by T. R. Cupak
“Lead the way, Miss Van DeWalt.”
I don’t know where that burst of jealousy came from. I have no right. But then again, when it comes to Jaxon, I’m a crazy person.
Chapter Four
It took about forty minutes for him to say his goodbyes to everyone in the waiting room. While Jaxon was distracted, Cooper offered me the key to his handcuffs as a joke. It was kind of funny. Kind of.
We drop off Brenda after grabbing In-N-Out Burger. I tell her I owe her another night out. She laughs and says she prefers a burger to a steak anyway. She’s a liar and not a very good one.
“Do you want to go home or do you want to come to my place?” I ask him nervously.
“You don’t have to take care of me, Em. I know you hate me, which I deserve.”
“Ms. Charlotte, please take us home,” I tell her.
“Sure thing, Miss Emery.” Her smile reaches her eyes in the rearview mirror. She’s been in the family for decades and has watched the train wreck that is Jaxon and me.
It doesn’t take long to get back to my place. Once we are inside, I go to the kitchen to grab some water. When I exit the kitchen, I find Jaxon standing at the bottom of the staircase, waiting.
“Why didn’t you go up?” I ask. He knows where my room is.
“Seriously, Emery. You don’t have to take care of me. I can call an Uber and go home.”
“Stop it already and get upstairs.” This time I say it with more authority.
Once we reach the top of the staircase, I make my way toward my bedroom. When I don’t hear footsteps following me, I stop and turn around to see Jaxon hasn’t moved from the top step.
“What are you waiting for? I brought you here because I want you here. I want to be with you tonight. You were just shot. Let me take care of you, please.” Now he has me borderline begging to take care of him. Why does he have to be so difficult and hard headed and infuriating?
He continues his trek toward me and I turn and walk the short distance to my room.
“Hey, Siri, turn lights on fifty percent.” Just like that, my room brightens enough to see our way around.
I place a bottle of water on each nightstand before heading into my walk-in closet. It’s been a long day and all I want are my pajamas and a rom-com to fall asleep to. Quickly, I change out of my outfit and put on boy shorts and a tank top. When I exit my closet, I see Jax sitting on my bed. He looks lost and out of place when many times before he would have already been naked and feeling right at home.
“Do you want to take a shower?” I offer.
“Nah, I took one at the hospital. But thanks.”
“Do you need help getting, um, comfortable?”
He nods.
Not wanting to make it an issue, because I know that nod for help was hard for him, I kneel down in front of him and take off his shoes and socks. After standing, I take a step back, giving him room to stand once again.
Stay focused, Emery.
Grabbing his off duty gun since his duty Glock was taken at the scene for reports, I carefully remove it from his hip holster and walk over to the nightstand and set it on top. I know he sleeps with it on the vacant side of his bed, but since he’s sharing mine tonight, it gets the nightstand.
“I feel like a child, Emery. Is there any way you could hurry this humiliating situation along?” he asks.
I bite my tongue from snapping back at him. I brought him here. I want to take care of him when he just wanted to go home. He doesn’t deserve backlash or bitchy Emery, at least not right now. I smile and walk back over to him, then quickly undo his belt buckle, unbutton his jeans, and slide the zipper down. Hooking my fingers in the belt loops, I yank his jeans down to the ground and wait until he steps one foot out. Just as he’s balancing himself, I pull the jeans away before his other foot is free, causing him to fall back onto my bed and land on his injured side.
“Holy fucking shitballs!” Jaxon yells out in pain.
“Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I’m sorry. Fuck me and my clumsiness. Are you okay?” I ask, panicked.
He’s just lying on his back motionless, taking in deep breaths. Dammit, he looks pale.
Picking his jeans up off the floor, I grab the bottle of pain pills the nurse gave him and pour two out into my hand. I walk back over to the nightstand and grab the bottle of water.
“Here,” I say holding out my hands with the medicine and water.
