Anna clenched her fists and willed herself to be calm. She felt as if the ulcer was burning a hole in her chest. ‘Sophie was in Hell. She was crying with hunger and thirst, and you were shouting at her and telling anyone who would listen how much you wished she wasn’t around. Is that what you call being a mother? Is that your twisted view of love?’
Laura blanched. ‘I was twenty. I was naïve and immature. I didn’t mean anything I said. I loved her. I loved my little girl.’
‘Well, it didn’t look like it to me. You were horrible to her.’
Laura jabbed a finger at Anna. ‘Who the hell do you think you are, coming into my house and accusing me of being a bad mother? You abducted someone else’s child. What does that make you? Mother bloody Teresa?’
Anna pushed a stray hair off her face and put her hands on her hips. ‘No, it doesn’t. It makes me a human being who saw a child being wilfully neglected and, instead of turning away and allowing her life to be ruined, took action.’
‘Oh, you took action, all right! You stole her. You made her live a lie for seventeen years. You ripped my family apart. My mother adored Jody, and so did my brother, Frank. She was loved and cherished in our home. You stupid cow, you took her away from a loving family.’
Anna was caught off guard: she hadn’t thought about an extended family. She hadn’t known there had been a loving grandmother and an uncle. Still, how caring could they have been, allowing Laura to take a baby on holidays when she clearly had a drink problem and was a danger to herself and Sophie? She walked over to the window and looked out at the sea. ‘I know what I saw and you were toxic. You would have ruined her life. How can you justify shouting at a baby because she was hungry? You treated her like dirt. All you were interested in was your next vodka. If I hadn’t taken her, the police would have.’
Laura spun Anna round to face her. ‘Are you insane? You saw one moment in our lives, one incident, and you decided to play God. She wasn’t yours to save. She wasn’t yours to take. She was my baby. Mine! She belonged to me!’ Laura was thumping her chest with her fist.
Anna moved away from her. ‘Calm down.’
Laura lost it. ‘CALM DOWN? YOU STOLE MY CHILD. YOU RUINED MY LIFE.’
Anna looked into Laura’s rage-filled eyes, and said evenly, ‘I saved her.’
‘She wasn’t yours to save!’ Laura shrieked.
Anna’s eyes narrowed. ‘I gave her a great life. I loved her more than you ever could. I brought her up to be the incredible human being she is.’
‘Lies!’ Laura shouted. ‘Her whole life is based on lies. You have lied to her every day. You’re not her mother, you’re a monster.’
Anna’s plan to remain composed, at all costs, went out of the window. She glared at Laura. ‘Don’t you dare call me a monster. You’re the monster. Sophie is a stable, happy girl because I took her and nurtured her and gave her the life she deserved, the life every child deserves, in a stable and loving environment.’
Laura stared at her, incredulous. ‘A child belongs with its mother, not a stranger. You are not her mother. You did not give birth to her. You did not have the right to make any decisions regarding her life. What you did was illegal and immoral!’
‘It’s immoral to mistreat a child.’
‘It was one bad day. Jody was adored at home. She was doted on by my mother, who has barely spoken to me for seventeen years because she thought I’d killed my baby girl. Do you have any idea what that’s like?’ Laura burst into tears. ‘You destroyed my life. My mother called me a murderer. Are you proud of yourself now? I’ve spent seventeen agonizing years not knowing what happened to my baby. I almost went insane wondering if she was dead or alive. Believing she was out there somewhere, but where? With whom? Safe? In pain? Suffering? Being raped? Being abused? I had no idea. You put me through hell. How can you live with yourself? What kind of person does that? Only an evil one.’
Anna was close to tears herself. She had thought Sophie was alone in the world, but for her mother. She felt sick thinking about the grandmother’s suffering – but how could she have known? Where was the grandmother that day? Why did she leave Laura to look after Sophie when clearly she was a drunk? ‘I’m not evil. I’ve been a wonderful mother to her. Sophie has been happy every day of her life with me. I never once shouted at her or made her cry or feel unwanted, or let her go hungry or thirsty. You were unfit. Maybe it was because you were young, but I know I made the right decision that day. Look at her – look at how wonderful she is.’
Laura was gulping back sobs. ‘She would have been wonderful anyway. I’m her mother. I loved her.’
