by T. R. Cupak
Sometimes, they listen; after we haul away the abuser, maybe they get smart and ask me for help. Ask me to tell them where to go, who to turn to. When they take that help—more than me putting the abuser behind bars—that's when I feel like I've done my job.
More often, though, they don't take the help.
A few weeks ago, Stiles and I walked in to a hellish scene. Neighbors were sure a husband was butchering his wife. They always think it’s a murder scene. Once we got there, though, I was shocked by how right they were.
Thankfully the wife was still alive—just barely—but the husband showed no shame or remorse as she was carried out on a rack. Two little children sat huddled together in a corner, faces streaked with dirty tears. No doubt they watched the entire assault. And I had to take them away from their family.
Those two little boys would always remember me as the cop who was there when their mom and dad both went away. The mother was still in ICU—I checked often—and the kids were still with protective services while the father sat in jail. I hope the dick rots in jail but those kids deserve better—and there’s nothing I can do.
"Just something made me wonder what kind of man I am. I’m in the shit every day, man. See plenty of terrible men. Terrible women. And their children. I hate my parents. Hate them. Even though I had it good. I had everything I could ever want. It was paid for by terrible men and women so I figure it makes them guilty by association. Becoming a cop, it was maybe more about doing right for all the wrongs they did. But I wonder if I'm really such a good man after all," After emptying my beer, I crush the can and spin it on the deck.
"Do I really make a difference? Do I really help people at all? And even if I do...I do some filthy, scoundrel-level shit. Use women like they owe me something. I abuse women just as badly as some of the fucks I lock up. I just don't leave marks you can see." I crush the rest of the beer cans and set them all spinning.
Looking out over the lake as the cans spin to a stop, I sigh heavily. It’s lovely out here. I’m a little envious of the bond between the Ladder 71 guys. I’m close with Stiles—despite him being an eager rookie dick sometimes—but it's nothing like what these guys share. I am painfully aware of what a lonely, miserable fuck I am.
All because of Sophia.
"Some of them abuse you too, Diggs. We all leave our marks on people, deep or shallow. Good or bad. Least you realize now it might be about time to start leaving marks that count. With a person who counts." Finn snatches up each crushed can to toss them effortlessly into a nearby canister.
"Wise words, Finn. Married daddy life has done you well, I see. You like being a family man?" I glance back in to the house where Gigi and his son play together by the fireplace.
Finn looks too, the love and pride beaming on his face so blatant I have to look away. I almost feel like I’m intruding as he gazes at his family. I want to know that feeling. Know that kind of love.
"Best thing to ever happen to me, that woman and that little boy. My family was fucked and I never wanted something like that before her. Would risk anything, sacrifice anything for them. Once you know something like that, once you feel what being a husband and a father can feel like, to a woman who counts, it changes you." I know he’s right so I say nothing back.
Later, after I sober up enough to head home, I wonder if I am ready to risk everything. Ready to stop being selfish, stop living for just what I want and try to live for someone else. As an only child with disinterested parents and few friends, I’d only ever lived for myself, really.
For hours I lie in a bed that smells of Sophia. Not just Sophia; Sophia and I together. Our skin, the fruity smell of her hair, my cologne mingling with her perfume. It drives me fucking crazy.
It’s too late to bother her again but I do anyway.
Me: Can still smell you. Still taste you. Still feel your skin. Hear your sexy sounds. Whatever is stopping this is not big enough, Soph. I will get past it somehow.
Soph: Please. Don't try. Don’t complicate something that doesn’t even matter.
Me: Oh, it matters. Don’t know why it does, but Jesus Christ, does this thing matter. I won’t complicate things. But, I won’t stop either. Sweet dreams, Soph.
Chapter Three
For two months, I do my fucking job.
I arrest criminals, finish my paperwork and keep out of O'Neil's crosshairs.
At the end of every single day, I try to convince Sophia to give me a shot. Just one shot. Just a dinner or even lunch. For two months, she refuses. Although she reads my messages and listens to my voicemails.
I know she listens because after every rambling voice message where I tell the woman I can't get out of my head that I won't give up, she texts me. Pleads with me to give up. To stop complicating things.