Jaxon’s eyes slowly open and fix onto mine. He shakes his head no.
“You’re in pain. Please take at least one,” I beg him.
“I’ll be fine, Em. I just need to rest. Do you have a spare toothbrush?”
After I set the pills on the nightstand, I head back to the foot of my bed and offer him my hands to help him up. He stands, towering over me, so I nod my head in the direction of my bathroom. I dig out a spare toothbrush from my vanity drawer and leave Jax to his nightly business.
Once I return to the bedroom, I take a moment to turn down the comforter and sheet on his side of the bed before I tell Siri to turn on the television and play Deadpool. I won’t torture Jaxon with a chick-flick tonight. I’ve already put him through enough agony for one evening, literally.
When Jax exits the bathroom, I ask if he needs my help getting into bed. The man of few words shakes his head no, so I go back into the bathroom and do my evening ritual: wash my face, put on moisturizer, and brush my teeth.
I’m not in the bathroom long but when I make my way back to the bedroom, Jaxon is sound asleep. It’s been a long day and evening for him, so it makes sense he’s already out cold.
After sliding carefully under the covers on my side of the bed in an effort not to wake him, I roll to face Jax and the tears begin to slide down to my pillowcase. He pisses me off like no other person can, yet I thought I lost him for good tonight and that damn near shattered me. A life without Jaxon Kavanaugh wouldn’t be a life at all, even if he’s borderline stalking me and drives me batty.
The soft even breathing coming from the other side of the bed has my eyelids feeling heavier with each breath he takes, and no matter how hard I try to fight to stay awake, I let my eyes close and join him in a good night’s sleep.
Chapter Five
When my alarm sounds, I tell Siri to shut it off before it can wake Jaxon. Rolling my head to the right to check on him, I see him sitting up with his back against the headboard. He smiles and licks his lips and all I can do is look at him with confusion written all over my face. I’m fairly certain I look like death, so how I can look appealing at all is beyond me.
“What the hell are you smiling at?” I finally break the morning silence.
His eyes go from mine to my chest and back to mine again. That’s when I look down and notice my tank top shifted while I was sleeping and my right breast is hanging out saying hello. I sit up quickly to adjust my top.
Why me?
“How long have you been sitting there staring at my boob?” The heat rushes to my face and there’s no hiding my embarrassment. Jax has seen me naked plenty of times, including before I had breasts. Well, before I actually wore a bra that didn’t look like it could have been purchased in the kids’ department. To say I was a late bloomer is an understatement.
“Too long. My dick is harder than the barrel of my gun.” The playfulness that was in his eyes when I first woke is quickly replaced with sex crazed heat. Sex should be the farthest thing from both of our minds right now, yet it seems to be the only thing we’re both thinking about.
First and foremost, he’s injured. I think he’s forgotten he was shot yesterday. Second, I can’t do this again. At least I can’t do this unless he was being honest when he said he loves me, but right now is not the time to hash out our unstable past and what’s currently happening. Lastly, I’m not ready to admit I’m in love with Jaxon. I’ve always loved him, but he was always such a cocky asshole who got pleasure out of fucking with my head. I don’t know if I can get past the mental crap he’s put me through
over the years.
“How’s your shoulder? Do you need more water to take your pain meds?” I ask, hoping to distract him.
“The shoulder is fine,” he answers. “Can we get back to talking about my cock?” The instant eye roll I give him is second nature at this point.
“Jaxon, your shoulder needs to remain stable and you need more rest. Your dick is going to have to wait. Sorry,” I say with a shoulder shrug before jumping out of the bed and going into the bathroom, giving myself distance from him. Believe me, if he begged I would have caved in, climbed on top of him, and rode him into next week. B.O.B has been great to get me by, but nothing beats having Jaxon between my thighs.
Yes, getting out of bed and into a cooler than normal shower is exactly what I need. That is, until I feel his warm body press against the back of mine. With my head under the cold water, I didn’t hear the door open. I live alone so I’m out of the habit of locking the bathroom door.
