What was this? She opened the envelope and read the note.
I thought you might like to see these. I’m sorry. Anna
Laura dropped the note as if it had burned her fingers. With trembling hands she pulled the heavy folders out. They were marked (a) 1994–6; (b) 1997–2001; (c) 2002–2005; (d) 2006–2009; (e) 2010–
She opened folder (a) and cried out. Photos of Jody, her little Jody, when she was the same age as Laura remembered her. They must have been taken just after the abduction. She was at a birthday party: some little girl was two and Jody was sitting beside her blowing out the candles. Laura felt physically sick. She turned the pages. Hundreds of photos interspersed with medical records, dental records, paintings Sophie had done, a big Santa with his beard made of cotton wool, school reports, a curl of her beautiful blonde hair, her favourite book – The Very Hungry Caterpillar – photos of her in Hallowe’en costumes, dressed as a witch, a fairy, a lion … Laura turned the pages, lost in time, in stolen memories, drinking in the past, soaking up every detail. She cried through the first folder, her baby, her missing child. There she was, beaming out from the pages as she grew, went to school, had birthday parties and a life Laura had played no part in.
But by the time she opened the second folder Laura’s sorrow had turned to rage. How dare this woman steal these memories from her? She should have taken these photos and celebrated these milestones. These were the moments she had dreamed of, begged for, missed. The loss of these memories had been tearing her up inside for all these years. Her own daughter’s history had not included her for even one second. Anna had robbed her of seventeen years.
Laura was distracted from her rage in the third folder by the beginning of Sophie’s talent for art shining through her classwork. She was astounded at the paintings Sophie had been doing at twelve and thirteen. She was proud of her daughter’s achievements in all subjects, but it was in art that Sophie had excelled. Laura felt such a strong connection to her on a creative level. It made her feel closer to Sophie now that she had seen the beginning of her journey as an artist.
By folder four Laura was awed by the amount of detailed information Anna had collected and stored so carefully. It was a complete treasure trove of information – visual and written – about Sophie’s life. Her every achievement – even the insignificant ones – had been recorded.
Laura had kept a handful of particularly nice things Mandy had brought home from school and she had filed away a few of her school reports, but nothing like this. Anna had kept a record of every single thing Sophie had ever done. There were even ticket stubs from the first concert she had gone to, her first ballet, her first opera … The detail was staggering.
The fifth folder was only a third full. The last page had photos of Sophie’s final day at school. She was standing with her arm around another girl – Holly – who featured throughout every folder. Sophie looked so happy and carefree. Laura examined the picture more closely: the girl in it radiated happiness and contentment. Her face showed no strain, no dark shadows under her eyes, no forced smile. She was a different girl from the one Laura knew. This girl didn’t have a care in the world. She looked confident, joyful, ready to embrace the next chapter in her life.
But all that had changed since she had discovered that her life – her lovely life – was a lie and her mother an impostor.
Laura sat back and looked out at the sea. She hated allowing the thought to enter her mind, but she had to admit that Sophie’s life had looked idyllic. In every photo she had been happy.
Anna had been a good mother – no, a great mother. A better mother than Laura had been to Mandy. Maybe even a better mother than Laura would have been to Sophie …
Later that day when Joan was telling Sophie a long story about how she used to love watching a particular Tom and Jerry cartoon – a story Sophie had now heard at least three times – Laura interrupted them. ‘Mum, could I borrow you for a second? I need to show you something.’
Reluctantly, Joan got up from the couch and Sophie scampered off to her bedroom. She followed Laura to her studio, grumbling about being disturbed mid-story. ‘What is it you need me to see so urgently?’ she demanded.
‘This.’ Laura pointed to the box and handed her mother the first folder. ‘They arrived this morning. I thought you’d like to look at them. Anna sent them to me.’
‘What on earth – how dare that woman –’
Laura held up her hand. ‘I know, Mum, but just look through them. They’re the story of Sophie’s life and how she became the person she is today.’
Laura lined up the folders in sequence and sat back as Joan opened the first and gasped. ‘Little Jody! There she is, just as I remember her. Oh, Laura, look at her lovely little smile.’ Joan cried as she turned page after page and learned about her granddaughter’s life in London.