After two months, I decide maybe all I have done is complicate things.
"You doing okay, bro?" Stiles asks one night in the middle of a double shift that has me grumpier than usual.
"Yeah. Think I'm wasting my time with this chick." Although I haven't shared details—something that is driving him crazy—he knows I’ve been trying to see Sophia again.
"Some chicks are a waste of time. A girl who has you so twisted up might not be though. Maybe don't give up just because it ain't easy. Maybe when it ain't easy is when you know you need to keep trying.” Crunching loudly on the tacos we stopped to grab at two am, he offers the closest thing to sage advice I've ever heard from him.
"Maybe you're right, Stiles. First time for everything." I laugh, snatching his last two tacos.
Me: Not giving up Soph. Don't want to complicate things but I can’t just give up.
Sophia: Why? Why do I matter? Didn’t you get what you wanted from me?
Me: Ouch. Not about dicking and diving. Not with you. It does matter. YOU matter, Soph
Sophia: Maybe I just don't believe you. Even if I did, it doesn't matter. Even if we want it to.
Me: Do you think about me? I go for broke because what do I have to lose?
Sophia: Yes. I think about you. About those days and what I wish could be.
Me: I don't think of much else but you. About how your hair smells like strawberries and sunshine, how your skin feels like silk beneath my fingers, how you sound when you laugh, when I kissed that spot beneath your ear, and when you came for me.
After waiting for a while and getting no response I toss my phone aside. But, just as we pull over a reckless driver, I hear it vibrate in the console beside me. Duty calls first of course. We clear the guy as sober but too tired to drive safely and follow him to the closest hotel. As Stiles bullshits with him, I snatch my phone up with an anxious punch in my gut.
Sophia: Meet me tonight. Fuck, yes. A look towards the dash clock shows it's just after one and I still have over an hour left of my shift.
Me: When and where, beautiful? My hands actually shake as I type it, adrenaline spiking through me at the idea of seeing her again.
Sophia: After your shift. Meet at O’Malley’s.
Me: Give me an hour, Soph.
"Seems like a good dude. Didn't know there were still door-to-door salesmen these days. Selling vacuums, what a miserable fuck of a life. Feel sorry for the dude." Stiles rambles as he often does as he logs our interaction with the weary driver.
"Good dude, yeah. Going to need a solid from you, bro." Stiles' hand stills on his tablet where we record our notes, his brow furrowing as he slides a look my way.
"Meaning what, exactly?" His dark eyes flash to the phone in my hand and he sighs.
"I just need to see her. Just let me cut out for like an hour. I'll do all the paperwork for the night." Stiles sits back in his seat, adjusting the heavy gear we wear. Gotta be safe on these streets.
"I am all for you conquering love, bro. But...it's fucking late, I'm beat and you know I hate flying solo. With that all said...paperwork for a week." I snort and shake my head; this is a common bargaining chip between us. Paperwork is the bane of a cop's existence; every single
call has mountains of it.
"A week is crazy. You owe me for that night you took off with those twins. You said two hours, and it was the rest of the night and I had four collars while you were getting your dick wet." Stiles leans his head back, smiling in memory.
"Oh, the twins. Man....I got my dick more than wet, know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, okay though. Tonight, and half of tomorrow?" I nod with a half smirk. I'd have done the paperwork for a week if he pushed it; I want to see Sophia that badly.
We make it to O'Malley's a few minutes later and I am so anxious I can't sit still. It's been two months since I've seen her face or heard her voice. Touched her or felt her touch me. Need claws at me as I climb from the patrol car to head in to meet her.
"Good luck, bro. See you mañana, Jess." I offer a tip of my chin as I tap the roof of the squad car and he heads off into the night.
Since it's so late the place isn't nearly as rowdy as usual. Still, I spot some fellow officers and a few firemen from Ladder 71. All of them appear to be busy with badge bunnies so I slip past them unnoticed.
It's dim and smoky and hot as hell in here, even though it's early September. My gear weighs me down as I cut through the small crowd, seeking what I came for. And then I see her.
