by C. J. Lau
Chapter 3
He stands at the front door waiting. The smile returning to my face. Solo’s outfit making my heart beat faster. My man looks sharp, exciting, and sexy as hell. And I’m not looking too bad myself.
I make a deliberate show of getting out of the car, sliding out one bare leg and swinging slowly around to bring my other to meet it, straightening out my skirt before finding his eyes. His look of appreciation my reward.
We share a kiss at the first possible moment, stay in each other’s arms until Emma interrupts.
“Oh, but absence makes the heart grow fonder,” she gushes. “You look stunning Maggie, wish I could look like that for Mark.”
My body tensing in Solo’s arms. Was it a coincidence Emma brought up Mark first? She hadn’t even bothered with hello.
“You’d need to grow at least six inches,” Solo replies, “but you should be happy being you.”
I feel Emma’s eyes on me. No point fighting this fight now. I force a calm façade. Wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of setting any agenda.
“We better head off. Reservation’s at 7:30. Friday night, it might take that long to get out there.” Solo guides me away. Smart man.
I give Emma the warmest smile I can. “Good seeing you again, we should catch up soon.”
“Sounds good Maggie,” Emma waves. “Bye, lovebirds!”
We don’t talk again until we’re on the road.
“Are you okay?” Solo asks.
“I’ve just lost my appetite,” I confess. “She was trying to get a rise out of me, but why?”
“I wouldn’t worry. She can be a real pain, and just then was one of those times.”
I laugh, it is a candid assessment only a family member could give.
“By the way, where are we going?” I ask, feel the car pick up speed along the highway.
“Ah, you’re worried about your appetite again,” Solo chuckles. “Well, I remember your comments about a certain restaurant by the beach and I promised myself that at the next available opportunity…”
“You’re kidding!” I plant a kiss, the car swaying slightly with his eyes on the road. “I love you, Solo!”
Of all the things moving away has taken, I miss this the most, being close as we speed through life together.
Keep smiling Maggie. I make a promise to trade in my world of worries and high expectations for a relaxing night with the man I hope to marry one day. I’ve covered the distance, closeness my reward.
“So, how about this distance?” I ask, flirting shamelessly as we wait for our order. Rubbing my ankle against his, his smile telling me he felt it, his little tickle back making me jump. Heat rushing to my face. “Guess I deserved that.”
“I know you love it.”
And I do, but that’s my secret. “If that’s what it takes to get you to move.”
He laughs off my advance, a little too quickly. “Suppose we have all year to think about it.”
He was done with Uni this year, done with Wollongong. That would be my chance.
But I need to ask, “Are you going to stay?”
He gives it a moment. “Emma loves it here, and now she’s got Mark.” His next words dropping my hopes. “I like it here too, by the beach.”
I can’t hide my disappointment. My stock diving. “I suppose it’s for the best. I need somewhere to go anyway if we lose too early.”
I feel his my hand on mine, forcing me to look at him. “You’ll be fine babe. Maybe things will be better soon.”
I know he’s talking about Cat. But I can’t face it, even two months on. A shake of my head is all he needs to change topic.
“You look great tonight, and I love you. It’ll get better. Promise.”
I clasp his hand, pray it will be true. There’s too much riding on it. “I love you too, Solo.”
The drive back is considerably slower, Solo nursing us home. His hand resting on my knee, steering one handed. Large hands, strong, but so gentle around me.
Dinner had been excellent. Then I abandoned my heels for a walk along the beach. A short walk with long kisses in between. Back in the present I stare dreamily at the road ahead. This night soon to be over much too quickly.
We swing into the driveway. “Oh no.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask. Though I’ve guessed the answer.
“Mark’s here.” Solo must see the concern in my eyes. “Are you ready to come in?”
“Maybe I should just go,” I answer, my lovely feelings tonight suddenly mixed with uncertainty. Mark, for me, meant Cat. And I only have so much shielding from that right now.
“Can you at least come in?”
A look into his eyes finds pain and uncertainty for the first time tonight.
“I’m sorry, Solo. But I can’t do this, not tonight. Just thinking about Mark brings Cat—” I stop cold when Solo turns away. “And seeing him with Emma, with Cat where she is… I just couldn’t bear it.”
I try to read his face in the dark of the car. Disappointment? Frustration? Either way I fear what he’ll say next.
But we’re interrupted, the front door opening. Mark and Emma coming out to greet us. This encounter going to happen anyway.
“Maggie! Haven’t seen you for years, and you’re still beautiful.” There’s nothing fake about Mark’s greeting.
“Thanks,” I accept his polite hug. “You’re not looking too bad yourself.” Notice Solo and Emma, eyes locked, a silent standoff. One that might erupt if I depart from the niceties. “So what brings you back, Mark?”
I want to hold my tongue, but can’t just leave now.
“Hawaii isn’t all bikini babes, a lot of dirt under the water.” His face crumples at the memory. “After two years I missed home. Friendly faces and people who aren’t giving orders.”
I just cannot do this. Not now. Time to bail out, Maggie.
“Wow, it’s getting late. I better start for home.”
The annoyed look stays on Solo’s face. And now I’m unsure whether it’s for Emma or me. Either way, he’ll need to fend for himself. I’ll face the consequences later.
“Please stay tonight,” Emma makes the offer. “It’s late, don’t risk the drive home.”