Initially, just as Laura had, Joan raged about lost years and precious stolen memories. But as the folders went on she, too, was awed by the detail Anna had included.
She got to the final photo and sniffed. ‘Well, she certainly likes keeping records. It’s very thorough.’
Laura smiled. ‘It certainly is. Look at that last photo.’
‘Her final day in school.’
‘Do you see how happy Sophie looks?’
‘She looks happy now.’
‘Come on, Mum, let’s be honest here.’
‘Well, all right, she looks a bit strained now, but that’s only to be expected. She’s had a shock. We all have.’
Laura picked up a paintbrush and ran her fingers through the soft sable hair. ‘Sophie asked me to forgive Anna.’
Joan’s head jerked up. ‘I hope you told her it was out of the question.’
‘No, I didn’t. I said it would be very difficult but I’d try, for her sake.’
‘Could you?’
Laura sighed. ‘Forgive her? No. I don’t think I ever will. But I can see, although it galls me to admit it, that Anna was a good mother. A really devoted mother. The folders are incredible.’
‘You would have been a good mother. Once you grew up a bit and stopped drinking. You were foolish and selfish, like most young girls, but you would have been a good mother eventually, when you matured.’
‘But when she saw me that day on the boat I was a bad mother. I was awful. I treated Jody so badly. Oh, God, Mum, I hate myself for it.’ Laura began to cry.
Joan hesitated. Then, slowly and nervously, she placed her arm around her daughter’s shoulders. It was the first time she had touched Laura in seventeen years. Laura’s sobs turned into wails.
‘There, there.’ Joan patted her shoulder. ‘You’ve paid for your sins, Laura – God knows, we all have. I’ve been angry for as long as I can remember. It’s been eating me up. But I’ve been thinking a lot about what Mandy said, about putting Sophie’s feelings before my own – even I’m calling her Sophie now! And I realize that Mandy was right. I have to leave my bitterness aside or it will ruin the precious time I have left with my family.’
Laura wiped her eyes. ‘Come on, Mum, you’re only sixty.’
‘Yes, but I’m an old sixty. And I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being angry. I don’t want Sophie to know me as a bitter old woman. We’ve got her back and it’s time to rejoice. It’s time to let go of the past.’
Laura gave her mother a shaky smile. ‘You’re absolutely right. We do need to move forward. So what do we do about Anna?’
‘Anna is in her own private hell,’ Joan said. ‘She has deeply hurt the person she loves most in the world and that’s her punishment. We know all about hurting in this family. Now it’s Anna’s time to feel it and I hope she feels it acutely.’
Laura covered her face with her hands. ‘I’m sorry, Mum,’ she sobbed. ‘I’m sorry I hurt you and Frank. God, I’ve hated myself for so long.’
‘No, pet,’ Joan said, dabbing her own eyes with a tissue. ‘I’m the one who’s sorry. I’ve been angry with you for so many years. I was so consu
med by my own grief and pain that I didn’t care about anyone else. I should have talked to you, I should have forgiven you, and I should have supported you more with Mandy. I’m sorry, Laura. I’ve been a bad mother to you.’
‘No, you haven’t.’ Laura hiccuped. ‘I understand why you blamed me because it was my fault. I blamed myself.’
‘No more blame. You’re my only daughter and I’m not going to waste any more time being angry. Let’s start again. Can we do that?’
Laura was crying too much to speak. Joan put her arms around her grown-up baby girl and rocked her gently, soothing her as a good mother should.
37.
Sophie
Killduf, July 2011
Sophie found Laura at her computer in the kitchen, surrounded by paperwork. ‘Hi, Laura, sorry to disturb you. I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to a party tonight with Mark.’
Laura looked alarmed. ‘What party? Where?’
Sophie had anticipated this. She was used to having an overprotective mother. She was ready with details. ‘It’s a house party in Wicklow. The house is called Pegasus. Hannah is a friend of Mark’s from college. He’s going to pick me up and drop me home. I’ll have my phone with me, so if there’s any problem I’ll call you.’