Jesus Christ. Two months of thinking of her every single spare moment have hardly done Sophia justice.
Sitting in the same spot I first found her in, she’s a vision. Thick chocolate curls spill over her bare shoulders, down nearly to her ass. Even in the hazy smoke, her blue eyes are bright and sharp as they lock on mine. As I watch, the tiniest smile curves her luscious ruby lips and my cock jerks in my pants.
That mouth. God, that fucking mouth.
I can't wait to claim it once more, feel it on my skin, and watch it wrap around me again. Fuck, me.
"Fancy meeting you here, stranger." Sophia's voice is luscious and sweet as I sink in beside her.
Fuck, she smells good. Like fresh strawberries and something soft, feminine—something all her. I press close, dropping a hand beneath the bar to wrap it around her thigh. Sophia lets out a husky sound that reminds me of all the other sounds I've spent the last months replaying in my mind.
I barely keep it together.
"I don't want to waste time, beautiful. Can I take you home?" Sophia looks up at me, blue eyes fiery and intense. Needy.
A nod is all I get in response. It's all I need, though. I toss a twenty on the bar for the drink she was nursing and lead her out. I hail the first cab I see and load her in. I barely get out the address before I am on her.
"Fuck I missed how you smell," I growl against her neck as I kiss there, biting gently, licking greedily at her sweet skin, "How you taste. Jesus Christ, Soph." My hand shoves between her thighs, sliding beneath her short skirt.
"Jess...please...oh!" Just as my fingers pass over the silky folds that are soaked and bare for me, the taxi rolls to the curb.
After tossing more money out blindly, I rush her out of the cab and into my place. I fumble with my keys twice before I can get the damn door unlocked. We stumble in like drunken fools and I twist to pin her to the door the minute it latches shut.
"Been wanting nothing but you since the moment you walked out of here. I intend to make good use of however long you let me have you tonight, Soph." I kiss her hard and deep, tangling tongues, biting at her lip, my hands fumbling with my gear.
It thuds to the floor as her hands join in, ripping at uniform buttons and shoving at the Velcro straps of my vest. I hoist her up the minute I'm down to just slacks, stopping her before her hands can yank at my zipper.
"Nah, ah, ah. You get a hold of me and I won't last a second, baby. Got other things in mind first." Backing into the living room, I twist to spread her out on my vintage couch. Last time she told me she loved the classic look of my place, but right now it’s the closest thing I can pin her to.
Dropping to my knees, I yank at her skirt, ripping it in two. Shaking hands tear at her top and she yelps as it comes apart too. And there she is. Bare and beautiful in the dim moonlight spilling in from the huge bay window besides us.
"Goddamn you are beautiful. Every single curve, every single inch. Open up for me, Soph." Sophia obeys, arching, thighs spread wide, her tits swaying as she clutches at the arm above her.
Holding her hungry gaze, I drop between her legs to cover her sweet pussy with my mouth. We cry out at the same time. Me because fuck, she's wet and sweet as I drag my tongue through her folds. Her because she's throbbing against my tongue.
"Ooh, Jess..." Wrapping my arms around her thighs, I drag her closer as I feast on her.
Swirling my tongue around her budded pearl, I watch every shudder and twist of her lithe body as I please her. As her thighs tremble on either side of my head, I know she's close. I suck at her clit hard before fucking her tightness with my tongue as she cries out, hands lacing in my hair. Bucking against me, she chases her orgasm and I am all too happy to give it.
"Oh...Oh! Yes. Yes! Baby I'm coming!" I suckle at her as she explodes, flooding my mouth with her pleasure.
"Fuck I love to watch you come for me. Just getting started, baby." I lick her to another orgasm, adding two fingers into her tightness, wanting her ready for everything I have planned.
With her still shivering from the second orgasm, I break away to snatch some condoms from the fishbowl full of them. Yeah, I was that dick. Was. Not anymore. Standing over her, I kick out of my uniform slacks, both of us laughing when they tangle with my boots and nearly trip me up.
We share a look and, in that moment, I know we both sense this thing is much more complicated than either of us are ready for. But it doesn't stop me, doesn't scare me. Not really.