“Thanks, but I really need to get back.” A lie. My house as empty as my to-do list.
Solo kisses me one last time before walking me to my car. Mark and Emma following. Solo letting go at the last possible moment. Slipping me quickly into the driver’s seat. The engine roaring to life.
Mark stays as Solo walks Emma back inside. I wind the window down, thinking better of just driving off. Coming up with ten ways to politely close down whatever conversation Mark has in mind.
“It’s nice to see you again, Maggie. The four of us should do something one day.”
Never. I bite my tongue and try not to shudder.
“I’d love to,” I say, “but I’ve got so much to do.”
Mark’s smile is more a grin of understanding. Seeing right through me.
“I won’t keep you then,” he backs away. “Drive safely.”
“Goodnight.” I make my quick escape.
The deserted roads home allow me to analyse things. Despite being scared of what Solo was going to say, my thoughts centre solely on Mark on the twisty curves of the Macquarie Pass. Did Mark really know I secretly despise the thought of him with anyone other than Cat?
He’d not brought up Cat in our brief conversation. But he surely had to know about things by now.
The counter argument crosses my mind. Why shouldn’t he be with Emma? Cat and Mark broke up years before the accident, Mark to Hawaii and Cat to Perth. Literally, destiny taking them in opposite directions.
I ponder both sides of the argument. The court of my own opinion in session as I blow past Moss Vale. I’ve accepted so many changes this year. Why couldn’t I accept that Mark and Emma are together? Two adults whose choices I have no right to control.
The Highway gives up no answers, deserted dual carriage
way all the way home. A depressing thought hitting at the Goulburn turnoff. That I will remain painfully divided as long as Cat remains in limbo. Her being in a coma will never give me closure.
At home I decide to put a call in to England.
“Hello,” Kathy answers on the third ring.
“Hi Kathy, How are you?”
“Maggie! How nice! How are you?”
I look down at myself. The high heels now on the floor, my outfit a wrinkled mess from the long drive.
“A little tired. Had dinner with Solomon in Wollongong and just made the drive back home. I just want to check on Cat’s condition, and to ask if four strikers are too many in a team, which also includes Sam and Nancy.”
“Are you sure you’re not using the team as a distraction?” Kathy’s chuckle is disconcerting because she knows me too well. “It must be hard having him so far away.”
Her question catches the breath in my throat. “You know me too well, Kathy. I have a… situation.” Then I shove tonight back down. “—but I need to know about Cat more, and about the team question.”
There’s another important reason for this question. Census date is the day after the Moss Vale match. All remaining teams required to send their final team lists to the tournament convenor. Any player who changes schools mid-year excluded from playing for their new team until the following season. Making the system fairer by stopping schools improving their team with outside players. I have one more match to second guess myself.
“Cat hasn’t moved a muscle this week, which is probably beneficial because both arms and her leg are still in plaster.”
I’m not sure if Kathy’s levity is an attempt to make me laugh, but it doesn’t work. Cat had broken or fractured over a dozen bones in her body, in hospital since January.
“I don’t know if that’s good news or bad news.”
“It’s no news. You accept it and get on with your week until the next time you call the hospital to check. It’s an ‘all quiet on the western front’ kind of news,” Kathy answers, letting out a sigh. “As for your team, a lot will depend on your formations and how versatile the players are. If you lose one of your strikers early in the season, you’ll be cheering the fact that you picked four.”
“But if I lose someone like Anna early, then I’ll regret my mistake,” I counter, the worry returning.
“Coaching is full of questions without answers. It is one of the hardest things to adjust to when making the transition from player,” Kathy’s advice is heartening. “You probably sat on the sideline feeling helpless and wishing you were out there, right?” I’m forced to smile at that. This struggle is not unique to you. Keep going.
“Read me your team.”
I read it all out: Names, ages, positions, strengths and weaknesses. Kathy’s last encounter with the team was four years ago. But any advice she can give will still be golden.
“I think your six defenders will do the job. They are all experienced with the exception of Felicity, who’ll learn quickly under Anna. Big sisters help that way. Your biggest weakness is up front, even with four strikers.” Then comes the analysis I also made. Andrea and Angela both new, Sam and Nancy able to push forward. I’m a lot calmer when Kathy reaches the same conclusion. “Stick with your team, Maggie. They’re good enough.”
The darkness closes in quickly, unexpected and full of doubts. The little bit of confidence from the call so far evaporating like my sweat this afternoon.
“Maggie?” Kathy’s voice the same as when we started, “something bothering you?”
I’m scared to ask. “How do I….” My voice trails off, the question at the edge. Know Kathy won’t spare me the truth.
When I don’t ask, Kathy nudges me, “Go on.”
My eyes clench shut and I force it out. “How do I know I’m good enough?”
I dare not open my eyes in the second of silence that follows. What monster have I unleashed?
Kathy’s answer is a question. “Answer me this then, Maggie. If I had a way to take you straight to the State finals, with no games in between, would you let me?”
My answer is instant, not letting myself think. “No, Coach.”
If Kathy was granting wishes, I’d ask for Cat back. I distract myself, waiting for more. Trembling every moment it doesn’t come.
When she speaks again I can feel her smiling. “Maggie. You’ve got what it takes to be the best Coach Goulburn’s ever had.”