‘You didn’t love her. No one treats a child they love like scum.’
Laura screeched, ran over and pushed Anna towards the door. ‘You stupid bitch! Don’t tell me I didn’t love my own child! I want you out – get out! You’re the one who’s toxic. Go back to the hole you crawled out of.’
Anna was surprised by the force with which Laura was pushing her out of the door. She began to push back, but Laura was stronger. So Anna dug her nails into Laura’s arm. Laura yanked it away and Anna ducked under the other. Laura grabbed her again. Anna pinched her. Laura squealed and let go, but then she grabbed Anna’s wrist and squeezed it tightly. Anna reached out with her free arm and pushed Laura’s chin up, wrenching her neck. Laura scrambled and grabbed Anna’s hair. They ended up pulling, pushing, pinching, thumping, slapping and wrestling on the studio floor.
Laura rolled over and jumped up. Before Anna could catch her breath, Laura grabbed her right arm and dragged her out of the door on to the lawn. Anna scrambled to get up, but Laura was too strong. She was pulling her with force and determination. Anna roared, ‘Let go of me!’
Laura ignored her. She was dragging her towards her car. Anna had to get free. She dug her nails into Laura’s hand. ‘OW!’ Laura loosened her grip.
Anna scrambled to her feet, but Laura dived on top of her, crushing her to the ground. Anna gasped for breath.
‘Stop it!’
Sophie was running towards them. She grabbed Laura’s arm and pulled her off Anna.
‘Kick her arse, Mum,’ Mandy bellowed, following hot on Sophie’s heels.
Anna rolled on to her stomach and gulped air. The two girls were in their pyjamas.
‘What are you doing?’ Sophie demanded.
‘Beating the shit out of each other.’ Mandy grinned.
Anna smoothed down her shirt. The sleeve was ripped, her hair was a mess and she had scratches on her cheek. Laura’s top was torn, her hair clip lay broken on the ground and she had red fingernail marks down her left arm.
‘Way to go, ladies. That was a serious catfight. You were killing her, Mum. Respect.’ Mandy held her hand up to high-five Laura, but her mother wasn’t paying her any attention. Laura and Anna were both staring at Sophie.
Anna rushed over to her. ‘I’m sorry you saw that, sweetheart. Laura attacked me. She didn’t like being faced with the truth.’
Sophie shrugged her away. Laura laid a hand on Sophie’s shoulder. ‘Sorry, pet. Anna stormed into my studio and tried to justify kidnapping you.’
Sophie moved away from her too. ‘Stop, both of you, please, just stop.’
Mandy stood in front of Anna with her hands on her hips. ‘So you’re the nutter. You’re the psycho-freak who stole my sister. How do you sleep at night? Don’t you have nightmares about what you did? Or are you one of those people who have no conscience, like serial killers and Hitler and stuff?’
Anna peeled her eyes away from Sophie to look at Mandy. She was so different from Sophie: they didn’t look like sisters or relations of any sort.
‘What have you got to say for yourself?’ Mandy demanded. ‘Nothing? Don’t you care about ruining people’s lives?’
Anna had seen hundreds of Mandys in her years as headmistress – she was an angry teenager, all swagger and attitude, yet underneath, completely insecure. In a very firm voice she answered, ‘I’ll let your mother explain the c
ircumstances under which I took Sophie from you. Although she’ll probably be too ashamed to admit them.’
Mandy narrowed her eyes. ‘I know all about her being drunk. But that’s not who she is now. She’s all into clean living and yoga and organic food. The strongest thing she drinks is herbal tea.’
‘Maybe that’s the case now, but back then it was bottles of vodka.’
‘Who are you?’ a voice behind them said. They all turned. Joan was standing at the kitchen door. She was wearing a pair of Laura’s pyjamas and her hair was askew. She walked towards them. ‘I thought I’d dreamed it all about Jody coming back. But I didn’t, she’s really here.’ Joan’s eyes welled.
Laura put her arm around her mother’s shoulders. ‘Mum, this is the woman who took our Jody. She’s had the cheek to come down here and try to take her back to London.’
Joan came over and put her face right up to Anna’s. Her skin was etched with deep wrinkles and her eyes were full of rage. She breathed deeply as she examined Anna. Anna wanted to move away but stood her ground.