“Do you always take cold showers in the morning?” The question is meant to rile me up, but all I can think about is his mammoth-sized cock pressed between us.
“Why are you in here with me?” My voice cracks. If a uniformed Jaxon Kavanaugh is hot, a naked Jaxon Kavanaugh is lethal.
“I need help showering,” he whispers by my ear. I turn the water temp to a more bearable temperature since the cold isn’t doing anything to put out the fire between us.
“Fine. I’ll help you shower and then I’m getting out and getting dressed,” I concede.
“Okay,” is all he says.
“How did you get your T-shirt off without my help?”
“After the jeans fiasco last night, I figured I could stand the pain of taking off my shirt by myself,” he teases.
“Very funny.”
Glancing at his right shoulder, I see the surgical tape covering the bullet wound I know is hidden beneath. The fear of losing Jaxon comes flooding back and no matter how hard I try, the tears begin to fall once again. Even the water raining down on me couldn’t disguise my liquid fear.
“Em, I’m fine. I promise you that.” He offers words of comfort, trying to reassure me. Jaxon’s left arm wraps around my waist bringing our very naked and very wet bodies closer together. Melding into him is home to me and, in this intimate moment we’re sharing, I almost forget about how much he’s hurt me over the years and the fact he’s injured.
“Stop, Kavanaugh,” I say to him as I pull out of his embrace. “I can’t do this with you. Not because you’re hurt, but because my heart can’t handle another Kavanaugh heartbreak.”
He steps back into my personal space before speaking.
“Emery, I love you. I’ve always loved you. When you went to college and I went into the police academy, it took everything in my power to finish the academy, follow in my father’s footsteps and make him proud instead of following you like a lovesick puppy.”
“Jaxon, what does that have to do with everything you’ve put me through? And why now? Why on earth are you telling me you love me now?”
The deafening silence in the shower is making me feel like he is going to run—again. But he doesn’t. He brings his left hand up to cup my face, then lowers his lips to mine, brushing them ever so lightly before capturing them in a kiss that is full of passion—no, a kiss full of love. I soak it in all the love radiating off of Jaxon’s raw honesty.
Jaxon moves to sit on the bench seat at the end of the shower. I take a moment to turn on the second shower head and switch on the steam feature to help keep us both warm, but something tells me we’ll be scorching in no time.
Kneeling in front of the man I love, I glance up into his beautiful green eyes before grabbing his cock and swallowing it down as far as my gag reflex will allow. Jaxon is huge and he gets pleasure knowing I can’t take him all the way into my mouth. He releases an animalistic moan when the head of his cock hits the back of my throat, causing my pussy to clench with anticipation. I continue working his member with my mouth until Jax says he needs to be inside me and he needs to be inside me now.
Standing, I capture his mouth in a deep sensual kiss before I spin around, backing into him.
“What are you doing?” he asks, confused.
“I’m not taking any chances of accidentally grabbing your bad shoulder, so we’re doing this reverse cowgirl,” I answer in a sultry voice.
“Giddy up, cowgirl,” he says in response to my answer.
Jaxon closes his legs just enough for me to spread my legs and back up, leveraging myself over his solid shaft. He grips my left hip with his hand as I guide his dick inside my slick pussy. I’m wetter than a Slip’N Slide and his cock glides in effortlessly. It takes me a few seconds to adjust but once I’m seated and have my hands planted firmly on his knees, I begin to rock my hips.
“Oh, sweet heaven on earth, I’m gonna come, Em. It’s been too goddamn long, you feel too fucking good.” Jaxon’s words come out breathless and I can barely get a single pant out. All I want to say is “I love you” but not when I’m riding him cowgirl style.
I begin to rock back and forth, then switch it up by gliding up and down his shaft, faster, harder, trying not to push too far back into his chest. Jaxon releases my hip and reaches around to the front of me, his skilled fingers finding my clit with no help from me. He rubs my sensitive nub, bringing me closer and closer to losing myself.