Laura shuffled her papers. She was visibly agitated. ‘But I don’t know Mark. I wasn’t here when he called the other day. I didn’t meet him. Who is he?’
Sophie remained calm but firm. She needed to get out of the house and have some fun. She felt cooped up. ‘He’s my oldest friend and he’s like a brother to me. He’s a great guy. Please don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I’m going to get ready now. He’s picking me up at eight.’
Before Laura could ask any further questions or try to dissuade her from going, Sophie ran upstairs. She had decided to wear the new white ankle-grazer jeans and Miu Miu wedges Laura had bought her. She was still trying to choose a top when her door flew open.
‘Are you really going to a party with Mark tonight?’ Mandy asked.
‘Don’t you ever knock?’ Sophie pulled a blue T-shirt over her head. ‘Yes, I am. Why?’
‘Can I come?’
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because you’re sixteen and you won’t know anyone and I’m not looking after you. I need to go out and have some fun on my own. I’ve been cooped up here for ages.’
Mandy sat on the bed. ‘Please take me. It’s been hard on me too, you know. And you won’t have to mind me. I’m perfectly capable of making friends. I swear you won’t see me from the minute we walk in. You have to take me, I’m begging you. I need to let off some steam too. Come on, Sophie, it’s been a crazy few weeks. My head is wrecked from it all.’
Sophie sighed. The last thing she wanted was her little sister tagging after her. But she knew things had been difficult for Mandy and she did feel guilty about all the attention she’d had from Laura while Mandy had been more or less ignored.
‘OK, but you’d better not get drunk or into any trouble. I’m not being your guardian.’
‘Brilliant! I promise you won’t even know I’m there.’ She jumped up and headed towards her bedroom. ‘By the way,’ she shouted over her shoulder, ‘you should wear the pink top – it’s hot.’
Sophie took off the blue top and put on the pink one.
Mark turned up to collect Sophie at ten past eight. Sophie ran out to greet him.
‘Are you stoned or drunk?’ she asked.
He clambered out of the car. ‘Dude, I’ve just got out of bed. I was gigging last night and then we partied till dawn. So the answer is no.’
Sophie hugged him. ‘Thank goodness. Laura wants to meet you. She’s worried that you’re an unsuitable companion for the evening. Please be on your best behaviour and don’t mention Anna.’
‘My brain isn’t that fried.’
‘Sorry, I’m nervous. Oh, and Mandy’s coming.’
‘The angry Goth chick?’
Sophie nodded. Mark shrugged. ‘OK, cool. My mate Ross digs Goths so she might get lucky.’
Sophie grabbed his arm. ‘No! She is not to get lucky or drunk, or smoke joints or anything. Laura will kill me if anything happens to her.’
‘Jeez, relax. I’ll warn him off her if you like.’
‘I would.’
‘Are we allowed have fun? Or do we have to sit around drinking water and talking about art all night?’ Mark pinched her cheek.
‘Get off me.’ Sophie giggled and swatted his hand away. ‘Mandy’s only sixteen. I just don’t need any more drama in my life.’
Mark grinned. ‘I get it. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure she doesn’t end up in prison or knocked up.’
Laura came out to meet Mark. She insisted on smelling his breath to make sure he hadn’t been drinking.
Mandy hid her face in her hands. ‘I’m sorry about my mother – she’s a freak.’
Mark smiled. ‘No, it’s cool. I get it. She had a bad experience with one kid going missing for years so she’s entitled to be nervous.’
Laura attempted a smile. ‘Thank you, Mark. Right, well, have fun and call me if you want a lift home. Do not even think about getting into a car with anyone who has been drinking. I’ll be waiting up for you anyway so it’s no problem to collect you.’
‘We should go.’ Sophie made a move towards the car.
Laura kissed her goodbye. ‘Please be careful,’ she whispered. ‘I couldn’t take it if anything happened to you. Not now, not when I’ve just got you back.’
‘I promise I will.’ Sophie put her seatbelt on.
Mandy jumped into the back. ‘Drive,’ she hissed at Mark. ‘Please just put your foot down before she tries to come to the party with us.’