Joan raised her right hand and slapped Anna’s cheek hard. The sound resonated above everyone’s gasps.
Mandy whooped. ‘Good on you, Gran.’
Anna held her hand up to her stinging cheek. She looked at Sophie, who was crying.
Joan poked Anna in the chest. ‘You stole seventeen years of my life. I was forty-three when Jody died – at least, we thought she’d drowned. I’m sixty now but I look eighty. That’s what grief does to your face. Do you have any idea of the agony you put this family through? You might as well have shot us all dead with a gun. It would have been less painful. I loved that child more than anything. She was the joy in my life. When I woke up every day the only thing I wanted was to see her smiling face. You took that away. You left us with nothing. Nothing.’
Anna shifted uncomfortably. Joan’s unhappiness was hard to take. She had simply never even imagined Sophie had a loving grandmother waiting for her at home. Her face was ravaged by years of pain. Joan was only three years older than Anna but she looked twenty years her senior.
Anna’s stomach was lurching. She couldn’t throw up in front of everyone. She took a deep breath. ‘How could you let Laura take Sophie on that boat? She was incapable of looking after her. If I hadn’t saved her she probably would have drowned.’
Joan’s eyes widened. ‘I didn’t know! I was in Galway – my sister Angela broke her leg and needed my help. I had no idea Laura was going to England for some party. I’d never have let her take Jody on a boat. Never in a million years. I knew what she was like, immature and irresponsible.’
‘And unfit to be a mother.’ Anna drove the knife in.
‘No, she isn’t. She’s a great mum,’ Mandy piped up. She continued, ‘She’s a bit of a stalker and a control-freak at times, but I get it. She lost one kid and didn’t want to lose two.’
Laura gave her a watery smile.
Anna ignored Mandy and focused on Joan. ‘Laura was out of her mind drunk. What would you have done if you’d seen it? What would you have done if you’d heard your precious grandchild pleading for food and milk and being shouted and cursed at?’
Joan eyeballed Anna. ‘I’d have asked questions. I’d have looked into the situation. I would have asked the girl if she had a friend waiting for her, a mother or a brother or someone I could call. What I would not have done is take a child from its mother. What I would not have done is play God with other people’s lives.’
Anna sighed. ‘She thrust Sophie into my arms. She told me to take her. She wanted her out of her sight, out of her life – she said so! I’ve loved Sophie unconditionally for seventeen years. She’s grown up to be an incredible person. I’m proud of what I’ve achieved and I still believe I did the right thing. Just because she had a normal grandmother doesn’t mean that her drunken mother wouldn’t have put her in other dangerous situations or damaged her for life. Laura was a mess.’
Joan looked at Laura, who was listening closely. ‘She stopped drinking and sorted herself out.’
Anna threw her hands up in exasperation. ‘She only gave up after I took Sophie, after she got a wake-up call, after she realized what a terrible mother she was. If I hadn’t intervened she’d probably still be drinking and Sophie would be at the bottom of the sea.’
Laura rushed over, waving her finger in Anna’s face. ‘You robbed me of my right to see my child grow up,’ she roared. ‘I never got to take her to school on her first day, to dress her up on Hallowe’en, to see her in the nativity play, to teach her how to swim and play tennis and paint, cook her favourite meals, build sandcastles with her and read books to her. You stole those memories.’
Joan put her hand on Laura’s arm. ‘You were a mess at the time,’ she reminded her. ‘You were heading down a dark path, Laura. The boat wasn’t the first time you put Jody’s life in danger, with your drugs and your drinking. Anna here has a point. You only stopped drinking when you got pregnant with Mandy.’
Laura yanked her arm away. ‘I was in Hell after Jody disappeared. I thought I’d caused my baby girl’s death. You called me a murderer, Mum. You made me feel like a piece of shit. I would have killed myself if I hadn’t found out I was pregnant again. Mandy was what saved me, not having my child abducted.’
Mandy bowed. ‘You’re welcome.’
‘Sophie saved me,’ Anna said quietly.
‘Your actions almost killed us all,’ Joan told her.
‘Please stop. I can’t take any more.’ Sophie was holding her head. ‘Green … it’s all green. My head’s splitting.’
Anna and Laura both rushed over to comfort her.
‘Easy, ladies, no more physical violence, please.’ Mandy stood between them.
