Chapter 24
Aurora
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I turned and screamed back toward my front door. It was still open, and Nolan was still standing in the doorway like he owned the damn place.
I was going to throttle him.
“Why did you do that?” I started stalking back toward him, fists curled into tight balls at my side.
Nolan watched me with his arms crossed casually and a light smirk on his thin lips.
“You should be thanking me,” he replied sweetly. “I just made things so much easier when the results come back that I’m the father. At least this way he’ll have a little warning.”
I was seeing red and about to launch myself at him in rage when Amy shot out and wrapped her arms around me, effectively pinning my arms to my side.Sometimes I hated being the short friend. She easily kept me restrained as she led me back into the apartment, whispering reassurances in my ear.
“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. This is is a little hiccup, but at the end of the day Brendon loves you and he trusts you. Don’t worry.”
No amount of telling me not to worry could make me not worry. Brendon wasn’t normally the type to storm away in a huff, so he must’ve been pretty goddamn pissed to do so tonight.
Amy set me down on the sofa and Nolan followed us inside, closing the door and locking it for good measure.
“You had no right!” I snapped. “Just because you’re in my apartment doesn’t mean you get to answer my door or speak to my guests like that. The only reason you’re here in the first place is because I need your DNA.”
“Oh, baby, you already have my DNA.” He reached out and I divined his intent before he was actually able to put a hand on my belly. I slapped his hand away and glowered at him.
Amy forced her way between us. Her expression read pure fury. She and I had been in the bathroom, rereading the directions of the test to make sure we’d collected Nolan’s sample correctly, when Brendon showed up. I’d asked Nolan to wait after giving his sample so that I could be sure we’d done it right, not wanting to risk having to calling him back, and now I regretted not kicking him out the second we’d swabbed him. I read in Amy’s expression that she regretted it too.
I knew she was rooting for Brendon and would have rather seen me marry a big pile of dirt than go home with Nolan.
“You listen right here, mister,” Amy said, waving a finger in Nolan’s face. “You are not the father of this baby until we have proven you are. Even if we prove you are, you are not allowed to touch Aurora or her adorable baby belly unless she gives you explicit permission to do so. If I hear you’ve been touching her without her consent you best believe I’m going to make you wish you didn’t even have hands. Understand?”
Nolan had never taken Amy seriously and he wasn’t going to change now. Still, something about her tone must’ve gotten to him on some level as he nodded.
“Good.” Amy pointed to the door. “Now get out. You’ve caused enough trouble.”
“I’ll go freely,” he said, sauntering toward the exit. “I’ll be close though, Aurora. I’m not leaving New York until we get the results of the test, and if it turns out that baby is mine, I won’t be leaving without you.”
My eyes stung with unshed tears. Going home with Nolan now seemed a greater threat than it ever was before. There were only so many layers that separated me and the life I’d left behind in Bridgefield, and one of those layers had stormed off only a few minutes before. Brendon would never forgive me if it turned out that the baby wasn’t his. Who was to say he’d forgive me if it turned out that it was?
The door slammed closed behind Nolan and I started. Amy wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me tight, burying her face in the top of my head.
“I’ve got to call Brendon,” I said, pulling free.
“Wait!” she grabbed my arm and stopped me. “How are you going to explain what happened?”
“I don’t know.” I pulled away from her. “I just have to talk to him. I have to tell him I’m sorry.”
I’d been treating Brendon horribly for weeks and was already plagued with guilt over that. Now he thought I was cheating on him too, and that was a burden I couldn’t bear. I grabbed my phone from the coffee table and unlocked it, selecting his name from my contacts and waiting for him to answer the call.
He didn’t.
I got Brendon’s voicemail and hung up, calling him back. When it went to voicemail a second time, I hung up without leaving one. What was I supposed to say? The realization that I had no plan for how I was going to handle the outfall flooded me with bitterness.
I turned to Amy, heart thudding dully in my chest. “What am I going to do?”
“We only have to wait a few days,” she said. “Just a few days and then you’ll know for sure. Brendon will understand.”
“But what am I supposed to do in the meantime?” I asked.
She pulled back and looked at me, brushing a strand of hair from my eyes. “What are you supposed to do? You can’t explain what just happened without telling him you’re pregnant, and I thought that was something you wanted to avoid until you knew for sure?”
“It is.” I sighed. “Or at least it was, until that idiot had to ruin everything. I should have never asked Nolan. I should have just taken my chances and smuggled something out of Brendon’s apartment.”
Amy’s crystal orbs rolled to her forehead. “As much fun as it would have been, I’m firmly of the opinion that we were best to avoid any and all spy games.”
I pulled myself free from her hold, grabbed my phone, and walked over to the wall, leaning against it while I hugged my arms to my chest. The situation had gone from bad to worse, and was so complicated that I wasn’t’ sure which thread I could pull without sending the whole thing falling apart at the seams. I wanted to explain to Brendon who the man in my apartment was and why he was there, but couldn’t do so without telling him I was pregnant. I didn’t want to tell him I was pregnant when I didn’t even know if he was the father, and I especially didn’t want him to know that the other potential father was my ex-boyfriend Nolan.
