when she’s pouting.
“I’d like nothing better. But you need to go. You promised. You’ve been postponing this all winter. Your whole clan knows I’m hidden away here with you, but you need to tell them point blank, to make it official.” Ryder hung his head, squaring his jaw. It was going to take more than simple will power to force his excitement down. He hated when she was right, and she was right more and more often the longer they were together.
“Fine. But I’m going to need a minute,” he said, resigning himself to his unavoidable fate.
“I can see that.”
Ryder glanced up, seeing Jackie look down at his crotch with a pained expression painted on her face. At least she was finding their responsibilities as distasteful as he was.
“And I expect you to thank me thoroughly for my sacrifice when I get back,” he said, kissing her on the lips and fighting himself to keep from lingering with the kiss.
“I’d expect nothing less.”
Ryder helped her off the table, slapping her on the ass playfully as Jackie skittered off towards the kitchen, her blonde hair a mess of waves trailing behind her.
“Coffee?” she yelled. Ryder grinned to himself, hearing the strain in her voice. He could smell it from all the way in the living room. She was completely wet and ready for him. That smell had been driving him up the walls all winter, and he hadn’t got nearly as much rest as he was planning to. A situation he would never be sad about. He’d trade sleep for the rest of his life for another moment in bed with Jackie.
“Yup.”
She’d shown up at his door in November, when it was already cold as hell and near impossible to get as high up in Bitterroot as where Ryder lived. He didn’t ask questions, and she didn’t offer any answers. He’d just stepped out of the way, and she’d plopped down on his couch with one duffel bag and asked him what was for dinner. There had been enough fireworks to amuse the residents of Bear’s Grove for a few weeks the last time they’d seen one another. A few years of cooling down did miracles for the two of them. There had never been any doubt in his mind that she was the only one he could ever be with. It was a relief that she seemed to think the same about him.
She returned soon with two steaming cups of coffee. One black as tar for Ryder and one with honey for herself. Before sitting down, Ryder pulled out a chair for her so she could join him at the table that he had almost managed to use as a distraction for getting out of his responsibilities.
“So, what are you going to tell them?” Jackie asked, quirking a brow. Ryder scruffier a hand through his hair, barely suppressing a shrug.
“I thought I would get Drake and Troy and the rest of the lieutenants together and tell them my stand on it.” He paused knowingly, doing his best to look as blasé as he could. The quick jab that Jackie landed at his arm made him recoil back in mock outrage. “What was that for!” he demanded, a smirk trembling at the edges of his lips. Jackie positively glared at him, and Ryder basked in the light of her frustration. He knew exactly what she wanted him to tell her, and he had the right to have at least a little bit of fun with it.
“You know very well what! Tell me your stand on it,” she grumbled, her brows knitting together. Her button nose scrunched up a little every time she got peeved at him. Her legs were gathered up, the balls of her feet barely gripping the edge of the chair with her knees drawn up to her chest. He didn’t mind the view at all, her long legs peeking over the side of the table.
If I could just drag her to the bedroom for one more minute…
“Ryder,” she said sternly, shaking him from his revelry. “Focus.”
“Right. My stand on it.” Ryder cleared his voice. “Well. I’m going to tell them that Jacqueline Arder and I have rekindled our relationship yet again.” She threw him a scathing look, and Ryder raised his palms. “Easy there, beast. I’m not done yet. I’m going to tell them that this time we won’t try to kill each other when we get angry and that we’re grown-ups who can handle their conflicts in mature, sophisticated ways. Like fucking until we don’t have the energy to be mad anymore or punching a few solid objects, if that’s what you’re into,” he said, receiving another jab at his shoulder.
He sipped at his coffee and grinned, putting the heavy ceramic mug down.
“I’m going to tell them that the love of my life is here to stay, and we’ll be married by the end of the summer. And the Arder-Bitterroot alliance will finally be set in stone. A particularly gorgeous looking stone if I do say so myself,” he said, taking her hand in his and running a thumb over the heavy opal that adorned her ring finger. Being the last remaining Hunt bloodline bear, he had had his pick of family heirlooms when choosing the engagement ring. His choice had immediately landed on his mother’s ring, though. There were few women as fiery as his mother had been, and if there was anyone who could do the ring justice then it was Jackie.
Ryder’s gaze tracked up to his bride, and her expression had softened, a small smile dancing on her lips. She leant forward and kissed him lightly on the lips, before stretching her hand out and admiring the ring.
“Jacqueline Arder-Hunt. Doesn’t sound too bad.”
“Jacqueline Hunt,” he corrected her casually.
“We can argue about that later.”
“I’m sure we will,” he agreed. To the bystander, their quibbling and quarrelling could have looked like a relationship in danger, but Ryder knew he simply had the good luck of having a woman who could speak her mind. And he wouldn’t have it any other way. Jackie was sassy, hot-tempered, capable and with Alpha blood. She was everything he could ever ask for in a mate, and he’d known that she was the one ever since he was barely old enough to understand the concept of love. She was his fated mate and there was no way around it. They’d broken up more times over the years than either of them could count, but no matter what happened, they always ended back together again. The bond was undeniable, and, try as they might, they were still drawn together and there were few things in the universe as hot and charged as Ryder and Jackie at their best.
“Do you think they’ll take it well?” she asked after a short pause in the conversation, both of them having fallen silent for a moment. He nodded thoughtfully, taking in her scent with a deep inhale. He couldn’t
help it. She smelled delicious. And there was something about her lately that made it harder and harder for him to leave her alone even for a minute. It was as if something was tying him right to her side, making him unable to leave. Not that he wanted to. Ryder thought he knew what it was, but she hadn’t confirmed or denied his suspicions yet. It was only right to give her time, if that was what she needed. He’d kept putting off the meeting with his lieutenants for far too long, solely for the reason that he didn’t want to let her out of his sight for a second. But she wasn’t part of the clan yet and taking her to the meeting would have bypassed so many clan traditions and rules that he would run out of daylight before he was done counting them all.
“I think they’ll take it just fine. I mean, it’s not like this is something new. Like you said, everyone’s seen you in town already, and I’d like to think that none of my people are imbeciles. Loyal to a fault, sure, but all with their faculties intact. If anyone had a problem with this, then they would have come to me already. What about your family?” Ryder took a deep swig from his coffee. As much as he’d been reluctant about making it official for the Bitterroots, Jackie had been no better with the Arders. He figured her reasons were much the same as his. Whenever things became official, became ‘real’, something would happen to them. A dumb fight, a misplaced word or a stupid deed – something always managed to screw up their happiness. It was almost like if they’d managed to hide their love away, keep it tucked away safely in the confines of the lodge, then it couldn’t be destroyed. They could be safe and sound in their little bubble of happiness.