‘Open your eyes, pet. Look at me and take deep breaths,’ Anna said, holding Sophie’s face.
‘Look at this. Focus on this.’ Laura held a pink scarf in front of Sophie. ‘Focus on your happy colour.’
Sophie looked from one to the other.
‘Come on, sweetheart, I’ll take you home. You can be back in your own bed in a few hours. Come with me,’ Anna begged.
Sophie looked at her and slowly, sadly, shook her head. ‘No. I’m staying here with my family.’
‘Good old Sophie. Laura one, Anna nil,’ Mandy cheered. ‘Bon voyage, Anna, you nut-job. Try not to abduct anyone on the flight home.’
Anna gulped back the wail rising in her throat. She felt her stomach contract. She knew she was about to throw up blood. She didn’t want Sophie to see it – she didn’t want her to worry. She forced a smile, straightened her shoulders, looked at her precious daughter, the love of her life. ‘I’ll be in Joe’s if you need me. I love you.’
She walked back down the lane, head held high as her heart shattered.
30.
Laura
Killduf, July 2011
Sophie pulled the curtain back and stepped out of the dressing room.
‘Oh, you do look classy in that,’ Lexie enthused. She was wearing a black wig and huge sunglasses so no one would recognize her.
‘Stunning,’ Laura agreed.
Sophie was in a pale lilac chiffon blouse, embroidered with tiny cream spots, and a pair of ankle-grazer white jeans. She looked young and fresh and beautiful. Laura wanted to hold her, inhale her loveliness and never let go. She couldn’t believe she was taking her little Jody shopping. Miracles do happen, she thought.
‘Do I really?’ Sophie asked. She looked at herself in the mirror.
‘Yes!’ Lexie and Laura answered.
‘Can we go now?’ Mandy looked up from her iPhone.
Laura frowned at her.
Mandy sighed. ‘Fine. I’ll shut up and let you all worship at her feet,’ she grumbled, under her breath.
Sophie turned. ‘What was that?’
‘Nothing.’ Laura glared at Mandy.
Lexie walked over to fix the bow on the back of Sophie’s blouse. ‘You’ll have ’em queuing round the block, darlin’. You
’re a natural stunner. Not like me, who has to get up before the bleedin’ birds and put on my foundation with a shovel, then my false eyelashes, eyeliner and blusher, clip in my hair extensions and stick on my nails. It’s exhausting sometimes.’
‘I think you look lovely with no makeup on,’ Sophie responded.
Lexie kissed her cheek. ‘Bless you and your perfect manners. I look like crap without my slap on, but I do appreciate your sayin’ that.’
‘She’s right, Lexie,’ Laura said. ‘You don’t need any of it. You’re gorgeous without it. Honestly.’
Lexie examined herself in the mirror, smoothing down her skin-tight strapless black sundress. ‘Thanks, ladies, but I need my war paint. It’s like a kind of armour for me. When I’m all done up I feel I can cope with the world. With my face on, I feel stronger and braver.’ She shrugged. ‘I dunno, I suppose it’s like my costume or something.’
‘I get that.’ Mandy looked up from her phone. ‘I’d die without my fringe. I can hide behind it if I need to. I’d feel really exposed without it.’
‘Exactly.’ Lexie smiled at her.
‘My paintbrush is my armour,’ Laura confided. ‘I can escape from anything when I’m working.’
‘Me too,’ Sophie agreed.
‘I still can’t get over how incredible those sketches you did are,’ Laura said.
Sophie’s face flushed with pleasure. ‘They’re very raw, but thanks. If I have any talent it’s because of you.’
Laura beamed at her. She felt ten feet tall whenever Sophie said she liked the same thing she did, or felt the same way or thought the same thought or saw the same colour. It was like being in love. Her heart fluttered every time she looked at her precious daughter.
Mandy made vomiting noises in the corner, which Laura ignored. Over the last week, as Sophie had settled into the house, they had got to know her better and grown to love her more, but Mandy had become less accepting of her. She was being difficult and bolshie. Laura was relieved that she was spending the weekend at her dad’s. It would give her some real quality time with Sophie. Lexie would make herself scarce, as she always did when Laura and Sophie were alone. She knew how much Laura needed to be with her daughter.
This Child of Mine Page 31