Unfortunately, I had limited options. If I didn’t tell him, I could lose him forever. If I did tell him, I could still lose him forever, but at least I’d know I tried my best.
“I have to go over there,” I said finally.
I tried to read Amy’s expression to see if she thought this was a good idea or if she thought I’d gone mad, but her features didn’t have a wrinkle out of place. She gazed at me serenely and then, with only the slightest movement, gave me a short nod.
“I get it,” she said. “Want me to come along?”
I shook my head. “No, I should do this alone.”
Amy stepped toward me, eyes filled with concern. “I don’t want you to have to do this on your own,” she said. “What if he’s an asshole about it?”
I shrugged and pushed off from the wall, stepping around her and grabbing my keys from the coffee table. I clutched them tightly in my hand. As simple as the little pieces of cut metal were, they were also my only concrete anchor to New York City. If I didn’t have these keys, I wouldn’t have a place to live. Of all the things holding me here, these were the only ones that I could touch and feel, and sometimes it felt like all my dreams for myself and this city hung on the same metal ring.
“If he’s an asshole, he’s an asshole,” I said, already putting on my shoes. “I love him though, Amy. I don’t know what he must think of me right now but it’s making me sick not knowing. Good or bad, today I’m going to tell him everything.”
Brendon had ignored my phone calls, so it wasn’t like I was expecting a warm welcome at his apartment or anything. Still, it irked me when his doorman initially told me he wasn’t taking visitors. I told the doorman that he was either going to have to physically drag me off the property or let me up to see Brendon, and after a few words with Brendon, the doorman let me through.
I wasn’t sure what I was w
alking into. I’d never seen Brendon so mad as he was when I caught a glimpse of him in the elevator on the way down from my apartment, and as such didn’t know how he handled anger. Was he a yeller? Maybe he was the quiet type. Maybe he was perfectly calm and reasonable.
He answered his door with a sullen look and a biting question. “What do you want?”
“Brendon Ralston, that is no way to treat the woman you claim to love,” I snapped.
Being pregnant was not fun, nor was it easy. I wasn’t going to take any more flack than I had to today, and I suspected his mom would be disappointed if she saw him speaking to me like that.
Brendon knew it wasn’t right either, so he let me inside with a bitter sigh. I didn’t even get two steps into the apartment before he started flinging accusations on me.
“I should have known,” he said. “I should have known the second you started acting so cagey and distant that there was someone else. So who was that guy, huh? He seems like a dick so I assume it was Nolan, but I guess it could be someone new.”
He closed the door and walked over to stand in front of me, eyes hard and unwavering. I felt the full brunt of his gaze but held my ground. I hadn’t done anything wrong today, and Brendon would be begging me for forgiveness as soon as he saw how ridiculous he was being.
“It was Nolan,” I replied, working to keep the tremor from my voice. “But it isn’t what you think. I’m not cheating on you.”
“Then why was he there? Because he stopped in to catch up? After everything you’ve told me about him, I’m so disappointed to see you fall for his shit all over again.”
That one stung, more so because he thought spending time with Nolan was something I wanted to do.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get the secret out before it exploded in my chest.
“I’m pregnant, Brendon.”
His expression immediately slackened, and I watched as the corner of his mouth lifted with the slightest twitch. For a second, my heart soared and I really thought we did have a chance together. Brendon and I could be something. We could get through this. We could have a baby together and start a family, all we needed to do was learn to trust one another.
But then reality settled back in like a poisonous fog and forced me to admit the true reason for Nolan’s visit.
“Nolan came to provide a sample of his DNA for a paternity test.” I shifted my gaze to the floor, but forced it back up again a moment later. “The baby might be yours. It might be his.”
Brendon’s gaze widened and he staggered back, his hands bunching into fists at his sides. “So you were cheating on me but you aren’t anymore?” he accused coldly.
“No! It’s not like that!” I cried. “I haven’t touched that asshole since before I left for New York. Unfortunately, our first encounter was around the same time. I honestly believe the baby is yours but there’s no way of knowing for sure until we get the results.”
Brendon stilled for a moment, breathing while his facial features reorganized themselves into their original spots. I hated to see him mad, but I had to admit the expression suited him. His dark hair and eyes lent him a wild, primal ferocity. He looked almost the same when we were in bed sometimes, and it never failed to send shivers of electric pleasure down to the tips of my toes.
When Brendon spoke again, his voice came cold and sharp like shattered ice. “When were you planning on telling me about this?”
I gulped. “I was waiting until I knew for sure who the baby’s father was.”
His jaw tightened. “Don’t you think I deserved to know the second you did? Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”
“I was going to,” I said, striding toward him. Panic swelled in my throat, growing hotter as he stepped back to keep the distance between us.
“Things kept coming up,” I said, sounding pathetic even to myself. “And I…I was scared, Brendon.”
“Of what? Of me?”