Sobering, I drop a knee between her legs to lower close. Angling up on the fist I've planted beside her head, I hover just above her as our eyes lock. Sophia’s eyes change with something she doesn't try to hide from me.
"Don't complicate it. Just let it be, Jess." Sophia pleads even though by that look in her eyes, we both know it's too late for that.
Saying nothing, I shed the rest of my clothes fast. Kneeling between her legs again, I stroke my cock as she wriggles beneath me. Tearing open the condom, I hand it to her, laughing when her eyes light up. I hiss as her hands wrap around me, stroking me a few times before she slides the condom down my length.
"Fucking minx. Like teasing me, yeah?" I fist my dick, dragging it through her wetness, smirking as she moans and bucks beneath me.
"Yes. Don't like being teased back, though. Please, Jess. It's been...oh shit!" Sophia moans long and loud as I thrust, sinking deep inside her.
"Oh fuck, Soph. Been too long. Too fucking long." I surge forward, burying balls deep, seeking the tight warmth of her to swallow me up.
"Yes. Yes. Too long. Oh, Jesus." Arching beneath me, she claws at my back, shuddering as I still inside her.
Lowering my head, I take her mouth and her moans, claiming both as mine. I thrust slow and deep, grunting as she clutches at me greedily. I drag my mouth over her jaw, down her throat, across her collar. Capturing a nipple in my mouth, I pull at it with my lips, swirl my tongue around its hardness then bite down until she cries out.
Moving to the other breast, I repeat the torture, thrusting against her slower, harder. Her entire body shakes with the force of my thrusts. In fact, the entire couch slides against the hardwood floors, but I don't let up. Sophia's nails claw at my shoulders, her legs linked at my hips as I take her. Driving into her again and again, I am nearly mad with how good it feels to be inside her again.
"Jesus Christ it's so good, baby. Being inside you...it's never been so good. Hearing those fucking sounds," I thrust hard once, and she cries out, my mouth wrapped around her nipple, "Drives me in-fucking-sane. How wet and greedy your pussy gets for me, how you smell when I get you hot. Everything. Drives me insane." Taking her hands, I wrap one fist around her wrists to pin them above her head, picking up the pace.
"Yes. Yes! Fuck me, Jes
s. It's so good. Don't stop. Want to come with you inside me again." I growl, pounding into her, needing to feel her come on my cock more than I need to breathe.
"Yes, baby. Need to feel this perfect pussy strangle my cock as you come for me. Fuck...yes. Just like that, Soph. Jesus. Christ. Just...like...that." I slam into her a few more times, breaking away to watch as she comes for me; shuddering beneath me and spasming around my cock.
"Jess! Oh god!" Lowering close, I slow my pace, dragging out slow and sliding back in even slower.
Watching her beautiful face, the moonlight dancing over her sweaty skin, her eyes sparkling up at me, I know it won't ever be like this with anyone else. Because no one else is her. I fuck her slow and deep, kissing her mouth until her lips are swollen, pebbled nipples rubbing against my chest as she whimpers and pleads. Begging for more.
"Could watch you come all night. It's so beautiful. Knowing I made you come apart like that...Jesus, fuck. All I need, Soph." Bringing a hand between us, I rub at her clit with gentle fingers, watching her hum with pleasure before she comes again.
"Jess...I want to watch you come too. Want to feel you come inside me." I rub harder at her swollen nub, thrusting faster, wanting to spill inside her just like she wants.
I know better, of course. Took me two months to get her back. For however long she decides I get to have her back, that is. As bad as I want to be bare inside her, I won’t be so stupid. Although I haven't touched another woman since her, I just won't risk it.
"Keep talking like that, might get your wish you minx." I threaten as heat climbs up my back and my balls tingle.
"Let me watch you come apart for me, Jess. The way you make me come apart. Please. Come for me. Inside me, all over me, I don't care. Oh, god!" I am rubbing at her clit furiously now as I pound into her, loving the idea of marking her tawny skin with my cum. Not as good as coming inside her might feel, but I'll take it.