“Come for me, Emery. I need your release,” he commands, and that is my undoing. My insides clench around his thickening cock and we both call out each other’s names as we blissfully climax together, as one.
It takes me a few minutes before I can stand, and even then, I wobble to the side a little, but Jaxon is right there to catch me. The rest of our shower takes place in a surreal silence. Carefully, I wash his body in the areas that are hard for him to reach with only one useful arm and hand. Let me just say, you know you love someone when you can ask them to bend over to wash his ass. Once Jax is clean, I rewash my own body as quickly as possible.
After our incredibly hot shower sex without any incidents, we continue to dress in continued silence. I give Jaxon one of my father’s old zip-up sweatshirts since it would be easier to put on than his T-shirt. I can’t help but feel like he’s pulling away again and I don’t know what more I can say to make him understand that I love him, that I’ve always loved him and always will love him.
Chapter Six
“Jaxon?” His name leaves my lips like a question.
He says nothing as he sits on the edge of my bed looking down at the floor.
“You never answered my question in the shower. You tell me you love me and you always have, but then you push me away, like you’re doing right now. Don’t push me away again. I told you my heart can’t handle another Kavanaugh heartbreak.”
Jax still sits there saying absolutely nothing and my eyes begin to blur with tears I shouldn’t be shedding. I knew this would happen. He hasn’t changed. Not even being shot has changed him. Goddamn him. He’s doing it again and I fucking allowed it.
So stupid, Emery.
“Em,” he begins. I take a seat beside him on the bed because I don’t want to miss a single word he’s about to say. “When my father lost his life in the line of duty, I watched what his death did to my mom. The camaraderie of the police force being there for us in our time of need, plus the aid of the Officer Down Memorial Page helped, but I still watched my mother become the shell of the woman she was before we lost my dad. I know it’s been a long time, and even though she’s happily married again to a wonderful man, it took her years to recover from losing my father in the line of duty.” Jaxon stops speaking. His eyes are focused on something across the room. I’m guessing he’s trying to rein in his emotions to keep himself in check, in true Officer Kavanaugh fashion.
After taking a long deep breath, he turns his attention to me, looking me straight in the eyes before continuing. “Babe, every time we get close and I feel myself falling harder and deeper in love with you, my father’s dea
th gets into my head and I don’t want to ever put you through what my mother went through. Look at how you reacted to me being shot in the shoulder. You were devastated, Emery, and you were trying to hate me at the same time. I don’t think you’re wired to be the wife of a cop.”
Wow. Never in a million years would I have guessed his father’s death was the reason for keeping us apart. That’s a big burden he’s been carrying alone all these years, never once asking me how I felt about it or giving me a chance to make up my own mind.
“Kavanaugh, I love you. I know what I’m signing up for by becoming the girlfriend or wife of a police officer. Yes, I will worry every day you walk out the door for work, but I will be the happiest woman on the planet the second you walk back through the door after your shift. Jaxon, I want forever with you. I get that it’s not guaranteed, but there are no guarantees in any relationship. You have always been the keeper of my heart. Let us live a life of full of love together. Let me have your six. Let me be the heart behind your badge.”
“Em, you know this life isn’t easy. Are you sure you want this—us?”
“I want to be forever cuffed to you,” I answer with a playful smile.
The tears in his eyes take me by surprise. Is he going to give up on us and walk away—again? Or are they tears of relief now that he realizes I’m in this for the long haul? It feels like an eternity before he stands from the bed and when he does, my heart stops, waiting for what’s to come next. Jaxon turns to face me and gets down on one knee so we’re eye to tear-stained eye.
“You claimed my heart in high school and you own my heart to this day. I don’t want to be without you in my life, Emery. I may not have a ring, but I’m not going to let that stop me. Marry me. Be my wife. Be my best friend. Be the mother to our children. Be my partner in everything.”