My mouth fell open as I failed to think of what to say. Brendon read my hesitance loud and clear.
“So what? You thought I was going to throw you out on the street, is that it?” he snarled. “Fuck, Aurora, what must you think of me? Even if it wasn’t my kid, I would have been thrilled. I own a chain of children’s stores, for Christ’s sake. I would have wanted this.”
Would have.
Those two words said more to me than anything else I’d heard tonight. Brendon would have been excited to hear about my pregnancy, but not anymore. Not now that I’d fucked it up.
Not now that I’d fucked us up.
The realization cut so deep that I fell into the chasm it made. I retreated, forcing the pink, delicate side of myself inside while the harder, sharper side of me took to the fray.
“You have no idea what I’ve been dealing with these past few months!” I yelled. “How dare you accuse me of cheating on you! And how dare you speak to me like this when you don’t know the half of how fucking hard it has been doing this and making these decisions on my own.”
“You didn’t have to be alone! You had me!”
Silence stretched in the air between us, broken only by the sounds of our heavy breathing. My skin buzzed with electric energy, and even though I was so mad that tears gathered in the corners of my eyes, I still felt the urge to wrap myself around him and let him take out his frustrations on my body, instead of my heart.
But we weren’t a we anymore. We spoke in the past tense and made no attempt to understand each other.
The conversation was over. I left Brendon without another word.
Chapter 25
Brendon
Watching Aurora leave my apartment without running after her was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. There was a sense of finality to it, even though our bitter words hadn’t resolved anything. Finality with no closure.
My shredded heart begged me to run after her, to apologize for the things I’d said and try to make things right, but I knew it wasn’t a good idea. She lied to me. She deliberately held a piece of information from me that had major implications for my future. Worst of all, she didn’t trust me.
From the moment I realized I loved Aurora, hell, maybe even before that, I put all my trust into her. What was there to fear from a woman so good and pure? How could she hurt me?
Little did I know at the time, she would turn out to be the only one who could hurt me. And deep.
I rolled over in bed, glaring at the illuminated numbers on the alarm clock. It was five am. I barely slept at all last night, and I doubted I’d be getting any more rest this morning. With a sigh, I rose from bed and padded out into the kitchen to make myself a strong mug of black coffee.
I’d been rolling over the situation with Aurora in my mind all night. I was still angry and hurt, but part of me ached for what I’d said to her to. Nevertheless, I wasn’t ready to see her again so soon after our fight. So soon after what seemed to be our break up.
I emailed my secretary and told her I’d be working from home today, and since I had a fully equipped home office, there wasn’t anything I could accomplish there that I couldn’t accomplish at home anyway.
It was probably a cowardly move. No, it definitely was. Avery would have given me shit for it, but then again there wasn’t much he didn’t give me shit for these days. Mom probably would have understood, but she was always a bit soft. It didn’t matter what either of them thought. All that mattered was the twist in my gut when I thought about seeing Aurora, especially since seeing her at work meant I couldn’t actually talk to her. I would never get anything done in that kind of environment.
I powered through a day’s worth of work before noon, finding solace in the impartiality of the numbers and legal jargon. It was quiet up in my penthouse, and I wondered if I should work from home more often. Once the baby came, it would be beneficial for me to be able to stay home and look after the little guy or girl a few days a week. That single bright thought pulled me far enough out of my funk to grab a sweater and hit the streets.
>
I walked the fourteen blocks to my bank, rather than taking a cab. It was nice to decompress after spending the morning hunched over my laptop, and even though it gave me time to think, I gave myself a new topic to think of instead of the soul-wrenching one that had occupied me all night. I’d thought about that one enough for one day.
I always received speedy service at my bank, and less than a half hour after arriving I’d set up a college trust. The only thing missing was the name of the beneficiary, though it would be easy to slot in the name when the baby was born.
Even if the child wasn’t mine, I wanted the best for him or her. Whatever had gone on between Aurora and I, I still loved her and would never let her child want for anything, especially a good education. It seemed like the least I could do. Others might not understand it. Aurora might not understand it, but this small action had at least set me on the road to feeling a little better.
Avery called while I was on the walk back to my apartment. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, especially the one person I knew would be least sympathetic to my plight, but I picked up anyway. After his accident in France, I always wanted him to be able to get in touch with me if he needed.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Hey bro,” he said. “I need a tiny favor from you.”
“Shoot.”
I passed a hot dog cart and stopped, drawn in by the savory smell. I realized I hadn’t eaten all morning and hastily dropped a couple notes into the vendor’s hand while Avery explained his problem.
“It might turn out that I’m not in good enough shape anyhow, but the doctors say I should be good to start moving around out in the real world now. Morgana and I wanted to celebrate by going out on a date tonight.”
“Of course I’ll look after Julian.” I took a bite of the hotdog. “You don’t even have to ask.”
“To be fair, I didn’t ask.”
“Like I said, you don’t have to. Besides, I figured it was unlikely that you’d call just to tell me all about your big date.”
Lieutenant Commander Stud Page 59