‘She’s pretty hot. I dig older chicks. Do you want to invite her?’
Mandy squealed.
They drove out, leaving Laura waving forlornly.
The house was huge. It was like one of those old country piles you see in magazines. There must have been three hundred people there. Music blared from enormous speakers in the vast hall. The bar had been set up in the kitchen. There was every type of alcohol imaginable. People were drinking beer, vodka, gin, wine, whiskey, rum … Some were making cocktails, others were smoking bongs, and a small group were snorting cocaine on the corner of the kitchen counter.
Sophie was shocked about the open cocaine use but was trying not to show it. Wait until Holly hears about this, she thought. Mark introduced them to lots of people but Sophie couldn’t remember anyone’s name. The music was so loud it was difficult to hear anything. So she just nodded and smiled and said hello.
Mandy kept trying to talk to Mark about music and bands, but he was far too busy eyeing up the talent to listen.
‘Do you like the Keystone Jammers?’
‘They’re all right but I don’t see them lasting.’ He squinted over Mandy’s shoulder.
‘So who are you into?’
Mark shrugged. ‘I like loads of different bands.’
‘Like who?’
Mark faced her. ‘Dude, I plan to get wasted and score with one of the many hot women here tonight. If you want to talk to me about music, you have to get me during the day. It’s party time now. My priorities are drink, drugs and sex.’
‘Fine. Don’t let me hold you back,’ Mandy snapped.
Sophie felt sorry for her sister. Mark could be unintentionally cruel at times. Thank God she’d never fancied him. He was fun as a friend but he would be the worst boyfriend in the world.
While Mandy turned to pour herself a drink, a tall, slim, blonde girl in a short, tight gold-sequined dress threw her arms around Mark and pulled him into the corner where the bong was being passed around.
Sophie felt a bit self-conscious. She didn’t know anyone and she wasn’t feeling very confident or sociable. She wished Holly was with her. She needed a drink to help her relax.
Mandy was at the kitchen counter, pouring herself a large vodka and Coke.
‘
Could you pour me one?’ Sophie asked her.
‘Sure, here you go.’ Mandy handed her sister a drink.
‘Don’t worry about Mark. He’s a bit of a slut.’
Mandy glared at her. ‘I don’t give a shit about Mark. He’s a loser.’
Sophie took a big glug of her drink, then another and another. It felt like heaven. The alcohol kicked in and she could feel herself relaxing.
Mandy raised her glass and knocked the contents back in one. She poured herself more.
‘Don’t you think you should take it easy?’ Sophie said.
‘What?’
‘I don’t want you to get drunk. You’re the youngest person here and I don’t want anyone taking advantage of you.’
Mandy took a long sip of her second drink. ‘I’m not the convent-school virgin here. I can look after myself. I’ve been doing it for sixteen years. I don’t need your help.’
Sophie took another sip of her vodka. ‘I don’t want Laura blaming me if anything happens.’
‘My mother isn’t capable of blaming you for anything. In case you hadn’t noticed she worships the ground you walk on. Sophie, the perfect daughter with the synaesthesia and the talent for art.’
Sophie began to see yellow. ‘It’s called genetics. Why don’t you try to stop being so angry all the time?’
Mandy put her face close to Sophie’s. ‘Why don’t you stop being so bloody perfect?’
‘I’m not perfect.’
‘You never put a foot wrong. You’re so bloody polite all the time and it’s irritating. Yes, Laura, no, Laura, oh, thank you, Laura.’
‘I see. So should I behave like you? An immature, rude, disrespectful idiot?’
‘At least I’m not an uptight bore. Why don’t you just have a few drinks and lighten up?’
‘Don’t speak to me like that.’ Sophie was seeing all yellow now.
‘Why?’ Mandy’s eyes flashed. ‘Because you’re the chosen one? The prodigal daughter back from the dead and everyone has to worship at your feet? Well, I’m sick of it, and of you, and of all the fucking drama you brought with you.’
‘Well, I’m sick of you and your attitude towards me. Do you think I like the fact that my life is based on lies? Do you think I wanted to find out I’d been abducted? Do you have any idea what it feels like?’
This Child of Mine Page 38
